Dru Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Post em if you got em. Three men died and went to heaven. When they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter stopped them and said, "Due to over population, I can only let one of you in. Whoever can tell me the best story of his death can enter Heaven." The first guy began his story: "I lived on the 25th floor of a high rise apartment building. Every day when I went to work, my nosy neighbor called me and said that there was a stranger in my house and that he could hear wild, passionate loving making noises. I finally got fed up with it and decide to go home at lunch time and check things out. When I got home my wife was sitting on the couch naked. I got extremely upset. I went through the house searching everywhere. Under the table, in the closet, even under the bed. I couldn't find anyone. Then I looked outside on the balcony and saw two hands hanging onto the ledge. I ran outside looked down at him and noticed that he wasn't wearing any pants. I took off my shoe and started beating his hands. He fell 25 stories and landed on the canvas in front of the building. He wasn't dead. So I rolled the refrigerator out and pushed it on top of him. When I did, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man's story: "I am a window washer at a high rise apartment building. I was washing windows on the 27th floor when my scaffold broke. My pants got caught on the scaffold and ripped off. I managed to stay alive by grabbing a ledge of a balcony. I was okay until this guy started beating my hands with his shoes. I fell and landed on the canvas in front of the building. I was still alive. Then the next thing I know, a refrigerator landed on me and I died." The third story: "Well, I was in this refrigerator minding my own business.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_w Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow. CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we>just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore. TEN COMMANDMENTS The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery", and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thelawgoddess Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 um ... yeah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we>just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore. PP, are you laughing your ass off yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow. Or just tag their ears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialed Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 Yeah, what if one of the illegal aliens wins the Publisher's Clearing Houe Sweepstakes and Ed McMahon can't find them. The horror. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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