1. Person 1: Ask me if I'm a carrot.
Person 2: Are you a carrot?
Person 3: (very insulted) NO!!!
2. There are two muffins sitting in an oven. The first muffin says, "Boy it's getting hot in here!". The second muffin says, "Holy shit! A talking muffin!".
3. What's brown and sticky? A Stick.
4. Why did the first bird fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the second bird fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the first bird.
Why did the third bird fall out of the tree?
Peer Pressure.