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ivan

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Posts posted by ivan

  1. Fake Ivan here.

     

    Moving to a smaller dia rope may affect your emergency ascension system. Tiblocs are rated for 8 - 11mm, for example. I've gotten them to work on a 7.8, but never actually used them for real on one. Best to test this at home.

     

    I can tell you that a 5.5mm prusik doesn't work at all on a doubled 7mm rap rope. It's nearly impossible to move the knot up once tightened. This was testing trying to get out of a schrund. I finally just had to free the damn thing.

  2. the fixed line is a sad obstacle for the greater glory of Reaching the Columbia :)

     

     

    Well you have to have someone hold the line back while you swing.

    only took one swipe to figure that :)

  3. new year, new beatard count

     

    1/1/13 - day#1 - curiously cold and icy and windblown lap on the corner w/ that powderhound chap, clad in a goddamn gordon's fisherman jumpsuit w/ tight matching-colored gear - wondrous ice-curtain on the slab pitch, under the roofs, and frostcicles on tree ledge - a frozen gully choked w/ gravel up on grassy ledge - sand-storms out on the island, carrying grit all the way across the water to the docks - the boat landing slammed w/ waves, breaking across the ice-clad pier - many tourons on the trail - a fine, quick lap - the first day of Beatardia 2013!

     

     

    1/12 - day#2 - strange day - freezing fog on the wakeup, car shackled in ice at the dawn - geoff at the burger king - high-speed jet through the quiet lull of the gorge, the road dry n' gentle - beacon becalmed, all door discipline disregarded - a great gut-laugh at the peach allah had gracefully cast into our laps - i get all the leads down low - consensus conditions S5 (our ascent of 12/21/12 in recent memory a retard S9, damn near pegging the limit of the possible) - challenging lead conditions for sure still, with sheet-freeze all over, slowly peeling off in the relatively tropical conditions - runnels of run-off bubbling underneath the ice - the sun bursting through the clear air - rumbles of gunfire, pap-pap-pap-pap, a militia-action for certain on the oregon shores - slip-sliding away all over from grassy ledges up - glimpse of the bonneville crick draining into the river, all jizzum-milky, the vas defernes of the columbian cock- exited the long way, the Great Coward wending all to Starboard where he could - a walk down all bathed in rays of a riotous golden orb - jim at the base w/ an old boy - oaths and auguries, threats and Aggravated Assaults considered - an easy orbit back through the steaming warmth of the gorge-winter disbanded, if only for a bit

     

    1/22 - #3 - annealed by two recent days at smith in the Big Fridge of the bivy site, mornings traversing the phantasmagorical formations of frozen sludge, mike and i had an evening run up the bacon-wand in a big olde freshet of gaudy coldness

     

    a big dry had beaten off the vast damp of days gone by - barely any ice on route - half the digits of my right foot right numb by grassy ledges, i unshod and rubbed hardly any life back into them - toes throb as i type

     

    booty nut on p2, should the original owner wish to claim it from a massive pile of such things i have growing in my garage

     

    not even a fort-night of fucknoodling about the sunny-side left - full moon fever this weekend for any half-wit warriors who might feel the urge to come w/...

     

     

     

    2/2 - day #4 - ground hogz day, a swift demise to deadly winter predicted - 'twas the day after a wander up the hood-wand w/ an interesting feller to dispatch the doldrum of the beacon s side closure - ya never stop learning in the mountains, this time 2 Ore-e-gone Snowboard'nBoyz taught me how to inhale green weeds through green apples using nothing more than a glorious bright winter sun and a magnifying glass - a good invention for the stiff breezes off an open glacier - much thanks for them that rock the Van Damme :)

     

    stone soup w/ geoff today - despite the distinct sense of early spring setting in as the Great Hamster foresaw, it was a mort cold and savage breezy - geoff did p1, and i managed to mangle meself on p2 - found a fixed nut at the start of the eyebrow traverse and was hanging out on it for awhile, had just plugged the next cam in when suddenly i was falling - fell/slid into a slab, instinctively grabbing an edge to stop the fall, sheared off the flesh of my pinky-tip and sprung the sprockets in the other fingers' knuckles, then went heads'o'er'tits and continued on down, getting entangled in the rope running up through the gear and ultimately arresting hanging upside down looking straight at the olde boye, who looked frankly startled :)

