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knotzen

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Posts posted by knotzen

  1. 025.jpg

    OK, Captain Kirk; coffee break's over. Back on your head!

     

    Actually, this joke came from a former boss of mine. He would walk by and see a few of us talking or goofing off, and he'd say, "OK everybody; back on your heads!"

  2. Fenderfour dies in a tragic spraying accident, and ends up in Hell. Satan welcomes him, and says, “Just as on the Price is Right, you have three doors to choose from; your choice determines how you will spend eternity. As each door is revealed, if you choose what is behind that door, you will never know what might have been behind the next door.”

     

    Fenderfour says, “Sure, OK, man, let’s get on with it.”

     

    Satan opens Door Number 1, to reveal people walking on a spiked floor. Their feet are bloody, and they cry in anguish.

     

    “Shit, that looks painful. I couldn’t do that,” says Fenderfour. “What’s next?”

     

    Satan closes the door and opens Door Number 2, to reveal people with lifeless legs crawling on a spiked floor. They are covered in blood and screaming with pain.

     

    “Oh my God,” says Fenderfour. “That’s horrendous. I couldn’t put up with that kind of pain for all eternity! I’ll have to go to the next door,” wondering if his fate could be even worse.

     

    Satan closes the door, and finally, opens Door Number 3. Fenderfour sees people standing around in two feet of shit, drinking coffee and eating donuts.

     

    “Well, says Fenderfour, “this is gross, but not painful. Hey, this ain’t too bad at all. Whew. I got lucky.”

     

    “Fine,” says Satan. “In you go.”

     

    And then Satan yells to the room, “All right, everyone, coffee break’s over. Back on your heads!”

  3. God's a skeleton?! No wonder he's so weak and ineffectual.
    No, that's just a promo ad for a diet plan available here in the nether regions. I have it pinned up on my refrigerator, too, as an incentive to lose the few thousand tons I've picked up over the last fifteen billion years (since I lit the nuclear cherry bomb that started the universe you breath in). WTF? Skinny is the latest thing with your culture.

     

    Remember, "skinny dudes fight 'till they're burger". Me and a few of the others [you know, Jesus ("Josh"), Buddha (we call him "Bohdi"), Phil Hartman ("Jizz"), Ghandi (he likes to be called "MyHotMan"), Sister Theresa (Terry knows how to party) & her sidekick Gilda Radner ("Twisted Sista"), Paramahansa Yogananda ("Bro") and a bunch of other freaks] like to watch and quote lines from Fight Club. If we want a good laugh we watch It's A Wonderful Life.

     

    Go ahead, smite me. Make my day.

    First, Clint Eastwood... and now you. Just wait 'till you come over to this side. We're all gonna pin you down and give you a "pink belly" until you're yellin' "I'm smitten! I'm smitten! IIIIII'mmmm SMITTENNNNNN!"

     

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