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ivan

[TR] Bacon Rawkz - Smooooth Dancer - 5.9 A2 8/29/2010

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Trip: Bacon Rawkz - Smooooth Dancer - 5.9 A2

 

Date: 8/29/2010

 

Trip Report:

a long n' forlorn summer, haplessly fucked as often as misfortune allowed - foolish n' pride-wrought failure in yosemite to start, followed by an ill-advised trip to canuckistan that ended in many hours sitting in The Man's Dark Antechamber on both sides of the border, feverishly sweating fear bullets as wretched curs swirled around our ride - further aggravations as weather forecasts wrecked series of plans to do blake's dark-bonaza traverse

 

it was after the 3rd such n cascade aspiration plan had been taken it the ass under a prognostication that portended ruinius t-storms of the east side and endless deluges on the w side for days on end that i retired in sad desperation to the Bacon Wand - partnerless, shoulder snapped n' sad after a dod's jaunt a few weeks earlier, i didn't much feel like soloing the corner and though a solo-aid creep more the thing to salve the soul

 

looking at the olson map i've stapled to my wall, i looked for lines that hadn't gotten the pink-highligher hit yet - a blankness between The Crack W/ No Name and The Ducthman clearly needed mending

 

Smooth Dancer - climbed in the year of my birth, 36 years ago - from the ground, it sure didn't look like anyone had put foot to it since those wild n' heady days of the dying nixon administration - the base alone a moldering shit pile of moss n' fornicating ants

 

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looking up at the route (left of the biggest roof) it was clear the thing would be a chore - no midpt anchor either - according to the olson guide it had never been freed, and w/ the classic 5.9 a2 rating, i figured some nailing would be required - turned out, if you like pounding pins, this would the iron afficiando's best route at beacon - somethign like 80% of the gear is old-skewl piton poking

IMG_2916.JPG

 

ended up spending several days scraping moss n' working up to under the big roof - ideal work for soloing and oddly entertaining w/ a headful of clean air n' a mp3 player full of music i've heard so goddamn much now i find meself ocassionally contemplating a self-lobotomy w/ my hammer - miker threw in a hand for a couple hrs, fortunately leaving me a couple offset cams for the anchor he lowered off on - they proved useful later on too

 

a week trip to colorado to take the little people to the grandparents was followed by a finally succesful trip to dark peak, the traverse truncated to just the lone peak by time n weather constraints - a fine party in itself, 4 bacchnalian days buskwacking about - tvash finished his 100 highpts (where's the tr beyotch?!)

 

so it was the weeked b4 back to school and preparing to battle the bitches - first priority i reckoned was to get a decent midpt anchor in, as the current contraption of sketchy cams was shit for taking a solo fall - looked up the FA crew from '74 - some guy named alan kearney, sounded kinda familiar - turns out he's got a website n' everything n' has been doing a few things since smooth dancer - wrote him to ask permission for an anchor - a bemused response roughly equivalent to hugh heffner granting leave to a mere mortal to finger a chick he had back when he was 13 :)

 

kyle came along, a decision which he well had time to regret...

 

the first pitch all cleaned up, a rope ready to jug

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set up the new anchor valley-style - 3 bolts, 2 rap-hangers, flat part of the wall, just below the roof - roughly the same height and just a few columns away from the ground zero anchor, so a phat party to be had w/ parties on each route, monkey paw thrown between them to shuttle the keg to n' fro :)

 

kyle comes along

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whaaaaa?

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the earth spun on its axis for quite a ways while the 2nd pitch went down - kyle pissed twice - parties came n' went on blownout, dods, blood sweat n' semen, etc. - an ecstasy of eye fucking - a kb-thick, usually crappy crack covered in vines n' moss n' centuries of growth - pin after pin, all tied off n' half in - the occasional nut or cam to allow a bit of relaxation - grew damn weary of the whole endeavor but eventually realized i'd come too high to lower off - clipping blackberry bushes on lead! and eventually the top - joe's replaced anchors on grassy ledges a happy sight

 

covered in crap, mis ojos felt like traci lords on the verge of a deep n' soulful climax - you know you've been mucking around in the shit when yer teeth are dirty :)

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chopped a path from the rare-visited anchor over to grassy ledges proper while kyle roused himself from his day-long slumber - he seemed to enjoy the old timer flashbag of funking pins out

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hairless monkey w/ hammer

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the day done, we made our way down the dutchman and packed up in the gloaming, hastening to reach the lot in time for a few laughs w/ kenny n' company - steve fortiously emerged from the inky-black trail as i sat on the concrete, sorting gear - he underwrote the restoration right nice w/ the loaner of brandnew lost arrows n' knifeblades, all of whihc i returned right bent from my fumble-handed fear-pounding :)

 

so now the vernal season has reached its end, leaving me precious little to show for it, save one more pink line on a silly map on the wall - realize its in vain that i recommend the route to the portland bound adventure-seekers, but it is a complete oddity for beacon and enjoyable - where else can you do such an ascent in the ways of the ancients? no free ascent yet notched, so let's see the crazy tough ballet shoe bitches get on it, hammers in hand! :P

 

Gear Notes:

the iron, don't forget the guatamalaen smokes!

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not too much clean gear - offset nuts, brassies, offset cams nice (especially blue/green, red/yellow alien), 00 metolious, doubles of cams from 0 metollius to #2 camalots, 1 #3, 1 c4 #4

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folks on the ground coulnd't resist the tempation to document the immensity of our asses :)

 

that's the crack w/ no name left of smooth dancer

Beacon_Rock_with_Lina_0052.jpg

dirty double overhang to the right - reckon that's next...

Beacon_Rock_with_Lina_0078.jpg

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turns out the illustrious kyle and nought to do but take pictures for a good long while...