     

    blood pouring from the flensed n' flapping finger, i wrapped my balaclava about it n' took stock - had a good gut laugh upon recalling that last time i climbed on this side, last spring, i'd ended up in the e.r. too - maybe i'm just not getting the message? :)

     

    geoff was my hero - not only did he finish the pitch, he also figured out how, after 10 minutes, to get my damn knot untied by pounding on it w/ a jug - the big breeze blew itself out as dejected would-be hiking trail ascenders milled about the parking lot and i howled at the sky in mock musical appreciation - the climb done, we went off, each to his saturday night debaucheries and me to keen my wound w/ wanton drunkenness :P

     

    4/25 - day 5 - holy shee-it muslims, it's been 2 months - lovely spring day - many olde boyes humping the o-zone on the way out - on the north side, the sun peaking over, one hand washes the other, i fear nothing - 3 peregrines screeching n' flopping about - green grass - crisp n' crunchy moss - had time to stop by and yack-yack w/ jim n' sal n' steve n' wes n' a whole motley crew of misfits n' misogynistic fucks on the way back - did a couple solo laps on the jacobs ladder and drank some beers, then boogied on back home for "house of cards" w/ the wifey

     

    jesus-h-christ, why are they doing more construction on the 14?!?

     

    4/30 - beacon day 6 for the year - only 2 days at the baconwand this month, but spring seems to be here fo'shiz, even if today it was right blustery and overcast - scrambly, scrambly on the n side for a while, then a satisfying hike to the summit - the 70th anniversary of an intelligence coup - "mincemeat has been swallowed" - peregrines apparent from the uprising exit, swooping and screeching and having a ball it looked - kenny in the lot, horrifyingly still set in his hate-tobacco way, but w/ rainier-beer as always :)

     

    5/2 - day 7 - all my pardners bail - the pearl is in the river - john has a long mustache - freedom is slavery, war is peace!!!

     

    5/4 - international star-wars day, may the fourth be with you :) beatard day 8 for 2013 - stoned stupor w/ bryan n' bob - bryan styles following p1 and leads p2 almost all clean - breezy n' balmy - eyes scuppered w/ dust-scum as i type - stooooked for a fine day in the sun - olde boys climbing below us on the spike route, a fine view from the phone booth - miker stops by for a chat even - summer's upon us!

     

    5/6 - day #9 - afternoon sprint up the sun-baked monolith after union meetings and whatnot - pilgrims at dawn - days gone by and dead men ghosts - great gashes in the highway - asphalt scars and concrete wars - the red devil turns over 190k even as the cd player craps in the bed, carrying nico blue into the way blue yonder - the pearl is in the river :)

     

    5/8 - beatard day 10 of the year - jesus christ on a cum-stained cushioned couch, this'er fine weather just won't fucking quit! out to slouch and lounge around the bacon-wand once more, scrambly-scrambly here and there along the north wall - figure its about time to scoot up the spike route sans rope i reckon - on up to the slumit in rude circuitous style, but all the beauty on the scamper back down - a buxom couple encountered cruising on up the packinko-portion of the trail, dressed appropriate for a warm day - i cast down mine eyes, unworthy as i am, only to be brought up sharp by a strange question from the sultry lassie - a great gaping grin, "oh no, heaven's no, how could you think that and who might you be" - claimed to know me and my sorcerous ways, but most surely she must mistake me for some other beatard cunt? "you were that guy guzzling boxed wine and chain-smoking camels last summer!" - goddammit, i must stop meeting ladies of quality in my long aestival blacked-out ambulations, it augers poor for my alternate-reality amors! :grin:

     

    "AF is having problems w/ its fresh-water condensers" :rawk:

     

