TR: South Sister May 31st

[Cletus]

Just the facts, sir.

 

Got up early and headed up to do the classic south climb of South Sister, the beautiful volcanic peak that rises nearly 7,000 vertical feet above the central Oregon desert, with my usual partner-in-crime Gapertimmy. This is the mountain I stare at every morning, and the peak behind which the sun sets every night. Besides the great descents it offers on many of its faces, I love the fact that I can start climbing it an hour after I roll out of bed, summit, ski, and be home for a late lunch. That does not, in the wise words of Shane McConkey, suck.

 

We left the trailhead around 5:30am, climbing quickly up the Devil’s Lake gulch to the flats above Moraine Lake. By 7:30am, we were at the base of climb itself. A mere hour later and we were already up near the ridgeline that we would eventually follow to the summit. Light clouds had stuck around longer than expected, burning off only very slowly, so we pulled over in a protected saddle, and chewed the fat for a while. When the fat was sufficiently tender, we then strapped our skis on the packs, and headed up the final slopes.

 

Gapertimmy, with Broken Top’s west face in the background

 

10:30am and we’re on top; the clouds have burned off to the south, the sun has come out for the last 30 mins, and my pee off the summit cornice is clear and copious. Our timing was perfect. You want chestbeating? Lemme give you some more. PERFECT.

 

View of Middle and North Sister from point of clear and copious urination

 

P

E

R

F

E

C

T

 

Never before have I hit the descent on a route as long as this so superbly in the middle of the window of perfection. We clicked in at 10:45a, and screamed down 4,000 vertical feet of 25-35 degree straight-like-buttah just-softened-but-not-in-the-slightest-bit-grabby-liquid-summer-ecxtasy. Slurpieeeeeeeeeez. Not the usual crispy-on-top, good-in-the-middle, slushy-at-the-bottom nonsense. Nope, no sirree. For 4,000 vertical feet, it was two inches of smoothness on a soft but progressively firmer base. Thank you, come again!

 

The Route

 

We both smooshed our way down the top 1,500ft or so, and then Gapertimmy broke skier’s left to puff from the big open bowl while I followed the intermediate ridgeline skier’s right and hit the big funnelly chute between the rocks in the center of the slope, a variation that hasn’t been in any time I’ve ever been up to ski the mountain before. And it proved to be one of the coolest lines I may have ever skied. It’s hard to tell from looking at it, but there was actually a lot of shape and depth in the chute. I came down the ridgeline, and rolled over into the chute expecting a nice 35 degree pitch. Instead I found myself dropping down the side of a tilted halfpipe, banking turns off the walls to control my speed, and careening back and forth like I was in a bobsled course. It was fukkin cool, and it was fast as sh!t too. The mountain spit me out of the chute through one of the little channels of snow at the bottom, like a baby being delivered by a MILF ready to get back to weighing 120lbs and wearing sporto lycra. In fact, Tim had to spank my ass because I wasn’t breathing either.

 

Cletus’ Chute a.k.a. The Uterus

 

After running out the rest of the low angle slopes below, we stopped to pat ourselves on the back, grab a Scooby snack, and then hightail it back across the flats and to the car. The snow was sticky enough so as not to require skins, but not so slushy that we wallowed in the slightest. A scant few minutes later, and we had skied all the way back to the road, and were headed down to town to totally effen pig out at the fab all you-can-eat Indian buffet that recently opened in town. FKNA, chubbed that too. Went home, passed out, and woke up three hours later.

 

So officer, you see, I couldn't have been the peeping tom in the Central Oregon Community College women's showers at 3 pm. I was fast asleep.

 

And that's the facts, nothing more.

 

Edited June 17, 2003 by Cletus

[Cletus]

Oh yes, and big smiles at the bottom.

 

This must have been right after he spanked me.