JayB

It's also worth noting that she was involved in Kerry's Campaign in NH in some fashion or another. I imagine the gender-blender issue was right at the top of the agenda for the average flannel-clad denizen of NH.

Maybe, maybe not. I can almost guarantee there's at least one guy on the UNH campus who was desperate enough to adopt the Sensitive Guy personae in an effort to pick-up women, who is by extension desperate enough to abase himself still further and alternately endure the inevitable blizzard of bizzare post-modern gender-ranting, and hold her hand while she weeps into her pillow while contemplating The Patriarchy and all it has wrought - in and effort to get himself a bit of angst-laden action.

I take issue with the dating advice column printed in last Friday's edition of The New Hampshire. This article, published by "Dr. Durham," offers readers "15 ways to get yourself noticed by the opposite sex." The column's title, "Dear Dr. Durham," suggests some sort of professional, medical opinion relegating the singular and implicitly "normative" sexual preference of our student body. The article's presentation, one column for "girls" and one for "guys," separated by a vertical black line, reflects the social myth that there are only two gender categories and, subsequently, only two rigid forms of gender expression. Readers need only to turn to the Arts Section in last Friday's paper to be reminded of the fallacy of the "girl/guy" binary: a thoughtful, well-written review of Duncan Tucker's new film "TransAmerica" highlights the social exclusion that results from reliance on the extreme gender stereotypes referenced in "Dr. Durham's" advice column. "Dr. Durham's" article not only erroneously assumes a link between anatomical sex, gender expression and sexuality, but it also prescribes a specific brand of heterosexuality that diminishes individual identities with sweeping generalizations. Claims such as "every girl will notice" or "a guy likes it when you call him cute" serve as a means of totalizing and ultimately homogenizing gendered experiences. Instead of being represented as the diverse student body we are, a group made up of exciting variations in histories, sexualities, gender expressions, nationalities and ethnicities, we are lumped together as one mass of sameness that pathetically posits physical appearance at the forefront of human interaction. "Dr. Durham's" concluding suggestion, that girls should simply "be [themselves]," hardly seems possible given the limited options of "acceptable" behavior presented. While I understand this article was likely meant as a novelty, I only ask that, in the future, the editors of TNH take into consideration the wide spectrum of diversity that comprises our community before offering us any more advice. Meghann McCluskey Senior" Maybe she's just looking for a date?

