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      WELCOME TO THE CASCADECLIMBERS.COM FORUMS   02/03/18

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1/10/16 - 4th year of setting down the shit that does go down in beatardia, where men are women and women are never around :)

 

was a rude late fall/early winter season - the big blow of early november annihilated the hiking trail and i woulda been pissed about it if'n never-ending rains hadn't set in and made soloing laps insane anyway

 

a late december trip out w/ geoff at the start of winter break - we ended up just drinking beers n' smoking shit n' commenting on the awful, awful slickery nature of everything - the wall closed at ground zero and so nothing aidable particularly of interest

 

christmas ensued and all was well - didn't have the cash or the clock-time to go for a long off trip to red rocks or whatever, so the only local option was heading up to the puget sound and make a water-man of meself again - last year was great, a 3 day back-pack on the olympic coast n' a 2 day ocean kayak

 

this time around it was a 6-day sea window

 

beat up north in the early hours of 12/27, bent out of my mind it seemed, water streaming along the side of the automovat - seattle shortly after dawn, proud pat all pat-like

 

made our way to the marina n' nattered in the cold light waiting to meet up w/ our captain, a true comedy of errors - soon enough we were on board and casting off

 

sweet simple sailing southward in light airs, past bouys bestowed with sealions - seals - dolphins - eagles both american and candadian i bet - the pleasant site of a 'lion bolting down a full-growth salmon by tail

 

the last bit into port orchard by motor, the night come round so soon - carriers at bremerton

 

ashore we 'sup n' carouse n' enjoy ourselves capitally - meet a sheila-acquaintance of denali dave's round the fireplace n' philsophize over the weight of smoke before rambling off to a sea-berth :)

 

sail oughta town the next day and all was well - got meself nearly kilt by a swinging boom just shy of brian island or somethign like that - spent much of the night dazed as could be but enjoyed a grand time nonetheless binging on burgundy, n' noble reds n' flowing bowls of what-have-you until 2 in the morning

 

awoke feeling near as death as i've felt in awhile - the hard-knock the day before was certainly one of my fabled 9 lives n' i felt the truth of it - grayed out - feeling the cold i'd inherited from the silverton clan plus the concusssion plus the cold above deck plus the deep, deep fucking booze funk

 

they all thought i was dead the day before and grew doubly grim when i was drawing breath the day after but groaning - turned into me laying in agony on the cabin bench n' holding me head together as we steamed back to seattle against a solid breeze

 

the rest of the day was a healing thing - pat flung himself into the sound in his wetsuit as i laid around his joint, showering and trying to sleep off my fucking concussion - that night we did some super-stoned shopping n' headed over to his girlfriend's for a sumptous dinner set against a most scorchign cold outside - i cackled n' thumbed through 1960's civil defense brochures while pat snored n' i made small talk w/ his missus and her very alien animal

 

3 days of ocean kayaking ensued - launched out from an indian reservation near bellingham, stocked up on cheap injun smokes - the rudder was rudely impaired n' pat didn't know but had me in the back anyhow, so after hours of bitching n' cussing we finally fetched up on clark island

 

soaked rather wet we came straight ashore n' made camp in what proved to be a damned cold place - made a roaring fire n' had a bit of a good night - italian fare i recollect - olives n' red sauce n' sausage tortellinis n' mozeralla n' red wine - a sputtering fire, a bit of a dissapointment but soon enough the tent beside a snoring pat n' i slept soundly, the head cold resonating through me

 

day 2 of the ocean kayak we resolve to shift our camp southwards on the island but no further - find a sweet cove filled w/ firewood n' a sweltering sun, relative to our recent camp - we souse along the shore for a bit n' later launch for a trip to a nearby island where pat is molested by sheep

 

great night, this one - we were promised the northern lights but they never appeared but fuck it - it was new years eve - we sat by a roaring fire n' enjoyed bacon n' chili n' what-have-you, me sucking down pionot noir n' smokes n' enjoying the simpleness of being stranded at sea

 

new year's eve we returned to civilization n' after a bit of agony i made it home in time for winter weather and a nice delayed start to the school year

 

 

but this a beacon thread, n' so all this stuff before is simple bullshit n' i apologize for it

 

today was day 1! corner lap #1, but not solo n' gladly not

 

geoff at the bk a bit past 10 - we saunter eastwards by strong light n' stronger winds

 

the parking lot in a simple gale - we pack and wander down, bound n' determined to reach the top of the uprising and to suss out the damage from there

 

cold n' icy but delightfully dry - i take pitch 1 n' we alternate from there - snow patches here and there, but dry where it needs to be - some beers along the way n' we get time to poke our head over the railing n' take in the carnage on the touron-trail - much work to be done it's obvious - big blown out trees n' blowdown n' battered stones - we take it in and scoot down the raps in the big blow n' enjoy some beers and ramboling aroudn and reach back for home

 

here's to 2016 :brew:

 

1/31 - day 2 - closing day, and not a very promising one - 39 degrees n' pouring rain in the parking lot - a drive out through mental desperation, the moss on this here rolling rock of meself growing thick n' fucking shaggy

 

beers n' bullshitting w/ steve n' waiting for the weather to give up a little - there were no illusions of how thorough soggy it was gonna be

 

no wind to speak of though, so there was that at least and it got warmer on the south side after the mist melted away - soon enough i cast off, pulling on gear here and there to remind meself not to be a dipshit on a point of pride climbing the slime-cone

 

the sun shone out halfway up and the mood improved noticeably - fresh snow, as innocent as a downy laotian-lamb along the far gorge walls -steve was exuberant to lead the second pitch and i salute him for it as it wouldn't have taken much to talk me out of it

 

a real slippy-slidey one is that - our boy did it w/o flying off but, following, i found meself doing the cartoon-character spinning me feet in the air thang at one point and only narrowly avoiding a pretty cosmic pirouette around the first crux

 

found meself holding forth somethign fierce on tree ledge, swilling pbr n' pounding upon our poor fellow about his own cosmic hangups -those rightly disposed, and a few butts thrown in to boot, i bolted on up the slippery ramps to grassy ledges - since i had a 70 and the jill's anchor was running wet, i went past it and anchored to a tree - a flippant shoulder belay ensued n' steve quite soon went n' fell big time onto it but i proved them old-boys knew what they were doing and ended up smiling on the ground for it :)

 

the trail closed sign even as we slipped away - stone soup next month now i suppose, though i suspect it's gonna take a civil action and yet another juicy skamania judge session before it gets sorted out - how good is it i have no other hobbies? :)

 

IMG_01682.JPG

 

2/27 - day 3 - stone soup in the sopping wet - sausage n' eggs n' a leisurely breakfast - 'nastia at tad past 10 - streaming water on the sides of the machine on the way out - the k-19 in classic form, fresh off a cardiac arrest for christ's sake?

 

3/2 - day 4 - the k-19 konked out saturday just at the parking lot ledge n' we ran out of day and had to leave all the gear hanging on the wall - ya'll bitches lost out on a treasure trove of scary worn-out trash :)

 

we raced out amid squalls n' rain-storms, me simultaneously sucking down beer n' butts n' changing clothes - was an easy romp up the route w/ the gear all pre-placed - strong winds n' steady rain at times but all went well

 

prime time for putting up some more routes on this small patch of available wall...

 

3/26 - day 6 - spring breaks big upon the land - breezy clouds n' bright sun - a right sound sleep-in - wine n' pizza for breakfast, than a side-saddle into the gorge under glorious skies - crisp n' cold - spent some time scrambling 'round the ozone n' enjoying da wedder, then busted eastwards more to beacon - aid-soloed stone soup n' had a prime time of it, binging on, of all things, katy perry :)

 

4/28 - day 7 - been out to hike hamilton a couple times the past few weeks but that shit don't count - been a bad fews weeks of loss: health, cool students, ambition, colleagues, etc. - got a taste of bacon to soothe the senses today - me n' mike at the base of stone soup in the cool grey of the afternoon - the alpine start to three tree ledges - to the swiss ledges from there, swapping leads - sawzalled a couple bolts to get'em more righteous - shit, there's so many more to do - set off 2 huge blocks on the rap back down, topping a big tree along the way - for the best really - stoked to see so much chalk on p1 & 2, just gotta improve them amateur bolts for the sporto's :)

 

5/2 - day 8 - nobody to climb w/ but it was 80+ at days end and nary a cloud in the crystal sky, so what can you do? scampered out to beacon, belting out bale-loads of smoke along the way n' bitch'n ballads, the 'lesberu purring away n' throwing engine warning lights out like it's wont to do - were time compressed into a single moment and a single feeling, i'm sure this wouldn't be the worst of em all to settle on, spring setting in and summer beckoning right behind...

 

not a soul in the parking lot, not right at all for so rare a spring day - what worries me really about the closed hiking trail is there isn't a sign at all of work being done to fix the damn thing - if i had a dollar for every tourist who stops, pays the 10$, then curses to discover the main attraction is under wraps, i'd have 1/10 of what the park's getting...

 

joe lent me a mean sawzall n' i put it to some use - climbed the 1st pitch of stone soup and, while cleaning it, cut down all the nasty extruding studs n' filed n' em nice n' smooth

 

5/28 - day 9 - many hikes up hamilton in recent days, but that don't hardly count - thursday was out for the big walk an saw topher n' company on stone soup - brought a bit of a smile to the heart n' had a good govreet w/ them fools after the walk was over - passed off a sawzall, which didn't appear to get much use, and after a few gut-laff's w/ denali-dave, all done up and vivisected on account of his duputryens, danced away west

 

teamed up w/ geoff today - hadn't seen that courtly fool since casting him off at his hill house shortly after completing our spring break trip to the valley

 

our sad friend greatly hobbled all this time gone by, he braved his early exit from fat-phuck retirment and out we went - topher'd pulled his ropes, and we rambled up the first 2 pitches, me getting all the good work

 

the recently renovated p1 was hardly noticable - p2 not so much - a new bolt allows the aid'n fool to skip the eyebrow cave (bryan managed this same variation w/o a bolt i recall) which makes the aid across a bit more mellow - no more sling on the tree above the bush but it still works, so long as you fully extend your daisy and commit to the top step on tiny handholds

 

the 2 upper headwall bolts all ripped out and eloped east - it got called stone soup for a reason - the new way just fine, aiding-wise, and kinda fun as it forces some funky mixed free maneavours to make the high step

 

rawked out for the rest of our times - 3 tree - the long way down - rangers abound - beers and butts - the boat-dock - always bet on #28 - the big bound home

 

6/9 - die X - not such a balmy day after all this august heat - grey and gloomy - school's done as done can be, just the simple matter of casting these cynical bastards off in the morrow's afternoon and it's summa, summa, summa :)

 

jeffy-t at the register rock in the half rain - a good gavreet and a glorious shit and it was sauntering time - rambled up to the top-most railing and ran down the stone soup, taking in the rare auold sights - was a trifle baffled by the dangling old fixed line at three tree - guess that's what it means to make nice w/ the neighbors :) - cut out the hanging trash and cast in on down and couldn't for the life of me find it once upon the ground - wouldn't mind recovering it really, it's the rancid remnants of my first rope, bought back in the waning days of clinton-one :)

 

might be a bit for beacon - next week's the redwoods and yosemite and san-franny w/ the famibily, then mike n' me making our easting off to the wind river range n' hopefully high times....

 

 

7/16 - day 11 - opening day + 1 - been a busy summer - sand dunes, redwoods, yosemite, san francisco, flat-irons, devils's tower, the winds, smith and darrington, then me washed up flat n' busted on my doorstep just a few days before the family rolls back in - road weary and woe-eyed - sometimes i think i'm a shadow and the sun's almost down

 

a morning spent mending the damage done to tires on the most recent road-trip, then out to beacon and a lap up the corner w/ geoff n' bill - cool weather, cloudy - the old place looking just fine after all this time...

 

musta spent at least 10 solid minutes trying to find the new party spot rumored to be an unladen-swallow's flight away, but eventually we figured ole'adam just must not be home :)

 

7/17 - day 12 - lap 1 of the summer - woke up late, this last day of bachelor freedom, bound to recover a dog at noon, despite my vexations - just enough time for a sleep in n' a big breakfast n' some beer, then bounced out the door for a lap - musta passed 4 parties of 4-climbers each on the corner? jeebus, the man could make a fortune if'n he claimed for each :)

 

7/31 - lucky #13 - lap 2 - a trip to tower and success seemingly in hand after a mort more work - a week w/ the wife at art museum's n' doing ya'd wo'k n' f'ck knows what else - hips hurt - knees hurt - seem to have the planter fascist-fukyu in both my heels now - keerist, i'm a few months short of a solid douglas adams' 42 n' i'm feeling auooooold :(

 

sunday morning after a solid sleep in - a week w/ the fam at the beach tomorrow so this was it, and not much time to spare as i needed to set the ya'd in order before we fuckered off

 

beacon near noon - the lot like a gypsy caravan before the nazis knew what's what - cool n' grey - bro'seph n' his benji-buddy in buckling down n' ready to bound up dastardly

 

wandered up the corner w/ a head half-right - crowds like always of course, and a poor dam anchored off and leaving on the travese tree giving me the heebie-jeebies - the crux like cream these days - i don't know what my feet are doing, but i just smile and saunter on

 

fresh air and following breeze - fun times - the ramble down - beers and the long babbling road back home...

 

8/7 - day 14 - little wing n' jill's thrill just right to humiliate our friend n' humble narrator after a week family camping in the olympics, sucking down sausauges n' swill - swimming across lake quinualt some species of training i suppose...

 

thought ole'geoff was fixing to stand me up at the b.k. - read some n' tried not to feel like i was gonna barf up me breakfast - settled for just doing some soloing after a half hour rambled on by - went to fetch some of the regular old poisons out of the roadhouse first n' then pulled out n' headed east when i saw the big-G galloping up in his toy-yoya n' said sure, why not?

 

bit stormy out at beacon today, but nothing serious n' kept the crowds down a bit i bet

 

geoff did the real work so i wussed out and did the easier pitches but still fumbled n' fucked them up, conniving to cut me hand up in the bargain and bled like a little bitch all over the place

 

the Gnome King at grassy ledges, seemingly moved in for the season n' hogging all the space, his ride recently jacked by the Man n' him all "fukit, keepit" in response - a rare hero that'un :)

 

steve n' lisa all about too - we followed them down the raps n' rambled on over to the other side to see about the minotaur, who happily had left his labyrinth - ascended through threatening storm n' had a real satisfying time of it

 

rude reality back in the parking lot - some crackhead kraker chucked a big old stone through geoff's window n' did a quick once-over through its interior - pleasingly the car-alarm seemed to have brought the bitch out of the pussies and they fled before grabbing anything actually - guess it gives our boy an excuse to finally replace the broken windshield too...

 

the summer's setting quick - hope to get another tower trip or two in before it's time to slummit back to work...

 

8/10 - day XV - lap III - leisurely breakfast w/ the kids and some midsummer school work dispensed with, hit the chiropractor to crack the old back n' suck the thetans outta me, then cruised out to beacon in the afternoon heat - warm n' windy in the park - the busted glass of geoff's smashed window all tidied up - just one couple gearing up n' ready to blast off as i started up the corner - felt like a slow old man, stopping to have a good lie down every few pitches n' gaze out at the much older man, the half moon hanging in the sky - the perseids tonight too - the free tv overhead never failing to fling something at you

 

looks like the gnome-king done got evicted - wonder where that wierd mutherfukka got to? :)

 

8/11 - day 16, lap 4 - not so breezy at beacon today - hot n' humid, even after the shade had set in - gabbed w/ jimbo for a while - the gnome king remains in the witness protection program - ran up the corner, feeling a good bit better than yesterday - brought some clippers n' did some community-service cutting out all the clutter on hidden treats and uprising - gavreeted w/ some good folks n' gamboled on back home to set up shop in a dark field w/ the kids n' watch the pulsing perseids

 

8/12-13 - days 17-18 - the plan was partake of the perseids and plenty of beer on the ledge, maybe do a night lap, then finagle maybe a new route off the top - temps in the mid-90s on the drive in, sweltering in my ac-broken car - drove in endless circles trying to discover the exact location of adam's rebel base where i was to rendezvous w/ my crack team of geoff n' bryan

 

eventually it all worked out and we walked up the painfully hot trail, weltering in sweat - once on the ledge the lack of breeze didn't offer much comfort as we lay around, damp as dogs, re-evaluating our recent decisions

 

bryan and i went on to climb the corner, setting off from the ground just at the last light left the sky - an uneventful and rapid ascent and then it was the rest of a long evening spent counting falling stars, drinking 3 different kinds of beer n' pinot noir to boot, gut-laughing and bullshit'n

 

by 9 a.m. the next morning it was absolutely sweltering and all willingness to scrub n' cut n' mank our way up the sun-blasted wall had wasted away in favor of a far more ambitious plan, ambling off and away over to the tepid columbia to swim like porpoises in the sweet water - we even managed to enlist old adam, who clearly had done this shit already - good times ensued over an afternoon that clearly demonstrated how our ancient mammalian cousins evolved and returned to the ocean to despatch their terrestrial ruinations :)

 

8/15 - day 19 - lap 5 - hawt, hawt day - did a lap, then grabbed a snorkel n' swam around the river for a good long while - don't think i've ever felt my arms quite that wasted after a solo day at beacon :)

 

8/22 - day 20 - lap 6 - spent a day lying wounded on the couch nursing my cranky hip after a lengthy tower rock trip, then up today to do the gym-thang w/ the wife, then a chiro visit, then a wander out east - cool and breezy on the south side - a party of 3 on the corner - the 2 dudes from vegas win the "beacon rock hero of the day" award for bringing their very cute girlfriend out - beautiful ebony skin and didn't look a day over 19 n' 1/2 - can't say i've ever seen someone so lovely on our dreary, drab old stone... :)

 

8/23 - day 21 - lap 7 - 2 days in a row w/ beautiful ladies at the crag, the stars must be aligning something fierce, i'm almost scared to go back out tomorrow :) ranger at the base, never a good sign - the mayor up high tending the sheep - some good talk, some grim - shit, the summer's damn near dead...

 

8/24 - day 22 - lap 8 - hat trick - good day - swimming in battle ground lake w/ the dog n' family - freshwater jellyfish, holy shit, who'da thunk it? union social n' some lightweight boozing, then out to beacon - felt abit groggy on arrival and jumped in the columbia in the 90 degree heat to cool off - arrived in the parking lot to ranger questions - apparantly some dickmunch drove off with the picnic bench

 

jim in the lot too, said ole'bill n' ujohn were up high on the corner so i scooted off to see if i could catch them - took uprising and ran into the boys just at the railing - bill invited the gang for drinks at the skamania lodge n' we drank brown ale n' ate nachos n' nattered about an impeding return to tower

 

8/25 - day 23 - lap 9 - a scorcher today - 104 read the car after rudely parking it in the sun - some union bidness dispensed with n' a stint of classroom setup sussed out, i wandered out gorge-ways after 3 - dallied around the dock for an hour or so swimming out to the island n' bantering w/ the fishermen who were bringing in the bass with perfect regularity and had some fine tales to tell- ranger-boi came by w/ some fancy high-powered options, i oughta keep that in mind next time i'm jerking off in the bushes up on grassy ledges :)

 

topped out to the strange site of some kids rapping off the south side summit, strung out in the trees above grassy ledges looking a little uncertain of the future - reckon they'd get themselves sorted out well enough, so sent them my salutations n' shuffled on

 

summer's done sprung a leak and's taking on water something fearful, i would not wager a fucking groat on its continuing good health :)

 

8/28 - day 24 - jensen's ridge w/ oleg - ain't climbed w/ that slavic soul in too long and it was a fine day - hot to be sure, but very breezy so i barely noticed i was dying of heat stroke until i went the whole day w/o pissing :)

 

the oak's encroaching on the route at several places on pitch 3 and i don't know what the fuck to do about it as i hate that shit and have no tolerance for messing w/ it - all the work phuzzy-adam did 2 years ago seemed to just piss it off as its growing back something fiece :(

 

still a great route and no evidence of anyone climbing it this year - never can figure why so many hardmen crush the other beacon classics but never tangle w/ it...

 

8/30 - day 25 - lap 10 - fall came to beacon today - blustery and overcast and sub-70 in the parking lot - no pre- or post-lap swim today :)

 

first day of back to school - waking up at 630 is a hate-crime against mankind and should be constitutionally banned for krist's sake - felt quite greyed out on the quick ascent - chatted w/ cameron for a spell half-way up the first pitch - found a half-full pack of american spirits on the traverse (that you, santa claus? :) ) - by the time i hit the trail the sun emerged and it was brisk but balmy for the walk down

 

as churchill lamented when confronted with how much booze he'd belted down over the course of his long life: "sigh...so much work left to do!" :)

 

9/8 - day 26 - first day of school this tuesday and for the 2nd year in a row my ritual of closing out the day w/ a beacon ascent was scuppered by rain - got out today w/ my colleague jared_jackman, who amazingly knows denali-dave and even fracking lived in the no-bo-trifecta for a spell, yet somehow never climbed at beacon? :noway:

 

pleasant crawl up the corner in the cool breeze - woulda been pleasanter still if my trick hip didn't hurt so damn much - my grave keeps getting closer n' closer

 

2 things i'd never seen at beacon today - a, by beacon standards, big-ass snake coiled up in the hidden-treats crack, right at the top, really putting me off my meds as i like to jam there very much - the other a decent sized powerboat beached on the riverside, looking real grim n' all-to-seek :)

 

off to tower w/ big bill tomorrow - in shah allah, we'll see the long project come to completion finally...

 

9/12 - day 27 - lap 11 - finally some fine weather after work - feeling increasingly crippled as my hip disintegrates and i try to ignore it - gonna see the doc in a few days, so maybe he'll have a magic wand?

 

beached sea-craft still on the columbian shore - are salvage rights yet in effect? think i see an entrepreneurial opportunity :)

 

9/15 - day 28 - hadn't seen phuzzy adam since phuck all, but we met up in camas after some hard traveling for the burning-man boi over the tough portland roads

 

balmy n' breezyish beacon - talk of time gone by - fucking puerto-ricans on the bucket list i recollect - bad beer - good beer - chuckles - the dying light on the gorge walls, the winding way back...

 

9/19 - day 29 - lap 12 - took the boy scout camping on the coast and got poured on damn near every moment - headed out to beacon after work ready for disappointment - hit the lot and followed a frolic-some couple who clearly though they were headed to the summit even as they slunk ever lower :)

 

the rock was just dry enough to reckon on not getting kilt heading up it - moist to the touch, but no big drip-drips

 

pleasant walk down, passing the breeze with a fierce looking shiela and her deaf-husband (which somehow i didn't suss out until the very end) from merry minnesota - she having the shortest of warm-ups before an ultramarathon tomorrow, sweet jeebus, who can touch that kinda krazy fitness? :)

 

9/20-21 - days 30&31 - laps 13-14

 

well, the bastards tried to kill me yesterday - 3 young fucks, according to witnesses i later found on the trail down, spent the better part of 20 minutes chucking huge shit off the south summit as i cowered against the wall on the land of the little people, nursing my beer, guarding my shoes and alternating howls of hatred w/ maniacal laughter and "fuck you fucking fucks!" at the top of my lungs :)

 

even the falcons got into the act, screeching n' swooping - i felt something like a common cause in our anger against the common creeps :P

 

just a thought, but if the park is okay w/ putting up menacing signs citing washington state law and the penalty for walking down the climbers trail in the off season, why not put a similar sign threatening arrest for reckless endangerment or manslaughter at the green gate or by the railing above the south side? i'd like to think if the stupid bastards had killed me that they'd have been punished at least as severely as some poor hiker who just felt like walking to the base on a fine spring day...

