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Beck

Stoopid things done in youth

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quote:

Originally posted by Dr Flash Amazing:

Hey, how come no girls have any stoopid stories?

Can you say "teen pregnancy"? I knew you could.

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many of my stoopid stories are the result of girls in the vicinity does that count?

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so, did anyone else's youthful indiscretion involve a police officer calling for backup? anyone?

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Three contributions and a joke:

 

First, used to climb a drainpipe to the top of a building directly across the street from the North Precinct HQ of The Man then proceed to throw stones at the plexiglass windows until The Man would leave said premises and attempt to give chase. We quit before they discovered our secret descent spot reached by jumping short chasm between two buildings.

 

Second, at about age 4 I discovered the magic of F-I-R-E. Lived in BFE, Oregon (it was BFE then anyhow) and was playing at neighbors house, in the garage, about a 1/4 of a mile from our house. Decided to get romantic with playmate (neighbors daughter app. 4 years old as well) and the garage ambiance wasn't cutting it. What better way to get your groove on then candles? Sadly we forgot to blow them out. I remembered shortly after watching fire trucks roll by as I was eating cookies and watching Captain Kangaroo back at my crib.

 

Third: I used to think I was a pretty stupid kid till reading some of the posts on here. Probably one of the dumbest things I ever did (but I wasn't a kid at the time) was speed rappelling and having a contest seeing who could come closest to the ground before stopping. Did I mention that we were rappelling from a german overpass? We did this several times using a hemp rope I had commandeered for this purpose from our supply room. Everything was hunky-dory till my new shiny kernmantle rope arrived in the mail from REI. "Huh? What's 'dynamic'?" Guess who cratered first?

 

Joke:

Q: what are the last two things out of a redneck's mouth?

 

A: "Hold my beer" and "Watch this!"

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quote:

Originally posted by gregm:

so, did anyone else's youthful indiscretion involve a police officer calling for backup? anyone?

Backup you ask? Read on, for a real gem.

 

I was stationed at Ft. Benning for two of the four years of my illustrious military career. For those who don't know, this is in Georgia, a.k.a. the armpit of the south. Coming back from leave before my transfer to Deutschland, I brought back party supplies. In a small paper bag I had some schwag and a tiny sneaker-pipe made outta pipe fittings. You know what I am talking about? Sure you do. Anyhow, my first night back my buddies and I head to Little Richards for the gentlemanly sport of billiards (and a little T&A viewing). At some point we head out in the parking lot to partake of the party supplies and a waitress spies us puffin' and starts yelling at us. We wrap things up and out of fear I stash the sacajaweeda behind a bush around the corner from the entrance. Well, when we decide to leave I stumble outside to recover my equipment and stuff it into my back pocket. When I come back around the corner one of GA's finest undercover police officers confronts me and asks me to empty my pockets on top of his trunk. Having just seen some stupid movie where the hero does the same, I drop my wallet on the ground thinking I'll just stuff the package under his car. Apparently he saw the same movie and watched me like a hawk. Scratch that idea. He takes my wallet and starts reading my ID as I pat my pockets to buy time. I decide "fuck it, if I am gonna get busted I'm gonna make him work for it" and hurl the bag over his car and into some dense ivy. He ducks and covers thinking I'm tossing a punch his way (yeah, like I'm THAT stupid). After he recovers he starts shouting "That was real stupid" as if I didn't already know it.

 

So, whats he gonna do right? He makes me get into the back of his car ("I'm holding you for questionning") as he AND THE WAITRESS start combing the ivy looking for my party supplies. At this point I'm mulling over what size jumpsuit I will need for the county jail.

 

Remember my friends? Well, they come around the corner looking for me. I knock on the car window to get their attention and they immediately think I am smoking out with The Man. I wish. Anyhow, one of my bolder, yet monstrously dumber compadres says real loudly "hey guys, there is 6 of us and only one of him." The Man immeidately calls for backup.

 

Only took a few seconds it seemed for the biggest, baddest and absolutely fattest county sheriff to arrive and my "friends" scattered. The undercover cop finally gave up looking for my sacajaweeda and let me go, but not before he copied my military ID. He smiled as he told me that he would turn the info over to the MP's so I could plan on getting piss-tested on Monday.

 

The next morning I went back to Little Richards and found my supplies within 5 minutes. I then studied diligently for my test. True enough, the MP's piss-tested me on Monday but the results came back negative.

 

Only test I can remember being glad I had failed.

