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Asshole climbers new web site


billcoe

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http://www.assholeclimbers.com/

 

Funny and clever stuff. It gives all of us guys something to aspire to.

 

Sample:

 

Pieces of Shkit, part 2: Bionic 8

 

 

Bionic 8, Mammut

 

I-beam construction on a figure 8 is like putting lettuce on your bacon cheeseburger to make it healthier: you're missing the point.

 

Figure 8s have almost entirely been replaced by more versatile gear, and as such were already obsolete by the time Germany invaded Poland. The first time. The last thing still going for them is that the thick, round body with which they are normally made yields a smooth rappel. So Mammut killed that too. [img:right]http://www.extremegear.com/images/gear/Mammut-Bionic-8-Belay-Device-Large.jpg[/img]

 

There are three types of people who still use figure 8s: 1) rescue teams, 2) arborists, and 3) gumbies. Search and rescue teams tend to need things made of heavy steel, which serves for strength, durability, and the occasional need to bludgeon yuppies who activate SPOT beacons because their water was too salty. As for the treefolk, is there some kind of fetish that's like furries but for wood? Barkies? Ent-ertainers? Treestiality? Splinterphilia???

 

Pandering to the ultralight sport rappelling crowd has made a device that is useless to the those with actual need for figure 8s and pointless for everyone else. Mammut did, however, solve one important problem. The Bionic 8 officially ends the era in which the figure 8 was the only piece of climbing hardware incapable of opening a beer bottle, a feature that will be handy writing my next post.

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"Some of the greatest alpinists in the world got their start on this god forsaken stash of granite. The reason why is mathematically simple. By latitude and longitude, QQ is somewhere around 42,-71. If you were to follow the longitudinal line, starting from QQ, all the way to the exact opposite side of the world, you'd roughly reach the Karakorums, home of K2, at roughly 36, 76. If you spent your early years climbing at QQ, you'd want to get as far away as possible too."

 

Excellent.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I love's my mamut 8. I am an arborist and was rescue... so I guess Im ok by the list. But ive even used it in a 5:1 when I had no other biners. I clipped it, fed the rope and had my last switch back for the 5:1

 

also, if you dip it in soap, you can blow bubbles

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also, if you dip it in soap, you can blow bubbles

 

Ha! I take it all back and buying a fig. 8 immediately.

 

Glad y'all are enjoying the site, as we're enjoying making it. Any feedback is helpful if you have it. What kinds of posts do you like, what kinds not so much?

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Glad y'all are enjoying the site, as we're enjoying making it. Any feedback is helpful if you have it. What kinds of posts do you like, what kinds not so much?

Hey, shoo, loved the PASSGAS piece! Anytime someone farts in a sleeping bag or in a tent, it's always good for a laugh. :laf:

You should do a rant on dogs at the crags. And ghettoblasters, too.

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Glad at least one person liked it! Was certainly fun doing a collab w/ pegatron illustrating.

 

Speaking of which, worth noting that pegatron, illustrator of the Masterbelayting, Asshole blogging, and PASSGAS posts, has never done comics nor had any of her drawings in public before AC.com. She's kicking ass so far, no?

 

Also helps us out a TON if people leave comments on the site, whether you love it, hate it, love to hate it, whatever. The more feedback we get, the better posts we put up.

 

And to sobo, have no doubt that both dogs and ghettoblasters will both be hated on.

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  • 9 months later...
Adam Ondra is technically a reanimated demon muppet freed from the bonds of his master's hand. Technically.

This is the bit about starting a blog and being a really amazing climber rant.

 

When talking about Adam Ondra he must be referring to the screaming and other noises that kid makes.

 

Funny stuff

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  • 2 months later...

If you are promoting something, at least have some legitimacy behind you. The problem is that a fantastic tool like kickstarter gets tharshed by shitheads like that. I think there is HUGE difference between trying to get cash for a legit venture, and a couple of assholes trying to get free vacations. I guess you are too stoned to see it that way.

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If you are promoting something, at least have some legitimacy behind you. The problem is that a fantastic tool like kickstarter gets tharshed by shitheads like that. I think there is HUGE difference between trying to get cash for a legit venture, and a couple of assholes trying to get free vacations. I guess you are too stoned to see it that way.

 

 

man dude! have you not ejaculated in awhile? :)

 

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If you are promoting something, at least have some legitimacy behind you. The problem is that a fantastic tool like kickstarter gets tharshed by shitheads like that. I think there is HUGE difference between trying to get cash for a legit venture, and a couple of assholes trying to get free vacations. I guess you are too stoned to see it that way.

 

 

man dude! have you not ejaculated in awhile? :)

:lmao: Hey, don't dis on someone who's dis'n on someone who's has a "Trustoclimbafarian" dream... Pure fraud, I tell ya, FRAUDULENT!

 

Back in the ole days, a fore all these interweb free beg for funds gizmos, we had to beg from our employer's and/or family/friends to fund our vacations cause for humanity ;) , fame and perhaps a dash of fortune thrown in. Worked for me. Well, cept the fame and fortune part.

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