underwear for change

[j_b]

http://slate.msn.com/id/2107900/

 

Can You Buy Votes With Underwear?

How about ramen noodles and chicken?

By Brendan I. Koerner

 

Michigan Republicans want local prosecutors to throw the book at Michael Moore, after the Fahrenheit 9/11 director doled out ramen and underwear to college students. The gifts were given in exchange for the students' promises to vote—not necessarily for John Kerry—in November.

 

[...]

 

So far, however, the Michigan prosecutors don't seem too jazzed to pursue Moore; one flat-out rejected the Republicans' request in a letter, stating that her time is far better spent "prosecuting those who are delivering cocaine to our young people rather than underwear."

 

[...]

[klenke]

At first I found the fact that the law exists kind of quizzical.

 

I think it's there in the event someone tries to bribe (with money, gifts, whatever) a certain voting demographic that, as a whole, would be apt to vote as the briber wanted (either by their own admission or by some other data). In this case, if it could be proved the targeted students were of a DNP bent, then it could be construed Moore was doing something illegal. However, I don't think you could prove it, so no case. Furthermore, this new block of student votes would be a mere drop in the bucket for the total votes cast for the Presidential election.

 

The law is probably more concerned with those who would illegally curry favor for votes where the total number of votes cast will be much less, as for rural races, etc. In this case, targeting a certain demographic (like offering a group of non-voting rednecks free guns if they vote, expecting full well they'll gun for the briber's wanted candidate).

[j_b]

At first I found the fact that the law exists kind of quizzical.

 

i don't. what i find quizzical is that republicans would bring attention to his antics. my guess is mmoore would probably welcome having his day in court even if he was to lose. it'd be another great opportunity for him to spoof conservatives.

[klenke]

The democrats whine about what the republicans are doing and the republicans whine about what the democrats are doing. The moderates just do this:

 

Ohhhhh, the wheels on the bus go round and round round and round round and round....

[graupel]

10/6/04

 

Friends,

 

You may have heard by now that the Michigan Republican Party has called for my arrest. That's right. They literally want me brought up on charges -- and hope that I'm locked up.

 

No, I'm not kidding. The Republican Party, yesterday, filed a criminal complaint with the prosecutors in each of the counties where I spoke last week in Michigan.

 

My crime? Clean underwear for anyone who will vote in the upcoming election.

 

Each night on our 60-city "Slacker Uprising Tour" through the 20 battleground states, I've been registering hundreds (and on some nights, thousands) of voters at my arena and stadium events. I then ask for everyone over 23 who has never voted (or didn't vote in the last election) to stand up. I tell these slackers that I understand and respect why they think politicians are not worth the bother. I tell them that I may have been the original slacker, and that I do not want them to change their slacker ways. Keep sleeping 'til noon! Keep drinking beer! Stay on the sofa and watch as much TV as possible! But, please, just for me, on 11/2, I want you to leave the house and give voting a try -- just this once. The stakes this time are just too high.

 

If they promise me that they'll do this, I give the guys a 3-pack of new Fruit of the Loom underwear, and the women get a day's supply of Ramen noodles, the sustenance of slackers everywhere.

 

I then close by having them repeat the 2004 Slacker Oath: "Pick nose!

 

Pick butt! Pick Kerry."

 

It seems to have worked, as each night the volunteer tables are swamped afterwards with hundreds of new and young voters signing up to campaign for regime change for the next four weeks.

 

The satire of all this seems to have been lost on the Republicans. Or maybe it hasn't. The state of Michigan (where we spent most of last

 

week) reported that over 100,000 young people recently registered to vote, a record that no one saw coming. The Slacker Tour has turned into a huge steamroller with a momentum all its own.

 

So, the Republican Party, to show their gratitude that so many young people will now be involved in our system, has demanded that I be sent to jail for trying to "bribe" students to vote.

 

Of course, this would be quite laughable if they weren't so serious about their charges. But they are. I may soon be a wanted man in Michigan -- simply because I convinced a few slackers to change their underwear and eat a healthy meal of artificially flavored noodles.

 

I thought I'd seen it all this year -- Disney refusing to distribute the film they paid for, right-wingers harassing theater owners who showed "Fahrenheit 9/11," conservative action groups trying to get the FEC to kick our film ads off the air, the unnecessary restrictive R-rating that forced teenagers to sneak in to see it, and all the stupid, crazy attacks on me and my movie that I've had to listen to as I watched the public ignore them and pack the movie houses anyway, where my film was being shown. And when all that failed, five different Republican groups made five different attack dog tapes (oops, "documentaries"!) against me in a period of about six weeks.

 

But they were all so bad, so boring, so right-wing, no one wanted to watch them and they too went away, a sad waste of good videotape.

 

Now, after enduring all this, with no tricks left in their bag, they've just decided, "Let's toss his sorry ass behind bars -- him and his noodles and his gift of clean underwear!"

 

My friends, they will not catch me. Though I may be on the run, and I may never be able to return home to my beloved Michigan, I make this solemn vow to you and yours: The slackers of America shall not be denied their noodles, they will proudly wear their clean underwear as free Americans, and they will vote Bush out of office come November 2nd (though they will not show up to the polls until well after noon)!

 

Stay strong, stay slacker, and please remember to turn the underwear inside out every three days. As for the noodles, add boiling water, stir.

 

Yours,

 

Michael Moore

 

 

P.S. My favorite moment of the VP debate: Cheney saying to the moderator that this was the first he heard that that many black women in America had AIDS. Clueless. Cheney, for an entire 90-minutes, only mentioned Bush's name -- that's his running mate, the "president" -- once. They should have called this the "President (Cheney) -- Vice President (Edwards) Debate."

[ashw_justin]

Anybody who attends a Michael Moore event is already going to vote against Bush.

 

...and having clean underwear (or not) will not affect their chances of actually voting.

[klenke]

Ah, now I see why the repubelicans were bitching about it. They have a case, albeit a very weak one. What type of demographic would go to a Moore rally? Why the oath with "Kerry" spoken in it? Is this not a veiled attempt to A) get people to vote, and B) get them to vote for Kerry.

 

I mean, this is obviously why Moore is doing the slacker rallies. He wants Bush to lose. He's doing what he can to ensure that.

[fenderfour]

I don't like Moore at all. but I agree with justin. Moore isn't buying votes for Kerry, He's buying votes from people who would vote for Kerry. There may be grounds or charges becase of the silly-assed oath.

 

The Republicans just want to put Moore behinmd bars. Personally, I'd like to see the fat bastard behind bars. He should share a cell with Rush Limbaugh.