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Man, keep the good stuff comin', folks. HI-larious. [big Grin]

 

One more I just remembered: lining up to leave the classroom in 4th grade, I repeatedly experimented with the fuzzy tickle of sticking a paper clip in the electrical socket.

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I'm 5 and was riding my neighbor's bike down the hill in front of our house. Our street Teed into another street and as I approached this intersection at a decent rate of speed a car (stationwagon, I think) entered the intersection. What to do? In my quick thinking (forgetting brakes), I put my head down and prepared to ram the car! I broadsided the car, fell over, and ran away when the driver got out to ask if I was okay. I ran home and hid in my room until the guy figured out where I lived and told my mom what happened. Mom thought I had a concussion - absolutely no damage; jury is still out on after affects.

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* stopped friend from cutting down tree by putting foot in the way. Small compound fracture.

 

* played cowboys & indians with bb gun & real bow & arrows. The plan was to just shoot "close". That went ok until my buddy shot the bow right in front of my face. I then let an arrow fly at his head, which luckily missed. He then shot me in the head. Had to have a bb removed from my skull. I remember my head rang like a gong when he hit me.

 

* blowed up lotsa stuff real good. Started with black powder, stuffed into empty CO2 cartridges. Waterproof fuses. Good times. Escalated to black powder pipe bombs, fired from electrical squib, triggered from friend's dad's shop breaker & extension cord. Friend got sequence wrong and plugged bomb in before turning breaker off. Miraculously escaped unharmed, although it basically blew up in his face.

 

* dug "party cave" in clay cliffs on river bank. Basically a dirt cave large enough for 6-8 people to squeeze into. Worked on all summer, but fell down at some point when we weren't in it.

 

* walked top of same cliffs (150 ft. high) between campground and home, in the dark, thru the woods, with just a lighter's flint for visibility, many times.

 

* showed up at friends house to see new "toy". Turns out to be a sawed off .20 gauge. Of course, they have a box of shells. I grab my share and head out the back door to do some damage. I blow a few trees in two, then run out of shells. I hand over the gun to the next lucky guy, who proceeds to blow a few trees in two. I get the bb pistol. Guy 3 is about to take his turn (blowing trees in two) when we hear the following: "Stop. Drop your weapons. Lay down on the ground with your hands behind you head". Enter the game warden, with his .38 drawn and pointed at us. Luckily, he was more fixated on the sawed-off. I said "Look, man, it's a bb gun", dropped the bb pistol on the ground, and walked into the house. I had a shaky smoke and a Pepsi. When I gained the courage to look outside again, he had cuffed 'em and was walking them to his cruiser, .38 still pointed at their backs. They departed for the local constabulary and faced several legal hassles, not the least of which is that the shotgun had been reported stolen. That was a close call with the law.

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Chronological Order;

* Dirt clod fights - no protection

* Throwing snowballs at cars driving by, resulting in broken windows. Lay in bushes in 2 feet of snow waiting for driver to leave. Finally leaves after making us sit there for 30 minutes. (Perhaps true start of climbing career)

* Pratice rally driving on snow in suburbs of Spokane. We think we're Blue angels. Hit curb a little too hard and brake off side wheels of car. Parents get involved. Yuck.

* This one when I was ~26. Decide to have an Ice Block party. Take one big chuck of ice. 5 " long X 3" wide X 2" thick. Take one big chain saw and carve channels to mix drinks as they are poured down channels. Problem- Channels melt out half way through the night. Bring out previous said chainsaw to make new channels after fliping ice block over.

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Okay, okay.

 

Shoplifting. Got caught, went to the big house overnight, did community service, paid fine.

 

There are a couple of other ones that are way more salacious and incriminating, but nothing I'd be willing to post on the Internet. Use your imagination....

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quote:

Originally posted by mattp:

We used to jump from a train tressle into the river. The thing was to stand in a line on the rail as a train was coming, and see who could be the last one to jump off. The engineers loved this!

Stoopidest thing I didn't do was jump off of one train trestle into the open boxcar filled with wood chips of a moving train below. We looked at about 4 or 5 and decided without knowing where they would stop, it would be too stoopid.

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quote:

Originally posted by Dr Flash Amazing:

Is there some link between stupidity and Y chromosomes?

yes.

