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musky333

buddy's sex change operation

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I recently ran into a buddy who had a sex change operation. I didn't know quite what to say, so I asked "How was it"? He said it was the most painful thing he had ever been through. I said it must have hurt like hell when they cut your cherries off. he said "No, I was drugged up pretty good". I said then it must have hurt like a bitch (no pun)when they removed your hose. He said,"No, the drugs again helped." I said, well the bad part must have been when they sliced you to make a woman's genatalia. He said,"No the anesthetic saved me there, too." I said well then what the hell was so painful about changing into a woman? He said "The painful part was when they drilled that hole in my head and took half my brains out."

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Musky, is this what passes for wit in Wisconsin? Eytomology of Blond and dumb women Jokes If so, here's some blond jokes copied and pasted off the internets to keep you going.

 

"Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?

A: The blonde works in the dark!

 

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?

A: The joystick is wet.

blonde3.jpg

 

 

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?

A: Her ankles.

 

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?

A: "Have another beer."

 

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?

A1: Thanks Guys.

A2: Are you boys all in the same band?

A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

 

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?

A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

 

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?

A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

 

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.

 

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?

A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

 

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?

A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

blonde1.jpg

 

 

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?

A: Wave

 

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?

A: They both have black roots.

 

Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

 

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?

A: A brain tumor.

 

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?

A: Two brunettes.

 

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?

A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

 

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?

A: To see what was on the other side.

 

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?

A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

 

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?

A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

 

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?

A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

 

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?

A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

 

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

 

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?

A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

 

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

 

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?

A: So she could lip read.

 

Q: Why did God create blondes?

A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: Why did God create brunettes?

A: Neither could the blondes.

 

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

 

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

A: To turn the blinker off.

 

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

 

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

 

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?

A: Because it kept falling out.

 

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

 

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why does it work?

A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

 

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

 

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?

A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

 

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?

A: A blond doing cartwheels.

 

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?

A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

 

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?

A: She missed the Earth!

 

Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?

A: She blew it both times!

 

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?

A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

 

Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?

A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

 

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?

A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

 

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?

A: About 2 cans of hair spray

 

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?

A: Pick them up off the floor.

 

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

A: The vegetable garden.

 

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?

A: One.

 

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?

A: Far-from-thinkin

 

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?

A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

 

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?

A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

 

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?

A1: The Blonde!

A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

 

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?

A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

 

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

 

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

A: Spot.

 

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?

A: Air Supply.

 

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?

A: A blond electrician.

 

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

A: So brunettes can remember them.

 

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?

A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

 

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?

A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

 

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?

A: Perri-air

 

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

 

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?

A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

 

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?

A: The Air Pump!

 

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?

A: Because she got an F in sex.

 

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?

A: She missed.

 

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?

A: They can't keep their calves together!

 

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?

A: After a dye job.

 

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?

A: Humpme Dumpme.

 

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?

A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

 

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

 

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?

A: Because she blows the horn!

 

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?

A: Because everybody gets a turn.

 

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?

A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

 

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?

A: She kept having affairs with men!

 

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?

A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

 

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?

A: Grade 4.

 

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

A: 144 blondes.

 

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?

A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

 

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?

A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

 

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

 

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?

A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

 

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?

A: They both drip when they're fucked.

 

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"

A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

 

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?

A: It swells at night.

 

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"

A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

 

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

 

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?

A: Locking the car door.

 

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?

A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

 

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

A: She moved.

 

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?

A: A blonde parade.

 

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?

A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

 

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?

A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe."

____________________________________________________________________

 

I recently ran into a buddy who had a sex change operation. I didn't know quite what to say, so I asked "How was it"? He said it was the most painful thing he had ever been through. I said it must have hurt like hell when they cut your cherries off. he said "No, I was drugged up pretty good". I said then it must have hurt like a bitch (no pun)when they removed your hose. He said,"No, the drugs again helped." I said, well the bad part must have been when they sliced you to make a woman's genatalia. He said,"No the anesthetic saved me there, too." I said well then what the hell was so painful about changing into a woman? He said "The painful part was when they drilled that hole in my head and took half my brains out."

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Equal time:

"STUPID MEN/MALE BASHING JOKES!

What is the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?

Forty-five Minutes

 

What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?

Thank her.

 

When do you care for a man's company?

When he owns it.

 

Why do men get married??

So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore

 

What do men and used cars have in common?

They are both easy to get, cheap, and totally unrealiable.

 

Why are men like the weather.

Nothing can be done to change either of them.

 

What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A fairy tale.

 

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

 

What should you give a man who has everything?

A woman to show him how to use it.

 

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them.

 

How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a pretty girl.

 

How do you get a man to stop nibling his nails?

Make him wear shoes.

 

What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?

Gifted!

 

How does a man plan for the future?

He subscribes to two years of playboy instead of one.

 

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

 

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

 

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?

All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

 

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?

When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

 

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about how good he screws.

 

How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?

Only one. If you slice him very thinly.

 

What did God say after creating man?

Geez...I can do better than that!

 

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?

Any place with eating utensils and chairs.

 

What do you call a handcuffed man?

Trustworthy.

 

What do men and mascara have in common?

They both run when women cry!

 

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?

His wife picked his clothes!

 

What has ten arms and an IQ of 50?

Five guys watching a football game.

 

What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

 

What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?

Telling you his real name.

 

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?

Put the remote control between his toes.

 

What's the best way to torture a man to death?

Put a sexy blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him he can only pick one.

 

What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?

Big Foot's been spotted several times.

 

What's the smartest thing a man can say?

"My wife says..."

 

What's the quickest way to a man's heart?

Straight through the rib cage.

 

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?

So men can understand them.

 

Why can't men get mad cow disease?

Because they're all pigs.

 

Why did God create man before woman?

Practice makes perfect!

 

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.

 

Why do little boys whine?

Because they are practicing to be men.

 

Why do men like smart women?

Opposites attract.

 

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?

Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

 

What do you say when you find a sensitive caring man?

Hello, how's your boyfriend?

 

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A widow.

 

What do men and sperm have in common?

They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being

 

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?

Sex."

 

(insert rimshot snare drum noise here, Ba-de-bump HOOOOOO!) :rawk:

 

 

 

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Sorry if that was offensive. I'm trying not to use the "h-word" anymore, but hey, I'm a man of my times...

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Norwegian yoke:

 

After supper, Ole went out to the garden while Lena cleaned up the kitchen. She got a phone call from a guy who said he was doing a survey, but it was actually an obscene caller who was asking questions about her sex life. She answered away until he asked a question she didn't know the answer for. So she hollered out the back door to Ole and said, " Ole, do we have mutual orgasam?" Ole thought for a moment and hollered back " No, we have Lutherean Brotherhood!"

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And one the Washingtonians might get:

 

Why doesn't Idaho have a professional football team?

 

Because if they had one, the next thing you know, Washington would want one too.

 

At least one guy in Stehekin I told it too thought it was funny.

 

Of course, Brett Favre playing for the Viqueens is F-ing hilarious.

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Fuck bill, are you trying to copy/paste the entire interwebs onto one post? christ

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