Chuck_Norris
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Posts posted by Chuck_Norris
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GaperTimmay
in Spray
Maybe you're not listening to me. I just did my taxes. Every year I just send in blank forms and include only a picture of myself, crouched and ready to attack. I have not had to pay taxes, ever.
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GaperTimmay
in Spray
My blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive.
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GaperTimmay
in Spray
ooooo la la! fiesty! I like!
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GaperTimmay
in Spray
Has anyone seen my beyotch GaperTimmay around? I feel like impregnating something.
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Dear Friends:
I was lying in bed a couple of months ago and I started reflecting back to my Martial Arts career as a fighter. I remembered back to 1974, when I decided to retire after six years as the undefeated World Middleweight Karate Champion. I thought that I could defend my title again in 1975 at the age of 35 and win my seventh consecutive year, but then again I could probably lose, so I decided to retire as an undefeated champion. To this day I am considered one of the top fighters of all time. If I had fought and lost, that may not have been the case.
Then I began thinking about Cascade Climbers. Fortunately, I've been a top poster for the last month due to my ninja abilities. As I have always believed, "When one door closes, a bigger one opens." This is especially the case when impregnating people. So keep it real, study my Code of Ethics, and your post count will progress naturally. If it doesn't, well, you probably just aren't good enough.
God Bless you.
Sincerely your friend,
Chuck Norris
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Sometimes all it takes for some people is a round house kick to the head and to be impregnated, and suddenly they see the light.
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Cobra_Commander is the treasurer of my Fan Club.
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Now, as this is a climbing board, I have something to teach you that will come in handy next time you're out in the woods. Its a little secret technique I've perfected over time, much like the round house kick.
Scenario: you're hiking up a trail, and all the sudden that burrito you ate for lunch has decided to make its way out of your body! What are going to do? There isn't a bathroom in sight! Not even a portapotty! But don't fear! This technique can save you a lot of unneeded bowel surgery and embarrassment.
Here it is: pull your pants down and simply squat. Be careful and find your center of gravity, or you might be wearing that burrito until your friends throw you into the lake! Then, take care of business. I suggest being loud about it, so as to warn other hikers.
Here is a photo of me demonstrating the technique:
Happy Trails!
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I'll be your private dancer Cobra Commander. But it will cost you money.
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its for you to practice. get on your needs and beg for the roundhouse, beeyotch.
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DAMN! All you fools could use a round house! Unfortunately I've been tied up with all this Kickstart bullshit, but I'm almost done. You SOBs better grab your ankles and prepare for PAIN!!!
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No shit! I've even been posting in this thread already, doofus! Another hidden treasure I've been waiting for your youngsters to pick up on is my movie "A Force of One". In this movie a team of undercover narcotics agents are conducting an investigation when things mysteriously begin to go haywire. One by one, the squad are eliminated by an assassin. To help discover the identity of the karate killer, the police enlist the aid of karate champion Matt Logan (me). Of course, this results in a lot of ass kicking by yours truly, including some of my hallmark roundhouse kicks. Its truly a delight to sit back on a Sunday afternoon with this film and a bowl of popcorn and enjoy one of the finer films known to mankind.
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Gary, since you were the president of the Official Walker, Texas Ranger Fan Club, I hesitate to give you a round house kick to the head for responding to a threat in such a sensitive manner. But consider yourself warned.
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Sometimes I use the word "pie" as a code word meaning "roundhouse kick to the head".
You know what's funny? I never tire of the roundhouse kick. It is the most pure form of art known to man.
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Check out my website at http://www.chucknorris.com/ and be sure to have your sound on. What my by "personally welcome you to my website" is to give you a round house kick to the head and impregnate you and your sister. Unfortunately I had to shutdown my chatroom for appearances only because it got bloody, but I make an appearance there soon.
You might want to check out my code of ethics too:
Study and learn these or I'll be paying you a visit, or rather my fist will be paying a visit to your jugular.
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I'll punchasize Mike Ditka, Ghandi, or any other fool who wants to mess with the best and die like the rest. Via a roundhouse kick to the head, of course.
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Did somebody want to open up a can of whoop ass?!! Time for another round house kick to the head. Booya!!!
That pissed me off. Time to go kick ass!
GaperTimmay
in Spray
Posted
Its true. My only knowledge is how to deliver pain. And how to impregnate things.