 

new anchor location

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perched mini-yeti

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on the attack!

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bat country!

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wee bit steep - as steep as ground zero, buts sans the many nut placements

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assorted iron-mongery in situ

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like ted danson in whoopi goldberg's vag :)

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Nice !

 

Ya ever wonder what's holding that block up there (just above Kyle)?

Beacon_Rock_with_Lina_0052.jpg

 

BTW, How'd ya like the Tomahawks?!

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love, bill, love, 'das what holds it up :)

 

the 'hawks are cool, already bent 1 of em of course by being a pussy - tyler says i need a dozen more - will have to go through the couch cushions to finance it of course :)

 

they're not perfect however as i did manage to rip one out already - probably don't help that i weigh damn near 18 stones rawk'n'out w/ me kawk out :)

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a couple of people have told me that dyneema slings will cut themselves when knotted; any truth in that?

wouldn't be suprised if it detracts from their breaking pt, but i've never had it go wrong despite regulary knotting them as tie-offs and equalizing anchors - visual inspection shows when strands have been obviously broken, which is when i retire them, use them as funknesses or cut em up as hero-loops

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Nice !

 

Ya ever wonder what's holding that block up there (just above Kyle)?

Beacon_Rock_with_Lina_0052.jpg

 

BTW, How'd ya like the Tomahawks?!

 

Nice pic. Bill nice question. Love is all ya need. Hmmmm. I'll try to remember that while I'm shitting my pants.

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the 'hawks are cool, already bent 1 of em of course by being a pussy - tyler says i need a dozen more - will have to go through the couch cushions to finance it of course :)

 

they're not perfect however as i did manage to rip one out already - probably don't help that i weigh damn near 18 stones rawk'n'out w/ me kawk out :)

 

Don't lay out the scratch just yet unless you have a Hawk specific project. I've been giving Theron some feedback and I think he's coming out with an improved version. They need to be bigger and canted more for the basalt here, and I think they are in the under construction phase now.

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Bill, I thought Theron had a larger one in the works at one point or another. Did that ever happen?

 

Those Mammut skinny slings should probably be retired to other uses than holding falls after about three to four seasons depending on how hard they get used.

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Nice !

 

Ya ever wonder what's holding that block up there (just above Kyle)?

Beacon_Rock_with_Lina_0052.jpg

Epoxy and duct tape, just like the rest of Beacon...

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The D5 hammer project has been taking a back seat to the things that have price tags for Theron and to his family moving houses. Final handle samples are being made this week and he has the funk hole drilling and jig sorted out. At this point we're just waiting for the holes to get drilled and once the heads are ready for heat treating we'll place the actual handle order with Seymour and the leashes with Fish. Should be wrapped up this fall as it's looking now.

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Finally a story about climbing at beacon rather than complaining about beacon

 

Give it about 3 or 4 more posts before it turns south. LOL

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While chatting with Beacon yeti JH heard word that said Ivan was fighting his way up Dancer. Noonish I strolled over to have a look and you were just above the roof. You looked detained at the time so I kept my hello's to myself. Around 5pm when beers were looking better than another pitch I walked by again before heading for the barn. Kyle had finally gotten off the belay and was extracting a pin in the same spot where I saw you 5 hours prior. Felt sorry for Kyle having to belay for 5 hours from a hanging stance. Ouch! You own that man a life time of beer.

 

 

 

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. Felt sorry for Kyle having to belay for 5 hours from a hanging stance. Ouch! You own that man a life time of beer.

 

 

small price to pay for bringing it to life though :P - i had several strong flashes of wishing i could be sitting around on that pimp belay seat he has n' soaking up the beautiful day w/ a headfull of sunshine and a fistful of central american doral-knockoffs :)

 

it'll be considerably faster for the next party - the 2 pitches are both quite stout but i imagine a party well-prepped for the valley could do the whole thing in 4 hours or so - very little is freeable at a moderate grade and not many places to shortfix

 

pure aid at beacon really is best for soloing w/ a big old stereo, it annoys fewer folks :grin:

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Why feel sorry for Kyle? You should see my poor pitons, somebody beat the shit out of them.

Ivan, you think it might go free possibly if there were fixed pins insitu? or probably never?

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shit, if hairless monkeys have proved anything, they've proved practically anythign can be free climbed :)

 

that said, yeah, a bunch of pins would need to be preset, and fuck knows about taking big falls on some of them, but i bet w/ further cleaning, lichen-scrubbing, top rope rehearsal, etc. it could be done at a max of 5.12? the climbing is very close to ground zero (hard 11 i recall), just much, much harder pro.

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reckon's its gonna be harder to talk you into loaning those bashed-up bitches out again for dirty double overhang then steve-o? :) weeelll, guess you'll just have to come along then, and lead/clean your share? :grin:

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watcha think steve, one column to the right - you wanna lend a shoulder cleaning all that bullshit out, right, right? :) looks like an equally fun blackberry to chop out at the finish, plus i piled a good bit of brush up there in putting in a path to grassy ledge, plus i don't think there's an anchor up top! (right joe? didn't see any old or new shit there)

Beacon_Rock_with_Lina_0078.jpg

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Looks like fun ivan except for the gardening and cleaning and teeth brushing! I'm up for it, going to Banks lake soon, then off to the Valley so would have to be when I get back. My preference would be if you had it all tidied up as I hate getting dirt under my fingernails and it tends to stick to the perfumed gel in my hair

Also if ya need them pins, just holler. Theyre for bashing, kind of like that poor Joe Healy guy. :battlecage:

I also heard a rumor that that Bill Coe wants to do the Dirty Double, so I hope his sexual idenity is not in question. :kisss:

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