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Avoiding hatred -- should I, and how?


rob

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Recently I've gotten myself in a situation in which someone who was once close to me has done and continues to do so many hurtful things to me and my children that I find it hard not to hate them. I was raised thinking that hatred is bad (mmm kay?), so it's sort of a natural reaction for me to try not to. But it's hard, when these feelings feel so natural. I've never really felt like this before about someone, so it's kind of new to me.

 

Couple of questions: What's so bad about hating someone, anyway? Why should I be trying so hard not to? Isn't it a natural emotion just like everything else? Is it even possible to not feel an emotion that you're feeling? It's all just chemicals, anyway.

 

And, what in the world do you do to not hate someone? Trying to not hate someone is like trying to not love someone.

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Recently I've gotten myself in a situation in which someone who was once close to me has done and continues to do so many hurtful things to me and my children that I find it hard not to hate them. I was raised thinking that hatred is bad (mmm kay?), so it's sort of a natural reaction for me to try not to. But it's hard, when these feelings feel so natural. I've never really felt like this before about someone, so it's kind of new to me.

 

Couple of questions: What's so bad about hating someone, anyway? Why should I be trying so hard not to? Isn't it a natural emotion just like everything else? Is it even possible to not feel an emotion that you're feeling? It's all just chemicals, anyway.

 

And, what in the world do you do to not hate someone? Trying to not hate someone is like trying to not love someone.

 

Rob - I think you ultimately need to get yourself to a place where you realize that not hating this person is in YOUR (and your kids) best interest - your decision not to hate this person is not for this person's benefit. Odds are that your kids are already being hurt by this persons actions, and to the extent that a hateful mindset drives actions/attitudes of anger in your life, they are the recipients of more collateral damage. Also, I've found that for me, harboring resentment poisons my own quality of life in other spheres. Choosing not to hate is not about letting a person off the hook who deserves to be treated poorly based on their actions/attitudes. Rather, it's being mature enough to recognize that returning hate with hate does more damage to you and your kids than simply letting go.

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also learning to appreciate folly, both in your lives and in the lives of others. for instance, if someone is being a dick, say "i appreciate that you have to be a dick in order to feel good about yourself". this sounds like a pit of sorrow, but it actually is a liberating perspective. you have to realize that you can't solve all the worlds issues (but if you can, please start with mine first)

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yes i think the combo would help relieve the angst you're feeling. please submit a home video and TR

 

you want a video of rob and tvash bumpin' uglies? :confused:

 

whatever, my shit ain't ugly. I'm well trimmed.

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Hating takes too much effort. If you really hate something/someone, you have to make it a point to do things to destroy that person/thing; mean, spiteful things like shitting in mailboxes and killing pets.

 

I don't think you have it in you.

 

You are probably having feelings of "strong dislike" and confusing them for hate.

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