An Earlier "Memo." Funny Stuff. A Memo From: Royal Press Secretary To: His Majesty Date: 1st February 2006 Subject: Cartoons As Your Majesty requested recently, in order to divert public attention from the regrettable demise of a small number of pilgrims in Makkah during the last Hajj, Saudi newspapers were instructed to revive the four-month-old story of cartoons about the Prophet (PBUH) in a Danish newspaper, and turn it into an attack on Denmark, together with a "spontaneous demand by the people" for a boycott of Danish goods. So far this has worked reasonably well, although major Danish exports are bacon and lager beer, which we do not import, except as "special consignments" for some members of your family. There has also been some unfortunate "collateral damage" in that "Nido" was wrongly identified as a Danish product when it is in fact Swiss; also the boycott has resulted in several thousand Third World expatriates being laid off in the Saudi plants of the Danish dairy company Arla. However we cannot be expected to take the troubles of the entire world upon our shoulders. What is becoming to a concern to me is the "Denmark fatigue" that is clearly emerging in our newspapers. It has been an enormous strain on them to produce up to four reports a day from a story where nothing is essentially happening. It is also apparent that "reader fatigue" is setting in, and that instead of yet another article on Denmark, they would much prefer to read in great detail all the minutiae of Your Majesty's travels around the world, the full transcripts of your after-dinner speeches, and other matters of great interest and importance. I have therefore given some thought to "spicing up" the story, and have come to the conclusion that we ought to find some other country, ideally small, harmless and inoffensive and with exports that do not appeal to your family, to demonize in addition to Denmark. I have therefore been reviewing all published representations of the Prophet (PBUH) to establish what countries could be blamed for them. Sadly, there are many representations out there, perhaps more than we ever imagined. This picture is of an early Renaissance fresco in Bologna's Church of San Petronio, created by Giovanni da Modena and depicting Mohammed being tortured in Hell. Whilst theologically incorrect (it is in fact the Pope who will be tortured in Hell), I would not recommend antagonizing the Italians at this time, simply because of the volume of Italian marble that is imported for use within our royal palaces and public buildings. This is present-day imagery that can be bought easily in the souks of Iran, and confirms how doctrinally unsound these Shiite Muslims are. However I would recommend against targetting Iran at present, for the same reason that you in your royal wisdom have chosen not to criticize their building of nuclear weapons; we want to avoid being seen as "Pro-Israeli". This is a representation of the eviscerated Prophet (PBUH) in the Eighth Circle of Hell as described in the Italian Poet Dante's "Inferno", where he quotes the lines No barrel, even though it's lost a hoop / or end-piece, ever gapes as one whom I / saw ripped right from his chin to where we fart: / his bowels hung between his legs, one saw / his vitals and the miserable sack / that makes of what we swallow excrement. While I was all intent on watching him, / he looked at me, and with his hands he spread his chest and said: "See how I split myself! / See now how maimed Mohammed is! And he / who walks and weeps before me is Alì, / whose face is opened wide from chin to forlock. The poet lived in what is now Italy, which I have touched on before. The artist, Gustave Doré, on the other hand, is French. However your Majesty would appreciate the difficulty of boycotting a country where you and several members of your family have summer residences. This is by an Islamic artist, from somewhere in Central Asia. However, no-one is going to be interested in some place called Uzz-Wuzzistan, or care if we stop importing Yak milk. This depiction of Mohammad at Madinah is of Arab origin. However, we can't boycott ourselves, can we? (If his Majesty will permit me this small jest!) In this picture, Mohammad is shown as trampling on the Cross and Ten Commandments, which, while admirable in itself, is still a Haram likeness. It is set in the Netherlands, which would qualify as a small and harmless country, only exporting flowers to my knowledge. However, thinking ahead, they are in Group C in this year's World Cup, and we are in Group H. If we meet later in the competition, having victimized them over a 300-year-old picture, then we would definitely get a very serious kicking with the rest of the world cheering them on, and a great loss of face for us. Discretion is the better part of valor in this instance. In this image, the Prophet (PBUH) is depicted in an advertisement for bouillon cubes. It is German. However the Germans have a reputation for being very aggressive, and would definitely boot us from one end of the park to the other in the World Cup. Best left alone. The North Frieze on the Supreme Court building in Washington, DC features a bas-relief sculpture of Mohammed, in between other law-givers Justinian and Charlemagne. If His Majesty will permit me my little jest, we know a few guys in Afghanistan who have experience in removing statues from rock faces! (We may have to wait a few decades, though!). Another image from the USA, this time the sacriligious "South Park" episode called "Super Best Friends". Whilst I do not propose boycotting the USA, His Majesty may wish to be reminded of some of their blasphemies, for such time as and when this decadent country falls, like an over-ripe plum, into our lap. The final image is the most promising. Published a mere 30 years ago, and in itself a very dashing depiction, it is nevertheless a Haram covering for an illustrated story. And the good news is that it was written by Hergé, a Belgian! Belgium is a small, harmless country that only exports, to my knowledge, chocolates and beer, but not Your Majesty's favorites. Also, they are not in the World Cup! I recommend them as the next country to threaten, once the Saudi public tires of Denmark, which will alas be very soon. Victory, as we both appreciate, is all a matter of choosing the right fight. PS, the Germans have gone on the offensive. I did say they were very aggressive. PPS I have now learnt that France Soir in France, La Stampa in Italy and El Periodico in Spain have also published these cartoons. Tomorrow no doubt their competitors will do the same thing. I fear that we are going to lose the initiative here, we can't boycott everyone, we could become a laughing stock. Guidance, please. Should I order the Saudi papers to follow standard procedures and ignore all this bad news? A. M. Al Shegri Press Secretary Royal Palace

