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Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

 

Q: Why do men "break wind" more than women?

A: Because women can't stay quiet long enough to build up the required pressure.

 

All wives are alike. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

 

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

 

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?

A: Divorced.

 

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?

A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

 

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

 

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?

A: It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink

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