Documenting sinfuldeeds: Field Notes from the Edge
Can't sleep. Screen glowing. Another notification from Jake's OnlyFans. Delete. Delete. Delete. But his message from earlier haunts me:
"Remember when we were kids? Playing Nintendo? Now I'm just... playing with myself. LOL."
Not funny, Jake. Not funny at all.
God, these sinfuldeeds keep piling up in my inbox because I'm the only journalist who agreed to document his story. Professional distance? Gone. Like his innocence. Like my ability to look at porn the same way again.
Behind OnlyFans: Raw Footage, Raw Emotions
Day 47 of shadowing Jake:
Studio setup: $3,842
Monthly revenue: Don't ask
Lost friends: 7
Church interventions: 2
Videos posted: [REDACTED]
Times he's cried during interviews: 4
Times I've cried: More
His anal-ysis of the situation (his words, not mine): "It's just acting, right? Like DiCaprio in Wolf of Wall Street. Except... different." He laughs. It sounds like breaking glass.
The sinfuldeeds Diary: Unfiltered
Found his old diary today. Leather-bound. Catholic school logo embossed. Inside:
2019: "Dear God, please help me find my purpose." 2024: "Made enough for mom's surgery today. Does that make it okay?"
The xxx industry isn't what it used to be. OnlyFans changed everything. Or maybe nothing changed at all - just moved from back alleys to broadband. Jake keeps saying he's "living his best life" while his eyes scream otherwise.
Watched him film today. Not the videos - just him setting up. The mechanical precision. The dead eyes. The way he whispers "sorry" before hitting record. Who's he apologizing to?
Church bulletin board still has his photo up. "Prayer needed for our lost sheep." Below it, someone scrawled: "He's not lost. He's making bank." The truth lies somewhere between those statements, buried under layers of filters and false eyelashes.
Field notes getting messy. Objectivity slipping. How do you document someone's descent without falling yourself? His latest message: "At least I'm not hurting anyone."
