We come in peace!

[Stemalot]

http://www.harpers.org/2004-01-WeComeInPeace.html

 

 

We Come In Peace

Posted on Thursday, April 21, 2005. The following letters were written by employees of Playtime, an adult toy store in Edison, New Jersey, to accompany thirty-six vibrators sent as gifts to Iraqi women last October. The project was funded by Playtime's owner, staff, and customers, and undertaken "for humanitarian reasons." Originally from January 2004.

Sources

 

Dear Iraqi Woman,

 

From what I've seen on the news, you and your fellow women have been suppressed for some time, and now that you've been liberated it is our thinking that we should spread love and hope. There's no better way to do that than with vibrators.

 

I've selected a glow-in-the-dark vibrator with variable speeds because it is not only a convenient size and shape but the glow feature may come in handy during those dark Iraqi nights. I'm also enclosing some Eros lube because it is one of the best lubes I have ever used and I think it will hold up well in the arid desert conditions. It's our hope that through these vibrators we can in some small way bridge the gap between our two countries.

 

Howdy from NJ!

 

Hello. I'd like you to know I personally selected the enclosed vibrator for you.

 

We have never met and I don't know anything about you, but I do know that the enclosed vibrator is very popular with women in the 21-35 age bracket and was featured in a TV show here in the U.S. called Sex and the City.

 

I hope that when you use this vibrator you realize that Americans do not hate you or your country. We are a kind and loving people who just want everyone to live freely and without oppression.

 

Dear Iraqi Woman,

 

As the bombs and molten death rain unmercifully upon your homeland, know that there are those of us, in various corners of the world, who sympathize with what you are going through.

 

Although there is very little that I myself can accomplish to stop the invasion of our homeland, know that I am helping to send you various sexual toys and well-wishes in a show of solidarity. The Prophet (just like all religious figures) preaches patience, and I believe that your suffering will be short-lived.

 

Soon your precious oil reserves will be plundered, and our country will no longer be important. A local despot will gain power, and the great cycle will continue. Enjoy your vibrator while you can. When my fellow Americans leave your country, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to enjoy it much longer.

 

Greetings to my Iraqi sister,

 

I love getting gifts and surprises, and I hope you feel the same way. The items in this box were selected personally by me for you. The Sphincterine wipes will help you keep your anus and vagina minty fresh (I imagine things get a bit musky there in Iraq) and tasting great. The lube is one of the finest in the world and can really help enhance your pleasure.

 

The vibrator I am enclosing is the same as the model I personally use. It is so soft and bendable and features metal pleasure beads attached to the center shaft so the beads can continue to rotate regardless of how tight you clench! Trust me, it can be one wild ride!

 

Feelings here in the U.S. are mixed about Iraq right now, just as I am sure your feelings are mixed about America. What I want you to know is that I am sending this gift to show that the sisterhood of woman is stronger than politics, stronger than religion, and stronger than any doctrine or rhetoric. It unites us all, and through this bond we can find peace. Enjoy this gift, my faraway sister, and know that I love you.

This is We Come In Peace, originally from January 2004, published Thursday, April 21, 2005. It is part of Lifestyle, which is part of Readings, which is part of Harpers.org.