TBay Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Subject: The Ant and the Grasshopper OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself! MODERN (Politically correct?) VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake. Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood. MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracked Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rbw1966 Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Ant, who works for large multinational corporation votes republican. Republican candidate receives large campaign contributions from large multinational corporation. Republican candidate elected on platform of values espousing personal responsibility for own welfare, entitlement to fruits of own labor. Elected Republican proposes legislation that allows multinational corporations to relocate labor force overseas, thereby reducing production costs. Also proposes legislation reversing labor laws, allowing corporations to make salaried employees work longer hours for no overtime pay. Cuts funding to welfare programs to support people who lost their jobs after large multinational corporations move overseas. Enact tax reforms that allow managers of large multinational corporations to pay fewer taxes while not providing tax relief to lower income levels. Ant now works harder and longer for less pay and fewer benefits and dwindling security--but he is still entitled to the fruits of his labor. Meanwhile large multinational corporations become more powerful, influential and executives therein become richer and richer and less accountable for their actions. Vote Republican all right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracked Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 I'm a dolt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lummox Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 aint there another chapter where the flea mites declare jihad on both the ants and grasshoppers because of their 'love of freedom' then the president ant hires some killer bees to mess em up because the flea mites got some wmd program related acitvities going on. and some other shizzle? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toptimmy Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 ant comes from wealthy family. ant uses trust fund to build house and prepare for winter. grasshopper comes from single parent house in low income housing project. momma grasshopper dies from drug o.d. grasshopper lives on street in ant hills development. Ants say grasshopper is just too lazy to work. grasshopper laughs because its not easy to get a job with no address and no education. Winter comes and grasshopper dies of exposer while ant family is safe and comfortable in there nice little world. nobody misses grasshopper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toptimmy Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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