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A joke, for the hell of it...


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RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING

QUALIFICATIONS:

 

1. WON'T BEAT ME UP

2. WON'T RUN AWAY

3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

 

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing

constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men

seemed to meet her qualifications.

 

Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man,

with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked,

"Who are you and what do you want?"

 

"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams.

I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't

run away."

 

The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"

 

To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

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A beautiful blond walks in to a casino. she walks up to the table and places a 20,000$ bet . She says "i'm luckier if I take all my clothes off, do you mind" She didn't wait for an answer and took off all of her clothes, rolled the dice and started jumpping up and down. "I won I won!!!!!!" she scooped up all the money and her clothes and ran out. The dealer looks at the other dealer and says, so what did she roll? I don't know I thaught you were watching. The moral of the storey:Not all blonds are stupid... but all men are [Wink]

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A man was big wall climbing and durring an aid pitch he pops loose, zippers all his pro, and pulls his belayer off the ledge. In desperation he grabbed a limb of a gnarly old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff.

 

Full of fear, he assessed his situation.

 

He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of

the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death, and the weight of his belayer is dragging him down. Full of fear, he cries out, "Help me!" But there was no answer. Again and again he cried out but to no avail.

 

Finally he yelled, "Is anybody up there?"

 

A deep yet serene voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."

 

"Who is it?"

 

"It's God."

 

"Can you help me?"

 

"Yes, I can help."

 

"Please help me then!"

 

"Let go."

 

Looking around the man became full of panic. "What?!?!"

 

"Let go. I will catch you."

 

"Uh... Is there anybody else up there?"

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Somebody edit/delete agent orange's post, remove his posting rights and boot his ass off this site! That is about as sick as you can get and damn close to child porn. Go visit some other sites or run up your phone bill on your favorite 1-900 sicko. [Mad]

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So while we all wait for AO post to be deleted here is a funny joke to get back on this threads true purpose:

 

A Newfie decides to go ice fishing. He walks out on the ice, sets down and cuts a hole, and starts fishing. well after about 15 minutes he hears a strange voice :"THERES NO FISH HERE!!!"

 

He stops and listens. Huh. a strange voice. Maybe he imagined it. Listens hard - nothing. Goes back to fishing.

 

Again a voice speaks "I SAID THERE IS NO FISH HERE!"

 

Yes he definitely heard a voice. Maybe God is talking to him! So he speaks up "God? Is that you?"

 

The voice says, "NO, YOU IDIOT, I AM THE ZAMBONI DRIVER!!!"

 

PS Go Leafs!

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Why are you picking on the Newfies? They stopped clubbing baby seals, no?

Agent Orange's "joke" is a variation on how to make a Jewish American Princess scream twice (answer, wipe yourself off on the curtains after anal sex). Neither of 'em are too funny.

 

Okay, here's one that's safe for the kiddies:

Q - What did the 0 say to the 8?

A - Nice Belt

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What did the leper say to the hooker?

 

Keep the tip

 

Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

 

There was a faceoff at centre ice

 

How can you tell when a leper has been in your shower?

 

He left his head & shoulders behind.

 

What did the leper giant do when he saw the stand up comic?

 

Gave him a great big hand.

 

[Razz] No offense to lepers [Razz] You guys are Def.

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quote:

Originally posted by Dru:

how do you know that the same "agent orange", do you have IP addresses or what?

what's an IP address?

 

seriously, I dont know.

 

you are right dru, it's probably a different guy posing as hard-on agent orange on a climbing spray site. [Roll Eyes]

 

[ 05-22-2002, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: Bronco ]

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