 

jogged down the trail after emerging from my hidey-hole, my beer all gone and hungry for blood - probably for the best i didn't catch up, as it likely would have just resulted in 3 dudes kicking my dumb indignant ass :)

 

better day today - steve n' sal above tree ledge - sounds like jim is on the mend and we all wish him well

 

9/22 - day 32 - lap 15 - fell fall is here - decidedly cool and clammy road on the drive out in the afternoon, with a fading sun falling upon us all in this notoriously naughty northern half-fuck hemisphere of ours

 

big doings down by the dock - a busty barge w/ a crane careened up on the big pylons just east of the launch, looking lofty n' ready to tear somethang up - still a free water-craft just off the beach down by the south face, unmoved for weeks but at least floating now that the river's come up - were i a wanderer, intent on distant shores, i'd say stake a claim, kids :)

 

9/27 - day 33 - lap 16 - never a lap up the rock that you don't rumble into something new, so long as you know where to look - today no different - at the bottom 2 buxom-splendid shielas at the start of cruising, at the trail atop 3 nattily attired saffron-clad buddhist monks, not quite chanting but wouldn't be surprised if that's where it all ended up on the summit :)

 

9/28 - day 34 - lap 17 - big bill n' ujohn in the lot in the glittering afternoon sun - little time for frivolity, it's open house night after all bitzes - a quick lap - clusterfuck on the corner, i saw bill well ensnared in it by the time i cut the cord n' said let-hoes-be-hoes - the barge banging n' roaring away down by the river - big doings down there - big bounce back - they say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but it turns out there is such a thing as a free dinner :)

 

9/29 - day 35 - geoff at the bk a bit after 330, me smoking n' reading shelby foote n' waiting - off east soon thereafter - we crawl up cruising to the corner to premature ejaculation, then up the rest of young warriors - an easy world out there really n' not much else to report, save i suppose some spiffy new bolts just off the stoner ledge...

 

9/30 - day 36 - lap 18

 

thank kee-rist for opb fundraising - it got me off the libturd end of the radio dial on the drive in and i finally heard the song ole'bill had been badgering me to find for fuck-all - shit, i thought it was some old man tune :)

 

[video:youtube]

 

great shit there, couldn't help but remind me of another classic i got out at old beatardia from jovial jim :rawk:

 

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a friday evening packed w/ ominous portents - unknown agents acting nefariously in the nether-region of bladerunner, n' so wierd boy-o, as i done heard they're making a sequel today...

 

passed a three-some at tree ledge - bespoke me beer n' noodled over the wicked world while making me big thoughts on mushroom ledge, then zoomed off to zion

 

heart-attack at the car - couldn't find my car keys for the life of me - eventually remembered i'd arrived in the lot having to take a ten-pound shit ("warning - warp core breach in progress") - in my eager ecstasy to see it on its weary way, i done left the keys in the can :)

 

friday night fuckers - stopped off for some wine and had a wonderful conversation w/ a former student who, though somewhat portly n' latina, is all set to vote trump :noway:

 

10/3 - day 37 - lap 19

 

just managed to squeeze this one in - leaden sky on the cursory drive out - limp air, sodden with coming rain - rumbled out of the ride right quick to make a mighty shit - by the time i reached the base the sky portended bad, bad things - fat raindrops by the halfway point up the slab pitch, the rock cold and clammy and quick to grow dramp - like the tears of the lord by the top of pitch 3, and noah alone could comprehend the deluge by the top of uprising - i hoofed it over the railing and found sanctuary under the ramps of the trail to take a pause n' have a smoke n' contemplate the hereafter :)

 

fall's come quick - 20 laps was my goal, and in shah allah, we oughta be able to get it closer to 30 by the time the big endless breeze of december dances on in....

 

10/11 - day 38 - lap 20 - a week of solid, shitty fall weather followed by a brief window of what-have-you - glad i didn't go out y-day as it was wet enough today i'm sure it woulda been a waste

 

a big wind on our woe-wracked rock this here-after, but wierdly it was chockablock w/ white fellers - 'topher twerk'n it on the eternal route off snag ledge that a boatload a'fellers have wandered up only to wander back down - maybe he found the final way through the choss? folks on jills and rapping down wrong gull. a sight i never saw while noodling n' drinking n' thinking atop hidden treats, an old boy rapping down climbers of the far left end of grassy ledges, having just rapped into big ledge, rope-soled the original finishing pitches of dods, then traversed back down to me. he seemed to be newish to beatard-land, but clearly had his feet solidly under'em.

 

fall's here i fear, and to stay too - guess we'll have to make our peace w/ it....

10/12 - day 39 - today marks the 15,340 n' a half day this wicked world's been winging round the sun w/ me hanging on like hell n' hollering something awful - ain't so sure i got another 15,000 left in the tank, so reckon i gotta make the back half take it's time :)

 

heavy gray sky, the weekend storm waxes large on the western horizon - my second ascent w/ the jovial jared - we bump into ole'bill n' ujohn along the way n' have a bit of a bark-bark at the cloud-shrouded moon n' then move along, me fucking it all up leading all uprising w/o stopping w/o a single draw :)

 

home in time for a fine birthday dinner - the wife made my favorite, schnitzel n' suds :rawk:

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Happy Birthday! Nice way to spend it. Don't panic, you've reached the ultimate answer age.

Edited by bellows

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I'm not sure he's panicking as much as surprised he's at this place, it's a bit down the road and all. Been a pleasure tieing in with you Ivan. Thanks again.

 

- good to finally meet Jared. That's the kind of condition we can all aspire too reach!

 

 

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7 pitches yeterday with Lost Cam at OH8 in the sun on the warn rock in tshirts while zi Beaconwald was getting torrential rains. You boys need tocome visit more this winter.

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1/10/16 - 4th year of setting down the shit that does go down in beatardia, where men are women and women are never around :)

 

was a rude late fall/early winter season - the big blow of early november annihilated the hiking trail and i woulda been pissed about it if'n never-ending rains hadn't set in and made soloing laps insane anyway

 

a late december trip out w/ geoff at the start of winter break - we ended up just drinking beers n' smoking shit n' commenting on the awful, awful slickery nature of everything - the wall closed at ground zero and so nothing aidable particularly of interest

 

christmas ensued and all was well - didn't have the cash or the clock-time to go for a long off trip to red rocks or whatever, so the only local option was heading up to the puget sound and make a water-man of meself again - last year was great, a 3 day back-pack on the olympic coast n' a 2 day ocean kayak

 

this time around it was a 6-day sea window

 

beat up north in the early hours of 12/27, bent out of my mind it seemed, water streaming along the side of the automovat - seattle shortly after dawn, proud pat all pat-like

 

made our way to the marina n' nattered in the cold light waiting to meet up w/ our captain, a true comedy of errors - soon enough we were on board and casting off

 

sweet simple sailing southward in light airs, past bouys bestowed with sealions - seals - dolphins - eagles both american and candadian i bet - the pleasant site of a 'lion bolting down a full-growth salmon by tail

 

the last bit into port orchard by motor, the night come round so soon - carriers at bremerton

 

ashore we 'sup n' carouse n' enjoy ourselves capitally - meet a sheila-acquaintance of denali dave's round the fireplace n' philsophize over the weight of smoke before rambling off to a sea-berth :)

 

sail oughta town the next day and all was well - got meself nearly kilt by a swinging boom just shy of brian island or somethign like that - spent much of the night dazed as could be but enjoyed a grand time nonetheless binging on burgundy, n' noble reds n' flowing bowls of what-have-you until 2 in the morning

 

awoke feeling near as death as i've felt in awhile - the hard-knock the day before was certainly one of my fabled 9 lives n' i felt the truth of it - grayed out - feeling the cold i'd inherited from the silverton clan plus the concusssion plus the cold above deck plus the deep, deep fucking booze funk

 

they all thought i was dead the day before and grew doubly grim when i was drawing breath the day after but groaning - turned into me laying in agony on the cabin bench n' holding me head together as we steamed back to seattle against a solid breeze

 

the rest of the day was a healing thing - pat flung himself into the sound in his wetsuit as i laid around his joint, showering and trying to sleep off my fucking concussion - that night we did some super-stoned shopping n' headed over to his girlfriend's for a sumptous dinner set against a most scorchign cold outside - i cackled n' thumbed through 1960's civil defense brochures while pat snored n' i made small talk w/ his missus and her very alien animal

 

3 days of ocean kayaking ensued - launched out from an indian reservation near bellingham, stocked up on cheap injun smokes - the rudder was rudely impaired n' pat didn't know but had me in the back anyhow, so after hours of bitching n' cussing we finally fetched up on clark island

 

soaked rather wet we came straight ashore n' made camp in what proved to be a damned cold place - made a roaring fire n' had a bit of a good night - italian fare i recollect - olives n' red sauce n' sausage tortellinis n' mozeralla n' red wine - a sputtering fire, a bit of a dissapointment but soon enough the tent beside a snoring pat n' i slept soundly, the head cold resonating through me

 

day 2 of the ocean kayak we resolve to shift our camp southwards on the island but no further - find a sweet cove filled w/ firewood n' a sweltering sun, relative to our recent camp - we souse along the shore for a bit n' later launch for a trip to a nearby island where pat is molested by sheep

 

great night, this one - we were promised the northern lights but they never appeared but fuck it - it was new years eve - we sat by a roaring fire n' enjoyed bacon n' chili n' what-have-you, me sucking down pionot noir n' smokes n' enjoying the simpleness of being stranded at sea

 

new year's eve we returned to civilization n' after a bit of agony i made it home in time for winter weather and a nice delayed start to the school year

 

 

but this a beacon thread, n' so all this stuff before is simple bullshit n' i apologize for it

 

today was day 1! corner lap #1, but not solo n' gladly not

 

geoff at the bk a bit past 10 - we saunter eastwards by strong light n' stronger winds

 

the parking lot in a simple gale - we pack and wander down, bound n' determined to reach the top of the uprising and to suss out the damage from there

 

cold n' icy but delightfully dry - i take pitch 1 n' we alternate from there - snow patches here and there, but dry where it needs to be - some beers along the way n' we get time to poke our head over the railing n' take in the carnage on the touron-trail - much work to be done it's obvious - big blown out trees n' blowdown n' battered stones - we take it in and scoot down the raps in the big blow n' enjoy some beers and ramboling aroudn and reach back for home

 

here's to 2016 :brew:

 

1/31 - day 2 - closing day, and not a very promising one - 39 degrees n' pouring rain in the parking lot - a drive out through mental desperation, the moss on this here rolling rock of meself growing thick n' fucking shaggy

 

beers n' bullshitting w/ steve n' waiting for the weather to give up a little - there were no illusions of how thorough soggy it was gonna be

 

no wind to speak of though, so there was that at least and it got warmer on the south side after the mist melted away - soon enough i cast off, pulling on gear here and there to remind meself not to be a dipshit on a point of pride climbing the slime-cone

 

the sun shone out halfway up and the mood improved noticeably - fresh snow, as innocent as a downy laotian-lamb along the far gorge walls -steve was exuberant to lead the second pitch and i salute him for it as it wouldn't have taken much to talk me out of it

 

a real slippy-slidey one is that - our boy did it w/o flying off but, following, i found meself doing the cartoon-character spinning me feet in the air thang at one point and only narrowly avoiding a pretty cosmic pirouette around the first crux

 

found meself holding forth somethign fierce on tree ledge, swilling pbr n' pounding upon our poor fellow about his own cosmic hangups -those rightly disposed, and a few butts thrown in to boot, i bolted on up the slippery ramps to grassy ledges - since i had a 70 and the jill's anchor was running wet, i went past it and anchored to a tree - a flippant shoulder belay ensued n' steve quite soon went n' fell big time onto it but i proved them old-boys knew what they were doing and ended up smiling on the ground for it :)

 

the trail closed sign even as we slipped away - stone soup next month now i suppose, though i suspect it's gonna take a civil action and yet another juicy skamania judge session before it gets sorted out - how good is it i have no other hobbies? :)

 

IMG_01682.JPG

 

2/27 - day 3 - stone soup in the sopping wet - sausage n' eggs n' a leisurely breakfast - 'nastia at tad past 10 - streaming water on the sides of the machine on the way out - the k-19 in classic form, fresh off a cardiac arrest for christ's sake?

 

3/2 - day 4 - the k-19 konked out saturday just at the parking lot ledge n' we ran out of day and had to leave all the gear hanging on the wall - ya'll bitches lost out on a treasure trove of scary worn-out trash :)

 

we raced out amid squalls n' rain-storms, me simultaneously sucking down beer n' butts n' changing clothes - was an easy romp up the route w/ the gear all pre-placed - strong winds n' steady rain at times but all went well

 

prime time for putting up some more routes on this small patch of available wall...

 

3/26 - day 6 - spring breaks big upon the land - breezy clouds n' bright sun - a right sound sleep-in - wine n' pizza for breakfast, than a side-saddle into the gorge under glorious skies - crisp n' cold - spent some time scrambling 'round the ozone n' enjoying da wedder, then busted eastwards more to beacon - aid-soloed stone soup n' had a prime time of it, binging on, of all things, katy perry :)

 

4/28 - day 7 - been out to hike hamilton a couple times the past few weeks but that shit don't count - been a bad fews weeks of loss: health, cool students, ambition, colleagues, etc. - got a taste of bacon to soothe the senses today - me n' mike at the base of stone soup in the cool grey of the afternoon - the alpine start to three tree ledges - to the swiss ledges from there, swapping leads - sawzalled a couple bolts to get'em more righteous - shit, there's so many more to do - set off 2 huge blocks on the rap back down, topping a big tree along the way - for the best really - stoked to see so much chalk on p1 & 2, just gotta improve them amateur bolts for the sporto's :)

 

5/2 - day 8 - nobody to climb w/ but it was 80+ at days end and nary a cloud in the crystal sky, so what can you do? scampered out to beacon, belting out bale-loads of smoke along the way n' bitch'n ballads, the 'lesberu purring away n' throwing engine warning lights out like it's wont to do - were time compressed into a single moment and a single feeling, i'm sure this wouldn't be the worst of em all to settle on, spring setting in and summer beckoning right behind...

 

not a soul in the parking lot, not right at all for so rare a spring day - what worries me really about the closed hiking trail is there isn't a sign at all of work being done to fix the damn thing - if i had a dollar for every tourist who stops, pays the 10$, then curses to discover the main attraction is under wraps, i'd have 1/10 of what the park's getting...

 

joe lent me a mean sawzall n' i put it to some use - climbed the 1st pitch of stone soup and, while cleaning it, cut down all the nasty extruding studs n' filed n' em nice n' smooth

 

5/28 - day 9 - many hikes up hamilton in recent days, but that don't hardly count - thursday was out for the big walk an saw topher n' company on stone soup - brought a bit of a smile to the heart n' had a good govreet w/ them fools after the walk was over - passed off a sawzall, which didn't appear to get much use, and after a few gut-laff's w/ denali-dave, all done up and vivisected on account of his duputryens, danced away west

 

teamed up w/ geoff today - hadn't seen that courtly fool since casting him off at his hill house shortly after completing our spring break trip to the valley

 

our sad friend greatly hobbled all this time gone by, he braved his early exit from fat-phuck retirment and out we went - topher'd pulled his ropes, and we rambled up the first 2 pitches, me getting all the good work

 

the recently renovated p1 was hardly noticable - p2 not so much - a new bolt allows the aid'n fool to skip the eyebrow cave (bryan managed this same variation w/o a bolt i recall) which makes the aid across a bit more mellow - no more sling on the tree above the bush but it still works, so long as you fully extend your daisy and commit to the top step on tiny handholds

 

the 2 upper headwall bolts all ripped out and eloped east - it got called stone soup for a reason - the new way just fine, aiding-wise, and kinda fun as it forces some funky mixed free maneavours to make the high step

 

rawked out for the rest of our times - 3 tree - the long way down - rangers abound - beers and butts - the boat-dock - always bet on #28 - the big bound home

 

6/9 - die X - not such a balmy day after all this august heat - grey and gloomy - school's done as done can be, just the simple matter of casting these cynical bastards off in the morrow's afternoon and it's summa, summa, summa :)

 

jeffy-t at the register rock in the half rain - a good gavreet and a glorious shit and it was sauntering time - rambled up to the top-most railing and ran down the stone soup, taking in the rare auold sights - was a trifle baffled by the dangling old fixed line at three tree - guess that's what it means to make nice w/ the neighbors :) - cut out the hanging trash and cast in on down and couldn't for the life of me find it once upon the ground - wouldn't mind recovering it really, it's the rancid remnants of my first rope, bought back in the waning days of clinton-one :)

 

might be a bit for beacon - next week's the redwoods and yosemite and san-franny w/ the famibily, then mike n' me making our easting off to the wind river range n' hopefully high times....

 

 

7/16 - day 11 - opening day + 1 - been a busy summer - sand dunes, redwoods, yosemite, san francisco, flat-irons, devils's tower, the winds, smith and darrington, then me washed up flat n' busted on my doorstep just a few days before the family rolls back in - road weary and woe-eyed - sometimes i think i'm a shadow and the sun's almost down

 

a morning spent mending the damage done to tires on the most recent road-trip, then out to beacon and a lap up the corner w/ geoff n' bill - cool weather, cloudy - the old place looking just fine after all this time...

 

musta spent at least 10 solid minutes trying to find the new party spot rumored to be an unladen-swallow's flight away, but eventually we figured ole'adam just must not be home :)

 

7/17 - day 12 - lap 1 of the summer - woke up late, this last day of bachelor freedom, bound to recover a dog at noon, despite my vexations - just enough time for a sleep in n' a big breakfast n' some beer, then bounced out the door for a lap - musta passed 4 parties of 4-climbers each on the corner? jeebus, the man could make a fortune if'n he claimed for each :)

 

7/31 - lucky #13 - lap 2 - a trip to tower and success seemingly in hand after a mort more work - a week w/ the wife at art museum's n' doing ya'd wo'k n' f'ck knows what else - hips hurt - knees hurt - seem to have the planter fascist-fukyu in both my heels now - keerist, i'm a few months short of a solid douglas adams' 42 n' i'm feeling auooooold :(

 

sunday morning after a solid sleep in - a week w/ the fam at the beach tomorrow so this was it, and not much time to spare as i needed to set the ya'd in order before we fuckered off

 

beacon near noon - the lot like a gypsy caravan before the nazis knew what's what - cool n' grey - bro'seph n' his benji-buddy in buckling down n' ready to bound up dastardly

 

wandered up the corner w/ a head half-right - crowds like always of course, and a poor dam anchored off and leaving on the travese tree giving me the heebie-jeebies - the crux like cream these days - i don't know what my feet are doing, but i just smile and saunter on

 

fresh air and following breeze - fun times - the ramble down - beers and the long babbling road back home...

 

8/7 - day 14 - little wing n' jill's thrill just right to humiliate our friend n' humble narrator after a week family camping in the olympics, sucking down sausauges n' swill - swimming across lake quinualt some species of training i suppose...

 

thought ole'geoff was fixing to stand me up at the b.k. - read some n' tried not to feel like i was gonna barf up me breakfast - settled for just doing some soloing after a half hour rambled on by - went to fetch some of the regular old poisons out of the roadhouse first n' then pulled out n' headed east when i saw the big-G galloping up in his toy-yoya n' said sure, why not?

 

bit stormy out at beacon today, but nothing serious n' kept the crowds down a bit i bet

 

geoff did the real work so i wussed out and did the easier pitches but still fumbled n' fucked them up, conniving to cut me hand up in the bargain and bled like a little bitch all over the place

 

the Gnome King at grassy ledges, seemingly moved in for the season n' hogging all the space, his ride recently jacked by the Man n' him all "fukit, keepit" in response - a rare hero that'un :)

 

steve n' lisa all about too - we followed them down the raps n' rambled on over to the other side to see about the minotaur, who happily had left his labyrinth - ascended through threatening storm n' had a real satisfying time of it

 

rude reality back in the parking lot - some crackhead kraker chucked a big old stone through geoff's window n' did a quick once-over through its interior - pleasingly the car-alarm seemed to have brought the bitch out of the pussies and they fled before grabbing anything actually - guess it gives our boy an excuse to finally replace the broken windshield too...

 

the summer's setting quick - hope to get another tower trip or two in before it's time to slummit back to work...

 

8/10 - day XV - lap III - leisurely breakfast w/ the kids and some midsummer school work dispensed with, hit the chiropractor to crack the old back n' suck the thetans outta me, then cruised out to beacon in the afternoon heat - warm n' windy in the park - the busted glass of geoff's smashed window all tidied up - just one couple gearing up n' ready to blast off as i started up the corner - felt like a slow old man, stopping to have a good lie down every few pitches n' gaze out at the much older man, the half moon hanging in the sky - the perseids tonight too - the free tv overhead never failing to fling something at you

 

looks like the gnome-king done got evicted - wonder where that wierd mutherfukka got to? :)

 

8/11 - day 16, lap 4 - not so breezy at beacon today - hot n' humid, even after the shade had set in - gabbed w/ jimbo for a while - the gnome king remains in the witness protection program - ran up the corner, feeling a good bit better than yesterday - brought some clippers n' did some community-service cutting out all the clutter on hidden treats and uprising - gavreeted w/ some good folks n' gamboled on back home to set up shop in a dark field w/ the kids n' watch the pulsing perseids

 

8/12-13 - days 17-18 - the plan was partake of the perseids and plenty of beer on the ledge, maybe do a night lap, then finagle maybe a new route off the top - temps in the mid-90s on the drive in, sweltering in my ac-broken car - drove in endless circles trying to discover the exact location of adam's rebel base where i was to rendezvous w/ my crack team of geoff n' bryan

 

eventually it all worked out and we walked up the painfully hot trail, weltering in sweat - once on the ledge the lack of breeze didn't offer much comfort as we lay around, damp as dogs, re-evaluating our recent decisions

 

bryan and i went on to climb the corner, setting off from the ground just at the last light left the sky - an uneventful and rapid ascent and then it was the rest of a long evening spent counting falling stars, drinking 3 different kinds of beer n' pinot noir to boot, gut-laughing and bullshit'n

 

by 9 a.m. the next morning it was absolutely sweltering and all willingness to scrub n' cut n' mank our way up the sun-blasted wall had wasted away in favor of a far more ambitious plan, ambling off and away over to the tepid columbia to swim like porpoises in the sweet water - we even managed to enlist old adam, who clearly had done this shit already - good times ensued over an afternoon that clearly demonstrated how our ancient mammalian cousins evolved and returned to the ocean to despatch their terrestrial ruinations :)

 

8/15 - day 19 - lap 5 - hawt, hawt day - did a lap, then grabbed a snorkel n' swam around the river for a good long while - don't think i've ever felt my arms quite that wasted after a solo day at beacon :)

 

8/22 - day 20 - lap 6 - spent a day lying wounded on the couch nursing my cranky hip after a lengthy tower rock trip, then up today to do the gym-thang w/ the wife, then a chiro visit, then a wander out east - cool and breezy on the south side - a party of 3 on the corner - the 2 dudes from vegas win the "beacon rock hero of the day" award for bringing their very cute girlfriend out - beautiful ebony skin and didn't look a day over 19 n' 1/2 - can't say i've ever seen someone so lovely on our dreary, drab old stone... :)

 

8/23 - day 21 - lap 7 - 2 days in a row w/ beautiful ladies at the crag, the stars must be aligning something fierce, i'm almost scared to go back out tomorrow :) ranger at the base, never a good sign - the mayor up high tending the sheep - some good talk, some grim - shit, the summer's damn near dead...