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quote:

Originally posted by RobBob:

Iain,

I must say that you have impressed me with your adolescent stoopidity.
[big Drink]

such high praise from the grand master

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-My brother and I putting on our heavy jackets, climbing inside of plastic barrels and pushing eachother down steep hills in the back woods around our house. We constantly ignored eachothers requests to not aim for trees and stuff. The game progressed to seeing how crazy a run we could push eachother into, flipping the barrels in the air by hitting stumps and stuff. It ended when my barrel ended up open-end down in the pond. [Frown]

 

-Putting on camoflouge face paint at midnight, putting knives in every possible place on our person, then sneaking around my friend's neighborhood shooting out porch lights "commando style" from the most blatant places possible via bb gun, while still remaining "camoflouged."

 

-Trying to capsize a catamaran on the lake near same friends house in a strong wind.

 

-Taking canoe out on same lake after midnight (again commando style), dumping a huge trail of coleman fuel in the water, then lighting it creating 50 foot and longer floating walls of fame that caused local residents to call police and fire department.

 

-Taking canoe to a dark portion of shore near a park across the lake, jumping out and stealthily swimming "commando style" over to TP the place, knocking over portapotties, defacating on the lifegard chairs, and cutting the swim area ropes and dragging them out to the middle of the lake. Wake up in morning and see through binoculars that police are all over the park.

 

-Building homemade explosives (progressed from CO2 cartridges to fairly sophistoicated pipe bombs). Pinnacle of career coming when we blew the neighbors back gate to hell.

 

-Tieing skateboard to back of truck while one person drives and others ride in back. The goal was to see what kind of things we could "take out" while rounding corners. Almost ended when an area resident tried to chase us down after ripping his mailbox out of the ground. Ended when board and cable wrapped around a road sign and ripped out the bar in the bed that the rope was tied to as well as bent the crap out of the bed rail.

 

And many more...I miss those days.

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some of this stuff is pretty funny, but then there's the flipside of the coin.

 

lately some schmucks have taken to busting up mailboxes on our street, and for their three seconds of entertainment I get to spend a saturday buying a new mailbox, digging out the old one, and putting it all together again.

 

At this point their coupla seconds of fun have meant I've spent at least 8-10 hours total I'd much rather use doing something else, especially on a weekend. After the lastest destruction last week, it's getting real old.

 

My wife wants to get an oversized mailbox, put a regular one inside it, fill the gap between the two with concrete and rebar,and mount it on a pipe filled with concrete and clad with wood so it just looks like a bigger wooden post. Idea is to make it look like we've upgraded but it's still plastic and wood, when in fact it's an arm breaker waiting for the next swing. At this point, I'm so tired of fixing the damned thing if it happens again I may just go for it, if they're ok with funny jokes, I guess I am too.

 

[ 10-30-2002, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: MtnGoat ]

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That reminds me of back in high school, one buddy of mine had a huge, boat of a car and we'd fly down neighborhoods at night and run into the large green garbage containers on the sides of the road. The resulting explosion of garbage was memorable.

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well my freshmen year in college i cooked 500 lbs of macaroni in a girlfriends' bathtub using a window screen to derain it...we took it and filled the hallway of a girl dorm 6inches thick...my mistake...recruiting my TWU dormates to help me transport all the garbage cans full of mac n' cheese... a couple of them felt 'guilty' and turned themselves and everyone else in... [Mad] but my oh my was that a lot of mac n' cheese... [big Grin]

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quote:

Originally posted by MtnGoat:

lately some schmucks have taken to busting up mailboxes on our street, and for their three seconds of entertainment I get to spend a saturday buying a new mailbox, digging out the old one, and putting it all together again.


On the rural roads around where I live, the same problem is endemic. Several strategies have developed including the rotating horizontal wagon wheel with several boxes attached (seems like more targets, to me), the mailbox swinging suspended from chains, and the brick shithouse. Even so, there's always plenty of mangled boxes.

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quote:

Originally posted by vegetablebelay:

That reminds me of back in high school, one buddy of mine had a huge, boat of a car and we'd fly down neighborhoods at night and run into the large green garbage containers on the sides of the road. The resulting explosion of garbage was memorable.

Somebody I used to know in highschool used to do that for fun...

 

Until he ran into a garbage can full of bricks and totaled his parents Land Rover [big Grin]

 

Snaffeltrap [sNAFFLEHOUND][MR T]

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walking unroped on glaciers...traversing ACROSS avalanche-prone slopes...leaving for Mt. Rainier summit attempts at 7 AM...attempting to find a summer-only White Mountain trail in winter conditions...

 

wait a sec, all that wasn't so long ago...

 

oh well, i'm still young...

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