klenke Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 >1. Only in America......can a pizza get to >your house faster than an ambulance. > >2. Only in America......are there >handicap parking places in front of a >skating rink. > >3. Only in America.....do drugstores >make the sick walk all the way to the >back of the store to get their >prescriptions while healthy people can buy >cigarettes at the front. > >4. Only in America.....do people order >double cheeseburgers, large fries, >and a diet coke. > >5. Only in America.....do banks leave >both doors open and then chain the >pens to the counters. > >6. Only in America.....do we leave cars >worth thousands of dollars in the >driveway and put our useless junk in the >garage. > >7. Only in America......do we use >answering machines to screen calls and >then have call waiting so we won't miss a >call from someone we didn't want >to talk to in the first place. > >8. Only in America.....do we buy hot >dogs in packages of ten and buns in >packages of eight. > >9. Only in America......do we use the >word 'politics' to describe the process so well: >'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' >and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. > >10. Only in America.....do they have >drive-up ATM machines with Braille >lettering. > >EVER WONDER > >Why is lemon juice made with artificial >flavor, and dishwashing liquid made >with real lemons? > >Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? > >Why didn't Noah swat those two >mosquitoes? > >Why do they sterilize the needle for >lethal injections? > >Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? > >Why are they called apartments when >they are all stuck together? > >If con is the opposite of pro, is >Congress the opposite of progress? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan_Harris Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 Somebody was listening to George Carlin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klenke Posted November 21, 2003 Author Share Posted November 21, 2003 Yeah, that's true. Didn't think about that. I have GC on a comedy tape. Listened to it not too long ago. Here's one from that tape (best if read/spoken in Carlin's special style): "I got fired the other day in Vegas for saying 'shit' in a town where the main game is called 'crap.' Fired me. Shit." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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