 

8/24 - day 22 - lap 8 - hat trick - good day - swimming in battle ground lake w/ the dog n' family - freshwater jellyfish, holy shit, who'da thunk it? union social n' some lightweight boozing, then out to beacon - felt abit groggy on arrival and jumped in the columbia in the 90 degree heat to cool off - arrived in the parking lot to ranger questions - apparantly some dickmunch drove off with the picnic bench

 

jim in the lot too, said ole'bill n' ujohn were up high on the corner so i scooted off to see if i could catch them - took uprising and ran into the boys just at the railing - bill invited the gang for drinks at the skamania lodge n' we drank brown ale n' ate nachos n' nattered about an impeding return to tower

 

8/25 - day 23 - lap 9 - a scorcher today - 104 read the car after rudely parking it in the sun - some union bidness dispensed with n' a stint of classroom setup sussed out, i wandered out gorge-ways after 3 - dallied around the dock for an hour or so swimming out to the island n' bantering w/ the fishermen who were bringing in the bass with perfect regularity and had some fine tales to tell- ranger-boi came by w/ some fancy high-powered options, i oughta keep that in mind next time i'm jerking off in the bushes up on grassy ledges :)

 

topped out to the strange site of some kids rapping off the south side summit, strung out in the trees above grassy ledges looking a little uncertain of the future - reckon they'd get themselves sorted out well enough, so sent them my salutations n' shuffled on

 

summer's done sprung a leak and's taking on water something fearful, i would not wager a fucking groat on its continuing good health :)

 

8/28 - day 24 - jensen's ridge w/ oleg - ain't climbed w/ that slavic soul in too long and it was a fine day - hot to be sure, but very breezy so i barely noticed i was dying of heat stroke until i went the whole day w/o pissing :)

 

the oak's encroaching on the route at several places on pitch 3 and i don't know what the fuck to do about it as i hate that shit and have no tolerance for messing w/ it - all the work phuzzy-adam did 2 years ago seemed to just piss it off as its growing back something fiece :(

 

still a great route and no evidence of anyone climbing it this year - never can figure why so many hardmen crush the other beacon classics but never tangle w/ it...

 

8/30 - day 25 - lap 10 - fall came to beacon today - blustery and overcast and sub-70 in the parking lot - no pre- or post-lap swim today :)

 

first day of back to school - waking up at 630 is a hate-crime against mankind and should be constitutionally banned for krist's sake - felt quite greyed out on the quick ascent - chatted w/ cameron for a spell half-way up the first pitch - found a half-full pack of american spirits on the traverse (that you, santa claus? :) ) - by the time i hit the trail the sun emerged and it was brisk but balmy for the walk down

 

as churchill lamented when confronted with how much booze he'd belted down over the course of his long life: "sigh...so much work left to do!" :)

 

9/8 - day 26 - first day of school this tuesday and for the 2nd year in a row my ritual of closing out the day w/ a beacon ascent was scuppered by rain - got out today w/ my colleague jared_jackman, who amazingly knows denali-dave and even fracking lived in the no-bo-trifecta for a spell, yet somehow never climbed at beacon? :noway:

 

pleasant crawl up the corner in the cool breeze - woulda been pleasanter still if my trick hip didn't hurt so damn much - my grave keeps getting closer n' closer

 

2 things i'd never seen at beacon today - a, by beacon standards, big-ass snake coiled up in the hidden-treats crack, right at the top, really putting me off my meds as i like to jam there very much - the other a decent sized powerboat beached on the riverside, looking real grim n' all-to-seek :)

 

off to tower w/ big bill tomorrow - in shah allah, we'll see the long project come to completion finally...

 

9/12 - day 27 - lap 11 - finally some fine weather after work - feeling increasingly crippled as my hip disintegrates and i try to ignore it - gonna see the doc in a few days, so maybe he'll have a magic wand?

 

beached sea-craft still on the columbian shore - are salvage rights yet in effect? think i see an entrepreneurial opportunity :)

 

9/15 - day 28 - hadn't seen phuzzy adam since phuck all, but we met up in camas after some hard traveling for the burning-man boi over the tough portland roads

 

balmy n' breezyish beacon - talk of time gone by - fucking puerto-ricans on the bucket list i recollect - bad beer - good beer - chuckles - the dying light on the gorge walls, the winding way back...

 

9/19 - day 29 - lap 12 - took the boy scout camping on the coast and got poured on damn near every moment - headed out to beacon after work ready for disappointment - hit the lot and followed a frolic-some couple who clearly though they were headed to the summit even as they slunk ever lower :)

 

the rock was just dry enough to reckon on not getting kilt heading up it - moist to the touch, but no big drip-drips

 

pleasant walk down, passing the breeze with a fierce looking shiela and her deaf-husband (which somehow i didn't suss out until the very end) from merry minnesota - she having the shortest of warm-ups before an ultramarathon tomorrow, sweet jeebus, who can touch that kinda krazy fitness? :)

 

9/20-21 - days 30&31 - laps 13-14

 

well, the bastards tried to kill me yesterday - 3 young fucks, according to witnesses i later found on the trail down, spent the better part of 20 minutes chucking huge shit off the south summit as i cowered against the wall on the land of the little people, nursing my beer, guarding my shoes and alternating howls of hatred w/ maniacal laughter and "fuck you fucking fucks!" at the top of my lungs :)

 

even the falcons got into the act, screeching n' swooping - i felt something like a common cause in our anger against the common creeps :P

 

just a thought, but if the park is okay w/ putting up menacing signs citing washington state law and the penalty for walking down the climbers trail in the off season, why not put a similar sign threatening arrest for reckless endangerment or manslaughter at the green gate or by the railing above the south side? i'd like to think if the stupid bastards had killed me that they'd have been punished at least as severely as some poor hiker who just felt like walking to the base on a fine spring day...

 

jogged down the trail after emerging from my hidey-hole, my beer all gone and hungry for blood - probably for the best i didn't catch up, as it likely would have just resulted in 3 dudes kicking my dumb indignant ass :)

 

better day today - steve n' sal above tree ledge - sounds like jim is on the mend and we all wish him well

 

9/22 - day 32 - lap 15 - fell fall is here - decidedly cool and clammy road on the drive out in the afternoon, with a fading sun falling upon us all in this notoriously naughty northern half-fuck hemisphere of ours

 

big doings down by the dock - a busty barge w/ a crane careened up on the big pylons just east of the launch, looking lofty n' ready to tear somethang up - still a free water-craft just off the beach down by the south face, unmoved for weeks but at least floating now that the river's come up - were i a wanderer, intent on distant shores, i'd say stake a claim, kids :)

 

9/27 - day 33 - lap 16 - never a lap up the rock that you don't rumble into something new, so long as you know where to look - today no different - at the bottom 2 buxom-splendid shielas at the start of cruising, at the trail atop 3 nattily attired saffron-clad buddhist monks, not quite chanting but wouldn't be surprised if that's where it all ended up on the summit :)

 

9/28 - day 34 - lap 17 - big bill n' ujohn in the lot in the glittering afternoon sun - little time for frivolity, it's open house night after all bitzes - a quick lap - clusterfuck on the corner, i saw bill well ensnared in it by the time i cut the cord n' said let-hoes-be-hoes - the barge banging n' roaring away down by the river - big doings down there - big bounce back - they say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but it turns out there is such a thing as a free dinner :)

 

9/29 - day 35 - geoff at the bk a bit after 330, me smoking n' reading shelby foote n' waiting - off east soon thereafter - we crawl up cruising to the corner to premature ejaculation, then up the rest of young warriors - an easy world out there really n' not much else to report, save i suppose some spiffy new bolts just off the stoner ledge...

 

9/30 - day 36 - lap 18

 

thank kee-rist for opb fundraising - it got me off the libturd end of the radio dial on the drive in and i finally heard the song ole'bill had been badgering me to find for fuck-all - shit, i thought it was some old man tune :)

 

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great shit there, couldn't help but remind me of another classic i got out at old beatardia from jovial jim :rawk:

 

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a friday evening packed w/ ominous portents - unknown agents acting nefariously in the nether-region of bladerunner, n' so wierd boy-o, as i done heard they're making a sequel today...

 

passed a three-some at tree ledge - bespoke me beer n' noodled over the wicked world while making me big thoughts on mushroom ledge, then zoomed off to zion

 

heart-attack at the car - couldn't find my car keys for the life of me - eventually remembered i'd arrived in the lot having to take a ten-pound shit ("warning - warp core breach in progress") - in my eager ecstasy to see it on its weary way, i done left the keys in the can :)

 

friday night fuckers - stopped off for some wine and had a wonderful conversation w/ a former student who, though somewhat portly n' latina, is all set to vote trump :noway:

 

10/3 - day 37 - lap 19

 

just managed to squeeze this one in - leaden sky on the cursory drive out - limp air, sodden with coming rain - rumbled out of the ride right quick to make a mighty shit - by the time i reached the base the sky portended bad, bad things - fat raindrops by the halfway point up the slab pitch, the rock cold and clammy and quick to grow dramp - like the tears of the lord by the top of pitch 3, and noah alone could comprehend the deluge by the top of uprising - i hoofed it over the railing and found sanctuary under the ramps of the trail to take a pause n' have a smoke n' contemplate the hereafter :)

 

fall's come quick - 20 laps was my goal, and in shah allah, we oughta be able to get it closer to 30 by the time the big endless breeze of december dances on in....

 

10/11 - day 38 - lap 20 - a week of solid, shitty fall weather followed by a brief window of what-have-you - glad i didn't go out y-day as it was wet enough today i'm sure it woulda been a waste

 

a big wind on our woe-wracked rock this here-after, but wierdly it was chockablock w/ white fellers - 'topher twerk'n it on the eternal route off snag ledge that a boatload a'fellers have wandered up only to wander back down - maybe he found the final way through the choss? folks on jills and rapping down wrong gull. a sight i never saw while noodling n' drinking n' thinking atop hidden treats, an old boy rapping down climbers of the far left end of grassy ledges, having just rapped into big ledge, rope-soled the original finishing pitches of dods, then traversed back down to me. he seemed to be newish to beatard-land, but clearly had his feet solidly under'em.

 

fall's here i fear, and to stay too - guess we'll have to make our peace w/ it....

 

10/12 - day 39 - today marks the 15,340 n' a half day this wicked world's been winging round the sun w/ me hanging on like hell n' hollering something awful - ain't so sure i got another 15,000 left in the tank, so reckon i gotta make the back half take it's time :)

 

heavy gray sky, the weekend storm waxes large on the western horizon - my second ascent w/ the jovial jared - we bump into ole'bill n' ujohn along the way n' have a bit of a bark-bark at the cloud-shrouded moon n' then move along, me fucking it all up leading all uprising w/o stopping w/o a single draw :)

 

home in time for a fine birthday dinner - the wife made my favorite, schnitzel n' suds :rawk:

11/4 - day 4 X 10 - lap BLACKJACK!

 

been a dark and damp and drizzly november in yer friend n' narrator's humble soul - diagnosis of spinal arthritis accounting for the complete and total disintegration of my ability to be an ambulatory human-bean these past many moons

 

it will all pass by n' by, though why i must wait 4 weeks more for some fellow to burrow a hole into my spine n' squirt some happy juice in i can't say - i guess we all must suffer if we are to make our merry way

 

a solid month of shit sailing out the sky - never a thought of beacon i say - and now daylight savings here and so now after school there ain't gonna be no fuk'n way sarge, no fuk'n way :)

 

damp on the rock for sure, but good enough - been feeling 20 years older most days, this one just 17 n' 1/2

 

a cool, clammy ascent - the soft crumble of rocks on the track, the slow steady hum from the buzz in my back - a sealion on the columbia dealing some fishey's lament :)

 

denver dan is gonna die!

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jeebus-christ-on-a-cracker, it's a whole rainbow o' nerdz :)

 

sadly, smiff's a bit far for an after work scramble...

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Hoping for a fast recovery for you ivan, although in my experience the list of failing body parts due to aging and (mis)use seems to get longer faster than the list of ones repaired either naturally or through the gifted hands or prescriptions of doctors. Hopefully you can continue blessing these ever diminishing annals with your posts.

 

I have still never climbed at Beacon, but come back to this thread for the unmatched tales and climbing lore....

Edited by matt_warfield

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Damn, doesn't look like officially being labeled a cripple has slowed him down at all. Good luck with the joy juice Ivan, it does help some folks, like a lot. I keep putting it off, but now is the time to get it done so I can get some winter rehab in. For you as well. I bet if my Dr saw me helping hump rocks at the Madrone trail day today she'd crap all over the place.

 

 

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1/10/16 - 4th year of setting down the shit that does go down in beatardia, where men are women and women are never around :)

 

was a rude late fall/early winter season - the big blow of early november annihilated the hiking trail and i woulda been pissed about it if'n never-ending rains hadn't set in and made soloing laps insane anyway

 

a late december trip out w/ geoff at the start of winter break - we ended up just drinking beers n' smoking shit n' commenting on the awful, awful slickery nature of everything - the wall closed at ground zero and so nothing aidable particularly of interest

 

christmas ensued and all was well - didn't have the cash or the clock-time to go for a long off trip to red rocks or whatever, so the only local option was heading up to the puget sound and make a water-man of meself again - last year was great, a 3 day back-pack on the olympic coast n' a 2 day ocean kayak

 

this time around it was a 6-day sea window

 

beat up north in the early hours of 12/27, bent out of my mind it seemed, water streaming along the side of the automovat - seattle shortly after dawn, proud pat all pat-like

 

made our way to the marina n' nattered in the cold light waiting to meet up w/ our captain, a true comedy of errors - soon enough we were on board and casting off

 

sweet simple sailing southward in light airs, past bouys bestowed with sealions - seals - dolphins - eagles both american and candadian i bet - the pleasant site of a 'lion bolting down a full-growth salmon by tail

 

the last bit into port orchard by motor, the night come round so soon - carriers at bremerton

 

ashore we 'sup n' carouse n' enjoy ourselves capitally - meet a sheila-acquaintance of denali dave's round the fireplace n' philsophize over the weight of smoke before rambling off to a sea-berth :)

 

sail oughta town the next day and all was well - got meself nearly kilt by a swinging boom just shy of brian island or somethign like that - spent much of the night dazed as could be but enjoyed a grand time nonetheless binging on burgundy, n' noble reds n' flowing bowls of what-have-you until 2 in the morning

 

awoke feeling near as death as i've felt in awhile - the hard-knock the day before was certainly one of my fabled 9 lives n' i felt the truth of it - grayed out - feeling the cold i'd inherited from the silverton clan plus the concusssion plus the cold above deck plus the deep, deep fucking booze funk

 

they all thought i was dead the day before and grew doubly grim when i was drawing breath the day after but groaning - turned into me laying in agony on the cabin bench n' holding me head together as we steamed back to seattle against a solid breeze

 

the rest of the day was a healing thing - pat flung himself into the sound in his wetsuit as i laid around his joint, showering and trying to sleep off my fucking concussion - that night we did some super-stoned shopping n' headed over to his girlfriend's for a sumptous dinner set against a most scorchign cold outside - i cackled n' thumbed through 1960's civil defense brochures while pat snored n' i made small talk w/ his missus and her very alien animal

 

3 days of ocean kayaking ensued - launched out from an indian reservation near bellingham, stocked up on cheap injun smokes - the rudder was rudely impaired n' pat didn't know but had me in the back anyhow, so after hours of bitching n' cussing we finally fetched up on clark island

 

soaked rather wet we came straight ashore n' made camp in what proved to be a damned cold place - made a roaring fire n' had a bit of a good night - italian fare i recollect - olives n' red sauce n' sausage tortellinis n' mozeralla n' red wine - a sputtering fire, a bit of a dissapointment but soon enough the tent beside a snoring pat n' i slept soundly, the head cold resonating through me

 

day 2 of the ocean kayak we resolve to shift our camp southwards on the island but no further - find a sweet cove filled w/ firewood n' a sweltering sun, relative to our recent camp - we souse along the shore for a bit n' later launch for a trip to a nearby island where pat is molested by sheep

 

great night, this one - we were promised the northern lights but they never appeared but fuck it - it was new years eve - we sat by a roaring fire n' enjoyed bacon n' chili n' what-have-you, me sucking down pionot noir n' smokes n' enjoying the simpleness of being stranded at sea

 

new year's eve we returned to civilization n' after a bit of agony i made it home in time for winter weather and a nice delayed start to the school year

 

 

but this a beacon thread, n' so all this stuff before is simple bullshit n' i apologize for it

 

today was day 1! corner lap #1, but not solo n' gladly not

 

geoff at the bk a bit past 10 - we saunter eastwards by strong light n' stronger winds

 

the parking lot in a simple gale - we pack and wander down, bound n' determined to reach the top of the uprising and to suss out the damage from there

 

cold n' icy but delightfully dry - i take pitch 1 n' we alternate from there - snow patches here and there, but dry where it needs to be - some beers along the way n' we get time to poke our head over the railing n' take in the carnage on the touron-trail - much work to be done it's obvious - big blown out trees n' blowdown n' battered stones - we take it in and scoot down the raps in the big blow n' enjoy some beers and ramboling aroudn and reach back for home

 

here's to 2016 :brew:

 

1/31 - day 2 - closing day, and not a very promising one - 39 degrees n' pouring rain in the parking lot - a drive out through mental desperation, the moss on this here rolling rock of meself growing thick n' fucking shaggy

 

beers n' bullshitting w/ steve n' waiting for the weather to give up a little - there were no illusions of how thorough soggy it was gonna be

 

no wind to speak of though, so there was that at least and it got warmer on the south side after the mist melted away - soon enough i cast off, pulling on gear here and there to remind meself not to be a dipshit on a point of pride climbing the slime-cone

 

the sun shone out halfway up and the mood improved noticeably - fresh snow, as innocent as a downy laotian-lamb along the far gorge walls -steve was exuberant to lead the second pitch and i salute him for it as it wouldn't have taken much to talk me out of it

 

a real slippy-slidey one is that - our boy did it w/o flying off but, following, i found meself doing the cartoon-character spinning me feet in the air thang at one point and only narrowly avoiding a pretty cosmic pirouette around the first crux

 

found meself holding forth somethign fierce on tree ledge, swilling pbr n' pounding upon our poor fellow about his own cosmic hangups -those rightly disposed, and a few butts thrown in to boot, i bolted on up the slippery ramps to grassy ledges - since i had a 70 and the jill's anchor was running wet, i went past it and anchored to a tree - a flippant shoulder belay ensued n' steve quite soon went n' fell big time onto it but i proved them old-boys knew what they were doing and ended up smiling on the ground for it :)

 

the trail closed sign even as we slipped away - stone soup next month now i suppose, though i suspect it's gonna take a civil action and yet another juicy skamania judge session before it gets sorted out - how good is it i have no other hobbies? :)

 

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2/27 - day 3 - stone soup in the sopping wet - sausage n' eggs n' a leisurely breakfast - 'nastia at tad past 10 - streaming water on the sides of the machine on the way out - the k-19 in classic form, fresh off a cardiac arrest for christ's sake?

 

3/2 - day 4 - the k-19 konked out saturday just at the parking lot ledge n' we ran out of day and had to leave all the gear hanging on the wall - ya'll bitches lost out on a treasure trove of scary worn-out trash :)

 

we raced out amid squalls n' rain-storms, me simultaneously sucking down beer n' butts n' changing clothes - was an easy romp up the route w/ the gear all pre-placed - strong winds n' steady rain at times but all went well

 

prime time for putting up some more routes on this small patch of available wall...

 

3/26 - day 6 - spring breaks big upon the land - breezy clouds n' bright sun - a right sound sleep-in - wine n' pizza for breakfast, than a side-saddle into the gorge under glorious skies - crisp n' cold - spent some time scrambling 'round the ozone n' enjoying da wedder, then busted eastwards more to beacon - aid-soloed stone soup n' had a prime time of it, binging on, of all things, katy perry :)

 

4/28 - day 7 - been out to hike hamilton a couple times the past few weeks but that shit don't count - been a bad fews weeks of loss: health, cool students, ambition, colleagues, etc. - got a taste of bacon to soothe the senses today - me n' mike at the base of stone soup in the cool grey of the afternoon - the alpine start to three tree ledges - to the swiss ledges from there, swapping leads - sawzalled a couple bolts to get'em more righteous - shit, there's so many more to do - set off 2 huge blocks on the rap back down, topping a big tree along the way - for the best really - stoked to see so much chalk on p1 & 2, just gotta improve them amateur bolts for the sporto's :)

 

5/2 - day 8 - nobody to climb w/ but it was 80+ at days end and nary a cloud in the crystal sky, so what can you do? scampered out to beacon, belting out bale-loads of smoke along the way n' bitch'n ballads, the 'lesberu purring away n' throwing engine warning lights out like it's wont to do - were time compressed into a single moment and a single feeling, i'm sure this wouldn't be the worst of em all to settle on, spring setting in and summer beckoning right behind...

 

not a soul in the parking lot, not right at all for so rare a spring day - what worries me really about the closed hiking trail is there isn't a sign at all of work being done to fix the damn thing - if i had a dollar for every tourist who stops, pays the 10$, then curses to discover the main attraction is under wraps, i'd have 1/10 of what the park's getting...

 

joe lent me a mean sawzall n' i put it to some use - climbed the 1st pitch of stone soup and, while cleaning it, cut down all the nasty extruding studs n' filed n' em nice n' smooth

 

5/28 - day 9 - many hikes up hamilton in recent days, but that don't hardly count - thursday was out for the big walk an saw topher n' company on stone soup - brought a bit of a smile to the heart n' had a good govreet w/ them fools after the walk was over - passed off a sawzall, which didn't appear to get much use, and after a few gut-laff's w/ denali-dave, all done up and vivisected on account of his duputryens, danced away west

 

teamed up w/ geoff today - hadn't seen that courtly fool since casting him off at his hill house shortly after completing our spring break trip to the valley

 

our sad friend greatly hobbled all this time gone by, he braved his early exit from fat-phuck retirment and out we went - topher'd pulled his ropes, and we rambled up the first 2 pitches, me getting all the good work

 

the recently renovated p1 was hardly noticable - p2 not so much - a new bolt allows the aid'n fool to skip the eyebrow cave (bryan managed this same variation w/o a bolt i recall) which makes the aid across a bit more mellow - no more sling on the tree above the bush but it still works, so long as you fully extend your daisy and commit to the top step on tiny handholds

 

the 2 upper headwall bolts all ripped out and eloped east - it got called stone soup for a reason - the new way just fine, aiding-wise, and kinda fun as it forces some funky mixed free maneavours to make the high step

 

rawked out for the rest of our times - 3 tree - the long way down - rangers abound - beers and butts - the boat-dock - always bet on #28 - the big bound home

 

6/9 - die X - not such a balmy day after all this august heat - grey and gloomy - school's done as done can be, just the simple matter of casting these cynical bastards off in the morrow's afternoon and it's summa, summa, summa :)

 

jeffy-t at the register rock in the half rain - a good gavreet and a glorious shit and it was sauntering time - rambled up to the top-most railing and ran down the stone soup, taking in the rare auold sights - was a trifle baffled by the dangling old fixed line at three tree - guess that's what it means to make nice w/ the neighbors :) - cut out the hanging trash and cast in on down and couldn't for the life of me find it once upon the ground - wouldn't mind recovering it really, it's the rancid remnants of my first rope, bought back in the waning days of clinton-one :)

 

might be a bit for beacon - next week's the redwoods and yosemite and san-franny w/ the famibily, then mike n' me making our easting off to the wind river range n' hopefully high times....

 

 

7/16 - day 11 - opening day + 1 - been a busy summer - sand dunes, redwoods, yosemite, san francisco, flat-irons, devils's tower, the winds, smith and darrington, then me washed up flat n' busted on my doorstep just a few days before the family rolls back in - road weary and woe-eyed - sometimes i think i'm a shadow and the sun's almost down

 

a morning spent mending the damage done to tires on the most recent road-trip, then out to beacon and a lap up the corner w/ geoff n' bill - cool weather, cloudy - the old place looking just fine after all this time...

