How to resolve the Vietnam debate once and for all

[markinore]

Some people are sick and tired of arguing about Vietnam. Others will never have enough of it. For both groups, I make this modest proposal: Let's fight the war in Vietnam again--with this one proviso: You have to be over 50 years old to be eligible.

 

Sort of like the senior golf tour--only for war.

 

None of you youngsters are allowed. But for those of us more than halfway to death, y'all come. You can sign up to fight, you can be one of the politicians, or you can be one of the protesters. Your choice. You can adopt the same role you played 30 years ago, or you can change your tune. Feeling regret for having enlisted? March around the White House this time! Feeling guilty for that student deferment? Here's your M-16!

 

And the cool thing is everybody gets to choose! George Bush, Rush Limbaugh, John Kerry, and Tom Hayden! Who wants to slog through the rice paddies? Who wants to pilot a swift boat! Who wants to demonstrate on the Kent State campus? Who wants to just get high and play Hendrix on their 8-track tape player? Whether you spent the '60s and '70s as a POW, a politician, or a folk singer, whether you dropped bombs or acid, whether you hid out in the National Guard in Alabama (or not); Vietnam is the war you can't get enough of and can't wait to fight again!

 

Now, the Vietnamese may not be too cooperative, so it may take a little convincing. I suggest a financial incentive. This whole idea is tailor made for reality TV, so maybe we can get the Fox Network to pony up the bucks, pay off the right people in Saigon, and make it up in the advertising revenues. Fox would naturally expect some editorial control, so they get to follow around the hot MILF army nurse and the hunky Green Beret. They would set up weekly challenges for the contestants/combatants. Can the Marines flush out the Viet Cong in the village? Can the VC slip out under cover of darkness? The show pulls younger viewers because of the extreme sport aspects and the older demographic because of the nostalgia angle. The ratings go through the roof!

 

Vietnam--the girls are pretty, the cuisine is outstanding, and the surf is terrific!