A new breed

[ClimbingPanther]

The advent of online forums has fostered the creation of a new class of humans... "the expert"

 

This human subtype is characterized by an apparent expertise in nearly every topic of discussion. The experts' egos are quite large, forcing them to partake in any discussion that can be entered after a few quick "Google" searches. The experts will invariably side with the position most often repeated in Google's top 10 results, unless they really disagree with it and have a really good story they heard and can pass off as their own personal experience. Generally good spelling and grammar habits are observed, and sentences tend to be formed with the original thought that their arguments lack. Experts can be found along the entire political and religious spectrum, and they tend to be quite predictable once you learn their habits. They rarely resort to blatant flaming and unfettered anger, as that tarnishes their reputation for moderation and serious thinking. Often, experts will be found proclaiming steadfast support for another's opinion, if the opinion is expressed by someone they agreed with in the past. This is perhaps their favorite mode of action, as it requires no Google search, and the person they're supporting is likely to do the work of defending the position.

 

Experts, in real life, are typically late-middle-aged with receding hairlines and are shorter than average. They have had mixed success with short-term relationships, but are not generally capable of sustaining a healthy marriage. Experts were often picked on in high school, as they did not even fit in with the nerds. As their lives progressed, they failed to find anything they were good at and have therefore retained their childhood insecurities. Their need to be superior at something went unfulfilled... until now. The internet provided an opportunity to conceal the reality of their being and project the lofty image they have dreamed of their whole lives. All the information needed to appear smart and important could be found instantly with a few keystrokes, and nobody has to know the experts' real fountain of knowledge springs from a little town in California.

 

Outing an "expert" is quite difficult. Finding fault with one of their arguments rarely results in the admission of being wrong. Typical reactions include attempts to discredit the challenger, a range of excuses, or even "silence." Silence gives the challenger the idea that the expert simply hasn't read the challenge or that the discussion does not merit his time anymore. It is reserved for the most extreme circumstances, to preclude the perception of being one who simply avoids honest discussion. Excuses fall into two categories, either explaining in more depth what the original post meant (while subtly changing the meaning to something perceived as more correct) or excusing the original post as written hastily, while drunk, or under some other stress that prevented the expert from expressing what he really meant.

 

It is usually best not to antagonize experts, and allow them their time of glory. By giving them something to do that they feel good about, you are likely saving their former employer or love interest from a revenge killing.

[noliquidity]

Give me a few minutes to "think" about how I should respond to this