 

musta spent at least 10 solid minutes trying to find the new party spot rumored to be an unladen-swallow's flight away, but eventually we figured ole'adam just must not be home :)

 

7/17 - day 12 - lap 1 of the summer - woke up late, this last day of bachelor freedom, bound to recover a dog at noon, despite my vexations - just enough time for a sleep in n' a big breakfast n' some beer, then bounced out the door for a lap - musta passed 4 parties of 4-climbers each on the corner? jeebus, the man could make a fortune if'n he claimed for each :)

 

7/31 - lucky #13 - lap 2 - a trip to tower and success seemingly in hand after a mort more work - a week w/ the wife at art museum's n' doing ya'd wo'k n' f'ck knows what else - hips hurt - knees hurt - seem to have the planter fascist-fukyu in both my heels now - keerist, i'm a few months short of a solid douglas adams' 42 n' i'm feeling auooooold :(

 

sunday morning after a solid sleep in - a week w/ the fam at the beach tomorrow so this was it, and not much time to spare as i needed to set the ya'd in order before we fuckered off

 

beacon near noon - the lot like a gypsy caravan before the nazis knew what's what - cool n' grey - bro'seph n' his benji-buddy in buckling down n' ready to bound up dastardly

 

wandered up the corner w/ a head half-right - crowds like always of course, and a poor dam anchored off and leaving on the travese tree giving me the heebie-jeebies - the crux like cream these days - i don't know what my feet are doing, but i just smile and saunter on

 

fresh air and following breeze - fun times - the ramble down - beers and the long babbling road back home...

 

8/7 - day 14 - little wing n' jill's thrill just right to humiliate our friend n' humble narrator after a week family camping in the olympics, sucking down sausauges n' swill - swimming across lake quinualt some species of training i suppose...

 

thought ole'geoff was fixing to stand me up at the b.k. - read some n' tried not to feel like i was gonna barf up me breakfast - settled for just doing some soloing after a half hour rambled on by - went to fetch some of the regular old poisons out of the roadhouse first n' then pulled out n' headed east when i saw the big-G galloping up in his toy-yoya n' said sure, why not?

 

bit stormy out at beacon today, but nothing serious n' kept the crowds down a bit i bet

 

geoff did the real work so i wussed out and did the easier pitches but still fumbled n' fucked them up, conniving to cut me hand up in the bargain and bled like a little bitch all over the place

 

the Gnome King at grassy ledges, seemingly moved in for the season n' hogging all the space, his ride recently jacked by the Man n' him all "fukit, keepit" in response - a rare hero that'un :)

 

steve n' lisa all about too - we followed them down the raps n' rambled on over to the other side to see about the minotaur, who happily had left his labyrinth - ascended through threatening storm n' had a real satisfying time of it

 

rude reality back in the parking lot - some crackhead kraker chucked a big old stone through geoff's window n' did a quick once-over through its interior - pleasingly the car-alarm seemed to have brought the bitch out of the pussies and they fled before grabbing anything actually - guess it gives our boy an excuse to finally replace the broken windshield too...

 

the summer's setting quick - hope to get another tower trip or two in before it's time to slummit back to work...

 

8/10 - day XV - lap III - leisurely breakfast w/ the kids and some midsummer school work dispensed with, hit the chiropractor to crack the old back n' suck the thetans outta me, then cruised out to beacon in the afternoon heat - warm n' windy in the park - the busted glass of geoff's smashed window all tidied up - just one couple gearing up n' ready to blast off as i started up the corner - felt like a slow old man, stopping to have a good lie down every few pitches n' gaze out at the much older man, the half moon hanging in the sky - the perseids tonight too - the free tv overhead never failing to fling something at you

 

looks like the gnome-king done got evicted - wonder where that wierd mutherfukka got to? :)

 

8/11 - day 16, lap 4 - not so breezy at beacon today - hot n' humid, even after the shade had set in - gabbed w/ jimbo for a while - the gnome king remains in the witness protection program - ran up the corner, feeling a good bit better than yesterday - brought some clippers n' did some community-service cutting out all the clutter on hidden treats and uprising - gavreeted w/ some good folks n' gamboled on back home to set up shop in a dark field w/ the kids n' watch the pulsing perseids

 

8/12-13 - days 17-18 - the plan was partake of the perseids and plenty of beer on the ledge, maybe do a night lap, then finagle maybe a new route off the top - temps in the mid-90s on the drive in, sweltering in my ac-broken car - drove in endless circles trying to discover the exact location of adam's rebel base where i was to rendezvous w/ my crack team of geoff n' bryan

 

eventually it all worked out and we walked up the painfully hot trail, weltering in sweat - once on the ledge the lack of breeze didn't offer much comfort as we lay around, damp as dogs, re-evaluating our recent decisions

 

bryan and i went on to climb the corner, setting off from the ground just at the last light left the sky - an uneventful and rapid ascent and then it was the rest of a long evening spent counting falling stars, drinking 3 different kinds of beer n' pinot noir to boot, gut-laughing and bullshit'n

 

by 9 a.m. the next morning it was absolutely sweltering and all willingness to scrub n' cut n' mank our way up the sun-blasted wall had wasted away in favor of a far more ambitious plan, ambling off and away over to the tepid columbia to swim like porpoises in the sweet water - we even managed to enlist old adam, who clearly had done this shit already - good times ensued over an afternoon that clearly demonstrated how our ancient mammalian cousins evolved and returned to the ocean to despatch their terrestrial ruinations :)

 

8/15 - day 19 - lap 5 - hawt, hawt day - did a lap, then grabbed a snorkel n' swam around the river for a good long while - don't think i've ever felt my arms quite that wasted after a solo day at beacon :)

 

8/22 - day 20 - lap 6 - spent a day lying wounded on the couch nursing my cranky hip after a lengthy tower rock trip, then up today to do the gym-thang w/ the wife, then a chiro visit, then a wander out east - cool and breezy on the south side - a party of 3 on the corner - the 2 dudes from vegas win the "beacon rock hero of the day" award for bringing their very cute girlfriend out - beautiful ebony skin and didn't look a day over 19 n' 1/2 - can't say i've ever seen someone so lovely on our dreary, drab old stone... :)

 

8/23 - day 21 - lap 7 - 2 days in a row w/ beautiful ladies at the crag, the stars must be aligning something fierce, i'm almost scared to go back out tomorrow :) ranger at the base, never a good sign - the mayor up high tending the sheep - some good talk, some grim - shit, the summer's damn near dead...

 

8/24 - day 22 - lap 8 - hat trick - good day - swimming in battle ground lake w/ the dog n' family - freshwater jellyfish, holy shit, who'da thunk it? union social n' some lightweight boozing, then out to beacon - felt abit groggy on arrival and jumped in the columbia in the 90 degree heat to cool off - arrived in the parking lot to ranger questions - apparantly some dickmunch drove off with the picnic bench

 

jim in the lot too, said ole'bill n' ujohn were up high on the corner so i scooted off to see if i could catch them - took uprising and ran into the boys just at the railing - bill invited the gang for drinks at the skamania lodge n' we drank brown ale n' ate nachos n' nattered about an impeding return to tower

 

8/25 - day 23 - lap 9 - a scorcher today - 104 read the car after rudely parking it in the sun - some union bidness dispensed with n' a stint of classroom setup sussed out, i wandered out gorge-ways after 3 - dallied around the dock for an hour or so swimming out to the island n' bantering w/ the fishermen who were bringing in the bass with perfect regularity and had some fine tales to tell- ranger-boi came by w/ some fancy high-powered options, i oughta keep that in mind next time i'm jerking off in the bushes up on grassy ledges :)

 

topped out to the strange site of some kids rapping off the south side summit, strung out in the trees above grassy ledges looking a little uncertain of the future - reckon they'd get themselves sorted out well enough, so sent them my salutations n' shuffled on

 

summer's done sprung a leak and's taking on water something fearful, i would not wager a fucking groat on its continuing good health :)

 

8/28 - day 24 - jensen's ridge w/ oleg - ain't climbed w/ that slavic soul in too long and it was a fine day - hot to be sure, but very breezy so i barely noticed i was dying of heat stroke until i went the whole day w/o pissing :)

 

the oak's encroaching on the route at several places on pitch 3 and i don't know what the fuck to do about it as i hate that shit and have no tolerance for messing w/ it - all the work phuzzy-adam did 2 years ago seemed to just piss it off as its growing back something fiece :(

 

still a great route and no evidence of anyone climbing it this year - never can figure why so many hardmen crush the other beacon classics but never tangle w/ it...

 

8/30 - day 25 - lap 10 - fall came to beacon today - blustery and overcast and sub-70 in the parking lot - no pre- or post-lap swim today :)

 

first day of back to school - waking up at 630 is a hate-crime against mankind and should be constitutionally banned for krist's sake - felt quite greyed out on the quick ascent - chatted w/ cameron for a spell half-way up the first pitch - found a half-full pack of american spirits on the traverse (that you, santa claus? :) ) - by the time i hit the trail the sun emerged and it was brisk but balmy for the walk down

 

as churchill lamented when confronted with how much booze he'd belted down over the course of his long life: "sigh...so much work left to do!" :)

 

9/8 - day 26 - first day of school this tuesday and for the 2nd year in a row my ritual of closing out the day w/ a beacon ascent was scuppered by rain - got out today w/ my colleague jared_jackman, who amazingly knows denali-dave and even fracking lived in the no-bo-trifecta for a spell, yet somehow never climbed at beacon? :noway:

 

pleasant crawl up the corner in the cool breeze - woulda been pleasanter still if my trick hip didn't hurt so damn much - my grave keeps getting closer n' closer

 

2 things i'd never seen at beacon today - a, by beacon standards, big-ass snake coiled up in the hidden-treats crack, right at the top, really putting me off my meds as i like to jam there very much - the other a decent sized powerboat beached on the riverside, looking real grim n' all-to-seek :)

 

off to tower w/ big bill tomorrow - in shah allah, we'll see the long project come to completion finally...

 

9/12 - day 27 - lap 11 - finally some fine weather after work - feeling increasingly crippled as my hip disintegrates and i try to ignore it - gonna see the doc in a few days, so maybe he'll have a magic wand?

 

beached sea-craft still on the columbian shore - are salvage rights yet in effect? think i see an entrepreneurial opportunity :)

 

9/15 - day 28 - hadn't seen phuzzy adam since phuck all, but we met up in camas after some hard traveling for the burning-man boi over the tough portland roads

 

balmy n' breezyish beacon - talk of time gone by - fucking puerto-ricans on the bucket list i recollect - bad beer - good beer - chuckles - the dying light on the gorge walls, the winding way back...

 

9/19 - day 29 - lap 12 - took the boy scout camping on the coast and got poured on damn near every moment - headed out to beacon after work ready for disappointment - hit the lot and followed a frolic-some couple who clearly though they were headed to the summit even as they slunk ever lower :)

 

the rock was just dry enough to reckon on not getting kilt heading up it - moist to the touch, but no big drip-drips

 

pleasant walk down, passing the breeze with a fierce looking shiela and her deaf-husband (which somehow i didn't suss out until the very end) from merry minnesota - she having the shortest of warm-ups before an ultramarathon tomorrow, sweet jeebus, who can touch that kinda krazy fitness? :)

 

9/20-21 - days 30&31 - laps 13-14

 

well, the bastards tried to kill me yesterday - 3 young fucks, according to witnesses i later found on the trail down, spent the better part of 20 minutes chucking huge shit off the south summit as i cowered against the wall on the land of the little people, nursing my beer, guarding my shoes and alternating howls of hatred w/ maniacal laughter and "fuck you fucking fucks!" at the top of my lungs :)

 

even the falcons got into the act, screeching n' swooping - i felt something like a common cause in our anger against the common creeps :P

 

just a thought, but if the park is okay w/ putting up menacing signs citing washington state law and the penalty for walking down the climbers trail in the off season, why not put a similar sign threatening arrest for reckless endangerment or manslaughter at the green gate or by the railing above the south side? i'd like to think if the stupid bastards had killed me that they'd have been punished at least as severely as some poor hiker who just felt like walking to the base on a fine spring day...

 

jogged down the trail after emerging from my hidey-hole, my beer all gone and hungry for blood - probably for the best i didn't catch up, as it likely would have just resulted in 3 dudes kicking my dumb indignant ass :)

 

better day today - steve n' sal above tree ledge - sounds like jim is on the mend and we all wish him well

 

9/22 - day 32 - lap 15 - fell fall is here - decidedly cool and clammy road on the drive out in the afternoon, with a fading sun falling upon us all in this notoriously naughty northern half-fuck hemisphere of ours

 

big doings down by the dock - a busty barge w/ a crane careened up on the big pylons just east of the launch, looking lofty n' ready to tear somethang up - still a free water-craft just off the beach down by the south face, unmoved for weeks but at least floating now that the river's come up - were i a wanderer, intent on distant shores, i'd say stake a claim, kids :)

 

9/27 - day 33 - lap 16 - never a lap up the rock that you don't rumble into something new, so long as you know where to look - today no different - at the bottom 2 buxom-splendid shielas at the start of cruising, at the trail atop 3 nattily attired saffron-clad buddhist monks, not quite chanting but wouldn't be surprised if that's where it all ended up on the summit :)

 

9/28 - day 34 - lap 17 - big bill n' ujohn in the lot in the glittering afternoon sun - little time for frivolity, it's open house night after all bitzes - a quick lap - clusterfuck on the corner, i saw bill well ensnared in it by the time i cut the cord n' said let-hoes-be-hoes - the barge banging n' roaring away down by the river - big doings down there - big bounce back - they say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but it turns out there is such a thing as a free dinner :)

 

9/29 - day 35 - geoff at the bk a bit after 330, me smoking n' reading shelby foote n' waiting - off east soon thereafter - we crawl up cruising to the corner to premature ejaculation, then up the rest of young warriors - an easy world out there really n' not much else to report, save i suppose some spiffy new bolts just off the stoner ledge...

 

9/30 - day 36 - lap 18

 

thank kee-rist for opb fundraising - it got me off the libturd end of the radio dial on the drive in and i finally heard the song ole'bill had been badgering me to find for fuck-all - shit, i thought it was some old man tune :)

 

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great shit there, couldn't help but remind me of another classic i got out at old beatardia from jovial jim :rawk:

 

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a friday evening packed w/ ominous portents - unknown agents acting nefariously in the nether-region of bladerunner, n' so wierd boy-o, as i done heard they're making a sequel today...

 

passed a three-some at tree ledge - bespoke me beer n' noodled over the wicked world while making me big thoughts on mushroom ledge, then zoomed off to zion

 

heart-attack at the car - couldn't find my car keys for the life of me - eventually remembered i'd arrived in the lot having to take a ten-pound shit ("warning - warp core breach in progress") - in my eager ecstasy to see it on its weary way, i done left the keys in the can :)

 

friday night fuckers - stopped off for some wine and had a wonderful conversation w/ a former student who, though somewhat portly n' latina, is all set to vote trump :noway:

 

10/3 - day 37 - lap 19

 

just managed to squeeze this one in - leaden sky on the cursory drive out - limp air, sodden with coming rain - rumbled out of the ride right quick to make a mighty shit - by the time i reached the base the sky portended bad, bad things - fat raindrops by the halfway point up the slab pitch, the rock cold and clammy and quick to grow dramp - like the tears of the lord by the top of pitch 3, and noah alone could comprehend the deluge by the top of uprising - i hoofed it over the railing and found sanctuary under the ramps of the trail to take a pause n' have a smoke n' contemplate the hereafter :)

 

fall's come quick - 20 laps was my goal, and in shah allah, we oughta be able to get it closer to 30 by the time the big endless breeze of december dances on in....

 

10/11 - day 38 - lap 20 - a week of solid, shitty fall weather followed by a brief window of what-have-you - glad i didn't go out y-day as it was wet enough today i'm sure it woulda been a waste

 

a big wind on our woe-wracked rock this here-after, but wierdly it was chockablock w/ white fellers - 'topher twerk'n it on the eternal route off snag ledge that a boatload a'fellers have wandered up only to wander back down - maybe he found the final way through the choss? folks on jills and rapping down wrong gull. a sight i never saw while noodling n' drinking n' thinking atop hidden treats, an old boy rapping down climbers of the far left end of grassy ledges, having just rapped into big ledge, rope-soled the original finishing pitches of dods, then traversed back down to me. he seemed to be newish to beatard-land, but clearly had his feet solidly under'em.

 

fall's here i fear, and to stay too - guess we'll have to make our peace w/ it....

 

10/12 - day 39 - today marks the 15,340 n' a half day this wicked world's been winging round the sun w/ me hanging on like hell n' hollering something awful - ain't so sure i got another 15,000 left in the tank, so reckon i gotta make the back half take it's time :)

 

heavy gray sky, the weekend storm waxes large on the western horizon - my second ascent w/ the jovial jared - we bump into ole'bill n' ujohn along the way n' have a bit of a bark-bark at the cloud-shrouded moon n' then move along, me fucking it all up leading all uprising w/o stopping w/o a single draw :)

 

home in time for a fine birthday dinner - the wife made my favorite, schnitzel n' suds :rawk:

 

11/4 - day 4 X 10 - lap BLACKJACK!

 

been a dark and damp and drizzly november in yer friend n' narrator's humble soul - diagnosis of spinal arthritis accounting for the complete and total disintegration of my ability to be an ambulatory human-bean these past many moons

 

it will all pass by n' by, though why i must wait 4 weeks more for some fellow to burrow a hole into my spine n' squirt some happy juice in i can't say - i guess we all must suffer if we are to make our merry way

 

a solid month of shit sailing out the sky - never a thought of beacon i say - and now daylight savings here and so now after school there ain't gonna be no fuk'n way sarge, no fuk'n way :)

 

damp on the rock for sure, but good enough - been feeling 20 years older most days, this one just 17 n' 1/2

 

a cool, clammy ascent - the soft crumble of rocks on the track, the slow steady hum from the buzz in my back - a sealion on the columbia dealing some fishey's lament :)

 

denver dan is gonna die!

11/7 - day 41 - lap 22

 

'twas trumpageddon eve n' all through the gorge

the big breeze was blow'n n' i wanted a whore

the waves were whipping down the dock-side so bare

n' the tourons were missing n' nobody cared

 

the trail was all muddy and the rock a tad damp

but what did it matter, the country's in love w/ a tramp?

i started a lap, wondering what did it matter

should i slip on the slab and hit bottom w/ a splatter?

 

the ride back home i'm sure it was oh-so right

this world all on twitter n' on the edge of a knife

but the sun will keep rising, that's what they say,

and the flowers still bloom n' the queers will be ghey

 

:brew:

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A great lap was had yesterday. Bless global warming and record heat, it was 68 degrees in PDX in November! Feeling a tad out of sorts, we elected a corner lap. A young Utah man named Kyle wandered by just as Ujahn stepped off into P1 and was invited in the Reindeer games. He'd never seen a person tie off with 2 lockers before and simul on a rope with another, and the hip belay as well was first seen by the 22 year old. He was merely planning a quick boulder sesh and view of the awe inspiring S side before heading back to U dub, but lucky for him he ran into 2 old dudes who recognized that bouldering on the s side of Beacon sucked, whereas laps rule. He didn't know about clipping off single pieces, and grabbing handfuls at the exchange led to the biner my boy had given me, the prized Camp biner, being dropped. He climbed slow, but was agreeable company. It was a nice day and we had plenty of time having cut out of work by 1pm, so it was not a bad thing at all to have time to view Seal Lions noshing salmon and of course the birds.

 

He ditched us at the trail to go to the summit. We headed down to quaff Ujahns excellent Porter homebrew passing Adam and Jeff's car, figured they were working Tourist Attraction but should soon be down. The growler was getting low when the lad comes down to the base and was offered a cup which drained said vessel. A sprint back to the car to try and get in shape would have ended the day, but at 2 am I awoke with massive foot pain. Turns out, I didn't something which my foot is in disagreement with. The usual swelling and limping ensued. Gave up and made myself some coffee at 4 am. Foot still hurts like hell.

 

Pfft, old people and their aches and pains.

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sea lions been real active of late it seems - you notice the derelict boat finally got heaved off and tied up down by the dock?

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1/10/16 - 4th year of setting down the shit that does go down in beatardia, where men are women and women are never around :)

 

was a rude late fall/early winter season - the big blow of early november annihilated the hiking trail and i woulda been pissed about it if'n never-ending rains hadn't set in and made soloing laps insane anyway

 

a late december trip out w/ geoff at the start of winter break - we ended up just drinking beers n' smoking shit n' commenting on the awful, awful slickery nature of everything - the wall closed at ground zero and so nothing aidable particularly of interest

 

christmas ensued and all was well - didn't have the cash or the clock-time to go for a long off trip to red rocks or whatever, so the only local option was heading up to the puget sound and make a water-man of meself again - last year was great, a 3 day back-pack on the olympic coast n' a 2 day ocean kayak

 

this time around it was a 6-day sea window

 

beat up north in the early hours of 12/27, bent out of my mind it seemed, water streaming along the side of the automovat - seattle shortly after dawn, proud pat all pat-like

 

made our way to the marina n' nattered in the cold light waiting to meet up w/ our captain, a true comedy of errors - soon enough we were on board and casting off

 

sweet simple sailing southward in light airs, past bouys bestowed with sealions - seals - dolphins - eagles both american and candadian i bet - the pleasant site of a 'lion bolting down a full-growth salmon by tail

 

the last bit into port orchard by motor, the night come round so soon - carriers at bremerton

 

ashore we 'sup n' carouse n' enjoy ourselves capitally - meet a sheila-acquaintance of denali dave's round the fireplace n' philsophize over the weight of smoke before rambling off to a sea-berth :)

 

sail oughta town the next day and all was well - got meself nearly kilt by a swinging boom just shy of brian island or somethign like that - spent much of the night dazed as could be but enjoyed a grand time nonetheless binging on burgundy, n' noble reds n' flowing bowls of what-have-you until 2 in the morning

 

awoke feeling near as death as i've felt in awhile - the hard-knock the day before was certainly one of my fabled 9 lives n' i felt the truth of it - grayed out - feeling the cold i'd inherited from the silverton clan plus the concusssion plus the cold above deck plus the deep, deep fucking booze funk

 

they all thought i was dead the day before and grew doubly grim when i was drawing breath the day after but groaning - turned into me laying in agony on the cabin bench n' holding me head together as we steamed back to seattle against a solid breeze

 

the rest of the day was a healing thing - pat flung himself into the sound in his wetsuit as i laid around his joint, showering and trying to sleep off my fucking concussion - that night we did some super-stoned shopping n' headed over to his girlfriend's for a sumptous dinner set against a most scorchign cold outside - i cackled n' thumbed through 1960's civil defense brochures while pat snored n' i made small talk w/ his missus and her very alien animal

 

3 days of ocean kayaking ensued - launched out from an indian reservation near bellingham, stocked up on cheap injun smokes - the rudder was rudely impaired n' pat didn't know but had me in the back anyhow, so after hours of bitching n' cussing we finally fetched up on clark island

 

soaked rather wet we came straight ashore n' made camp in what proved to be a damned cold place - made a roaring fire n' had a bit of a good night - italian fare i recollect - olives n' red sauce n' sausage tortellinis n' mozeralla n' red wine - a sputtering fire, a bit of a dissapointment but soon enough the tent beside a snoring pat n' i slept soundly, the head cold resonating through me

 

day 2 of the ocean kayak we resolve to shift our camp southwards on the island but no further - find a sweet cove filled w/ firewood n' a sweltering sun, relative to our recent camp - we souse along the shore for a bit n' later launch for a trip to a nearby island where pat is molested by sheep

 

great night, this one - we were promised the northern lights but they never appeared but fuck it - it was new years eve - we sat by a roaring fire n' enjoyed bacon n' chili n' what-have-you, me sucking down pionot noir n' smokes n' enjoying the simpleness of being stranded at sea

 

new year's eve we returned to civilization n' after a bit of agony i made it home in time for winter weather and a nice delayed start to the school year

 

 

but this a beacon thread, n' so all this stuff before is simple bullshit n' i apologize for it

 

today was day 1! corner lap #1, but not solo n' gladly not

 

geoff at the bk a bit past 10 - we saunter eastwards by strong light n' stronger winds

 

the parking lot in a simple gale - we pack and wander down, bound n' determined to reach the top of the uprising and to suss out the damage from there

 

cold n' icy but delightfully dry - i take pitch 1 n' we alternate from there - snow patches here and there, but dry where it needs to be - some beers along the way n' we get time to poke our head over the railing n' take in the carnage on the touron-trail - much work to be done it's obvious - big blown out trees n' blowdown n' battered stones - we take it in and scoot down the raps in the big blow n' enjoy some beers and ramboling aroudn and reach back for home

 

here's to 2016 :brew:

 

1/31 - day 2 - closing day, and not a very promising one - 39 degrees n' pouring rain in the parking lot - a drive out through mental desperation, the moss on this here rolling rock of meself growing thick n' fucking shaggy

 

beers n' bullshitting w/ steve n' waiting for the weather to give up a little - there were no illusions of how thorough soggy it was gonna be

 

no wind to speak of though, so there was that at least and it got warmer on the south side after the mist melted away - soon enough i cast off, pulling on gear here and there to remind meself not to be a dipshit on a point of pride climbing the slime-cone

 

the sun shone out halfway up and the mood improved noticeably - fresh snow, as innocent as a downy laotian-lamb along the far gorge walls -steve was exuberant to lead the second pitch and i salute him for it as it wouldn't have taken much to talk me out of it

 

a real slippy-slidey one is that - our boy did it w/o flying off but, following, i found meself doing the cartoon-character spinning me feet in the air thang at one point and only narrowly avoiding a pretty cosmic pirouette around the first crux

 

found meself holding forth somethign fierce on tree ledge, swilling pbr n' pounding upon our poor fellow about his own cosmic hangups -those rightly disposed, and a few butts thrown in to boot, i bolted on up the slippery ramps to grassy ledges - since i had a 70 and the jill's anchor was running wet, i went past it and anchored to a tree - a flippant shoulder belay ensued n' steve quite soon went n' fell big time onto it but i proved them old-boys knew what they were doing and ended up smiling on the ground for it :)

 

the trail closed sign even as we slipped away - stone soup next month now i suppose, though i suspect it's gonna take a civil action and yet another juicy skamania judge session before it gets sorted out - how good is it i have no other hobbies? :)

 

IMG_01682.JPG

 

2/27 - day 3 - stone soup in the sopping wet - sausage n' eggs n' a leisurely breakfast - 'nastia at tad past 10 - streaming water on the sides of the machine on the way out - the k-19 in classic form, fresh off a cardiac arrest for christ's sake?