    5/10 - day 11 - linked strong arms w/ der phuzzy, all phresh from phucking himself good n' proper last burn'n'man, flensed scars from incisions all about his satellite-parts - to the n side we did fly, me w/ the big wall dumpster full of wine n' hammers n' what have you...beers n' butts at the base - the spike route ensconced in scum n' villainy - we scamper up the right side first, when ole'jim w/ a jingus-voice arrived n' whisper-hollered up at us - to the tree n' the site of new natural destruction wrought all around, stone-fall n' swathes of moss scoured off in flight - we rap back to the big boy for bitter conversation and big Olde Tymes - intolerance for them a week earlier w/ their wire-brushes - gut laughs n' tyranny gestated - adam n' i up genesis to the tree again as the sun glows low - i above that, but bailing on a bolt too steep to suss out in the gloaming - the base again, shade-slumming w/ pall malls n' precious beer w/o end - the stumble-fuck in the dark, the way-back-bent in style - departure n' parting - kevbone no doubt kluster-fucked, i conklude :)

     

    5/11 - a dozen days so far - 5 days this week :rawk: - junuary kicked square in the nuts, but waiting in the wings it seems - good thing really, i'm on the verge of tweaking out my fingers already - dogs in my dreams, feeding on my feet - terror at daybreak, broken in the bone yard - the ringing of bells at all hours, the horror of home-coming gone wrong - dust, dust, dust - the bloody angle when the walls fell - spotsylvania on a warm spring evening - they sing the body electric, and then they too Pass Beyond :brew:

     

    5/14 - lucky #13 - gray and gaunt at the dawn, dim-minded and mopey - when the world dies in an orgasm of heavenly-fire, how i fucking hope it's a tuesday, and early in the morning to boot, to spare me the whole gory goddamn details of the day - tuesday, the red-haired stepchild of the torrid week - hitler was conceived on a tuesday - it's true, you can google that shit man :)

     

    sun breaks around noon, life reviving, rock drying, seniors shuffle in and out in a hyperstatic hepped-up euphoric hangover - the red devil galloping east through the gorge, growling at these goddamn men in their machines gouging out the concrete and showering everything in gravel - the tyranny inherent in giving any man a blaze-orange vest and sign, too gross to contemplate in the golden sunshine searing through my senses

     

    RIP william fetterman, you awful fucker - "give me 80 men and i can ride through the whole sioux nation" - yeah, how'd that one work for ya, son? :)

     

    5/20 - day 14 - a week of piss wedder, sunday's window spent wrangling kidz and wrestling w/ the garden n' chores n' what-have-you - union bidness at the close of day, my wits as always confounded n' humbled by the human machinery of government made flesh - the ghost of winston smith haunts me, but it's a special merry kind of fool who can't make lemonade out of a luscious afternoon of sun and rushing warm air gusting down the gorge - get on your fucking horse, dr rick marshall!

     

    kenny's rig in the lot, him and sneezy-jim already up the spike route i reckon - i settle for a sleazy saunter up the big rock, lost in the gauzy thoughts gamboling through my thick head - the moon waxes great, will the wedder-gods set me up a solid?

     

    fosters on the falling back, cops holed up n' counting donut-holes at cape horn - thank christ i don't have a cigarette to shit on this wondrous scene :)

     

    5/31 - day 15, 9 dayz this gentle may - heartbreak for days gone by - memorial day weekend at tieton a near total bust - communiques pist upon for tr's w/o pixels - a week with pouring rain and occasional piercing sun w/o rainbows

     

    ain't seen mike since a far long time it seems - set out in the afternoon for a ramble up the spike route, him not having had it he said - the base gross n' baking - thick drip and damp on the rock like it'd been sprayed w/ horse-semen - genesis after nearly shitting a kitten on the klutchy-klutchy start - mike made p2 not so sad, but like me needed to stand on the anchor bolts whilst thrutch-fucking into the danky mcdankerson pod there :)

     

    dug leading the 3rd pitch spike-part proper, but this time w/ a stout old black cock of static death to bat-man on up the slab

     

    beerz n' gut-laughing n' music up in the woods - mike does p4 and dislodges a big old panel to come whiffling down my ways - i do the last bit up to the trail wading through thick-glades of oak, oily and fresh and full of fear

     

    bongos at the summit, guitars n' young ones yodeling - jesus-harold-christ, children I Know up there doing god know's what - ruins my summit celebration, but what can you do - wizened age equals patience equals wisdom?