There's still time for more entries, but in the meantime I thought I'd post something from the anonymous Saudi Blogger behind "The Religious Policeman's Blog." Great Stuff. (http://muttawa.blogspot.com/) "Another Memo From: Royal Press Secretary To: His Majesty Date: 4th February 2006 Subject: Cartoons I was perhaps too pessimistic at the end of my previous memo. Things have in fact turned out better than we might have expected. As I reported, a number of other European newspapers did publish the cartoons. In two of those cases, the owners of those papers sacked the offending editors, thus demonstrating that jobs are at risk when we Muslims are offended! This, I am sure, is a lesson that will not have been lost on other editors. It is noticeable now that with a few striking exceptions, such as those very aggressive Germans, newspapers and broadcasters are very reluctant to show them further, and they appear not to have been shown at all in the USA. What is also very gratifying is that officials in the West are not only accepting our right to be offended at whatever we choose, but they are also saying that the Western media should work to our standards, not theirs. It is striking how soon they forget about their self-professed "freedoms" when they witness a little righteous Muslim anger. Thus UK Foreign Secretary Straw's comment.... Mr Straw said the decision by some European newspapers to print the cartoons was "disrespectful" and he added that freedom of speech did not mean an "open season" on religious taboos. ....or to paraphrase him, "having a freedom does not mean that you have the right to use it". We could not have put it better ourselves; perhaps we should ask Mr Straw to write editorials for the "Arab News"! The US State Department, on the other hand, persists in proclaiming kuffar values.... Our response is to say that while we certainly don’t agree with, support, or in some cases, we condemn the views that are aired in public that are published in media organizations around the world, we, at the same time, defend the right of those individuals to express their views. ....however the US is overall becoming a bit of a problem to which I shall refer later. Generally, active Muslims around the world have reacted well to our lead. As well as the unemployed "usual suspects" in Palestine and Indonesia, some British Muslims gave a particularly impressive display yesterday. The official reaction of British officialdom - precisely nothing! - illustrates how successful we have been over the years in getting them to accept the "Principle of Asymmetry". In other words, we use their sense of "fair play", "multiculturalism", "democratic values", and of course their guilt feelings, against them, so that they restrict their own freedom of action, but are very lax when dealing with the Muslim, for fear of offense or violent reaction. This of course confuses and demoralizes the ordinary person-in-the-street, and weakens their resistance to the onward march of the Ummah. May I just say, Your Majesty, how these events have demonstrated the wisdom of your decision to remind people about those old cartoons. The story has now developed a momentum of its own, it will run and run, and who remembers those pilgrims in Makkah? What pilgrims? Exactly! Not only that, but the Egyptians' poor maritime standards mean that a much larger death toll will now remain in the public eye. Your Majesty, could I just ask you to have a word with your brother Naif, and restrain his "initiative" while you are away on state visits? He seems to have taken it upon himself to try to move us up to MOL Condition Red, and get an apology from the Pope.* Saudi Interior Minister Prince Naif called on international religious institutions, especially the Vatican, to step into the developing row between Muslims and the European press over the publication of cartoons insulting the Prophet and condemn these actions. This was premature and ill-judged, particularly as Pope Benedict has an unfortunate reputation for following his own counsel, is not a known admirer of Islam, and was unlikely to respond. This necessitated some panic behind the scenes to get a Vatican response. A Vatican cardinal Friday condemned the cartoons in European newspapers, saying satire that offended groups and their most sacred symbols was abusive. Cardinal Achille Silvestrini, a retired Vatican diplomat who has had many dealings with Arab countries, told an Italian newspaper that Western culture had to know its limits. Freedom is a great virtue but it must be shared and it must not be unilateral, said Silvestrini. But as the "Saudi Gazette" is forced to admit, he is in fact retired, being aged over 80 he was too old to elect the current Pope, and therefore his opinions carry as much official weight as those of a Rome taxi-driver. But such are the problems of finding spokesmen when Prince Naif goes off on his own without consulting this office. Another problem of course with going to Condition Red, is that President Bush is showing excessive independence these days. His recent speech about reducing the US's "Addiction to Oil" suggested that he would like to dissociate the US from us as quickly as technology will permit. This would be very bad for Saudi morale and we have suppressed reporting of this in the Saudi newspapers. Instead we have focussed on his predictable call for "Political reform", whatever that is, and generally ridiculed it. SAUDI political analysts have described the US President George W. Bush's call to Egypt and Saudi Arabia to expand political reform in his State of the Union address as personal and motivated by political objectives. Unfortunately the "Saudi Gazette" chose to quote some lecturer in Advanced Interrogation Techniques from our Police College. His speech about reform is nothing but a pressure tactic in an ambitious attempt for more political gains at a time when his popularity is dwindling, said Muhammad Al-Obaid, a professor at Naif Arab University of Security Studies. I have spoken to the SG about their poor choice of "expert". However, in spite of better quotes like this from two of your own appointees.... Members of the Shoura Council like Mohammad Al-Zulfa and Mohammad Ibrahim Al-Hulwah were quoted by agencies as saying that the Kingdom was initiating reforms of its own volition and Bush should stop acting as if he were the sole agent for reform in the world. ....we are nevertheless "treading on thin ice" when we talk about our reforms. Sooner or later someone is going to ask exactly what they are. Rather than change the subject at that time, I would rather take the initiative now and put pressure on the US. Therefore I would change my recommendation from my previous Memo. Rather than go after Belgium, I propose that we put them on "hold", and instead "suddenly discover" the blasphemous "South Park" "Super Best Friends" episode. Can I have Your Majesty's approval for this course of action? A. M. Al Shegri Press Secretary Royal Palace"

