johnny_destiny Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. People ask (when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000) whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." The choir is known as the "OK Chorale." Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion. In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. Baptism is referred to as "branding." There is a special fundraiser for a new church septic tank. Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable. High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. The baptismal fount is a #2 galvanized washtub. The choir robes were donated by and embroidered with the logo from Billy Bob's Barbecue. The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. Quote
tomtom Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. No joke. I went to a high school in south Arkansas where we were allowed to take a day off during deer season to go hunting. Quote
rbw1966 Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 I went to a high school in rural Texas briefly where we were excused from attendance during planting/harvest. Quote
lummox Posted February 20, 2004 Posted February 20, 2004 you go to 'reloading wednesday' two times a month. Quote
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