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Posted

Hello capitalista!

 

For all those men who say,

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."

 

 

 

Here's an update for you.....

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.

 

Why?

 

Because women realize its not worth buying an entire Pig,....

Just to get a little sausage.

I was devastated by this e-mail from my ex.

 

Thank you for allow me to continue post.

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Posted

Back by Popular Request: Terms for Female Masturbation

 

5 Digit Disco

Buzzing the honey hole

Backslappin' Betty

Bailing out the Gravy Boat

Beaver bashin'

Bouncing the bearded clam

Buffing the box

Buffing the jewel

Buttering up the whisker biscuit

Clam twiddlin' jamboree

Critter crammin'

Damming the beaver

Dialing "O" on the little pink telephone

Diddling miss daisy

Diggin' for clams

Digitis Erectus

Fingering the fountain

Flicking the minnow

Friday night lip service

Frosting the muffin of love

Giving yourself the finger

Going for the gooey duct

Impeaching Bush

Juicing the clam

Let your fingers do the walking

Lip smacking

Menage a'moi

Petting the kitty

Piddly Diddler

Playing the squeezebox

Pokin' the pie

Polishing the little pink pearl

Pumping the kooter

Punchin' the chipmunk

Reading in Braille

Riding the clitoris-sauras

Romancing thy own

Roughing up the suspect

Self-guided tuna boat tour

Smacking Jerry Garcia on the nose

Spanking Lucy

Stroking the newt

Ticklin' the taco

Tissue tickling

Twirling the pearl

Unbuttoning the fur coat

Warming the wrist rocket

Posted

Hello capitalist!

Another rude e-mail.

 

Subject: FW: cake or bed? - You Must Read This! - It will make yousmile!

 

HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A

FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

 

 

HONEY,

COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?

IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

 

 

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,

FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE

GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO.

 

 

FINE,

 

 

THEN THE WIFE ASKS,

WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?

IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT

 

 

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,

FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE

WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO

 

 

FINE, SHE SAYS

THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS

TO THE FRONT DOOR?

THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.

 

 

I'M NOT A DAMM CARPENTER AND I DON'T

WANT TO FIX STEPS.

HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE

ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU...

I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!

 

 

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A

COUPLE OF HOURS....................................

 

 

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW

HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES

TO GO HOME.

 

 

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES

THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

 

 

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE

HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

 

 

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES

THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

 

 

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?

SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT

OUTSIDE AND CRIED.

 

 

JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME

WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

 

 

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND

ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER

GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

 

 

HE SAID,

SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

 

 

SHE REPLIED,

HELLOOOOO....

DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN

ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON'T THINK SO!

 

Thank you for allow me to post.

 

 

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