     

    rolling rock n' reefers on the ramble on down - the new Man meandering around, tending the meters in the lot - don't seem like too fearsome a feller...

     

    "something seems wrong w/ our bloody ships today!"

     

    6/3 - day 16 - sweet green first peaking from the new berms of the road-cut west of ozone - a throaty breeze when work is spent - the day beams brightly, i jet down the well-worn highway - apples n' ass-ended hits n' horrid cigarettes - jimbo in the house, somewhere high up the hell-side, waging war on moss i'll warrant w/ that nefarious Other Feller - a raucous ramble up the boring old way - teens on the summit w/ their elders, teeming w/ the airs of methadonia unleashed - tails grown tepid, they rocket down the rock to the grinding of gears, knees shivering in the sea-gale

     

    "and, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;

    The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,

    And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;

    but there is no joy in Beatardia, the south side is still closed out"

     

    d-day - b-day plus 16 for me - machines shitting out soil on the road cut - long lines of traffic - sweating in the sun - a book and a beer for the beacon run - trains rumbling - falcons screeching - shade and wind - the island in the grips of the Drowned God - sweet tension released in seconds, the searing heat of summer upon us, the seniors soon to be flown and my professional sun setting :)

     

    6/17 - #18 - grass bowing gently in the slight gusts of the western gorge - cool and sunny, scraps of clouds here and there - the highway gloriously free of frenetic machines fouling the thoroughfare - hawks and gulls hollering - hordes of dim-wits dashed all over the trail - the Usual Suspects - the Siegfried Oath issued all over again, the same all ways and in every weather - one day of classes left, the solstice hard upon us, sweet Summer is feeling rather tipsy and falling out of her panties in her haste - the Time is Right, my brothers :)

     

    "well, i got in a quibble,

    shot a door -

    i'm reading the bible

    by a 40 watt bulb -

    what price freedom?

    that is my rub

    well i sleep like a baby

    with the snakes n' the bugs"

     

    7/31 - day 19 - first street legal day on the riverside in a rare ould time - mike's at 7 in the morning mist - bleary eyed, jesus christ, i'll be back at work in 4 weeks :noway: - knees too weary to start on cruising, we start up the corner and i somehow pinch a nerve in my back - electric lights dance when i move my head, so i learn to climb w/o looking anywhere :)

     

    8/10 - XX pro anno diem - whiskey-sick at 7 a.m. - rough roll out of bed, down the steps and out the door - pat snoring on the couch - did i really smoke my fist-full of smokes in 30 minutes last night?

     

    geoff @ the b.k. - cruis'n n' warriors n' right gull - choppers landing on the wildlife reserve, ferrying in fucking wind-boarders - dick synonym for the day: "snatch-ratchet" - long drives off the land of the little people, thank you mysterious stranger - old larry for fucks sake rapping in for an evening alone - pbr's n' passing showers on the way back

  4. dunno - that might be a pm, but sure sounds a lot like what was out in the public forums already...violent threats are bullshit no matter where you post'em, i hope you'd agree?

     

    party ledge round noon 2morrow for those who want to puff at the peace pipe and focus on the better things in life :)

  5. Trip: Daring-A-Ton - Half Dreaming

     

    Date: 8/3/2013

     

    Trip Report:

    the augors of august started poorly - hammer-knocks on the front door in the early morning hours - a neighbor, perhaps rightly, awful annoyed that the wife had neglected the parking brake of the Red Devil, resulting in its nightime ambulation into her ride at a heady 3 miles n' hour - my sad mitsubishi beached on her bumper like a kamikaze short on sake - 7 a.m. holler'n'n'lawya threats, dogs howling in the grey mist, sleep scuppered - a non-plussed insurance adjuster - jesus, w/ the weasels all out of their warrens and zeroing in, i must escape this suburban somali

