The Iambone Wedding Planner

[pope]

In case you haven't read, IAMBONE IS GETTING MARRIED (I've already bid on his cams). Climbers are the most interesting people, and so it's no surpise when you go to a climber's wedding that things are a little out of the ordinary. Back before Donna and I became involved, we were good friends and climbing partners. When I announced my engagement, she insisted on helping to plan our little celebration, and it was just too crazy. We came swinging in on ropes, unclipped, and when the ceremony was about to conclude, we tied into the same piece of perlon whilst the audience yelled, "On Belay!" Our reception tables had little ice axes for serving cake and summit registers for signing in guests. We even had a cake shaped like the Matterhorn.

I'll bet you guys have seem some crazy stuff...got any ideas to add to Imabone's wedding planner?

[Dru]

I think you meant a cake shaped like the EIGER NORDWAND not the wimpy matterhorn!

Seriously though when a buddy of mine got married his bride gave him a #4 camalot instead of a ring. I just about bust a gut watching the marriage commisioner trying to keep a straight face as she read the vows "Do you, Doug, take from Lillian this #4 Camalot, symbolizing tradition, protection and commitment, all important quantities in a marriage" or something like that...

[pope]

I've seen a wedding party where each member wore plastic boots..looked kind of silly up there, 'specially the bride. I think Lynn Hill got married on the side of a cliff. Just food for thought...Iambone, you only get to do this once, so make it an event your climbin' buddies will not forget!

[pope]

Yeah, have them tie together, exchange pitons or whatever, and then she could short-rope him around the reception because that's just what will happen when you hook up with a girl. Happened to me I don't know how many times....and have her wear big-wall painter pants, and maybe he could show up for the party wearing a lycra skirt 'cause I think we know who's going to wear the pants after the honeymoon, right?

But seriously, I think it would be really charming if "Imer" and his bride had to climb up on some boulder, with all of the wedding party there for a spot. And while you're at it, why not look into bringing out the Bandaloop Dance Troop for some thematic entertainment. They're really quite fun to watch, and so dedicated to their art. I was an alternatre to make the team in 1998, but I was told I needed a little more jazz dance in my background before I could count on making the team.

[Dru]

it would be fun to be in project Bandaloop, and get to see Heather Bare (misspelling intentional )

[Matt]

Poor LameBone, can't defend himself b/c he's off climbing in the Valley. Last week he was selling his ice tools to buy a portaledge, maybe next week he'll be selling a portaledge to buy a ring?

I think an apropo wedding for Lamebone would be to rent a helicopter and fly all his climbing buddies to Slesse, exchange vows, and then fly to the top. I know he doesn't really want to climb Slesse, but at least the pictures would be nice.

[Guest]

When is the IAMBONE yardsale for the climbing equipment he'll never use again?

[Lambone]

Hahahahaha...

Sorry to disappoint you fellas, but I am not about to sell any of my gear anytime soon.

Thanks for the suggestions, but my girl has way more class than any of us climbing bums. I asked her to get on El Cap for our honeymoon and she slapped me silly!

We want to get married on a moutain, but it will be too expensive to helicopter our grandparents in. Oh well...

And don't worry, I have already put a minimum climbing time alloted in our prenumtual agreement. Thanks for the concern you vultures!

[Dru]

Hey Lambbone, you want to get married on a "moutain" [sic] eh? Just so you know, the French for sheep is "mouton" not "moutain". How will your bride feel about the bestiality aspect of the ceremony?