Dwayner Posted November 9, 2001 Share Posted November 9, 2001 Ahoy, Spray-meisters. I just read Professor Adam's historical tale with its sad report of diminishing worthless blabber on this site of late. My name was cited as one who had previously contributed a lot about nothing but has since cut back. So was my "buddy", "pope". I suspect that all the nasty crap of the last couple of months is enough to beat the humor out of many folks but one way of fighting back is not letting the jackass spoilers of the world kill our joy. So, I'm taking the initiate of reinstituting one of the classics of cc.com spray, "pope's confessional". "pope" himself has been informed that I am doing this; he won't get off his lazy butt to do it himself but I'm sure he'll be reading and responding to your wanton tales of drilling evil bolts, borrowing your girlfriend's jog bra to wear sport-climbing, or crapping on your own sleeping bag. (more on that later.) So, here follows the original invitation to confess. Now make yourself feel better and let's hear about your latest guilt trip. The confessional is now open. - Dwayner "GOOD SUNDAY MORNING. SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? DID YOU STEP ON A PITON WHEN YOUR BUDDIES WEREN'T LOOKING? WHEN YOU RELATED YOUR LATEST FREE CLIMBING ACCOMPLISHMENT TO THE BOYS IN THE BAR, DID YOU OMIT THE PART ABOUT SNEAKING A REST FROM THAT FIXED SLING? DID YOU REHEARSE THE HELL OUT OF THAT BOULDER PROBLEM, ONLY TO LATER CLIMB IT IN FRONT OF STRANGERS WHO HAD NO IDEA HOW YOU COULD BE SO SMOOTH? HAVE YOU BEEN THINKING UNCLEAN THOUGHTS ABOUT KATIE BROWN? WERE YOU TEMPTED TO PINCH YOUR PARTNER'S LYCRA-CLAD BUTT AT THE BELAY STATION? DID YOU TALK YOUR GIRLFRIEND INTO LEADING YOU UP THAT SPOOKY PITCH THEY HAVEN'T RETRO-BOLTED YET?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
max Posted November 9, 2001 Share Posted November 9, 2001 Poop: It all started when I moved to Boulder. I used to be a staunch trad-o-phil. I even hiked to the crags in my plastics, like the Mutant-eers told me to. But since I've moved to Boulder... well, yesterday I bought a pair of tights, and three days ago I used "flash", "heinous", and "super-tech" in the same sentence. Now, when I look at myself in the mirror,.... I'm not sure any more. poop, am I a sport climber? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted November 9, 2001 Share Posted November 9, 2001 Are you a "sport climber"? I think you've answered your own question. Listen, buddy, a man of such weak character never should have moved to Boulder. People there are confused. The boys have pony tails, the girls don't shave their pits. You've surrounded yourself with sheep, fools who chase bolts and big numbers (numbers which used to describe free climbs, rather than the practice of hanging from bolts whilst miming sequences). Clipping bolts, wearing lycra, employing "sport-speak" when you post...my hunch is that you've had these tendencies for years; now that you're surrounded with similarly immoral characters, you've got nobody to pick you up when you fall. I wish I could help you, but like a recovering alcoholic who stops by the tav to visit old buddies, you've set yourself up for failure by moving to Boulder. If you've preserved anything that remotely resembles dignity, you'll take my advice and depart from that iniquitous Gomorrah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt.Caveman Posted November 9, 2001 Share Posted November 9, 2001 I sprayed everywhere. I never stopped. I used other names and avatars so that my identity would remain secret. I prodded people for fun ....... I caught others doing the same and never told. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backcountry Posted November 9, 2001 Share Posted November 9, 2001 I would like to confess that I have been seen in public with....mullet-toting, Big Johnson t-shirt lovin', Gargoyle wearing, Calvin Pee-ing placarded....snowmobile riders.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt.Caveman Posted November 9, 2001 Share Posted November 9, 2001 I bought 3 pairs of 5.10 shoes at REI this year Damn REI and their fee demo support! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted November 9, 2001 Share Posted November 9, 2001 Capt, try putting your feet on the holds instead of roadrunnering them on the rock, your shoes will last much longer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt.Caveman Posted November 9, 2001 Share Posted November 9, 2001 I think it was part that but I tell you climbed a lot of mileage this year too. By the way that was not my point anyway. I was confessing to buying equipment from Returnable Equipment Inventory Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeadam Posted November 9, 2001 Share Posted November 9, 2001 Max how did you end up in the republic of Boulder? Radio Free Cascades will attempt to free your mind at least.... Pope! Get off your duff brother and spray! Dwayner-ALOHA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jens Posted November 10, 2001 Share Posted November 10, 2001 Forgive me for I have sinned. I'm coming clean. *I sometimes sport climb in green pair of peter pan tights from Nordstrom's Brass Plum. I had my wife go into the section with me. *I have been known to log some hot tub time at many Leavenworth establishments after a day of cragging or ice climbing and even poach towells "I'm in room uh...uh....28". *I lied to ranger once. *Wore 8000 meter mits, down suit, overboots, headlamp, and crap to opening night of Vertical Limit at the cinerama.. Just kidding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted November 10, 2001 Share Posted November 10, 2001 I'm not sure you guys understand the Confessional. Cappin' confesses to excessive spraying, then Dru responds by saying that he posted a serious note to Cocoa Nympho when he should have replied with more spray. Beck admits to stuffing his animal (with what, Beck?).... I don't want to sound unsympathetic, but these "confessions" are absurd. Confessional was created for seriosly pathological CC.com posters, the kind of guys lacking the dignity and character necessary to avoid the direction in which "climbing culture" seems to be heading. I'm here to help the type of climber who's been convinced that bolts aren't unattractive, that climbs need to be made safe and accessible. Confessional is an attempt to reach the climber who's chalk bag, quick draws and stretch pants all match, who can't pass by a bolt without pausing to yell "Take!", who'd rather top-rope with a bunch of girls than hike up to a grimy wall, the base of which has never seen the shadow of a "sketch pad". