ivan Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Trip: Rat Cave - Bull in a China Shop Date: 3/7/2009 Trip Report: emerging from the gin and tonic defiled time-fog - sweet christ - was it 830 we're meeting? wife like a boozy zombie, head-hammered into the pillows and drooling hard - she's not rising soon - temples in hand in the kitchen - cleanign - coffee - eggs - buttered toast - go! a most egregious mist-soaked and sullen forecast - oh where oh where could the forelorn moped-driving aid-fool find respite from this dreary damp? - entrails were consulted - augors read - rumors of rude aid-options on hardman overhanging gorge stone were whispered - mega-machinations assured by secretaries of secretaries at an ellusive crag - rat cave - somewhere...somewhere... and there we found it - now some would say it uncivil to post this - crowds to come they'd claim - fools though - unless you climb 5.13 there's little there for you - an incredible site for certain - what geological upheaveal gouged it out? did the columbia crest in the primeval past, scour and scrape away the cobblestone cliff, leaving this jubliant gem? was it water, that little bitch that wears down mountains, gushing through sumps and dark corridors deep behind the rock? the over-eager industry of man, quarrying and crushing in the crusade of fiducial fantasy? geoff and i arrived w/ 2 ropes and little else - not much more is needed - i curse myself for not replacing the batteries in my camera - a sweet little gallery - 15 feet off the broken ground the giant roof begins - dead horizontal and out for dozens of feet - well bolted and no place for gear - an improbable stack of sharp volcanic boulders, barely glued together - eventually the angle lessens to just 10 degrees past vertical - a fine place for a chest harness - it was c0 but incredible! no idea of route names - apparently the areas been under development for a decade - maybe some guy named caldwell was an older artificer? i rope soloed some line that was bolted a long time ago but not yet climbed in it's entirety - b/c of the roof, a 60 meter rope barely gets you back down to the ground. there's no anchor at the top, but plenty of fixed draws to lower off - i rope soloed while geoff took on an even more incredible roof route - his ghetto-tacular stick clip a damned necessity some time later, both of us finishing our routes, we paused to catch our breath - pall malls and honey-buns - we each took a jug lap up my line, then solved pi by undoing the anchors we'd made well off the ground in the most delicately approached places - soon thereafter the portland sport punks appeared in their pretty blue prius good lord these boys! i guess i just haven't really watched people climb 5.13 before...i like their innovations - endless knee-bars required by yards of horizontal climbing found them ducktaping pads to their pants not long thereafter i went to do geoff's route from earlier - approaching hte anchors, near the lip of the roof, many, many bolts in, the commentary kicks in - "yeah, those bolts are in really bad rock - you're gonna die!" geoff had carried his aid-widget the whole way but eventually i'd grown weary of it and cast it down, like the sodomites of old - seeing that i'd need it more, less than amused by the clear cluster-fuck of volcanic stone i was trusting my life too, i decided to lower off - i had all the slack i could take out of the rope and the gri-gri engaged, but had to get off my daisy - the narrow eye of the bolt required wiggling aroudn to get it clear of the draw the rope ran through then - POP! the bolt burst from the stone, i pendulumed through space and came tight, dangling dead center in the cave, halfway down to the ground - perfect! no need to clean the daisy now and there was the bolt and a stranger's quickdraw still clipped in - a quick shot down to the ground on the gri and big smiles - hey, ain't i a great guest? i show up to your quasi-secret high-end sport-climbing crag w/ my smokes and foul-humor and ghetto-ass aid-rig and rip your bolts out - bwahahahahahahah! the rest of the day was living the high-life - geoff was done with his second line and i did a jug-lap, then ran through the cantekerous contortions to undue his solo-anchor, 20 feet off the ground and 20 feet out from the rappel plump line - geoff n' me, in awe of the free climbing crew, wondering if maybe all this steepness was decieving? maybe WE can climb impossible sick shit too? i put on my shoes, set sites on the easiest line there, some 11d, got the first bolt clipped then swung, swung, swung, swung and that was saturday! pouring rain all day and not a single drop to touch my pretty head! Gear Notes: a couple of draws and spiderman strength (or maybe a fistfull of goofballs) Approach Notes: park past the pumphouse - then 50 grueling, grueling yards, under a pouring waterfall, to the base Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
el jefe Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 "dope on a rope" would be a better title for this drivel... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 "dope on a rope" would be a better title for this drivel... everyone's a critic that, and i'm pretty certain that sobriquet has already been claimed... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
el jefe Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 yes, but no one else has worked so hard to earn it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 yes, but no one else has worked so hard to earn it. i wouldn't think of it as "work" out of curiosity, you usually seem to flip a lot of shit my way, chief - how is it that i haven't earned your valuable "ignore" option yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
el jefe Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 i'm probably not trying hard enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 i'm probably not trying hard enough. true enough - well, fortunately there are many more melodiously and purposeful trip reports for you to savor here on this here interweb and at any rate, if you can climb wicked hard sport lines, you should check out the bat cave - the guys we met there who are developing lines were pleased as punch to have climbing company, a rare unprovincial attitude for sure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
