whirlwind Posted May 10, 2004 Posted May 10, 2004 These questions and answers are from The Original Hollywood > Squares game show in the days when responses were spontaneous! Peter > Marshall was the host asking the questions. > > > Q. Do female frogs croak? > A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. > > Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should > you be? > A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. > > Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. > A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. > > Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a > man or a woman? > A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. > > Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you > think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if > he's married? > A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. > > Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? > A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. > > Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love > You"? > A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. > > Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? > A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next > apartment. > > Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your > hands while talking? > A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and > I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. > > Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? > A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. > > Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going > to get any during the first year? > A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. > > Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? > A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. > > Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist > camps. One is politics, what is the other? > A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures. > > Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? > A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. > > Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? > A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. > > Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a > goose do? > A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? > > Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? > A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. > > Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting > into the habit of kissing a lot of people? > A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army > > Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! > Poo! Poo! " What does this mean? > A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing. > > Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is > it? > A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected. > > Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his > head, what was he trying to do? > A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. > > > Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your > elephant? > A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? > > Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? > A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him. > > Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them > and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? > A. Charley Weaver: His feet > > Q . According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never > do in bed? > A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh Quote
foraker Posted May 10, 2004 Posted May 10, 2004 Ah, the good old days...back before the "Moral" Majority had televisions..... Quote
whirlwind Posted May 10, 2004 Author Posted May 10, 2004 COUNTRY WISDOM (more commonly known as "common sense") READ& HEED ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Never name a pig you plan to eat. Country fences oughta' be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong. Life ain't about how fast you run, or how high you climb. It's about how good you bounce. Keep skunks and gossipers at a distance. Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps. A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor. Trouble with a milk cow is...she won't stay milked. Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles. Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled. Meanness don't happen over night. To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses. Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal.It just ain't helpful. Teachers, Moms, and hoot owls sleep with one eye open. Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads. Two can live as cheap as one...if one don't eat. Don't corner something meaner than you. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar... if you're in to catchin' flies. Don't go drinkin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug. Every path has some puddles. Don't wrestle with pigs.You'll get all muddy, and the pigs'll love it. The best sermons are lived, not preached. Most of the stuff people worry about never happens. The early bird gets the worm. But...the second mouse gets the cheese!. Quote
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