Chuck_Norris
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Posts posted by Chuck_Norris
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No, you may not have a lock of my chesthair as a souvenir. Stop PMing me, or get ready to make friends with Mr. Roundhouse.
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* Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
* Chuck Norris‘ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
* If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the :censor: down.
* Chuck Norris does not go hunting, Chuck Norris goes killing.
* When the boogyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris once visited the virgin islands. they are now the islands.
* Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
* If at first you don’t succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved.
* “Crop circles are Chuck Norris‘ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the $#@$ down.”
* When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
* Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
* Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
* Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
* When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
* Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
* Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
* There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
* Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
* Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
* Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
* Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
* Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
* When a tsunami happens, it’s because Chuck Norris has been swimming laps in the ocean.
* Chuck Norris poops light sabers.
* Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.
* Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
* Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needed a place to store his kills.
* Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.
* Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
* On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.
* Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.
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Seagals only talent is playing the pink flute. I hear his band manager also manages that band Great White.
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What are you doing tonight snugtop? Would you like to dine with Chuck tonight? Once you have the best, the rest won't do, you know. Oh, and I rented that chick to J.C....I got PAID!
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You lack dicipline! Just watch my show Walker, Texas Ranger and you'll learn all you need to know.
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I see Chuck Norris propositioning a young girl in the lower left.
Please! She is actually just a highly talented midget.
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funny, i thought he was that clown getting ready to mount the dog in the foreground.
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Dru is unconscious. Roundhouse to the head. All in a days work.
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oh....and next time....BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!
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It was nice to finally put a face to a name at Feathered Friends tonight, beyotch. I hope you understood that I could have easily rendered you senseless with a simple roundhouse kick to the head. I suggest walking the straight and narrow from now on, or face your punishment. It awaits you in my fists.
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I post as Chuck Norris!
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ahh...gotcha! by opposed, you mean right opposite to you. have you had a dream about Chewbaca?
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minx, do not swear off chest rugs until you try the cuddling in the flowing mane of maniliness that is hanging off my frontal region.
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chump, minx prefers to nestle in the warmth of a mans chest rug, not in the clammy confines of your folds of fat.
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Unlike you, I'm not still immersed in neanderthal-like violence; I'm discovering a more sensitive side
how is that van down by the river treating you, chubby?
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That movie was a hit in Europe. I'm rolling in it after that cash cow. What have you done lately, fat boy?
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jealous of my man rug, you hairless baboon?
I found a picture of you and your new band...Seagull is front and center for those of you that don't know about his wieght trouble:
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you're pretty funny for a hemorrhoid, fatty
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first pic= Steven in his "Brando stage"
second pic= all that is left of him after I deal him a roundhouse kick to the head
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Actually, I go to an excellent barber, who is also sophisticated, intelligent, and good looking.
Well that sounds familiar...
this photo taken moments before Steven gets his daily "facial"
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better get out the electron microscope for that job, minx.
btw, nice "W" tattoo there champ. hmmmm.....
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in the light of your wieght issues, that must be a very roomy belly
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a recent photo of seagal:
Replacing the hard drive of my PC...
in Spray
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I agree with Gayree, punch those muthafuckin DLLs! Who needs them anyway. Besides, I've been taking these supplements that make my abs look rad! So stay cool, and start deleting. More is less with the new wave of computing.