     

    so, as fate had felt vouch-safed to fend me, i'd the powderhound all primed up on the launching pad for a short trip North - all i had to do was make it through a few hours w/o committing a capital crime, get packed, then put this sordid scene behind me

     

    garden raiding - fresh basil n' oregano pizza w/ cloves of garlic - a greasy calzone for the weekend rations - chicken-tv when bryan arrives - introductions all around and a spot of dinner done, we cast off for the Emerald City, our plan to party w/ an assembly of demi-gods: tvash, joshk, n' that wonder of the west, mr. wayne wallace

     

    rain on the road - rush-hour traffic - smokes make the time smolder on by - seattle in the evenign - lenin late for lunch in fremont - we arrive to find josh's demesne much deranged since last i'd left it - the seed of a traffic ticket is set

     

    an evening of gut-laughs ensue - 250 cc.retard tr's represented in one room - josh's tv not unlike the HAL 9000, on the cusp of consciousness - w/ the wonder of a weed volcano, we toast the wisdom of our fair republic and its ballot initiative process :) we lay plans for the morrow n' wayne bows out early for some damn-fool thing in the way-back of the pickets, as he is wont to...

     

    7 a.m. comes quick, n' bryan and i are out the door for the fred meyer to find fresh booze for the long weekend, then we're off for darrington, the first time for the both of us - we ramble up half-ruined roads, eventually reaching a big bend w/ bruising boulders that signal its time to stop

     

    sure, dreamer's a long route, the topo says it right there, but come on, this powderhound kid's a goddamn rope ninja, all raring to go, so who's to say we can't do this whole thing w/ a 11 a.m. start? we pack up whilst puffing on whatever, then saunter on down the rapidly diminishing track to see what mischief we can find for ourselves

     

    a fine walk through the woods, reminiscent at times for me, for likely no real reason, of downey creek - huge stumps given succor to preceding generations - shade n' moss n' needle thick about us - lengths of miner's metal pipes haphazard all about in defiance of the local swarms of meth-heads

     

    our misfortune was soon to follow - despite decent descriptions, niether of us saw fit to pay much heed, and having reached the waterfall, we wandered off the proper path - i'd tell you the right thing to do, but chance's are, if you're reading this, you don't give a shit about such things :) at any rate, should you be looking to glean a gem of beta from this rapidly bloating text, the idea is this: when you reach the big pool at the base of the waterfall, go right into the jungle on a trail w/ flagging, passing eventually back left to the top of a big boulder above the falls where a big cairn is - from there, though the trail goes left, look carefully for a vegetated tunnel w/ rocky debris strewn on its floor to the right and uphill - this is the begining of a stony gully n' slab system that will eventually take you to the base of dreamer, from whence you'll scramble up a ways to reach the route's start

     

    as it turned out, in our zeal to ascend slabs, we stuck to the waterfall which heads to a pass, and too tragically late realized we were far, far away from our route - an hour plus of hateful swacking ensued, which i've engaged a professional therapist to expunge from my memory: side-hilling over broken ground - a grim mix of slide alder, slide cedar, devil's club n' alpine rose - sweating like a whore in church, beads of perspiration raining down like a horse pissing on a flat rock, eventually we make it out of north cascadianistan

     

    after some scrambling we found what we were supposed to

    Dream1.jpg

    holy shit, is it really 2 o'clock? and did some dickhead really shit his pants here? :)

    Dream2.jpg

    realizing that climbing the totality of dreamer was just that, we figured we'd at least settle for climbing as much as we could before dark - i relished the excuse of tardiness to relinquish all leads to the 'hound :)

     

    bryan on dreamer direkt (i think - frankly, i was mostly confused whenever i looked at the topo :P )

    Dream3.jpg

    pitch 2 i think, though maybe we'd wandered onto something else here?

    Dream4.jpg

    then our last of the day

    Dream5.jpg

    3 pitches up, and approaching 5, we took pause - the next pitch was rattling the nerves of the usually staid hound, and for good reason - seemed an awwwwwful long way to the first bolt and a fall would be right onto the anchor, after bonking off a bit of a ledge - seemed an easy decision to rap off, n' so we did - eventually reaching our packs, it then seemed proper to just leave all the shit up there and head back sunday for a spot of redemption?