Pretty much every country that's had any power to abuse has done so at some point in their history, but what stands out about this episode is both how thoroughly it's been forgotten, and the fact that in most cases of large-scale slaughter the participants at least invoked some grand principle - with varying degrees of sincerity - to justify their actions, but Leopold seems to have forgone even this traditional ablution. Makes an interesting backdrop for anyone who's a Joseph Conrad fan. I suppose it's worth adding "Heart of Darkness" to the recommended list if there's anyone out there who hasn't read it.

Second vote for "King Leopold's Ghost." Important book but I'd advise against Seattelites reading it until the cloud-cover breaks up in Mid-July.

Post-Cowboy Economics looks interesting. Thanks for the rec.

Yeah, it's not like anyone here has an open mind or anything. I should have amended that to say - "Will only appeal to a very limited number of posters on this board." If you want a case study that exemplifies many of the problems that Bauer discusses in "From Subsistence to Exchange," pick up "The Road to Hell" by Michael Maren. It chronicles Somalia's death-spiral and the tragic experiences of one aid-worker who was trying to stop it. It's a hearbreaking read, but if you ever wanted to understand the context in which the intervention of the early 90's took place, it's a great book for that. I think that "The Road to Hell" would actually appeal to just about anyone, but I'd recommend stocking-up on Zoloft, "Barney" DVDs, and "Chicken Soup for the ______" books to restore psychological equilibrium when you're done.