 

3/2 - day 4 - the k-19 konked out saturday just at the parking lot ledge n' we ran out of day and had to leave all the gear hanging on the wall - ya'll bitches lost out on a treasure trove of scary worn-out trash :)

 

we raced out amid squalls n' rain-storms, me simultaneously sucking down beer n' butts n' changing clothes - was an easy romp up the route w/ the gear all pre-placed - strong winds n' steady rain at times but all went well

 

prime time for putting up some more routes on this small patch of available wall...

 

3/26 - day 6 - spring breaks big upon the land - breezy clouds n' bright sun - a right sound sleep-in - wine n' pizza for breakfast, than a side-saddle into the gorge under glorious skies - crisp n' cold - spent some time scrambling 'round the ozone n' enjoying da wedder, then busted eastwards more to beacon - aid-soloed stone soup n' had a prime time of it, binging on, of all things, katy perry :)

 

4/28 - day 7 - been out to hike hamilton a couple times the past few weeks but that shit don't count - been a bad fews weeks of loss: health, cool students, ambition, colleagues, etc. - got a taste of bacon to soothe the senses today - me n' mike at the base of stone soup in the cool grey of the afternoon - the alpine start to three tree ledges - to the swiss ledges from there, swapping leads - sawzalled a couple bolts to get'em more righteous - shit, there's so many more to do - set off 2 huge blocks on the rap back down, topping a big tree along the way - for the best really - stoked to see so much chalk on p1 & 2, just gotta improve them amateur bolts for the sporto's :)

 

5/2 - day 8 - nobody to climb w/ but it was 80+ at days end and nary a cloud in the crystal sky, so what can you do? scampered out to beacon, belting out bale-loads of smoke along the way n' bitch'n ballads, the 'lesberu purring away n' throwing engine warning lights out like it's wont to do - were time compressed into a single moment and a single feeling, i'm sure this wouldn't be the worst of em all to settle on, spring setting in and summer beckoning right behind...

 

not a soul in the parking lot, not right at all for so rare a spring day - what worries me really about the closed hiking trail is there isn't a sign at all of work being done to fix the damn thing - if i had a dollar for every tourist who stops, pays the 10$, then curses to discover the main attraction is under wraps, i'd have 1/10 of what the park's getting...

 

joe lent me a mean sawzall n' i put it to some use - climbed the 1st pitch of stone soup and, while cleaning it, cut down all the nasty extruding studs n' filed n' em nice n' smooth

 

5/28 - day 9 - many hikes up hamilton in recent days, but that don't hardly count - thursday was out for the big walk an saw topher n' company on stone soup - brought a bit of a smile to the heart n' had a good govreet w/ them fools after the walk was over - passed off a sawzall, which didn't appear to get much use, and after a few gut-laff's w/ denali-dave, all done up and vivisected on account of his duputryens, danced away west

 

teamed up w/ geoff today - hadn't seen that courtly fool since casting him off at his hill house shortly after completing our spring break trip to the valley

 

our sad friend greatly hobbled all this time gone by, he braved his early exit from fat-phuck retirment and out we went - topher'd pulled his ropes, and we rambled up the first 2 pitches, me getting all the good work

 

the recently renovated p1 was hardly noticable - p2 not so much - a new bolt allows the aid'n fool to skip the eyebrow cave (bryan managed this same variation w/o a bolt i recall) which makes the aid across a bit more mellow - no more sling on the tree above the bush but it still works, so long as you fully extend your daisy and commit to the top step on tiny handholds

 

the 2 upper headwall bolts all ripped out and eloped east - it got called stone soup for a reason - the new way just fine, aiding-wise, and kinda fun as it forces some funky mixed free maneavours to make the high step

 

rawked out for the rest of our times - 3 tree - the long way down - rangers abound - beers and butts - the boat-dock - always bet on #28 - the big bound home

 

6/9 - die X - not such a balmy day after all this august heat - grey and gloomy - school's done as done can be, just the simple matter of casting these cynical bastards off in the morrow's afternoon and it's summa, summa, summa :)

 

jeffy-t at the register rock in the half rain - a good gavreet and a glorious shit and it was sauntering time - rambled up to the top-most railing and ran down the stone soup, taking in the rare auold sights - was a trifle baffled by the dangling old fixed line at three tree - guess that's what it means to make nice w/ the neighbors :) - cut out the hanging trash and cast in on down and couldn't for the life of me find it once upon the ground - wouldn't mind recovering it really, it's the rancid remnants of my first rope, bought back in the waning days of clinton-one :)

 

might be a bit for beacon - next week's the redwoods and yosemite and san-franny w/ the famibily, then mike n' me making our easting off to the wind river range n' hopefully high times....

 

 

7/16 - day 11 - opening day + 1 - been a busy summer - sand dunes, redwoods, yosemite, san francisco, flat-irons, devils's tower, the winds, smith and darrington, then me washed up flat n' busted on my doorstep just a few days before the family rolls back in - road weary and woe-eyed - sometimes i think i'm a shadow and the sun's almost down

 

a morning spent mending the damage done to tires on the most recent road-trip, then out to beacon and a lap up the corner w/ geoff n' bill - cool weather, cloudy - the old place looking just fine after all this time...

 

musta spent at least 10 solid minutes trying to find the new party spot rumored to be an unladen-swallow's flight away, but eventually we figured ole'adam just must not be home :)

 

7/17 - day 12 - lap 1 of the summer - woke up late, this last day of bachelor freedom, bound to recover a dog at noon, despite my vexations - just enough time for a sleep in n' a big breakfast n' some beer, then bounced out the door for a lap - musta passed 4 parties of 4-climbers each on the corner? jeebus, the man could make a fortune if'n he claimed for each :)

 

7/31 - lucky #13 - lap 2 - a trip to tower and success seemingly in hand after a mort more work - a week w/ the wife at art museum's n' doing ya'd wo'k n' f'ck knows what else - hips hurt - knees hurt - seem to have the planter fascist-fukyu in both my heels now - keerist, i'm a few months short of a solid douglas adams' 42 n' i'm feeling auooooold :(

 

sunday morning after a solid sleep in - a week w/ the fam at the beach tomorrow so this was it, and not much time to spare as i needed to set the ya'd in order before we fuckered off

 

beacon near noon - the lot like a gypsy caravan before the nazis knew what's what - cool n' grey - bro'seph n' his benji-buddy in buckling down n' ready to bound up dastardly

 

wandered up the corner w/ a head half-right - crowds like always of course, and a poor dam anchored off and leaving on the travese tree giving me the heebie-jeebies - the crux like cream these days - i don't know what my feet are doing, but i just smile and saunter on

 

fresh air and following breeze - fun times - the ramble down - beers and the long babbling road back home...

 

8/7 - day 14 - little wing n' jill's thrill just right to humiliate our friend n' humble narrator after a week family camping in the olympics, sucking down sausauges n' swill - swimming across lake quinualt some species of training i suppose...

 

thought ole'geoff was fixing to stand me up at the b.k. - read some n' tried not to feel like i was gonna barf up me breakfast - settled for just doing some soloing after a half hour rambled on by - went to fetch some of the regular old poisons out of the roadhouse first n' then pulled out n' headed east when i saw the big-G galloping up in his toy-yoya n' said sure, why not?

 

bit stormy out at beacon today, but nothing serious n' kept the crowds down a bit i bet

 

geoff did the real work so i wussed out and did the easier pitches but still fumbled n' fucked them up, conniving to cut me hand up in the bargain and bled like a little bitch all over the place

 

the Gnome King at grassy ledges, seemingly moved in for the season n' hogging all the space, his ride recently jacked by the Man n' him all "fukit, keepit" in response - a rare hero that'un :)

 

steve n' lisa all about too - we followed them down the raps n' rambled on over to the other side to see about the minotaur, who happily had left his labyrinth - ascended through threatening storm n' had a real satisfying time of it

 

rude reality back in the parking lot - some crackhead kraker chucked a big old stone through geoff's window n' did a quick once-over through its interior - pleasingly the car-alarm seemed to have brought the bitch out of the pussies and they fled before grabbing anything actually - guess it gives our boy an excuse to finally replace the broken windshield too...

 

the summer's setting quick - hope to get another tower trip or two in before it's time to slummit back to work...

 

8/10 - day XV - lap III - leisurely breakfast w/ the kids and some midsummer school work dispensed with, hit the chiropractor to crack the old back n' suck the thetans outta me, then cruised out to beacon in the afternoon heat - warm n' windy in the park - the busted glass of geoff's smashed window all tidied up - just one couple gearing up n' ready to blast off as i started up the corner - felt like a slow old man, stopping to have a good lie down every few pitches n' gaze out at the much older man, the half moon hanging in the sky - the perseids tonight too - the free tv overhead never failing to fling something at you

 

looks like the gnome-king done got evicted - wonder where that wierd mutherfukka got to? :)

 

8/11 - day 16, lap 4 - not so breezy at beacon today - hot n' humid, even after the shade had set in - gabbed w/ jimbo for a while - the gnome king remains in the witness protection program - ran up the corner, feeling a good bit better than yesterday - brought some clippers n' did some community-service cutting out all the clutter on hidden treats and uprising - gavreeted w/ some good folks n' gamboled on back home to set up shop in a dark field w/ the kids n' watch the pulsing perseids

 

8/12-13 - days 17-18 - the plan was partake of the perseids and plenty of beer on the ledge, maybe do a night lap, then finagle maybe a new route off the top - temps in the mid-90s on the drive in, sweltering in my ac-broken car - drove in endless circles trying to discover the exact location of adam's rebel base where i was to rendezvous w/ my crack team of geoff n' bryan

 

eventually it all worked out and we walked up the painfully hot trail, weltering in sweat - once on the ledge the lack of breeze didn't offer much comfort as we lay around, damp as dogs, re-evaluating our recent decisions

 

bryan and i went on to climb the corner, setting off from the ground just at the last light left the sky - an uneventful and rapid ascent and then it was the rest of a long evening spent counting falling stars, drinking 3 different kinds of beer n' pinot noir to boot, gut-laughing and bullshit'n

 

by 9 a.m. the next morning it was absolutely sweltering and all willingness to scrub n' cut n' mank our way up the sun-blasted wall had wasted away in favor of a far more ambitious plan, ambling off and away over to the tepid columbia to swim like porpoises in the sweet water - we even managed to enlist old adam, who clearly had done this shit already - good times ensued over an afternoon that clearly demonstrated how our ancient mammalian cousins evolved and returned to the ocean to despatch their terrestrial ruinations :)

 

8/15 - day 19 - lap 5 - hawt, hawt day - did a lap, then grabbed a snorkel n' swam around the river for a good long while - don't think i've ever felt my arms quite that wasted after a solo day at beacon :)

 

8/22 - day 20 - lap 6 - spent a day lying wounded on the couch nursing my cranky hip after a lengthy tower rock trip, then up today to do the gym-thang w/ the wife, then a chiro visit, then a wander out east - cool and breezy on the south side - a party of 3 on the corner - the 2 dudes from vegas win the "beacon rock hero of the day" award for bringing their very cute girlfriend out - beautiful ebony skin and didn't look a day over 19 n' 1/2 - can't say i've ever seen someone so lovely on our dreary, drab old stone... :)

 

8/23 - day 21 - lap 7 - 2 days in a row w/ beautiful ladies at the crag, the stars must be aligning something fierce, i'm almost scared to go back out tomorrow :) ranger at the base, never a good sign - the mayor up high tending the sheep - some good talk, some grim - shit, the summer's damn near dead...

 

8/24 - day 22 - lap 8 - hat trick - good day - swimming in battle ground lake w/ the dog n' family - freshwater jellyfish, holy shit, who'da thunk it? union social n' some lightweight boozing, then out to beacon - felt abit groggy on arrival and jumped in the columbia in the 90 degree heat to cool off - arrived in the parking lot to ranger questions - apparantly some dickmunch drove off with the picnic bench

 

jim in the lot too, said ole'bill n' ujohn were up high on the corner so i scooted off to see if i could catch them - took uprising and ran into the boys just at the railing - bill invited the gang for drinks at the skamania lodge n' we drank brown ale n' ate nachos n' nattered about an impeding return to tower

 

8/25 - day 23 - lap 9 - a scorcher today - 104 read the car after rudely parking it in the sun - some union bidness dispensed with n' a stint of classroom setup sussed out, i wandered out gorge-ways after 3 - dallied around the dock for an hour or so swimming out to the island n' bantering w/ the fishermen who were bringing in the bass with perfect regularity and had some fine tales to tell- ranger-boi came by w/ some fancy high-powered options, i oughta keep that in mind next time i'm jerking off in the bushes up on grassy ledges :)

 

topped out to the strange site of some kids rapping off the south side summit, strung out in the trees above grassy ledges looking a little uncertain of the future - reckon they'd get themselves sorted out well enough, so sent them my salutations n' shuffled on

 

summer's done sprung a leak and's taking on water something fearful, i would not wager a fucking groat on its continuing good health :)

 

8/28 - day 24 - jensen's ridge w/ oleg - ain't climbed w/ that slavic soul in too long and it was a fine day - hot to be sure, but very breezy so i barely noticed i was dying of heat stroke until i went the whole day w/o pissing :)

 

the oak's encroaching on the route at several places on pitch 3 and i don't know what the fuck to do about it as i hate that shit and have no tolerance for messing w/ it - all the work phuzzy-adam did 2 years ago seemed to just piss it off as its growing back something fiece :(

 

still a great route and no evidence of anyone climbing it this year - never can figure why so many hardmen crush the other beacon classics but never tangle w/ it...

 

8/30 - day 25 - lap 10 - fall came to beacon today - blustery and overcast and sub-70 in the parking lot - no pre- or post-lap swim today :)

 

first day of back to school - waking up at 630 is a hate-crime against mankind and should be constitutionally banned for krist's sake - felt quite greyed out on the quick ascent - chatted w/ cameron for a spell half-way up the first pitch - found a half-full pack of american spirits on the traverse (that you, santa claus? :) ) - by the time i hit the trail the sun emerged and it was brisk but balmy for the walk down

 

as churchill lamented when confronted with how much booze he'd belted down over the course of his long life: "sigh...so much work left to do!" :)

 

9/8 - day 26 - first day of school this tuesday and for the 2nd year in a row my ritual of closing out the day w/ a beacon ascent was scuppered by rain - got out today w/ my colleague jared_jackman, who amazingly knows denali-dave and even fracking lived in the no-bo-trifecta for a spell, yet somehow never climbed at beacon? :noway:

 

pleasant crawl up the corner in the cool breeze - woulda been pleasanter still if my trick hip didn't hurt so damn much - my grave keeps getting closer n' closer

 

2 things i'd never seen at beacon today - a, by beacon standards, big-ass snake coiled up in the hidden-treats crack, right at the top, really putting me off my meds as i like to jam there very much - the other a decent sized powerboat beached on the riverside, looking real grim n' all-to-seek :)

 

off to tower w/ big bill tomorrow - in shah allah, we'll see the long project come to completion finally...

 

9/12 - day 27 - lap 11 - finally some fine weather after work - feeling increasingly crippled as my hip disintegrates and i try to ignore it - gonna see the doc in a few days, so maybe he'll have a magic wand?

 

beached sea-craft still on the columbian shore - are salvage rights yet in effect? think i see an entrepreneurial opportunity :)

 

9/15 - day 28 - hadn't seen phuzzy adam since phuck all, but we met up in camas after some hard traveling for the burning-man boi over the tough portland roads

 

balmy n' breezyish beacon - talk of time gone by - fucking puerto-ricans on the bucket list i recollect - bad beer - good beer - chuckles - the dying light on the gorge walls, the winding way back...

 

9/19 - day 29 - lap 12 - took the boy scout camping on the coast and got poured on damn near every moment - headed out to beacon after work ready for disappointment - hit the lot and followed a frolic-some couple who clearly though they were headed to the summit even as they slunk ever lower :)

 

the rock was just dry enough to reckon on not getting kilt heading up it - moist to the touch, but no big drip-drips

 

pleasant walk down, passing the breeze with a fierce looking shiela and her deaf-husband (which somehow i didn't suss out until the very end) from merry minnesota - she having the shortest of warm-ups before an ultramarathon tomorrow, sweet jeebus, who can touch that kinda krazy fitness? :)

 

9/20-21 - days 30&31 - laps 13-14

 

well, the bastards tried to kill me yesterday - 3 young fucks, according to witnesses i later found on the trail down, spent the better part of 20 minutes chucking huge shit off the south summit as i cowered against the wall on the land of the little people, nursing my beer, guarding my shoes and alternating howls of hatred w/ maniacal laughter and "fuck you fucking fucks!" at the top of my lungs :)

 

even the falcons got into the act, screeching n' swooping - i felt something like a common cause in our anger against the common creeps :P

 

just a thought, but if the park is okay w/ putting up menacing signs citing washington state law and the penalty for walking down the climbers trail in the off season, why not put a similar sign threatening arrest for reckless endangerment or manslaughter at the green gate or by the railing above the south side? i'd like to think if the stupid bastards had killed me that they'd have been punished at least as severely as some poor hiker who just felt like walking to the base on a fine spring day...

 

jogged down the trail after emerging from my hidey-hole, my beer all gone and hungry for blood - probably for the best i didn't catch up, as it likely would have just resulted in 3 dudes kicking my dumb indignant ass :)

 

better day today - steve n' sal above tree ledge - sounds like jim is on the mend and we all wish him well

 

9/22 - day 32 - lap 15 - fell fall is here - decidedly cool and clammy road on the drive out in the afternoon, with a fading sun falling upon us all in this notoriously naughty northern half-fuck hemisphere of ours

 

big doings down by the dock - a busty barge w/ a crane careened up on the big pylons just east of the launch, looking lofty n' ready to tear somethang up - still a free water-craft just off the beach down by the south face, unmoved for weeks but at least floating now that the river's come up - were i a wanderer, intent on distant shores, i'd say stake a claim, kids :)

 

9/27 - day 33 - lap 16 - never a lap up the rock that you don't rumble into something new, so long as you know where to look - today no different - at the bottom 2 buxom-splendid shielas at the start of cruising, at the trail atop 3 nattily attired saffron-clad buddhist monks, not quite chanting but wouldn't be surprised if that's where it all ended up on the summit :)

 

9/28 - day 34 - lap 17 - big bill n' ujohn in the lot in the glittering afternoon sun - little time for frivolity, it's open house night after all bitzes - a quick lap - clusterfuck on the corner, i saw bill well ensnared in it by the time i cut the cord n' said let-hoes-be-hoes - the barge banging n' roaring away down by the river - big doings down there - big bounce back - they say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but it turns out there is such a thing as a free dinner :)

 

9/29 - day 35 - geoff at the bk a bit after 330, me smoking n' reading shelby foote n' waiting - off east soon thereafter - we crawl up cruising to the corner to premature ejaculation, then up the rest of young warriors - an easy world out there really n' not much else to report, save i suppose some spiffy new bolts just off the stoner ledge...

 

9/30 - day 36 - lap 18

 

thank kee-rist for opb fundraising - it got me off the libturd end of the radio dial on the drive in and i finally heard the song ole'bill had been badgering me to find for fuck-all - shit, i thought it was some old man tune :)

 

[video:youtube]

 

great shit there, couldn't help but remind me of another classic i got out at old beatardia from jovial jim :rawk:

 

[video:youtube]

 

a friday evening packed w/ ominous portents - unknown agents acting nefariously in the nether-region of bladerunner, n' so wierd boy-o, as i done heard they're making a sequel today...

 

passed a three-some at tree ledge - bespoke me beer n' noodled over the wicked world while making me big thoughts on mushroom ledge, then zoomed off to zion

 

heart-attack at the car - couldn't find my car keys for the life of me - eventually remembered i'd arrived in the lot having to take a ten-pound shit ("warning - warp core breach in progress") - in my eager ecstasy to see it on its weary way, i done left the keys in the can :)

 

friday night fuckers - stopped off for some wine and had a wonderful conversation w/ a former student who, though somewhat portly n' latina, is all set to vote trump :noway:

 

10/3 - day 37 - lap 19

 

just managed to squeeze this one in - leaden sky on the cursory drive out - limp air, sodden with coming rain - rumbled out of the ride right quick to make a mighty shit - by the time i reached the base the sky portended bad, bad things - fat raindrops by the halfway point up the slab pitch, the rock cold and clammy and quick to grow dramp - like the tears of the lord by the top of pitch 3, and noah alone could comprehend the deluge by the top of uprising - i hoofed it over the railing and found sanctuary under the ramps of the trail to take a pause n' have a smoke n' contemplate the hereafter :)

 

fall's come quick - 20 laps was my goal, and in shah allah, we oughta be able to get it closer to 30 by the time the big endless breeze of december dances on in....

