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[faster_than_you]

From the TNT

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

 

Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.

 

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

 

And onward goes this new Internet fad, adding Chuck Norris “facts” to many long online lists created by neo-Norris worshippers.

 

In 2006, when star mania strikes, it strikes globally. And Chuck Norris mania is in full effect right now.

 

Ian Spector is generally credited with taking Chuck Norris worship to new heights. Sure, late-night talker Conan O’Brien has played a role in the resurgence of Chuckmania. He occasionally pulls a lever that starts “Walker: Texas Ranger” footage rolling. Scenes are often taken out of context for comedic value. And “Saturday Night Live” took a stab at the venerable martial artist in a musical “Young Chuck Norris” sketch.

 

There are varying opinions about the online rebirth of Chuckmania. But Spector, an 18-year-old freshman at Brown University in Rhode Island, claims the phenomenon grew out of forums at his Web site, www.4q.cc. It was there that Spector started the star “facts” list. Vin Diesel and Mr. T had their moments, but when Spector asked readers to vote for which star should be next to receive the treatment, they begged him to put Norris on the ballot.

 

“He won in a landslide,” Spector said in a recent phone interview.

 

At last count, Spector recorded about 3,000 unique Norris “facts” on his site.

 

• Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

 

• Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter.”

 

• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

 

Spector and several volunteers sift through the many new facts that pour in ever day. His site gets between 500,000 and 800,000 hits per day.

 

“Basically, if something makes us laugh, we’ll add it to our collection,” Spector said. “We’ll accept, edit or reject entries, and we reject about 90 percent of what we get. There are a lot of repeats.”

 

On the Internet, the floodgates are open, and anyone with half a sense of humor (and a less-than-substantial grasp of grammar rules) can post Chuckisms. A recent Google search for “my space” and “chuck norris” pulled up more than 100,000 hits.

 

Brian Spicer, co-owner of The Olde Shipwreck tavern in Tacoma, has some Chuck facts on his MySpace.com page.

 

“It’s wild. It’s taken over the Internet,” Spicer said.

 

He and his friends have had a lot of fun with the facts lists.

 

“We passed them around the bar for about a week,” said Spicer, 24. “It’s become the joke around here; everything is served with a roundhouse kick to the face.”

 

A longtime Norris fan (as a boy he dressed like Braddock, the hero of the “Missing in Action” movies, for Halloween), Spicer said he and his friends like to make fun of the actor’s roles, roles that seem “cheesy” now. Even so, there’s an element of respect in their joking.

 

“I can’t think of any movie star today that is anything like Chuck Norris or that even comes close,” Spicer said.

 

Everyone has their favorite Chuck Norris facts, even The Man Himself.

 

“He does have his favorites,” said Jeff Duclos, Norris’ publicist, in a recent phone call from California. They change all the time, as more myths are added to lists all over the Internet, Duclos said.

 

“His top two right now would be, ‘When the boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris,’” Duclos said, “and ‘They were going to put Chuck Norris’ face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn’t hard enough for his beard.’”

 

Norris takes the phenomenon “in the right spirit,” Duclos said, adding that Norris and Spector had a friendly meeting at a recent World Combat League event. Norris has been promoting the WCL as the NFL/NBA of martial arts with professional fighters representing United States cities.

 

“Ultimately it’s pretty flattering,” Duclos said of the new Norris mania. “He’s been good sport about it. In a way, it’s nice. There’s a whole bunch of young people who don’t know him except through this. In a way, it opened him up to a new audience.”

 

That’s not to say Norris doesn’t have real and lasting appeal, he said.

 

“He’s a lot like one of his favorite heroes he had when he was a kid: John Wayne,” Duclos said. “He has a consistence of persona about him. Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris, regardless of the role he plays. … He is like John Wayne, with classic American male values: strength, leadership, responsibility and a strong sense of moral background.”

 

 

WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW

 

 

Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.

 

Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

 

When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he transforms into Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

 

Chuck Norris uses only one chopstick.

 

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.

 

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

 

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

 

Geico saved 15 percent by switching to Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.

 

When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

 

If at first you don’t succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

 

America is not a democracy. It is a Chucktatorship.

 

Sources: www.4q.cc, www.chucknorrisfacts.com

 

 

THE REAL CHUCK NORRIS

 

 

Born: March 10, 1940, in Ryan, Okla.

 

Birth name: Carlos Ray Norris.

 

Married: Diane Holechek, 1958-1988 (divorced; three children); Gena O’Kelley, 1998-present (two children – twins); three grandchildren.

 

Martial arts: Six-time World Karate Champion; often trained with Bruce Lee; founded two schools of martial arts: Chun Kuk Do (“The Universal Way”) and American Tang Soo Do; founder of the National Tang Soo Do Congress and the United Fighting Artists Federation; 10th-degree black belt in Korean Tang Soo Do; 8th-degree black belt in tae kwon do; black belt in Brazilian jiujitsu.

 

Political affiliations: The Republican Party, the NRA.

 

Religion: Christian.

 

Childhood idol: John Wayne.

 

Movies: The “Delta Force” and “Missing in Action” series; “A Force of One,” “Good Guys Wear Black,” “The Octagon,” “Forced Vengeance,” “Code of Silence” and many others.

 

TV: Best known for the title role in “Walker: Texas Ranger.”

 

Infomercials: Spokesman for the Total Gym workout system.

 

Debut novel: “Justice Riders,” Wild West fiction released in January.

 

Pet project: World Combat League, the NBA/NFL of martial arts.

 

Trivia: Norris was the original choice for the role of Red Forman on the Fox sitcom “That ’70s Show,” but he was filming “Walker: Texas Ranger” and had to turn it down. He also turned down the role of the evil Sensei John Kreese in “The Karate Kid.”

[snugtop]

Whatever, JC gets the babes

 

 

[Chuck_Norris]

What are you doing tonight snugtop? Would you like to dine with Chuck tonight? Once you have the best, the rest won't do, you know. Oh, and I rented that chick to J.C....I got PAID!

[snugtop]

The only chuck I'm having tonight is gunna be ground...with good buns!

[StevenSeagal]