meteorology

[montypiton]

shit! yesterday I cancelled an alpine trip after monitoring two days of  consistently deteriorating weather forecasts.  woke up this morning to graveyard calm bluebird day.  Appears the goat whose entrails the meteorologists were reading was a mutant... so

re-introducing the most infallible weather instrument ever discovered/invented:  the Weather Rock!  used by every culture from pre-neolithic to present, and still the most accurate meteorological instrument in existence!  not to mention inexpensive, and dead simple to use, both at home and in the field.  no power, batteries, satellite, nor internet service required.

instructions:

1) obtain a sexstone (critical - for optimum performance, the Weather Rock must be an authentic high-quality uncontaminated sexstone)

2) locate the sexstone in an easily accessible outdoor place, exposed to air & sky

3)  to  use, simply observe:  if sexstone is warm & dry expect fine weather; if sexstone is wet expect rain; if sexstone is white, expect snow or volcano has blown again; if sexstone is icy, expect roads to be slick; if sexstone is not visible expect fog or dark; if sexstone is rolling/bouncing execute earthquake protocols

caution:  as with any tool, the value/function of the Weather Rock can be no greater than the proficiency of its user -- for best results, practice often

[olyclimber]

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sex stone

[montypiton]

linked definition & examples contain double redundancy.  otherwise spot-on.