 

10/11 - day 38 - lap 20 - a week of solid, shitty fall weather followed by a brief window of what-have-you - glad i didn't go out y-day as it was wet enough today i'm sure it woulda been a waste

 

a big wind on our woe-wracked rock this here-after, but wierdly it was chockablock w/ white fellers - 'topher twerk'n it on the eternal route off snag ledge that a boatload a'fellers have wandered up only to wander back down - maybe he found the final way through the choss? folks on jills and rapping down wrong gull. a sight i never saw while noodling n' drinking n' thinking atop hidden treats, an old boy rapping down climbers of the far left end of grassy ledges, having just rapped into big ledge, rope-soled the original finishing pitches of dods, then traversed back down to me. he seemed to be newish to beatard-land, but clearly had his feet solidly under'em.

 

fall's here i fear, and to stay too - guess we'll have to make our peace w/ it....

 

10/12 - day 39 - today marks the 15,340 n' a half day this wicked world's been winging round the sun w/ me hanging on like hell n' hollering something awful - ain't so sure i got another 15,000 left in the tank, so reckon i gotta make the back half take it's time :)

 

heavy gray sky, the weekend storm waxes large on the western horizon - my second ascent w/ the jovial jared - we bump into ole'bill n' ujohn along the way n' have a bit of a bark-bark at the cloud-shrouded moon n' then move along, me fucking it all up leading all uprising w/o stopping w/o a single draw :)

 

home in time for a fine birthday dinner - the wife made my favorite, schnitzel n' suds :rawk:

 

11/4 - day 4 X 10 - lap BLACKJACK!

 

been a dark and damp and drizzly november in yer friend n' narrator's humble soul - diagnosis of spinal arthritis accounting for the complete and total disintegration of my ability to be an ambulatory human-bean these past many moons

 

it will all pass by n' by, though why i must wait 4 weeks more for some fellow to burrow a hole into my spine n' squirt some happy juice in i can't say - i guess we all must suffer if we are to make our merry way

 

a solid month of shit sailing out the sky - never a thought of beacon i say - and now daylight savings here and so now after school there ain't gonna be no fuk'n way sarge, no fuk'n way :)

 

damp on the rock for sure, but good enough - been feeling 20 years older most days, this one just 17 n' 1/2

 

a cool, clammy ascent - the soft crumble of rocks on the track, the slow steady hum from the buzz in my back - a sealion on the columbia dealing some fishey's lament :)

 

denver dan is gonna die!

 

11/7 - day 41 - lap 22

 

'twas trumpageddon eve n' all through the gorge

the big breeze was blow'n n' i wanted a whore

the waves were whipping down the dock-side so bare

n' the tourons were missing n' nobody cared

 

the trail was all muddy and the rock a tad damp

but what did it matter, the country's in love w/ a tramp?

i started a lap, wondering what did it matter

should i slip on the slab and hit bottom w/ a splatter?

 

the ride back home i'm sure it was oh-so right

this world all on twitter n' on the edge of a knife

but the sun will keep rising, that's what they say,

and the flowers still bloom n' the queers will be ghey

 

:brew:

11/10 - day 42 (aged 42) - lap 23

 

'twas trumpagadeon night just 2 days ago it seems

when i woke with a start n' thought it must be a dream

orange is the new black, i heard said with a laugh

but the sum'bitch who said it will soon suck zyklon-b gas

 

a lout is our president, 'twas the crime of the century

but if i say it too loud, i'll end up in a federal penitentiary

so i moved out to beacon, as fast as i could scurry

though i needn't of worried, the forces of evil are in no hurry

 

i bolted to the top in a big breeze with some beerz, yo

and sat at the summit n' pondered on who could be my hero

someone must fix this, maybe beyonce or maybe chess-master HAL

then suddenly i remembered, what about that mutha-fucka wierd-al?

 

[video:youtube]

 

 

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1/10/16 - 4th year of setting down the shit that does go down in beatardia, where men are women and women are never around :)

 

was a rude late fall/early winter season - the big blow of early november annihilated the hiking trail and i woulda been pissed about it if'n never-ending rains hadn't set in and made soloing laps insane anyway

 

a late december trip out w/ geoff at the start of winter break - we ended up just drinking beers n' smoking shit n' commenting on the awful, awful slickery nature of everything - the wall closed at ground zero and so nothing aidable particularly of interest

 

christmas ensued and all was well - didn't have the cash or the clock-time to go for a long off trip to red rocks or whatever, so the only local option was heading up to the puget sound and make a water-man of meself again - last year was great, a 3 day back-pack on the olympic coast n' a 2 day ocean kayak

 

this time around it was a 6-day sea window

 

beat up north in the early hours of 12/27, bent out of my mind it seemed, water streaming along the side of the automovat - seattle shortly after dawn, proud pat all pat-like

 

made our way to the marina n' nattered in the cold light waiting to meet up w/ our captain, a true comedy of errors - soon enough we were on board and casting off

 

sweet simple sailing southward in light airs, past bouys bestowed with sealions - seals - dolphins - eagles both american and candadian i bet - the pleasant site of a 'lion bolting down a full-growth salmon by tail

 

the last bit into port orchard by motor, the night come round so soon - carriers at bremerton

 

ashore we 'sup n' carouse n' enjoy ourselves capitally - meet a sheila-acquaintance of denali dave's round the fireplace n' philsophize over the weight of smoke before rambling off to a sea-berth :)

 

sail oughta town the next day and all was well - got meself nearly kilt by a swinging boom just shy of brian island or somethign like that - spent much of the night dazed as could be but enjoyed a grand time nonetheless binging on burgundy, n' noble reds n' flowing bowls of what-have-you until 2 in the morning

 

awoke feeling near as death as i've felt in awhile - the hard-knock the day before was certainly one of my fabled 9 lives n' i felt the truth of it - grayed out - feeling the cold i'd inherited from the silverton clan plus the concusssion plus the cold above deck plus the deep, deep fucking booze funk

 

they all thought i was dead the day before and grew doubly grim when i was drawing breath the day after but groaning - turned into me laying in agony on the cabin bench n' holding me head together as we steamed back to seattle against a solid breeze

 

the rest of the day was a healing thing - pat flung himself into the sound in his wetsuit as i laid around his joint, showering and trying to sleep off my fucking concussion - that night we did some super-stoned shopping n' headed over to his girlfriend's for a sumptous dinner set against a most scorchign cold outside - i cackled n' thumbed through 1960's civil defense brochures while pat snored n' i made small talk w/ his missus and her very alien animal

 

3 days of ocean kayaking ensued - launched out from an indian reservation near bellingham, stocked up on cheap injun smokes - the rudder was rudely impaired n' pat didn't know but had me in the back anyhow, so after hours of bitching n' cussing we finally fetched up on clark island

 

soaked rather wet we came straight ashore n' made camp in what proved to be a damned cold place - made a roaring fire n' had a bit of a good night - italian fare i recollect - olives n' red sauce n' sausage tortellinis n' mozeralla n' red wine - a sputtering fire, a bit of a dissapointment but soon enough the tent beside a snoring pat n' i slept soundly, the head cold resonating through me

 

day 2 of the ocean kayak we resolve to shift our camp southwards on the island but no further - find a sweet cove filled w/ firewood n' a sweltering sun, relative to our recent camp - we souse along the shore for a bit n' later launch for a trip to a nearby island where pat is molested by sheep

 

great night, this one - we were promised the northern lights but they never appeared but fuck it - it was new years eve - we sat by a roaring fire n' enjoyed bacon n' chili n' what-have-you, me sucking down pionot noir n' smokes n' enjoying the simpleness of being stranded at sea

 

new year's eve we returned to civilization n' after a bit of agony i made it home in time for winter weather and a nice delayed start to the school year

 

 

but this a beacon thread, n' so all this stuff before is simple bullshit n' i apologize for it

 

today was day 1! corner lap #1, but not solo n' gladly not

 

geoff at the bk a bit past 10 - we saunter eastwards by strong light n' stronger winds

 

the parking lot in a simple gale - we pack and wander down, bound n' determined to reach the top of the uprising and to suss out the damage from there

 

cold n' icy but delightfully dry - i take pitch 1 n' we alternate from there - snow patches here and there, but dry where it needs to be - some beers along the way n' we get time to poke our head over the railing n' take in the carnage on the touron-trail - much work to be done it's obvious - big blown out trees n' blowdown n' battered stones - we take it in and scoot down the raps in the big blow n' enjoy some beers and ramboling aroudn and reach back for home

 

here's to 2016 :brew:

 

1/31 - day 2 - closing day, and not a very promising one - 39 degrees n' pouring rain in the parking lot - a drive out through mental desperation, the moss on this here rolling rock of meself growing thick n' fucking shaggy

 

beers n' bullshitting w/ steve n' waiting for the weather to give up a little - there were no illusions of how thorough soggy it was gonna be

 

no wind to speak of though, so there was that at least and it got warmer on the south side after the mist melted away - soon enough i cast off, pulling on gear here and there to remind meself not to be a dipshit on a point of pride climbing the slime-cone

 

the sun shone out halfway up and the mood improved noticeably - fresh snow, as innocent as a downy laotian-lamb along the far gorge walls -steve was exuberant to lead the second pitch and i salute him for it as it wouldn't have taken much to talk me out of it

 

a real slippy-slidey one is that - our boy did it w/o flying off but, following, i found meself doing the cartoon-character spinning me feet in the air thang at one point and only narrowly avoiding a pretty cosmic pirouette around the first crux

 

found meself holding forth somethign fierce on tree ledge, swilling pbr n' pounding upon our poor fellow about his own cosmic hangups -those rightly disposed, and a few butts thrown in to boot, i bolted on up the slippery ramps to grassy ledges - since i had a 70 and the jill's anchor was running wet, i went past it and anchored to a tree - a flippant shoulder belay ensued n' steve quite soon went n' fell big time onto it but i proved them old-boys knew what they were doing and ended up smiling on the ground for it :)

 

the trail closed sign even as we slipped away - stone soup next month now i suppose, though i suspect it's gonna take a civil action and yet another juicy skamania judge session before it gets sorted out - how good is it i have no other hobbies? :)

 

IMG_01682.JPG

 

2/27 - day 3 - stone soup in the sopping wet - sausage n' eggs n' a leisurely breakfast - 'nastia at tad past 10 - streaming water on the sides of the machine on the way out - the k-19 in classic form, fresh off a cardiac arrest for christ's sake?

 

3/2 - day 4 - the k-19 konked out saturday just at the parking lot ledge n' we ran out of day and had to leave all the gear hanging on the wall - ya'll bitches lost out on a treasure trove of scary worn-out trash :)

 

we raced out amid squalls n' rain-storms, me simultaneously sucking down beer n' butts n' changing clothes - was an easy romp up the route w/ the gear all pre-placed - strong winds n' steady rain at times but all went well

 

prime time for putting up some more routes on this small patch of available wall...

 

3/26 - day 6 - spring breaks big upon the land - breezy clouds n' bright sun - a right sound sleep-in - wine n' pizza for breakfast, than a side-saddle into the gorge under glorious skies - crisp n' cold - spent some time scrambling 'round the ozone n' enjoying da wedder, then busted eastwards more to beacon - aid-soloed stone soup n' had a prime time of it, binging on, of all things, katy perry :)

 

4/28 - day 7 - been out to hike hamilton a couple times the past few weeks but that shit don't count - been a bad fews weeks of loss: health, cool students, ambition, colleagues, etc. - got a taste of bacon to soothe the senses today - me n' mike at the base of stone soup in the cool grey of the afternoon - the alpine start to three tree ledges - to the swiss ledges from there, swapping leads - sawzalled a couple bolts to get'em more righteous - shit, there's so many more to do - set off 2 huge blocks on the rap back down, topping a big tree along the way - for the best really - stoked to see so much chalk on p1 & 2, just gotta improve them amateur bolts for the sporto's :)

 

5/2 - day 8 - nobody to climb w/ but it was 80+ at days end and nary a cloud in the crystal sky, so what can you do? scampered out to beacon, belting out bale-loads of smoke along the way n' bitch'n ballads, the 'lesberu purring away n' throwing engine warning lights out like it's wont to do - were time compressed into a single moment and a single feeling, i'm sure this wouldn't be the worst of em all to settle on, spring setting in and summer beckoning right behind...

 

not a soul in the parking lot, not right at all for so rare a spring day - what worries me really about the closed hiking trail is there isn't a sign at all of work being done to fix the damn thing - if i had a dollar for every tourist who stops, pays the 10$, then curses to discover the main attraction is under wraps, i'd have 1/10 of what the park's getting...

 

joe lent me a mean sawzall n' i put it to some use - climbed the 1st pitch of stone soup and, while cleaning it, cut down all the nasty extruding studs n' filed n' em nice n' smooth

 

5/28 - day 9 - many hikes up hamilton in recent days, but that don't hardly count - thursday was out for the big walk an saw topher n' company on stone soup - brought a bit of a smile to the heart n' had a good govreet w/ them fools after the walk was over - passed off a sawzall, which didn't appear to get much use, and after a few gut-laff's w/ denali-dave, all done up and vivisected on account of his duputryens, danced away west

 

teamed up w/ geoff today - hadn't seen that courtly fool since casting him off at his hill house shortly after completing our spring break trip to the valley

 

our sad friend greatly hobbled all this time gone by, he braved his early exit from fat-phuck retirment and out we went - topher'd pulled his ropes, and we rambled up the first 2 pitches, me getting all the good work

 

the recently renovated p1 was hardly noticable - p2 not so much - a new bolt allows the aid'n fool to skip the eyebrow cave (bryan managed this same variation w/o a bolt i recall) which makes the aid across a bit more mellow - no more sling on the tree above the bush but it still works, so long as you fully extend your daisy and commit to the top step on tiny handholds

 

the 2 upper headwall bolts all ripped out and eloped east - it got called stone soup for a reason - the new way just fine, aiding-wise, and kinda fun as it forces some funky mixed free maneavours to make the high step

 

rawked out for the rest of our times - 3 tree - the long way down - rangers abound - beers and butts - the boat-dock - always bet on #28 - the big bound home

 

6/9 - die X - not such a balmy day after all this august heat - grey and gloomy - school's done as done can be, just the simple matter of casting these cynical bastards off in the morrow's afternoon and it's summa, summa, summa :)

 

jeffy-t at the register rock in the half rain - a good gavreet and a glorious shit and it was sauntering time - rambled up to the top-most railing and ran down the stone soup, taking in the rare auold sights - was a trifle baffled by the dangling old fixed line at three tree - guess that's what it means to make nice w/ the neighbors :) - cut out the hanging trash and cast in on down and couldn't for the life of me find it once upon the ground - wouldn't mind recovering it really, it's the rancid remnants of my first rope, bought back in the waning days of clinton-one :)

 

might be a bit for beacon - next week's the redwoods and yosemite and san-franny w/ the famibily, then mike n' me making our easting off to the wind river range n' hopefully high times....

 

 

7/16 - day 11 - opening day + 1 - been a busy summer - sand dunes, redwoods, yosemite, san francisco, flat-irons, devils's tower, the winds, smith and darrington, then me washed up flat n' busted on my doorstep just a few days before the family rolls back in - road weary and woe-eyed - sometimes i think i'm a shadow and the sun's almost down

 

a morning spent mending the damage done to tires on the most recent road-trip, then out to beacon and a lap up the corner w/ geoff n' bill - cool weather, cloudy - the old place looking just fine after all this time...

 

musta spent at least 10 solid minutes trying to find the new party spot rumored to be an unladen-swallow's flight away, but eventually we figured ole'adam just must not be home :)

 

7/17 - day 12 - lap 1 of the summer - woke up late, this last day of bachelor freedom, bound to recover a dog at noon, despite my vexations - just enough time for a sleep in n' a big breakfast n' some beer, then bounced out the door for a lap - musta passed 4 parties of 4-climbers each on the corner? jeebus, the man could make a fortune if'n he claimed for each :)

 

7/31 - lucky #13 - lap 2 - a trip to tower and success seemingly in hand after a mort more work - a week w/ the wife at art museum's n' doing ya'd wo'k n' f'ck knows what else - hips hurt - knees hurt - seem to have the planter fascist-fukyu in both my heels now - keerist, i'm a few months short of a solid douglas adams' 42 n' i'm feeling auooooold :(

 

sunday morning after a solid sleep in - a week w/ the fam at the beach tomorrow so this was it, and not much time to spare as i needed to set the ya'd in order before we fuckered off

 

beacon near noon - the lot like a gypsy caravan before the nazis knew what's what - cool n' grey - bro'seph n' his benji-buddy in buckling down n' ready to bound up dastardly

 

wandered up the corner w/ a head half-right - crowds like always of course, and a poor dam anchored off and leaving on the travese tree giving me the heebie-jeebies - the crux like cream these days - i don't know what my feet are doing, but i just smile and saunter on

 

fresh air and following breeze - fun times - the ramble down - beers and the long babbling road back home...

 

8/7 - day 14 - little wing n' jill's thrill just right to humiliate our friend n' humble narrator after a week family camping in the olympics, sucking down sausauges n' swill - swimming across lake quinualt some species of training i suppose...

 

thought ole'geoff was fixing to stand me up at the b.k. - read some n' tried not to feel like i was gonna barf up me breakfast - settled for just doing some soloing after a half hour rambled on by - went to fetch some of the regular old poisons out of the roadhouse first n' then pulled out n' headed east when i saw the big-G galloping up in his toy-yoya n' said sure, why not?

 

bit stormy out at beacon today, but nothing serious n' kept the crowds down a bit i bet

 

geoff did the real work so i wussed out and did the easier pitches but still fumbled n' fucked them up, conniving to cut me hand up in the bargain and bled like a little bitch all over the place

 

the Gnome King at grassy ledges, seemingly moved in for the season n' hogging all the space, his ride recently jacked by the Man n' him all "fukit, keepit" in response - a rare hero that'un :)

 

steve n' lisa all about too - we followed them down the raps n' rambled on over to the other side to see about the minotaur, who happily had left his labyrinth - ascended through threatening storm n' had a real satisfying time of it

 

rude reality back in the parking lot - some crackhead kraker chucked a big old stone through geoff's window n' did a quick once-over through its interior - pleasingly the car-alarm seemed to have brought the bitch out of the pussies and they fled before grabbing anything actually - guess it gives our boy an excuse to finally replace the broken windshield too...

 

the summer's setting quick - hope to get another tower trip or two in before it's time to slummit back to work...

 

8/10 - day XV - lap III - leisurely breakfast w/ the kids and some midsummer school work dispensed with, hit the chiropractor to crack the old back n' suck the thetans outta me, then cruised out to beacon in the afternoon heat - warm n' windy in the park - the busted glass of geoff's smashed window all tidied up - just one couple gearing up n' ready to blast off as i started up the corner - felt like a slow old man, stopping to have a good lie down every few pitches n' gaze out at the much older man, the half moon hanging in the sky - the perseids tonight too - the free tv overhead never failing to fling something at you

 

looks like the gnome-king done got evicted - wonder where that wierd mutherfukka got to? :)

 

8/11 - day 16, lap 4 - not so breezy at beacon today - hot n' humid, even after the shade had set in - gabbed w/ jimbo for a while - the gnome king remains in the witness protection program - ran up the corner, feeling a good bit better than yesterday - brought some clippers n' did some community-service cutting out all the clutter on hidden treats and uprising - gavreeted w/ some good folks n' gamboled on back home to set up shop in a dark field w/ the kids n' watch the pulsing perseids

 

8/12-13 - days 17-18 - the plan was partake of the perseids and plenty of beer on the ledge, maybe do a night lap, then finagle maybe a new route off the top - temps in the mid-90s on the drive in, sweltering in my ac-broken car - drove in endless circles trying to discover the exact location of adam's rebel base where i was to rendezvous w/ my crack team of geoff n' bryan

 

eventually it all worked out and we walked up the painfully hot trail, weltering in sweat - once on the ledge the lack of breeze didn't offer much comfort as we lay around, damp as dogs, re-evaluating our recent decisions

 

bryan and i went on to climb the corner, setting off from the ground just at the last light left the sky - an uneventful and rapid ascent and then it was the rest of a long evening spent counting falling stars, drinking 3 different kinds of beer n' pinot noir to boot, gut-laughing and bullshit'n

 

by 9 a.m. the next morning it was absolutely sweltering and all willingness to scrub n' cut n' mank our way up the sun-blasted wall had wasted away in favor of a far more ambitious plan, ambling off and away over to the tepid columbia to swim like porpoises in the sweet water - we even managed to enlist old adam, who clearly had done this shit already - good times ensued over an afternoon that clearly demonstrated how our ancient mammalian cousins evolved and returned to the ocean to despatch their terrestrial ruinations :)

 

8/15 - day 19 - lap 5 - hawt, hawt day - did a lap, then grabbed a snorkel n' swam around the river for a good long while - don't think i've ever felt my arms quite that wasted after a solo day at beacon :)

 

8/22 - day 20 - lap 6 - spent a day lying wounded on the couch nursing my cranky hip after a lengthy tower rock trip, then up today to do the gym-thang w/ the wife, then a chiro visit, then a wander out east - cool and breezy on the south side - a party of 3 on the corner - the 2 dudes from vegas win the "beacon rock hero of the day" award for bringing their very cute girlfriend out - beautiful ebony skin and didn't look a day over 19 n' 1/2 - can't say i've ever seen someone so lovely on our dreary, drab old stone... :)

 

8/23 - day 21 - lap 7 - 2 days in a row w/ beautiful ladies at the crag, the stars must be aligning something fierce, i'm almost scared to go back out tomorrow :) ranger at the base, never a good sign - the mayor up high tending the sheep - some good talk, some grim - shit, the summer's damn near dead...

 

8/24 - day 22 - lap 8 - hat trick - good day - swimming in battle ground lake w/ the dog n' family - freshwater jellyfish, holy shit, who'da thunk it? union social n' some lightweight boozing, then out to beacon - felt abit groggy on arrival and jumped in the columbia in the 90 degree heat to cool off - arrived in the parking lot to ranger questions - apparantly some dickmunch drove off with the picnic bench

 

jim in the lot too, said ole'bill n' ujohn were up high on the corner so i scooted off to see if i could catch them - took uprising and ran into the boys just at the railing - bill invited the gang for drinks at the skamania lodge n' we drank brown ale n' ate nachos n' nattered about an impeding return to tower

 

8/25 - day 23 - lap 9 - a scorcher today - 104 read the car after rudely parking it in the sun - some union bidness dispensed with n' a stint of classroom setup sussed out, i wandered out gorge-ways after 3 - dallied around the dock for an hour or so swimming out to the island n' bantering w/ the fishermen who were bringing in the bass with perfect regularity and had some fine tales to tell- ranger-boi came by w/ some fancy high-powered options, i oughta keep that in mind next time i'm jerking off in the bushes up on grassy ledges :)

 

topped out to the strange site of some kids rapping off the south side summit, strung out in the trees above grassy ledges looking a little uncertain of the future - reckon they'd get themselves sorted out well enough, so sent them my salutations n' shuffled on

 

summer's done sprung a leak and's taking on water something fearful, i would not wager a fucking groat on its continuing good health :)

 

8/28 - day 24 - jensen's ridge w/ oleg - ain't climbed w/ that slavic soul in too long and it was a fine day - hot to be sure, but very breezy so i barely noticed i was dying of heat stroke until i went the whole day w/o pissing :)

 

the oak's encroaching on the route at several places on pitch 3 and i don't know what the fuck to do about it as i hate that shit and have no tolerance for messing w/ it - all the work phuzzy-adam did 2 years ago seemed to just piss it off as its growing back something fiece :(

 

still a great route and no evidence of anyone climbing it this year - never can figure why so many hardmen crush the other beacon classics but never tangle w/ it...

