Prelude to Doom

[Beck]

 

"Teddy Ruxpin and the Twin Towers of Doom"

 

Prelude:

 

The respect for climbers accomplishments in the vertical arena stick to the forefront of mountain legend. Some are long held dear by the climbing community. Some won’t go away even after the free buffet’s ended... Such is the unfortunate fame of esteemed ursine alpinist Teddy Ruxpin.

 

Teddy barreled onto the climbing scene back when the soviet curtain wasn't even heard of. Seemingly Eurotrash in mannerism, Teddy’s origins and ethnicity weren’t clear. Some said He was Russian. Some said black. Others speculated the silver in his fur pointed to the Polar regions.

 

When asked about his family history Teddy’d reply “I’m just a Baa-hstaard bear” in that self effacing way everyone loved. Whatever his roots, It was clear his heavy coat of fur definitely gave him advantage at altitude.

 

Although Teddy Ruxpin never would admit to possessing a valid passport, he was found sending first ascents along with Royal, Salathe and that wild bunch of derilects inhabiting camp 4 . He climbed in India and the shadowy regions of Nepal and Tibet back when Himalayan climbing meant more than buying into a trade route on overrun guided highways for the rich and famous.

 

This recounting of his failed expedition on the Twin towers of Doom serves as a cautionary tale of what can happen when grizzled old schoolers meets climbings’ nouveau garde in the alpine arena. Albeit horrifying in places, this story may serve to inform the reader what happens when you mix high altitude with hijinks.

 

Teddy’s fame as a climber started back in the early days of Camp Four,lost arrows and free love. He was found out on the big walls in Yosemite valley with Harding and Chouniard when the concept of ‘free’ climbing was just a dream in some britons minds. He was out hammering up overhanging aid pitches in long weeks spent solo out on a big wall somewhere; his habit of scratching a skull and crossbones at the base of the climb would generally discourage any climbers intent in following Teddy Ruxpin up the rock.

 

He disappeared from the scene in the early eighties. He was said to be making a killing in land deals with some friends of his in the local savings and loan. They were trading lands around Telluride that started out dirt cheap and spiraled into multi million dollar plots. Dry plots, too- not a drop of water to be had!

 

 

When Teddy Ruxpin disappeared from the colorado land swap scandal, he wasn’t heard much of for several years. Rumors of him, living the itinerant life in Chamonix and Oslo, when he wasn’t climbing tough routes in the Alps, or sending V13s on chossy sea rock along the Mediterranean coast. Though there were rumors of scandals involving illegal boarder crossings and chocolate smuggling across the Swiss alps, Teddy was always exonerated fully of any wrongdoing.

 

Teddy Ruxpin- the next time he showed up in the climbing scene he was in the Himalaya, climbing as a team with two tall, lanky blonde Swedes by the names Inma and Helda- these two women, sexy, sapphic, and deadly, were what led Teddy Ruxpin the esteemed ursine alpinist, down the path of bad decisions. These two rock dominatrix, ripped and buff examples of femininity and power, were the “Twin Towers of Doom” that, quite literally, brought Teddy to his knees and beg for mercy.

[MysticNacho]

Woohoo! Teddy Ruxpin part deux!