el jefe Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 i've been there a couple of times but the majority of routes are over my head -- so to speak! anyway, sounds like we've done probably some of the same routes there and in a similar style: hanging on every bolt. i'm just yanking your chain, dude, so don't take it seriously. if your BAL weren't sub-therapeutic, you'd recognize this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted March 8, 2009 Author Share Posted March 8, 2009 i'm just yanking your chain, dude, so don't take it seriously. if your BAL weren't sub-therapeutic, you'd recognize this. curious, i always thought elevating my BAL WAS therapeutic at any rate, your theory fails you - having spent the whole day grading drivel, it is only now that i have my first medicinal cup of claret, and well is welcome! my bad - i have too much of my father in me, so to speak - i wonder what its like to not have a humor constantly bubbling with anger, in constant need of sedation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkporwit Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 i'm just yanking your chain, dude, so don't take it seriously. if your BAL weren't sub-therapeutic, you'd recognize this. curious, i always thought elevating my BAL WAS therapeutic Exactly. So drink some more, elevate your BAL, and get it from sub-therapeutic to therapeutic levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billcoe Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I'm joking. Just looking for a place to put that one, as it fits most threads around here. I was really looking for this: Hey Ivan, lets take up a collection so that we can get a camera in Geoffs hands or batteries in yours!? Love to see the length of the bolt and whether the placement failed or if the rock blew......I think I need to find that aid climbing bridge again for you to get your wet weather fix...Imagine @ 300' of dead horizontal and a hanging belay mid-span....:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted March 9, 2009 Author Share Posted March 9, 2009 yeah, i was pissed i had no camera - you can take spectacular pix there for certain given the absurdity of the roof - i really need a decent digital camera - mine is a relic of the early bush administration and totally impractical i'm pretty certain it was the rock that blew - i recall hearing shit hitting the ground after i fell (though it woulda been hard to hear over my hysterical laughter) aid-climbing bridge? donde? you climbed out there bill? i'd think a goddamn gibbon like yourself might do pretty well there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billcoe Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Yeah, total aid climbing bridge. Maybe a1+ but it's an expanding flake essentially. Takes pins well. Think of this though, if you blow it at the wrong time the zipper puts you in the middle of the Tualaton river with 30 lbs of iron around your neck. Drowning is a real possibility. Wiss Macobsen reportedly blew it and zippered the 30 feet down and luckily to the edge of the river, slammed into the mud on the riverbank and still walked away. Here's my only overhang picture. The route is going to be right behind me there. Steep but do-able. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostCamKenny Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 If you squint at your pic, bill, it kinda looks like ivan - just use your imagination from there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevbone Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 So, you guys went out there and spend the day jugging fixed lines? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 So, you guys went out there and spend the day jugging fixed lines? no, we were also solo-aiding the extremely funky, yet still c0, lines first to fix the ropes - the jugging was just for general fun and conditioning - at any rate, we were just looking for a pleasant (and dry) way to enjoy the outdoors on a very rainy day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted April 7, 2009 Author Share Posted April 7, 2009 kev's right - a tr w/o pictures is like a day w/o killing - so in honor of you, magic bone, here are some shots i just find from the other day at the ratt cave: the grueling, ugly approach (note 6 pack in hand to cushion the blow) dope on a rope loooooks like solid rock, no? portrait of the artist as a young man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billbob Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I thought this was one of the funniest TR's ever. Ivan may march to a different drummer but he tries to see life in a positive light and he is very motivated as a climber to go out and try new stuff. I appreciate the fact that we have Ivan around as counterpoint to the serious side of climbing. Writing humor is a lot tougher than it looks, try it sometime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 looks like all the solid rock is on the ground Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DirtyHarry Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 my bad - i have too much of my father in me, so to speak - Your dad was a Catholic Priest? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 my bad - i have too much of my father in me, so to speak - Your dad was a Catholic Priest? naw, he was an army colonel - my ma's hard-core catholic though, does that count? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pink Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 so ur mom drinks alot and plays bingo and attends fish fries during lent.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 so ur mom drinks alot and plays bingo and attends fish fries during lent.... and reads the gospels n' shit during the sunday service too! she must not be too hardcore though - i recall finding her diaphram in her bathroom drawer when i was 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pink Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 and i almost forgot about the rosary bleeds... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 and i almost forgot about the rosary bleeds... dude, when i was a kid, she had glow in the dark rosary beads! that way you can jerk off under the sheets n' see what you're doing and get forgiveness for the act all at once! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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