     

    a ramble off, bryan insisting on downclmimbing the approach slabs w/ pbr in hand, spilling only a few drops - we found the proper approach far less of a ball-buster than our misguided cross-country clusterfuck, complete w/a few fun sections of fixed dental-floss for a hand-line

     

    back at the pool where we began our wayward path, we bumbled into josh n' pat, out for an evenign stroll - high-jinks ensued, and soon we sat like stone gargoyles glowering at the alpine scenery all about us - dragonflies flitting, black flies buzzing - the roar n' rustle of snowfields peacefully finding their way to the pacific

     

    a gallivant through the alpen-glow in the forest - camp at the cars in the gathering dusk - a grand bonfire built by our resident pyromaniac - tunes blaring out the high-tech box: kanye west, peter gabriel, perry farrell n' tom waits of course :) a diversity of menus feasted upon as the bugs bombed about us - me w/ michner's "alaska," too foot-fucked to hop-around much, apathy hussied up as virtue - talk and talk and talk, i forget every word of it but treasure it all

     

    they retreat to their netted heavens as the night grew thin but me i settle down to battle it out w/ the biting ones - awoken in the wee hours w/ a throbbing pain in my big toe, it the victim of repeated injuries resulting in some quasi-arthritic state - i worried at how it might fare in the morning

     

    shouts n' shrieks n' gunfire in the distance at dawn - pat and josh off to westward ho, us back to dreamer the plan - a couple passes through us as i start percolating the coffee, they too dreamward-drawn

     

    our approach the second day much appreciated in its relative brevity, we bespeak the couple, a pair of seattlites, who've lost the 2 hour head-start they had on us on god know's what - we start climbing just ahead of them, and they keep good formation just below of us for the rest of the day up until our decision to bail

     

    we decided to climb another line to our high point of the day before - safe sex maybe? this was the first pitch at least...

    Dream6.jpg

    heady climbing to be sure, my trap's sore as shit the proof a day after - the quadricep of the upper arm!

     

    gravity.

    Dream7.jpg

    by pitch 6 we were feeling proper scorched - the sun shit its golden arrows on us as we singed n' slowed - my feet heaped hatred upon me - i had no hope of leading, and found little joy in sitting on slight ledges, waiting to share them w/ strangers - my fault entirely, rank suckers like me could ruin even a blow-job :)

     

    bryan just past the undercling on p6

    Dream8.jpg

    a polish lass leading up p5 - humble apologies for my poor persona and general stink of an orangutan in heat

    Dream9.jpg

    atop p6, our pink skins sizzling, bryan looking at an unavoidable day of work on the morrow and a long drive afore us, we settled on bailing - perhaps if my feet didn't pulsate w/ hate-fuck i would have volunteered to aid-fuck my way up 7? ah well, whatever, down we go...

     

    a lively little deproach - the pool in the late afternoon sun - swimming n' smoking - bryan makes a #3 after aspirating some tobacco :)

     

    then it was that long orbit back to oregon for us - hours passing by w/ the roar of time pissed away - we set to deep discussions, like the wisdom of our First Peoples - piners - 3/4 bottles - getting hawk-eye drunk - donut-holes - cousins - phone calls not returned, pow-wows, atv's, etc.

     

    do yourself a favor and listen to 30 seconds of such genius

     

    [video:youtube]

    by the time the day had died and midnight neared, i realized this whole trip had made me thankful for at least one thing: i no longer need to freebase cocaine - my sponsor in this quixotic quest:

    [video:youtube]

    gotta get back to darrington some day, that is assuming the damned bean-counters don't clobber the approach road - the tragedy of the golden-age of north cascade mountaineering behind us...hopefully i'll have some rebuilt robot-feet by then to take the pain? :)

     

    Gear Notes:

    gear to #4

     

    Approach Notes:

    don't miss that first rock gully at the waterfall, hidden as it is in a tunnel of bracken bullshit

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