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Wolfgang Braun

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(QUOTE) So this happened back in Jan. but I thought I'd share this with you. Me and my girl live right on the outskirts of Tampa, Florida. We are in a small town and its only like a 10 minute drive to the city. So we frequently go there for "Ybor" a huge ass party city.... Bars, Clubs, Stripclubs, Hookers, Dealers on many corners etc. So it is pretty good shit. She dont blaze but she dont mind if I do. So I blaze up in my big lifted truck, park and we walk in the club with a couple of my boys. We are there for about three hours until we are like drunk and high as hell. Its a huge club and they dont do the X on your hand thing, so my boys buy us alcohol and we drink, I'm 18 shes 19.


So anyways we are drunk and high, you know living it up, my homies popping beans and is getting his shit on. We all go to leave and I see someone like rummaging around in the back of my fucking truck. Now I don't fuck around with that kind of shit, I have been doing MMA for abuot 6 years now and I obviously know how to fight, and I don't deal with people doing bullshit like fucking around with my belongings. So I slowly snuck up on them and grabbed them by the back of their hair, only to realize its like covered in fucking OIL. I let that nasty fucker go and some white crackhead bum turns around to see me. No fucking teeth, one eye, a fucking up face with scars, a hole in his jaw and shit. A FUCKED up looking fucker.


My boys are sitting there grossed the fuck out, while I am sitting here face to face to this guy, his breath smells like old throw up and crack. I knew he was blitzed because I could see it in his ONE eye. He reached for me, but I hastingly broke his grip off my chest, and threw him out the back of the truck, he landed on the ground only to jump right back up and pull a fucking SWITCHBLADE out on me. I know how to disarm people because my best friend is a Special Ops Marine. Who was also with us, he was on leave before his next tour. But we are all fucked up, he took a stab at me, and caught my arm a little bit, then I took the knife out of his hands and threw him into an armbar, picked the knife up and set it lightly on his throat, I told him not to move or I would slit his throat, and he laughed and begged me to do so. Fucking crazy ass bums, so it ended up me breaking his arm in an armbar, because I am wasted off my ass and then I punched him as hard as I could making the back of his head SMASH the ground and basically laying in a pool of blood. We all fucking freak the fuck out and peeled outta that bitch. We have never talked about it since because we don't know what happened to him...


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So I went to this party someone in my grade was throwin cuz they parents out of town. There was a bunch of people there, senior, junior and sophomore grades, (still in high school but ya im 18)


Like theres some music or whatever but everyones chillin, we got like 3 kegs and prolly 10 12packs of beer, and this bomb ass pink drank, made with some kool-aid, beer and vodka. So I had probably 6 or 7 cups of whatever, and played some beer pong, but Im still pretty good, not too drunk. And actually I got one of my best friends to smoke for the first time which was tight, I pre-rolled a pretty nice 1-1.5g jay.


So anyway, everyone was getting real paranoid and everyone was callin cops every couple min, but w/e I pretty much knew this shit was gonna get busted from the beggining, so I had my route of escape already planned, Over a couple fences.


Well it starts to get dark, (party had been goin on since noon) and it eventually starts raining (fuck oklahoma) it was pretty tight though cuz lightning blew up this chair that was outside.


So then the police show up......I was chillin outside ready to run, but I didn't want to go unless it was for sure getting busted. Well the cop ends up talking to one of my friends and it was just about a noise complaint and he was cool and said that he wouldn't break up the party if we quieted down. So the cop leaves.


Well everyone being as dumb and drunk as they are gets real loud again, it seemed pretty obvious it was gonna get shut down at this point lol. I was just chillin inside talkin up some chicks and all of the sudden someone just yells "SHIT COPSS!!" and other people are yelling to not run and just stay in the house. Well I was like fuck that So I went outback (yea in the rain) and kinda hid in between a shed and the fence ready to bounce if I see cops. Theres some people on the other side of the fence (it was in like the corner) they were jumpin already.


Then all of the sudden I just hear a really adult sounding yell "DONT YOU DARE TRY TO RUN, THATS A BAD IDEA" Which was obviously the cops. As it turns out, 4 cars showed up and just rushed the party. So after I hear that I get to jumpin the fence, but it's kinda hard cuz its raining and real wet and I slip on the way down and just rip the shit out of my jeans, took out 2 posts on my way down.


I look around and theres like 4 people who jumped down with me, we all keep running and get to the fence of the neighbors, and it was this gay ass plastic fence that was like 4 1/2 ft tall with like no foot grips. So were trying to get over it and this shit just snaps down like a big chunk of it just broke off. so we keep running and get to the other side of this retarded fence, one of the people I was running with just fucking trucks the fence and litterally just drops the entire side.


So were finally out on the street but none of us have any idea where we are or how to get out of this neighborhood. We finally all decide to go to my car which is in a parking lot about 7 blocks away. So were trying to sneak out of this neighborhood and the only way out is to take the street that runs by his house, luckily we dont have to go towords it, just the other way, but were running along houses ducking as more cops drive past. We just keep running in pouring rain, were all soaked, but we finally make it to my car and got the fuck out of there. Dont worry I was good to drive.


Pretty fun to be honest, longest time I've ever ran from cops before. It would have been much more fun if it wasn't raining, that part sucked, all my clothes are drenched. But still a good story to tell.


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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...


I wasnt sure whether to post this in Real Life Stories or in Grasscity Humor so i flipped a coin and here we are (note to Admins: if this is the wrong thread feel free to move it, but i feel it belongs under both).






Ok so my GF made some "brownies with super powers" as she calls them and she came over to drop them off (we're going to a concert tomorrow) so theyre just chillin in my room and my mom comes in and shes asking me if i want my sister to wash my car (long story, view other threads) and she spots the brownies and goes "ohhhh brownies!" and picks one up, at this point everything is moving in slow mo, kinda like how when you KNOW you are about to see a car crash? exactly like that. So she pops this fuckin brownie in her mouth, tilts her head, shrugs and walks away leaving me sitting on my couch in my room like this . So fast foreward to about 2 hours later and shes chillin on the couch watching the news and laughing her ass off at this chick with a big forehead (in her defense it was a big ass forehead) So i go:


Me: Mom are you ok?


Mom: hahahahahaha yeah....i just... feel.... funny


Me: MOM!!! have you been smoking the reefer???!!!!


Mom: NO! i dont do that and you know it!


Me: I know but youre acting so weird


Mom: yeah..i feel weird, hey can you get me some cheez its?






I never came back with the cheez its, i had to escape to my room so i could laugh my ass off!!!!!! My moms FUCKIN STONED AND SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT!!!!!!!! Definitely the funniest thing thats ever happened to me!!!!!




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  • 3 months later...
My moms FUCKIN STONED AND SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT!!!!!!!! Definitely the funniest thing thats ever happened to me!!!!!


Yeah, real funny until Mom sees feathers on her arms, thinks she can fly, and jumps out a ten-story window.


I think that one happens when you slip her some acid, baby.
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