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted November 10, 2001 Share Posted November 10, 2001 Hey Jens, I missed that one! See, now that's some good shit! The Brass Plum's got Peter Pan lycra? I know a guy (posts here regularly using a handle that rhymes with "stainer") who has a closet fetish for Scandinavian boys in green leotards! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jens Posted November 10, 2001 Share Posted November 10, 2001 What abot the 100% pure lycra spandex, yellow, La Sportiva climbing on the moon, Allan Watts style tights- So shiny that they glare? Pope must have been pirchased his pair in Boulder, CO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pope Posted November 10, 2001 Share Posted November 10, 2001 Jens, I was giving a slide show to the kids today and...what du fuh? I'd forgotten those cheetah-skin stretch pants I used to wear! I knew that with such bright lycra I'd get spotted by a rescue chopper in the murkiest fog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beck Posted November 10, 2001 Share Posted November 10, 2001 My spray was vapid, vacous verbage that turned into a presonal expose into my climbing history with a stuffed animal. I wasn't proud to admit all this stuff on a public forum like CascadeClimbers but I was compelled to get the clear picture out to the rest of you. When a guy's got problem like ursaphilia it's tough, so thanks all for listening, Teddy Ruxpin and I appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted November 10, 2001 Share Posted November 10, 2001 One time I made a serious rely to a post of sexual chocolate's. oh, what a mistake! why couldn't I have just sprayed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freak Posted November 16, 2001 Share Posted November 16, 2001 I own a crash pad. and I like it! whoa I feel better, nic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.E Posted November 16, 2001 Share Posted November 16, 2001 Well dudes, I've got pix of me back in the day in purple grape-smugglers. And my confession is that I gave those bad boys to a younger hardman because he climbed harder than me in them and they were getting so tight they cut off the circulation around the hardware if you know what I mean. Perhaps my biggest transgression, however, is that I secretly long for the pre-lycra era when Watts (and watts-wanna-bes like me) wore surplus camo pants at Smith. High top purple sportivas heralded the entry of pink tiger-striped lycra. With Kauk contending that "John Wayne never wore lycra," some of us adhered to tradition--rugby shirts (rubber buttons were de reguier (sp?) and you often misplaced your forearm dipping for chalk in those deep bags. We argued about chalk, colored chalk, bolts, pinkpoints versus redpoints, you know, silly stuff that we've moved beyond. Ahh, those were the days. Progress is inevitable I guess. Look how far we've come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambone Posted November 16, 2001 Share Posted November 16, 2001 I have been fondeling my cobras ever since they arived in the mail. I can't keep my hands off. I might take them to bed with me... Oh yeah, I slept with my first pair of skis too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scot'teryx Posted November 16, 2001 Share Posted November 16, 2001 I must confess to creating a topic on the boards that has occupied too much time for all you losers that need to go get a job, and stop hiding behind your computers! Wait a minute, I just got laid off today! Damn dot com biz, I guess I can climb all the time now on the govt's (and mine and yours) money! See ya at Cascade Crags! (I live to damn close to the Northern Border, and Vertical World has way too many jocks and speed ascenders for this newbie.) I SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [ 11-16-2001: Message edited by: scot'teryx ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allthumbs Posted November 16, 2001 Share Posted November 16, 2001 Been there, done worse...have slept with a new Stihl 032 chainsaw, a new Porter Cable Tigersaw (sawsall), 2 or 3 different spankin' new shotguns and assorted other powertools and firearms. This is probably part of the reason I've been married 3 times. quote: Originally posted by lambone: I have been fondeling my cobras ever since they arived in the mail. I can't keep my hands off. I might take them to bed with me...Oh yeah, I slept with my first pair of skis too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted November 16, 2001 Share Posted November 16, 2001 whenever i get a new harness i try it on naked in front of the mirror Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt.Caveman Posted November 16, 2001 Share Posted November 16, 2001 I confess to recent sport climbing and dogging my way up routes ropegunned by Bruce! I pulled on and stepped on bolts and clipped into them while resting. We had a gri gri and I was hanging on it endless number of times to attempt a redpoint. I even bought me pink spandex pants, velvet chalk bag made by Prana , Franklin t-shirt,sportiva mirages, and a arcteryx harness, and flashy sunglasses, new S7 super Pinkpoint style climbing pantalones as well. I put Pusher Holds sticker on my car window. I am guilty I say guilty of sport climbing at Index and Little Si! [ 11-16-2001: Message edited by: Cpt.Caveman ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freak Posted November 16, 2001 Share Posted November 16, 2001 Sport climbing at index is a bit more exiteing than sport at little si, but alas I am guilty of serious bolt hugging dog fests lately, hypersick heel hook, dyno, finger pocket twist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slaphappy Posted November 16, 2001 Share Posted November 16, 2001 I must confess I always thought those shiny things all over the walls at Si were there to hold the rock together. People climb that steep mossy trash pile? Huh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.