 

8/30 - day 25 - lap 10 - fall came to beacon today - blustery and overcast and sub-70 in the parking lot - no pre- or post-lap swim today :)

 

first day of back to school - waking up at 630 is a hate-crime against mankind and should be constitutionally banned for krist's sake - felt quite greyed out on the quick ascent - chatted w/ cameron for a spell half-way up the first pitch - found a half-full pack of american spirits on the traverse (that you, santa claus? :) ) - by the time i hit the trail the sun emerged and it was brisk but balmy for the walk down

 

as churchill lamented when confronted with how much booze he'd belted down over the course of his long life: "sigh...so much work left to do!" :)

 

9/8 - day 26 - first day of school this tuesday and for the 2nd year in a row my ritual of closing out the day w/ a beacon ascent was scuppered by rain - got out today w/ my colleague jared_jackman, who amazingly knows denali-dave and even fracking lived in the no-bo-trifecta for a spell, yet somehow never climbed at beacon? :noway:

 

pleasant crawl up the corner in the cool breeze - woulda been pleasanter still if my trick hip didn't hurt so damn much - my grave keeps getting closer n' closer

 

2 things i'd never seen at beacon today - a, by beacon standards, big-ass snake coiled up in the hidden-treats crack, right at the top, really putting me off my meds as i like to jam there very much - the other a decent sized powerboat beached on the riverside, looking real grim n' all-to-seek :)

 

off to tower w/ big bill tomorrow - in shah allah, we'll see the long project come to completion finally...

 

9/12 - day 27 - lap 11 - finally some fine weather after work - feeling increasingly crippled as my hip disintegrates and i try to ignore it - gonna see the doc in a few days, so maybe he'll have a magic wand?

 

beached sea-craft still on the columbian shore - are salvage rights yet in effect? think i see an entrepreneurial opportunity :)

 

9/15 - day 28 - hadn't seen phuzzy adam since phuck all, but we met up in camas after some hard traveling for the burning-man boi over the tough portland roads

 

balmy n' breezyish beacon - talk of time gone by - fucking puerto-ricans on the bucket list i recollect - bad beer - good beer - chuckles - the dying light on the gorge walls, the winding way back...

 

9/19 - day 29 - lap 12 - took the boy scout camping on the coast and got poured on damn near every moment - headed out to beacon after work ready for disappointment - hit the lot and followed a frolic-some couple who clearly though they were headed to the summit even as they slunk ever lower :)

 

the rock was just dry enough to reckon on not getting kilt heading up it - moist to the touch, but no big drip-drips

 

pleasant walk down, passing the breeze with a fierce looking shiela and her deaf-husband (which somehow i didn't suss out until the very end) from merry minnesota - she having the shortest of warm-ups before an ultramarathon tomorrow, sweet jeebus, who can touch that kinda krazy fitness? :)

 

9/20-21 - days 30&31 - laps 13-14

 

well, the bastards tried to kill me yesterday - 3 young fucks, according to witnesses i later found on the trail down, spent the better part of 20 minutes chucking huge shit off the south summit as i cowered against the wall on the land of the little people, nursing my beer, guarding my shoes and alternating howls of hatred w/ maniacal laughter and "fuck you fucking fucks!" at the top of my lungs :)

 

even the falcons got into the act, screeching n' swooping - i felt something like a common cause in our anger against the common creeps :P

 

just a thought, but if the park is okay w/ putting up menacing signs citing washington state law and the penalty for walking down the climbers trail in the off season, why not put a similar sign threatening arrest for reckless endangerment or manslaughter at the green gate or by the railing above the south side? i'd like to think if the stupid bastards had killed me that they'd have been punished at least as severely as some poor hiker who just felt like walking to the base on a fine spring day...

 

jogged down the trail after emerging from my hidey-hole, my beer all gone and hungry for blood - probably for the best i didn't catch up, as it likely would have just resulted in 3 dudes kicking my dumb indignant ass :)

 

better day today - steve n' sal above tree ledge - sounds like jim is on the mend and we all wish him well

 

9/22 - day 32 - lap 15 - fell fall is here - decidedly cool and clammy road on the drive out in the afternoon, with a fading sun falling upon us all in this notoriously naughty northern half-fuck hemisphere of ours

 

big doings down by the dock - a busty barge w/ a crane careened up on the big pylons just east of the launch, looking lofty n' ready to tear somethang up - still a free water-craft just off the beach down by the south face, unmoved for weeks but at least floating now that the river's come up - were i a wanderer, intent on distant shores, i'd say stake a claim, kids :)

 

9/27 - day 33 - lap 16 - never a lap up the rock that you don't rumble into something new, so long as you know where to look - today no different - at the bottom 2 buxom-splendid shielas at the start of cruising, at the trail atop 3 nattily attired saffron-clad buddhist monks, not quite chanting but wouldn't be surprised if that's where it all ended up on the summit :)

 

9/28 - day 34 - lap 17 - big bill n' ujohn in the lot in the glittering afternoon sun - little time for frivolity, it's open house night after all bitzes - a quick lap - clusterfuck on the corner, i saw bill well ensnared in it by the time i cut the cord n' said let-hoes-be-hoes - the barge banging n' roaring away down by the river - big doings down there - big bounce back - they say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but it turns out there is such a thing as a free dinner :)

 

9/29 - day 35 - geoff at the bk a bit after 330, me smoking n' reading shelby foote n' waiting - off east soon thereafter - we crawl up cruising to the corner to premature ejaculation, then up the rest of young warriors - an easy world out there really n' not much else to report, save i suppose some spiffy new bolts just off the stoner ledge...

 

9/30 - day 36 - lap 18

 

thank kee-rist for opb fundraising - it got me off the libturd end of the radio dial on the drive in and i finally heard the song ole'bill had been badgering me to find for fuck-all - shit, i thought it was some old man tune :)

 

[video:youtube]

 

great shit there, couldn't help but remind me of another classic i got out at old beatardia from jovial jim :rawk:

 

[video:youtube]

 

a friday evening packed w/ ominous portents - unknown agents acting nefariously in the nether-region of bladerunner, n' so wierd boy-o, as i done heard they're making a sequel today...

 

passed a three-some at tree ledge - bespoke me beer n' noodled over the wicked world while making me big thoughts on mushroom ledge, then zoomed off to zion

 

heart-attack at the car - couldn't find my car keys for the life of me - eventually remembered i'd arrived in the lot having to take a ten-pound shit ("warning - warp core breach in progress") - in my eager ecstasy to see it on its weary way, i done left the keys in the can :)

 

friday night fuckers - stopped off for some wine and had a wonderful conversation w/ a former student who, though somewhat portly n' latina, is all set to vote trump :noway:

 

10/3 - day 37 - lap 19

 

just managed to squeeze this one in - leaden sky on the cursory drive out - limp air, sodden with coming rain - rumbled out of the ride right quick to make a mighty shit - by the time i reached the base the sky portended bad, bad things - fat raindrops by the halfway point up the slab pitch, the rock cold and clammy and quick to grow dramp - like the tears of the lord by the top of pitch 3, and noah alone could comprehend the deluge by the top of uprising - i hoofed it over the railing and found sanctuary under the ramps of the trail to take a pause n' have a smoke n' contemplate the hereafter :)

 

fall's come quick - 20 laps was my goal, and in shah allah, we oughta be able to get it closer to 30 by the time the big endless breeze of december dances on in....

 

10/11 - day 38 - lap 20 - a week of solid, shitty fall weather followed by a brief window of what-have-you - glad i didn't go out y-day as it was wet enough today i'm sure it woulda been a waste

 

a big wind on our woe-wracked rock this here-after, but wierdly it was chockablock w/ white fellers - 'topher twerk'n it on the eternal route off snag ledge that a boatload a'fellers have wandered up only to wander back down - maybe he found the final way through the choss? folks on jills and rapping down wrong gull. a sight i never saw while noodling n' drinking n' thinking atop hidden treats, an old boy rapping down climbers of the far left end of grassy ledges, having just rapped into big ledge, rope-soled the original finishing pitches of dods, then traversed back down to me. he seemed to be newish to beatard-land, but clearly had his feet solidly under'em.

 

fall's here i fear, and to stay too - guess we'll have to make our peace w/ it....

 

10/12 - day 39 - today marks the 15,340 n' a half day this wicked world's been winging round the sun w/ me hanging on like hell n' hollering something awful - ain't so sure i got another 15,000 left in the tank, so reckon i gotta make the back half take it's time :)

 

heavy gray sky, the weekend storm waxes large on the western horizon - my second ascent w/ the jovial jared - we bump into ole'bill n' ujohn along the way n' have a bit of a bark-bark at the cloud-shrouded moon n' then move along, me fucking it all up leading all uprising w/o stopping w/o a single draw :)

 

home in time for a fine birthday dinner - the wife made my favorite, schnitzel n' suds :rawk:

 

11/4 - day 4 X 10 - lap BLACKJACK!

 

been a dark and damp and drizzly november in yer friend n' narrator's humble soul - diagnosis of spinal arthritis accounting for the complete and total disintegration of my ability to be an ambulatory human-bean these past many moons

 

it will all pass by n' by, though why i must wait 4 weeks more for some fellow to burrow a hole into my spine n' squirt some happy juice in i can't say - i guess we all must suffer if we are to make our merry way

 

a solid month of shit sailing out the sky - never a thought of beacon i say - and now daylight savings here and so now after school there ain't gonna be no fuk'n way sarge, no fuk'n way :)

 

damp on the rock for sure, but good enough - been feeling 20 years older most days, this one just 17 n' 1/2

 

a cool, clammy ascent - the soft crumble of rocks on the track, the slow steady hum from the buzz in my back - a sealion on the columbia dealing some fishey's lament :)

 

denver dan is gonna die!

 

11/7 - day 41 - lap 22

 

'twas trumpageddon eve n' all through the gorge

the big breeze was blow'n n' i wanted a whore

the waves were whipping down the dock-side so bare

n' the tourons were missing n' nobody cared

 

the trail was all muddy and the rock a tad damp

but what did it matter, the country's in love w/ a tramp?

i started a lap, wondering what did it matter

should i slip on the slab and hit bottom w/ a splatter?

 

the ride back home i'm sure it was oh-so right

this world all on twitter n' on the edge of a knife

but the sun will keep rising, that's what they say,

and the flowers still bloom n' the queers will be ghey

 

:brew:

 

11/10 - day 42 (aged 42) - lap 23

 

'twas trumpagadeon night just 2 days ago it seems

when i woke with a start n' thought it must be a dream

orange is the new black, i heard said with a laugh

but the sum'bitch who said it will soon suck zyklon-b gas

 

a lout is our president, 'twas the crime of the century

but if i say it too loud, i'll end up in a federal penitentiary

so i moved out to beacon, as fast as i could scurry

though i needn't of worried, the forces of evil are in no hurry

 

i bolted to the top in a big breeze with some beerz, yo

and sat at the summit n' pondered on who could be my hero

someone must fix this, maybe beyonce or maybe chess-master HAL

then suddenly i remembered, what about that mutha-fucka wierd-al?

 

[video:youtube]

 

11/11 - day 43

 

vet's day ceremony at school yday - couldn't feel much but a hard, hard heart - america's gotta sleep on the couch a few weeks first for me i think :)

 

big rick's 52nd bday - the annual descent into the dynamite in order - good place to take shelter from the shit-storm's that's blowing our way

 

geoff at the b.k. at half-past-hungover - the phuzzy nowhere to be found, so left to drown - we wheel out to beacon listless, all clad in our shiny new tower-shirts, courtesy of my legal counsel

 

irresolute and corner-bound, coastie adam cruised by and proposed we fuck around on the west side instead - big doings there, and well worth the effort - the more intense touron involvement definitely adds a shine, as does constant surveillance from the man down the dockside :)

 

after some hijinx n' harebrained addled antics, we were back on the ground, late for our very important date at the cold dark hole way back in them big bad woods - we roared off, emitting clouds of curious blue smoke, saddled through stevenson and acquired pizza, then blasted off and got good n' goddamn lost chasing a wild goose north of carson before finally admitting the obvious and reversing half our goddamn course back to the columbia n' going east - many who wander ARE lost, actually :)

 

wonder of wonders, we reached the cave just shy of dark, n' not a soul in sight - set up the gypsy tent even as the motley crew assembled - after some laffs n' some languishing, we eventually made our languid way down, down, down into the big black bowels of the indifferent earth

 

drip, drip, drip - the rest eludes me...

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11/10 - day 42 (aged 42) - lap 23

 

'twas trumpagadeon night just 2 days ago it seems

when i woke with a start n' thought it must be a dream

orange is the new black, i heard said with a laugh

but the sum'bitch who said it will soon suck zyklon-b gas

 

a lout is our president, 'twas the crime of the century

but if i say it too loud, i'll end up in a federal penitentiary

so i moved out to beacon, as fast as i could scurry

though i needn't of worried, the forces of evil are in no hurry

 

i bolted to the top in a big breeze with some beerz, yo

and sat at the summit n' pondered on who could be my hero

someone must fix this, maybe beyonce or maybe chess-master HAL

then suddenly i remembered, what about that mutha-fucka wierd-al?

 

[video:youtube]

 

 

Beautiful stuff, thanks.

 

But what is the meaning of "day 42 (aged 42)"?

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it means i'm 42 and it was my 42nd day out at beacon this year - but if i was bob dylan it'd mean something far, far wierder :)

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Kudos to Adam Baylor for the successful Beacon Rock climbing film production of Then and Now. Tickets were sold out at Patagonia and it was a who's who line-up of the old time Beacon heavy hitters, Jeff Thomas and Jim Opdyke being the youngsters of the crew. Even Fred Beckey made a showing! It was a good thing for Beacon Rock, and it brought the climbing community together in a great way.

 

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1/10/16 - 4th year of setting down the shit that does go down in beatardia, where men are women and women are never around :)

 

was a rude late fall/early winter season - the big blow of early november annihilated the hiking trail and i woulda been pissed about it if'n never-ending rains hadn't set in and made soloing laps insane anyway

 

a late december trip out w/ geoff at the start of winter break - we ended up just drinking beers n' smoking shit n' commenting on the awful, awful slickery nature of everything - the wall closed at ground zero and so nothing aidable particularly of interest

 

christmas ensued and all was well - didn't have the cash or the clock-time to go for a long off trip to red rocks or whatever, so the only local option was heading up to the puget sound and make a water-man of meself again - last year was great, a 3 day back-pack on the olympic coast n' a 2 day ocean kayak

 

this time around it was a 6-day sea window

 

beat up north in the early hours of 12/27, bent out of my mind it seemed, water streaming along the side of the automovat - seattle shortly after dawn, proud pat all pat-like

 

made our way to the marina n' nattered in the cold light waiting to meet up w/ our captain, a true comedy of errors - soon enough we were on board and casting off

 

sweet simple sailing southward in light airs, past bouys bestowed with sealions - seals - dolphins - eagles both american and candadian i bet - the pleasant site of a 'lion bolting down a full-growth salmon by tail

 

the last bit into port orchard by motor, the night come round so soon - carriers at bremerton

 

ashore we 'sup n' carouse n' enjoy ourselves capitally - meet a sheila-acquaintance of denali dave's round the fireplace n' philsophize over the weight of smoke before rambling off to a sea-berth :)

 

sail oughta town the next day and all was well - got meself nearly kilt by a swinging boom just shy of brian island or somethign like that - spent much of the night dazed as could be but enjoyed a grand time nonetheless binging on burgundy, n' noble reds n' flowing bowls of what-have-you until 2 in the morning

 

awoke feeling near as death as i've felt in awhile - the hard-knock the day before was certainly one of my fabled 9 lives n' i felt the truth of it - grayed out - feeling the cold i'd inherited from the silverton clan plus the concusssion plus the cold above deck plus the deep, deep fucking booze funk

 

they all thought i was dead the day before and grew doubly grim when i was drawing breath the day after but groaning - turned into me laying in agony on the cabin bench n' holding me head together as we steamed back to seattle against a solid breeze

 

the rest of the day was a healing thing - pat flung himself into the sound in his wetsuit as i laid around his joint, showering and trying to sleep off my fucking concussion - that night we did some super-stoned shopping n' headed over to his girlfriend's for a sumptous dinner set against a most scorchign cold outside - i cackled n' thumbed through 1960's civil defense brochures while pat snored n' i made small talk w/ his missus and her very alien animal

 

3 days of ocean kayaking ensued - launched out from an indian reservation near bellingham, stocked up on cheap injun smokes - the rudder was rudely impaired n' pat didn't know but had me in the back anyhow, so after hours of bitching n' cussing we finally fetched up on clark island

 

soaked rather wet we came straight ashore n' made camp in what proved to be a damned cold place - made a roaring fire n' had a bit of a good night - italian fare i recollect - olives n' red sauce n' sausage tortellinis n' mozeralla n' red wine - a sputtering fire, a bit of a dissapointment but soon enough the tent beside a snoring pat n' i slept soundly, the head cold resonating through me

 

day 2 of the ocean kayak we resolve to shift our camp southwards on the island but no further - find a sweet cove filled w/ firewood n' a sweltering sun, relative to our recent camp - we souse along the shore for a bit n' later launch for a trip to a nearby island where pat is molested by sheep

 

great night, this one - we were promised the northern lights but they never appeared but fuck it - it was new years eve - we sat by a roaring fire n' enjoyed bacon n' chili n' what-have-you, me sucking down pionot noir n' smokes n' enjoying the simpleness of being stranded at sea

 

new year's eve we returned to civilization n' after a bit of agony i made it home in time for winter weather and a nice delayed start to the school year

 

 

but this a beacon thread, n' so all this stuff before is simple bullshit n' i apologize for it

 

today was day 1! corner lap #1, but not solo n' gladly not

 

geoff at the bk a bit past 10 - we saunter eastwards by strong light n' stronger winds

 

the parking lot in a simple gale - we pack and wander down, bound n' determined to reach the top of the uprising and to suss out the damage from there

 

cold n' icy but delightfully dry - i take pitch 1 n' we alternate from there - snow patches here and there, but dry where it needs to be - some beers along the way n' we get time to poke our head over the railing n' take in the carnage on the touron-trail - much work to be done it's obvious - big blown out trees n' blowdown n' battered stones - we take it in and scoot down the raps in the big blow n' enjoy some beers and ramboling aroudn and reach back for home

 

here's to 2016 :brew:

 

1/31 - day 2 - closing day, and not a very promising one - 39 degrees n' pouring rain in the parking lot - a drive out through mental desperation, the moss on this here rolling rock of meself growing thick n' fucking shaggy

 

beers n' bullshitting w/ steve n' waiting for the weather to give up a little - there were no illusions of how thorough soggy it was gonna be

 

no wind to speak of though, so there was that at least and it got warmer on the south side after the mist melted away - soon enough i cast off, pulling on gear here and there to remind meself not to be a dipshit on a point of pride climbing the slime-cone

 

the sun shone out halfway up and the mood improved noticeably - fresh snow, as innocent as a downy laotian-lamb along the far gorge walls -steve was exuberant to lead the second pitch and i salute him for it as it wouldn't have taken much to talk me out of it

 

a real slippy-slidey one is that - our boy did it w/o flying off but, following, i found meself doing the cartoon-character spinning me feet in the air thang at one point and only narrowly avoiding a pretty cosmic pirouette around the first crux

 

found meself holding forth somethign fierce on tree ledge, swilling pbr n' pounding upon our poor fellow about his own cosmic hangups -those rightly disposed, and a few butts thrown in to boot, i bolted on up the slippery ramps to grassy ledges - since i had a 70 and the jill's anchor was running wet, i went past it and anchored to a tree - a flippant shoulder belay ensued n' steve quite soon went n' fell big time onto it but i proved them old-boys knew what they were doing and ended up smiling on the ground for it :)

 

the trail closed sign even as we slipped away - stone soup next month now i suppose, though i suspect it's gonna take a civil action and yet another juicy skamania judge session before it gets sorted out - how good is it i have no other hobbies? :)

 

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2/27 - day 3 - stone soup in the sopping wet - sausage n' eggs n' a leisurely breakfast - 'nastia at tad past 10 - streaming water on the sides of the machine on the way out - the k-19 in classic form, fresh off a cardiac arrest for christ's sake?

 

3/2 - day 4 - the k-19 konked out saturday just at the parking lot ledge n' we ran out of day and had to leave all the gear hanging on the wall - ya'll bitches lost out on a treasure trove of scary worn-out trash :)

 

we raced out amid squalls n' rain-storms, me simultaneously sucking down beer n' butts n' changing clothes - was an easy romp up the route w/ the gear all pre-placed - strong winds n' steady rain at times but all went well

 

prime time for putting up some more routes on this small patch of available wall...

 

3/26 - day 6 - spring breaks big upon the land - breezy clouds n' bright sun - a right sound sleep-in - wine n' pizza for breakfast, than a side-saddle into the gorge under glorious skies - crisp n' cold - spent some time scrambling 'round the ozone n' enjoying da wedder, then busted eastwards more to beacon - aid-soloed stone soup n' had a prime time of it, binging on, of all things, katy perry :)

 

4/28 - day 7 - been out to hike hamilton a couple times the past few weeks but that shit don't count - been a bad fews weeks of loss: health, cool students, ambition, colleagues, etc. - got a taste of bacon to soothe the senses today - me n' mike at the base of stone soup in the cool grey of the afternoon - the alpine start to three tree ledges - to the swiss ledges from there, swapping leads - sawzalled a couple bolts to get'em more righteous - shit, there's so many more to do - set off 2 huge blocks on the rap back down, topping a big tree along the way - for the best really - stoked to see so much chalk on p1 & 2, just gotta improve them amateur bolts for the sporto's :)

 

5/2 - day 8 - nobody to climb w/ but it was 80+ at days end and nary a cloud in the crystal sky, so what can you do? scampered out to beacon, belting out bale-loads of smoke along the way n' bitch'n ballads, the 'lesberu purring away n' throwing engine warning lights out like it's wont to do - were time compressed into a single moment and a single feeling, i'm sure this wouldn't be the worst of em all to settle on, spring setting in and summer beckoning right behind...

 

not a soul in the parking lot, not right at all for so rare a spring day - what worries me really about the closed hiking trail is there isn't a sign at all of work being done to fix the damn thing - if i had a dollar for every tourist who stops, pays the 10$, then curses to discover the main attraction is under wraps, i'd have 1/10 of what the park's getting...

 

joe lent me a mean sawzall n' i put it to some use - climbed the 1st pitch of stone soup and, while cleaning it, cut down all the nasty extruding studs n' filed n' em nice n' smooth

 

5/28 - day 9 - many hikes up hamilton in recent days, but that don't hardly count - thursday was out for the big walk an saw topher n' company on stone soup - brought a bit of a smile to the heart n' had a good govreet w/ them fools after the walk was over - passed off a sawzall, which didn't appear to get much use, and after a few gut-laff's w/ denali-dave, all done up and vivisected on account of his duputryens, danced away west

 

teamed up w/ geoff today - hadn't seen that courtly fool since casting him off at his hill house shortly after completing our spring break trip to the valley

 

our sad friend greatly hobbled all this time gone by, he braved his early exit from fat-phuck retirment and out we went - topher'd pulled his ropes, and we rambled up the first 2 pitches, me getting all the good work

 

the recently renovated p1 was hardly noticable - p2 not so much - a new bolt allows the aid'n fool to skip the eyebrow cave (bryan managed this same variation w/o a bolt i recall) which makes the aid across a bit more mellow - no more sling on the tree above the bush but it still works, so long as you fully extend your daisy and commit to the top step on tiny handholds

 

the 2 upper headwall bolts all ripped out and eloped east - it got called stone soup for a reason - the new way just fine, aiding-wise, and kinda fun as it forces some funky mixed free maneavours to make the high step

 

rawked out for the rest of our times - 3 tree - the long way down - rangers abound - beers and butts - the boat-dock - always bet on #28 - the big bound home

 

6/9 - die X - not such a balmy day after all this august heat - grey and gloomy - school's done as done can be, just the simple matter of casting these cynical bastards off in the morrow's afternoon and it's summa, summa, summa :)

 

jeffy-t at the register rock in the half rain - a good gavreet and a glorious shit and it was sauntering time - rambled up to the top-most railing and ran down the stone soup, taking in the rare auold sights - was a trifle baffled by the dangling old fixed line at three tree - guess that's what it means to make nice w/ the neighbors :) - cut out the hanging trash and cast in on down and couldn't for the life of me find it once upon the ground - wouldn't mind recovering it really, it's the rancid remnants of my first rope, bought back in the waning days of clinton-one :)

 

might be a bit for beacon - next week's the redwoods and yosemite and san-franny w/ the famibily, then mike n' me making our easting off to the wind river range n' hopefully high times....