I've been reading a bit of a hodgepoge lately. Quite a bit of shorter stuff by Tom Wolfe, all of which has been quite funny and very entertaining. "The Painted World," "From Bauhaus to Our House, " and "MauMauing the Flak-Catchers," were all hillarious and make for a nice afternoon of reading. Other stuff includes "The True Believers" by Eric Hoffer - basically his ruminations concerning the origins of mass movements. I think the story of his life is just as interesting as the book. From what I can recall he was blind as a child, regained his vision as a teen, and read furiously from that point on as he wasn't sure how long the gift of vision would last. He spent most of his adult life working as a longshoreman, and never pursued a higher education - a fact which quite a few people cite as the reason for the refreshing degree of originality and commmon sense that he brought to the book, seeing as how if he'd been through any university in the forties or fifties he'd probably have lost his thesis in the usual ghoulash of Marx and Freud. Also reading "From Subsistence to Exchange," which is a series of essays on the economics of development by a guy who was one of the few dissidents from most of the central economic orthodoxies of the day. Good stuff but quite unlikely to appeal to anyone else on this board.

"Jesus is my gardner"

force. Third place for this entry. Refusing to engage in self-censorship in response to threats and mobs and...conversion by force. Yeah, I see the connection...

Do your own sample asking women which they prefer and you'll be pissed about the snip too. So what does JayB propose we do with these radical muslims? Convert them to "progressive" western ideals via......? Just sending a simple message that using threats of targeted and indiscriminate violence against anyone who in a Western democracy who is behaving in a way that is not consistent with their understanding of what is permitted under Islam is not going to succeed would suffice. Nice use of the scare quotes BTW.

I knew I count count on you to put in a strong effort in this contest, Chuck. Death threats, cartoonists in hiding under protection and fearing for their lives, mobs massing outside of embassies, etc - and....letters to the editor expressing dissaproval. "Hey--now that I think about it....those *are* exactly alike." Hahaha. You are way out in front with that effort. How about arguing that the West has no grounds upon which to object to female genital mutilation upon so long as we permit cirumcision to continue? Might get you the title.

Word. Check out the Cultural Blinders on this guy: Big Pharaoh Umm, Jay, weren't you taking part in some random "buy Danish" campaign earlier? Hahaha. Way to connect the dots there, amigo. I actually just linked a random site for no reason at all. Certainly nothing on there that's germaine to the topic at hand. Keep plugging away on the "People who criticize violent mobs are the real Nazis" theme that you had going on earlier if you want to stay in first place.

Word. Check out the Cultural Blinders on this guy: Big Pharaoh

So is your preferred solution re-education, sterilization or deathcamps? Now we're getting somewhere. Vintage inversion. "The real Nazi's are the people who are critical of the mobs threatening to murder anyone who dares to express opinions that are offensive to their ideology. If their criticisms succeed in convincing these people that these tactics won't succeed, we all know where THAT might lead." Consider yourself a strong contender for the lead.

Pastry Protest

Pretty weak showing so far. Just use "DragonType" or something to transcribe what you are muttering at your monitor.

Blue ribbon for tethering it to Enron or Halliburton.

Honorable mention for anyone who argues that the photos are a transparent fiction manufactured by the CIA to further their various nefarious agendas.

You'll have to do better than that if you want to take first place, Carl.

I am just posting this as part of a mini-constest I've got going for the "Reflexive Western Self Loathing Sweepstakes." I'll give an as-yet undetermined prize* to the first person who engages in the reflexive relativistic contortions necessary to equate people who critical letters to the editor to the folks depicted in this picture, pin the blame for the entire episode on the cultural insensitivity of the West, recommend enforced sensitivity training for all people outside the Ummah, and deduce their way into the conclusion that the fault for this episode lies directly with the Bush administration. Tolerance in Action Hopefully I'll be able to custom order an organic-hemp-cruelty-free Burqua in time for the conclusion of the contest.

Couldn't find any Tuborg or Carlsberg last night, but did score a nice wheel of Havarti.

I just got in touch with a Dane who lived with us for a year as an exchange student back in '90. The Danes are easy going and civilized, but can be quite resolute in defense of the values that they believe make such civilization possible. I wouldn't expect them to lash out, but they're not going to buckle either. The Islamists tipped their hands a bit early on this one.