Shit my dad says

[Stonehead]

"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."

 

"You worry too much. Eat some bacon... What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon."

 

"Son, people will always try and fuck you. Don't waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down."

 

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

[Ponderosa]

"Don't worry too much about it. Everybody's born to fuck-up, sometimes. Just try not to make it your job."

[TamaraSlade]

Some other funny stuff people have said...

 

-If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?

 

-You shouldn't say anything mean about people who can't read. You should write it instead.

 

 

-A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend

 

-Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.

 

 

-He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

 

-Anyone can quit smoking, it takes a real man to fight cancer

 

-I cry during sex.... fucking Mace

 

-Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

 

-Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster

[Bug]

UGB