 

 

7/16 - day 11 - opening day + 1 - been a busy summer - sand dunes, redwoods, yosemite, san francisco, flat-irons, devils's tower, the winds, smith and darrington, then me washed up flat n' busted on my doorstep just a few days before the family rolls back in - road weary and woe-eyed - sometimes i think i'm a shadow and the sun's almost down

 

a morning spent mending the damage done to tires on the most recent road-trip, then out to beacon and a lap up the corner w/ geoff n' bill - cool weather, cloudy - the old place looking just fine after all this time...

 

musta spent at least 10 solid minutes trying to find the new party spot rumored to be an unladen-swallow's flight away, but eventually we figured ole'adam just must not be home :)

 

7/17 - day 12 - lap 1 of the summer - woke up late, this last day of bachelor freedom, bound to recover a dog at noon, despite my vexations - just enough time for a sleep in n' a big breakfast n' some beer, then bounced out the door for a lap - musta passed 4 parties of 4-climbers each on the corner? jeebus, the man could make a fortune if'n he claimed for each :)

 

7/31 - lucky #13 - lap 2 - a trip to tower and success seemingly in hand after a mort more work - a week w/ the wife at art museum's n' doing ya'd wo'k n' f'ck knows what else - hips hurt - knees hurt - seem to have the planter fascist-fukyu in both my heels now - keerist, i'm a few months short of a solid douglas adams' 42 n' i'm feeling auooooold :(

 

sunday morning after a solid sleep in - a week w/ the fam at the beach tomorrow so this was it, and not much time to spare as i needed to set the ya'd in order before we fuckered off

 

beacon near noon - the lot like a gypsy caravan before the nazis knew what's what - cool n' grey - bro'seph n' his benji-buddy in buckling down n' ready to bound up dastardly

 

wandered up the corner w/ a head half-right - crowds like always of course, and a poor dam anchored off and leaving on the travese tree giving me the heebie-jeebies - the crux like cream these days - i don't know what my feet are doing, but i just smile and saunter on

 

fresh air and following breeze - fun times - the ramble down - beers and the long babbling road back home...

 

8/7 - day 14 - little wing n' jill's thrill just right to humiliate our friend n' humble narrator after a week family camping in the olympics, sucking down sausauges n' swill - swimming across lake quinualt some species of training i suppose...

 

thought ole'geoff was fixing to stand me up at the b.k. - read some n' tried not to feel like i was gonna barf up me breakfast - settled for just doing some soloing after a half hour rambled on by - went to fetch some of the regular old poisons out of the roadhouse first n' then pulled out n' headed east when i saw the big-G galloping up in his toy-yoya n' said sure, why not?

 

bit stormy out at beacon today, but nothing serious n' kept the crowds down a bit i bet

 

geoff did the real work so i wussed out and did the easier pitches but still fumbled n' fucked them up, conniving to cut me hand up in the bargain and bled like a little bitch all over the place

 

the Gnome King at grassy ledges, seemingly moved in for the season n' hogging all the space, his ride recently jacked by the Man n' him all "fukit, keepit" in response - a rare hero that'un :)

 

steve n' lisa all about too - we followed them down the raps n' rambled on over to the other side to see about the minotaur, who happily had left his labyrinth - ascended through threatening storm n' had a real satisfying time of it

 

rude reality back in the parking lot - some crackhead kraker chucked a big old stone through geoff's window n' did a quick once-over through its interior - pleasingly the car-alarm seemed to have brought the bitch out of the pussies and they fled before grabbing anything actually - guess it gives our boy an excuse to finally replace the broken windshield too...

 

the summer's setting quick - hope to get another tower trip or two in before it's time to slummit back to work...

 

8/10 - day XV - lap III - leisurely breakfast w/ the kids and some midsummer school work dispensed with, hit the chiropractor to crack the old back n' suck the thetans outta me, then cruised out to beacon in the afternoon heat - warm n' windy in the park - the busted glass of geoff's smashed window all tidied up - just one couple gearing up n' ready to blast off as i started up the corner - felt like a slow old man, stopping to have a good lie down every few pitches n' gaze out at the much older man, the half moon hanging in the sky - the perseids tonight too - the free tv overhead never failing to fling something at you

 

looks like the gnome-king done got evicted - wonder where that wierd mutherfukka got to? :)

 

8/11 - day 16, lap 4 - not so breezy at beacon today - hot n' humid, even after the shade had set in - gabbed w/ jimbo for a while - the gnome king remains in the witness protection program - ran up the corner, feeling a good bit better than yesterday - brought some clippers n' did some community-service cutting out all the clutter on hidden treats and uprising - gavreeted w/ some good folks n' gamboled on back home to set up shop in a dark field w/ the kids n' watch the pulsing perseids

 

8/12-13 - days 17-18 - the plan was partake of the perseids and plenty of beer on the ledge, maybe do a night lap, then finagle maybe a new route off the top - temps in the mid-90s on the drive in, sweltering in my ac-broken car - drove in endless circles trying to discover the exact location of adam's rebel base where i was to rendezvous w/ my crack team of geoff n' bryan

 

eventually it all worked out and we walked up the painfully hot trail, weltering in sweat - once on the ledge the lack of breeze didn't offer much comfort as we lay around, damp as dogs, re-evaluating our recent decisions

 

bryan and i went on to climb the corner, setting off from the ground just at the last light left the sky - an uneventful and rapid ascent and then it was the rest of a long evening spent counting falling stars, drinking 3 different kinds of beer n' pinot noir to boot, gut-laughing and bullshit'n

 

by 9 a.m. the next morning it was absolutely sweltering and all willingness to scrub n' cut n' mank our way up the sun-blasted wall had wasted away in favor of a far more ambitious plan, ambling off and away over to the tepid columbia to swim like porpoises in the sweet water - we even managed to enlist old adam, who clearly had done this shit already - good times ensued over an afternoon that clearly demonstrated how our ancient mammalian cousins evolved and returned to the ocean to despatch their terrestrial ruinations :)

 

8/15 - day 19 - lap 5 - hawt, hawt day - did a lap, then grabbed a snorkel n' swam around the river for a good long while - don't think i've ever felt my arms quite that wasted after a solo day at beacon :)

 

8/22 - day 20 - lap 6 - spent a day lying wounded on the couch nursing my cranky hip after a lengthy tower rock trip, then up today to do the gym-thang w/ the wife, then a chiro visit, then a wander out east - cool and breezy on the south side - a party of 3 on the corner - the 2 dudes from vegas win the "beacon rock hero of the day" award for bringing their very cute girlfriend out - beautiful ebony skin and didn't look a day over 19 n' 1/2 - can't say i've ever seen someone so lovely on our dreary, drab old stone... :)

 

8/23 - day 21 - lap 7 - 2 days in a row w/ beautiful ladies at the crag, the stars must be aligning something fierce, i'm almost scared to go back out tomorrow :) ranger at the base, never a good sign - the mayor up high tending the sheep - some good talk, some grim - shit, the summer's damn near dead...

 

8/24 - day 22 - lap 8 - hat trick - good day - swimming in battle ground lake w/ the dog n' family - freshwater jellyfish, holy shit, who'da thunk it? union social n' some lightweight boozing, then out to beacon - felt abit groggy on arrival and jumped in the columbia in the 90 degree heat to cool off - arrived in the parking lot to ranger questions - apparantly some dickmunch drove off with the picnic bench

 

jim in the lot too, said ole'bill n' ujohn were up high on the corner so i scooted off to see if i could catch them - took uprising and ran into the boys just at the railing - bill invited the gang for drinks at the skamania lodge n' we drank brown ale n' ate nachos n' nattered about an impeding return to tower

 

8/25 - day 23 - lap 9 - a scorcher today - 104 read the car after rudely parking it in the sun - some union bidness dispensed with n' a stint of classroom setup sussed out, i wandered out gorge-ways after 3 - dallied around the dock for an hour or so swimming out to the island n' bantering w/ the fishermen who were bringing in the bass with perfect regularity and had some fine tales to tell- ranger-boi came by w/ some fancy high-powered options, i oughta keep that in mind next time i'm jerking off in the bushes up on grassy ledges :)

 

topped out to the strange site of some kids rapping off the south side summit, strung out in the trees above grassy ledges looking a little uncertain of the future - reckon they'd get themselves sorted out well enough, so sent them my salutations n' shuffled on

 

summer's done sprung a leak and's taking on water something fearful, i would not wager a fucking groat on its continuing good health :)

 

8/28 - day 24 - jensen's ridge w/ oleg - ain't climbed w/ that slavic soul in too long and it was a fine day - hot to be sure, but very breezy so i barely noticed i was dying of heat stroke until i went the whole day w/o pissing :)

 

the oak's encroaching on the route at several places on pitch 3 and i don't know what the fuck to do about it as i hate that shit and have no tolerance for messing w/ it - all the work phuzzy-adam did 2 years ago seemed to just piss it off as its growing back something fiece :(

 

still a great route and no evidence of anyone climbing it this year - never can figure why so many hardmen crush the other beacon classics but never tangle w/ it...

 

8/30 - day 25 - lap 10 - fall came to beacon today - blustery and overcast and sub-70 in the parking lot - no pre- or post-lap swim today :)

 

first day of back to school - waking up at 630 is a hate-crime against mankind and should be constitutionally banned for krist's sake - felt quite greyed out on the quick ascent - chatted w/ cameron for a spell half-way up the first pitch - found a half-full pack of american spirits on the traverse (that you, santa claus? :) ) - by the time i hit the trail the sun emerged and it was brisk but balmy for the walk down

 

as churchill lamented when confronted with how much booze he'd belted down over the course of his long life: "sigh...so much work left to do!" :)

 

9/8 - day 26 - first day of school this tuesday and for the 2nd year in a row my ritual of closing out the day w/ a beacon ascent was scuppered by rain - got out today w/ my colleague jared_jackman, who amazingly knows denali-dave and even fracking lived in the no-bo-trifecta for a spell, yet somehow never climbed at beacon? :noway:

 

pleasant crawl up the corner in the cool breeze - woulda been pleasanter still if my trick hip didn't hurt so damn much - my grave keeps getting closer n' closer

 

2 things i'd never seen at beacon today - a, by beacon standards, big-ass snake coiled up in the hidden-treats crack, right at the top, really putting me off my meds as i like to jam there very much - the other a decent sized powerboat beached on the riverside, looking real grim n' all-to-seek :)

 

off to tower w/ big bill tomorrow - in shah allah, we'll see the long project come to completion finally...

 

9/12 - day 27 - lap 11 - finally some fine weather after work - feeling increasingly crippled as my hip disintegrates and i try to ignore it - gonna see the doc in a few days, so maybe he'll have a magic wand?

 

beached sea-craft still on the columbian shore - are salvage rights yet in effect? think i see an entrepreneurial opportunity :)

 

9/15 - day 28 - hadn't seen phuzzy adam since phuck all, but we met up in camas after some hard traveling for the burning-man boi over the tough portland roads

 

balmy n' breezyish beacon - talk of time gone by - fucking puerto-ricans on the bucket list i recollect - bad beer - good beer - chuckles - the dying light on the gorge walls, the winding way back...

 

9/19 - day 29 - lap 12 - took the boy scout camping on the coast and got poured on damn near every moment - headed out to beacon after work ready for disappointment - hit the lot and followed a frolic-some couple who clearly though they were headed to the summit even as they slunk ever lower :)

 

the rock was just dry enough to reckon on not getting kilt heading up it - moist to the touch, but no big drip-drips

 

pleasant walk down, passing the breeze with a fierce looking shiela and her deaf-husband (which somehow i didn't suss out until the very end) from merry minnesota - she having the shortest of warm-ups before an ultramarathon tomorrow, sweet jeebus, who can touch that kinda krazy fitness? :)

 

9/20-21 - days 30&31 - laps 13-14

 

well, the bastards tried to kill me yesterday - 3 young fucks, according to witnesses i later found on the trail down, spent the better part of 20 minutes chucking huge shit off the south summit as i cowered against the wall on the land of the little people, nursing my beer, guarding my shoes and alternating howls of hatred w/ maniacal laughter and "fuck you fucking fucks!" at the top of my lungs :)

 

even the falcons got into the act, screeching n' swooping - i felt something like a common cause in our anger against the common creeps :P

 

just a thought, but if the park is okay w/ putting up menacing signs citing washington state law and the penalty for walking down the climbers trail in the off season, why not put a similar sign threatening arrest for reckless endangerment or manslaughter at the green gate or by the railing above the south side? i'd like to think if the stupid bastards had killed me that they'd have been punished at least as severely as some poor hiker who just felt like walking to the base on a fine spring day...

 

jogged down the trail after emerging from my hidey-hole, my beer all gone and hungry for blood - probably for the best i didn't catch up, as it likely would have just resulted in 3 dudes kicking my dumb indignant ass :)

 

better day today - steve n' sal above tree ledge - sounds like jim is on the mend and we all wish him well

 

9/22 - day 32 - lap 15 - fell fall is here - decidedly cool and clammy road on the drive out in the afternoon, with a fading sun falling upon us all in this notoriously naughty northern half-fuck hemisphere of ours

 

big doings down by the dock - a busty barge w/ a crane careened up on the big pylons just east of the launch, looking lofty n' ready to tear somethang up - still a free water-craft just off the beach down by the south face, unmoved for weeks but at least floating now that the river's come up - were i a wanderer, intent on distant shores, i'd say stake a claim, kids :)

 

9/27 - day 33 - lap 16 - never a lap up the rock that you don't rumble into something new, so long as you know where to look - today no different - at the bottom 2 buxom-splendid shielas at the start of cruising, at the trail atop 3 nattily attired saffron-clad buddhist monks, not quite chanting but wouldn't be surprised if that's where it all ended up on the summit :)

 

9/28 - day 34 - lap 17 - big bill n' ujohn in the lot in the glittering afternoon sun - little time for frivolity, it's open house night after all bitzes - a quick lap - clusterfuck on the corner, i saw bill well ensnared in it by the time i cut the cord n' said let-hoes-be-hoes - the barge banging n' roaring away down by the river - big doings down there - big bounce back - they say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but it turns out there is such a thing as a free dinner :)

 

9/29 - day 35 - geoff at the bk a bit after 330, me smoking n' reading shelby foote n' waiting - off east soon thereafter - we crawl up cruising to the corner to premature ejaculation, then up the rest of young warriors - an easy world out there really n' not much else to report, save i suppose some spiffy new bolts just off the stoner ledge...

 

9/30 - day 36 - lap 18

 

thank kee-rist for opb fundraising - it got me off the libturd end of the radio dial on the drive in and i finally heard the song ole'bill had been badgering me to find for fuck-all - shit, i thought it was some old man tune :)

 

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great shit there, couldn't help but remind me of another classic i got out at old beatardia from jovial jim :rawk:

 

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a friday evening packed w/ ominous portents - unknown agents acting nefariously in the nether-region of bladerunner, n' so wierd boy-o, as i done heard they're making a sequel today...

 

passed a three-some at tree ledge - bespoke me beer n' noodled over the wicked world while making me big thoughts on mushroom ledge, then zoomed off to zion

 

heart-attack at the car - couldn't find my car keys for the life of me - eventually remembered i'd arrived in the lot having to take a ten-pound shit ("warning - warp core breach in progress") - in my eager ecstasy to see it on its weary way, i done left the keys in the can :)

 

friday night fuckers - stopped off for some wine and had a wonderful conversation w/ a former student who, though somewhat portly n' latina, is all set to vote trump :noway:

 

10/3 - day 37 - lap 19

 

just managed to squeeze this one in - leaden sky on the cursory drive out - limp air, sodden with coming rain - rumbled out of the ride right quick to make a mighty shit - by the time i reached the base the sky portended bad, bad things - fat raindrops by the halfway point up the slab pitch, the rock cold and clammy and quick to grow dramp - like the tears of the lord by the top of pitch 3, and noah alone could comprehend the deluge by the top of uprising - i hoofed it over the railing and found sanctuary under the ramps of the trail to take a pause n' have a smoke n' contemplate the hereafter :)

 

fall's come quick - 20 laps was my goal, and in shah allah, we oughta be able to get it closer to 30 by the time the big endless breeze of december dances on in....

 

10/11 - day 38 - lap 20 - a week of solid, shitty fall weather followed by a brief window of what-have-you - glad i didn't go out y-day as it was wet enough today i'm sure it woulda been a waste

 

a big wind on our woe-wracked rock this here-after, but wierdly it was chockablock w/ white fellers - 'topher twerk'n it on the eternal route off snag ledge that a boatload a'fellers have wandered up only to wander back down - maybe he found the final way through the choss? folks on jills and rapping down wrong gull. a sight i never saw while noodling n' drinking n' thinking atop hidden treats, an old boy rapping down climbers of the far left end of grassy ledges, having just rapped into big ledge, rope-soled the original finishing pitches of dods, then traversed back down to me. he seemed to be newish to beatard-land, but clearly had his feet solidly under'em.

 

fall's here i fear, and to stay too - guess we'll have to make our peace w/ it....

 

10/12 - day 39 - today marks the 15,340 n' a half day this wicked world's been winging round the sun w/ me hanging on like hell n' hollering something awful - ain't so sure i got another 15,000 left in the tank, so reckon i gotta make the back half take it's time :)

 

heavy gray sky, the weekend storm waxes large on the western horizon - my second ascent w/ the jovial jared - we bump into ole'bill n' ujohn along the way n' have a bit of a bark-bark at the cloud-shrouded moon n' then move along, me fucking it all up leading all uprising w/o stopping w/o a single draw :)

 

home in time for a fine birthday dinner - the wife made my favorite, schnitzel n' suds :rawk:

 

11/4 - day 4 X 10 - lap BLACKJACK!

 

been a dark and damp and drizzly november in yer friend n' narrator's humble soul - diagnosis of spinal arthritis accounting for the complete and total disintegration of my ability to be an ambulatory human-bean these past many moons

 

it will all pass by n' by, though why i must wait 4 weeks more for some fellow to burrow a hole into my spine n' squirt some happy juice in i can't say - i guess we all must suffer if we are to make our merry way

 

a solid month of shit sailing out the sky - never a thought of beacon i say - and now daylight savings here and so now after school there ain't gonna be no fuk'n way sarge, no fuk'n way :)

 

damp on the rock for sure, but good enough - been feeling 20 years older most days, this one just 17 n' 1/2

 

a cool, clammy ascent - the soft crumble of rocks on the track, the slow steady hum from the buzz in my back - a sealion on the columbia dealing some fishey's lament :)

 

denver dan is gonna die!

 

11/7 - day 41 - lap 22

 

'twas trumpageddon eve n' all through the gorge

the big breeze was blow'n n' i wanted a whore

the waves were whipping down the dock-side so bare

n' the tourons were missing n' nobody cared

 

the trail was all muddy and the rock a tad damp

but what did it matter, the country's in love w/ a tramp?

i started a lap, wondering what did it matter

should i slip on the slab and hit bottom w/ a splatter?

 

the ride back home i'm sure it was oh-so right

this world all on twitter n' on the edge of a knife

but the sun will keep rising, that's what they say,

and the flowers still bloom n' the queers will be ghey

 

:brew:

 

11/10 - day 42 (aged 42) - lap 23

 

'twas trumpagadeon night just 2 days ago it seems

when i woke with a start n' thought it must be a dream

orange is the new black, i heard said with a laugh

but the sum'bitch who said it will soon suck zyklon-b gas

 

a lout is our president, 'twas the crime of the century

but if i say it too loud, i'll end up in a federal penitentiary

so i moved out to beacon, as fast as i could scurry

though i needn't of worried, the forces of evil are in no hurry

 

i bolted to the top in a big breeze with some beerz, yo

and sat at the summit n' pondered on who could be my hero

someone must fix this, maybe beyonce or maybe chess-master HAL

then suddenly i remembered, what about that mutha-fucka wierd-al?

 

[video:youtube]

 

 

11/11 - day 43

 

vet's day ceremony at school yday - couldn't feel much but a hard, hard heart - america's gotta sleep on the couch a few weeks first for me i think :)

 

big rick's 52nd bday - the annual descent into the dynamite in order - good place to take shelter from the shit-storm's that's blowing our way

 

geoff at the b.k. at half-past-hungover - the phuzzy nowhere to be found, so left to drown - we wheel out to beacon listless, all clad in our shiny new tower-shirts, courtesy of my legal counsel

 

irresolute and corner-bound, coastie adam cruised by and proposed we fuck around on the west side instead - big doings there, and well worth the effort - the more intense touron involvement definitely adds a shine, as does constant surveillance from the man down the dockside :)

 

after some hijinx n' harebrained addled antics, we were back on the ground, late for our very important date at the cold dark hole way back in them big bad woods - we roared off, emitting clouds of curious blue smoke, saddled through stevenson and acquired pizza, then blasted off and got good n' goddamn lost chasing a wild goose north of carson before finally admitting the obvious and reversing half our goddamn course back to the columbia n' going east - many who wander ARE lost, actually :)

 

wonder of wonders, we reached the cave just shy of dark, n' not a soul in sight - set up the gypsy tent even as the motley crew assembled - after some laffs n' some languishing, we eventually made our languid way down, down, down into the big black bowels of the indifferent earth

 

drip, drip, drip - the rest eludes me...

winter solstice - day 44 - long i've laid in erotic ruin - the flu, the fugue, the never-ending falling damps from the dreaded, drizzling heavens - couch-bound, bored, encrusted w/ incantations of the common kind - will this world never end?

 

but the blue devils can dance too, and so it was finally the sun broke big at beacon and kenny called out to me in my misery - fog-fucked though vantucky was, i Had the Faith, so felt my way east through the easing cloud-murk to find that mother-fucker was not malingering

 

the no-bo-trifecta just south of noon - snow on everything, a single-reef breeze roaring along the gaudy gorge - kenny in the car and so it goes west once more

 

never seen such snow on the trail to the south-side - the corner platform required kicking in - i led first, the rock wet and weeping but not as rude as rude can be - kenny the second, the cursed fool fucking me up royally by rambling back into that ungodly corner, a place i go but once every 5 years, always emerging w/ the words: never again :)

 

up to grassy ledges where the snow piled in heaps and the sun was perilously close to passing from view - kenny from there in one long lead to the duck-blind, then bounding quickly from that shadow-land to the glory of the western sun, sizzling it seemed on the lee face where we crushed cans of pbr and sauntered down

 

adam near the base, n' we bounced back to dave's n' had campfires n' crazy talk w/ a multitude of mangy neighbors, nattering at the ways of this wicked world until well past the magic minute melted away mt. hamilton - the space-cookie in my belly threatening to send me careening back into maniac madness, i cruised west in the post-gloaming, passing through incredible fog - real 3 mile n' hour shit - just short of home

 

think that might be the last one for this here year :(

 

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Edited by ivan

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