chris_w Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts? Why is air a lot like s*x? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have s*x? Because they have cotton balls. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" Why does Mike Tyson cry during s*x? Mace will do that to you. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo." Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the S*x Ed class uses it. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe". How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t..." Why is there no Disneyland in China ? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
espirita Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Thanks, I needed that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dechristo Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I had a girlfriend who was a midget... I was nuts over her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thelawgoddess Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 thanks, chris! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitergal Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 OMG! I love it! Thanks Chris! I definately needed that today!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ireneo_Funes Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Thanks for not spelling out the word "sex." That would have pushed it over the line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Q: What's worse than a male chauvinist? A: A woman who won't do as she is told. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artschool Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 (edited) I was told this was the blonde joke to end all blonde jokes. I'll leave that for this forum to decide. One day a blonde was speeding down the highway in her sports car when she was pulled over by a state patrol officer who also happened to be blonde. state patrol: May I see your driver's license please? blonde: (digging through her purse) I can't seem to find it...what does it look like? state patrol: You know what it looks like...it's sort of rectangular with your picture on it. The blonde while looking in her purse for her license comes across a small make-up mirror. blonde: I found it! Here's my license officer! state patrol: (looking at the mirror) Oh! You should've told me you were a cop! You have a nice day and drive safely. Edited July 1, 2005 by artschool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thelawgoddess Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 that's terrible ... yet funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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