Today's Headline

[JGowans]

Bush Missed a Week During Kindergarten

 

Boston, MA

 

The Boston Globe today alleged to have uncovered evidence that shows President Bush had an unexcused absence during Kindergarten in March, 1948 and escaped any form of punishment for his errant ways. Rather than playing truant though, it seems that the President was on a skiing holiday with his family in Sun Valley, ID.

 

Dorothy Ann Outzs, local curator of the Sun Valley historical museum in Hailey, ID claims to have seen Mr. Bush with his family during that fateful week in 1948. Her son, Les was the mountain manager at the time and specifically recalls the Bush family because they stuck out like a sore thumb in the valley full of Hollywood’s elite with their plastic gum boots and funny accents. The Boston Globe filed a suit under the Freedom of Information Act to have Sun Valley release ticket sales information from 1948 to verify whether or not the younger Bush was in fact playing hooky from kindergarten.

 

Bush’s Kindergarten teacher from 1948, Mrs. Elsie Tanner, recalls Bush as a playful and mischievous child but cannot verify that Bush missed that week of class.

 

Republicans were quick to quell rumors by releasing Bush’s report card from kindergarten that shows he fulfilled his obligations and was able to go on to K-1.

 

Democrats claim that this latest indiscretion shows that Bush fraudulently obtained his graduation at elementary school, high school, and college because he should never have been allowed out of kindergarten. John Doe, a Democrat spokesman, claimed, “George Bush’s inadequate academic record shows that he did not place a premium as a five year old student and ought not to have been allowed to go onto ultimately university. His father’s influence undoubtedly enabled him to miss that week of class to go on a ski trip without having to complete any kind of detention or even writing lines on the balckboard. What does this say to the American electorate? Our own President cares little for education and we Americans are suffering as a result.”

 

This latest storm is sure to bore the voters into a state of perpetual fucking catatonia as the networks duke it out in an effort to boost ratings. No comment was forthcoming from either Senator Kerry or Senator Edwards.

 

AP.

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