billcoe Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Another interesting tidbit is that social scientists in the 80's did an expirement where they polled wedding attendees to see if they thought the marriage would last. It turned out that the guests at a wedding where able to predict with nearly 100% certainty if the marriage would last. So, make sure you have one honest friend, and listen to their advice. I call bullshit. Lets see a real link. I think most wedding guests in the 80's were too stoned to know where they were, let alone if a marriage would last. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minx Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 if you're hurrying to get married for ANY reason, take a breath and wait. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmncwrtr Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Another interesting tidbit is that social scientists in the 80's did an expirement where they polled wedding attendees to see if they thought the marriage would last. It turned out that the guests at a wedding where able to predict with nearly 100% certainty if the marriage would last. So, make sure you have one honest friend, and listen to their advice. I call bullshit. Lets see a real link. I think most wedding guests in the 80's were too stoned to know where they were, let alone if a marriage would last. From my own experience, this is true. I'm four for four in calling marriages that would never last while attending their weddings. Two of these were in the '80s. At all four weddings, guests were discussing how long the marriage would last during the reception. At one, some of us actually took bets. Tacky, I'll admit, but you could just see the train wreck ahead. I tried to intervene before the weddings in three of the cases but my friends (men) did not want to listen to me. So if anyone out there is thinking about marriage, really listen to what your closest friends have to say. You might not like what you hear, but they can see things you can't! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetBoss Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I got married in July. I'm super stoked. I've known since day 1 that i met my soulmate. Cheezy i know, but true. Our pre-nup was no cable tv. In my vows i said i'd clean the litter box, and she said she's ropegun my up a multi-pitch 5.11, i'm thinking astroman (astrowoman). ahhh...isn't that sweet? He isn't jaded yet! :lmao: No truer words have ever been written Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
selkirk Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Another thing to think about ... look at your spouses parents .. they will be like them later in life!!! [\quote] Very good point! If you hate your in-laws you could be in for trouble. That said, mine are cool And who ever said you have to stop living in sin once your married Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayB Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 yeah, money is the top reason people divorce. I thought is was sex.....or lack of. Thats why people have affairs. Or at least why men have affairs. Dude, women have just as many affairs as men. True, but for different reasons. I love it when suddenly a man pretends to understand women's motives. It makes for a good laugh. A riddle wrapped in a haze of emotional impulses inside a compulsion to chat endlessly about everyday inanities... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevbone Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 your relationship won't get better or worse b/c you get married or you don't. No truer words have been spoken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joblo7 Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 marriage and its 'kids/house/debts' have a way of stretching poor relationships into bearable convenience arrangements. not all bad, if you got nothing better to do..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevbone Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I asked my wife to marry me on day nine (we were together every day since our first date, which was a climbing date) of our relationship……she said yes and away we went. We have been married for over 3 years. My advice….if you doubt it AT ALL…..ANY DOUBT AT ALL……DON’T DO IT. We are onto our first child and second house……..and are happy as clams…….. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mythosgrl Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 If you are thinking about marrying someone, live with them for at least one year in the same dwelling before you get married. That way you learn much more about the person, the choices they make, and their values. Here are some stats for those of you who think that living together before marriage is good and like a test-run of marriage... Those who live together before marriage have higher separation and divorce rates. Psychology Today reported the findings of Yale University sociologist Neil Bennett that cohabiting women were 80% more likely to separate or divorce than were women who had not lived with their spouses before marriage. The National Survey of Families and Households indicates that "unions begun by cohabitation are almost twice as likely to dissolve within 10 years compared to all first marriages: 57% to 30%." Another five-year study by William Axinn of the University of Chicago of 800 couples reported in the Journal of Demography that those who cohabit are the most accepting of divorce. In a Canadian study at the University of Western Ontario, sociologists found a direct relationship between cohabitation and divorce when investigating over 8,000 ever-married men and women (Hall and Zhoa 1995:421-427). It was determined that living in a non-marital union "has a direct negative impact on subsequent marital stability," perhaps because living in such a union "undermines the legitimacy of formal marriage" and so "reduces commitment of marriage." Those who live together before marriage have unhappier marriages. A study by the National Council on Family Relations of 309 newlyweds found that those who cohabited first were less happy in marriage. Women complained about the quality of communication after the wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
selkirk Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Would be interesting to see this all the statistics broken down by age/generation..... (say currently over 45 vs under 30). It was my impression that the 70's/80's/90's were quite bad from a divorce rate perspective, but the current people entering their first marriages are the kids of those broken homes. I know for me it made me quite gun shy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizard_brain Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I am a hetero atheist bachelor, and this thread is cracking me up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmncwrtr Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I am a hetero atheist bachelor, and this thread is cracking me up. Enjoy the fun, but you do realize that single men die sooner than married men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Frieh Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I am a hetero atheist bachelor, and this thread is cracking me up. Enjoy the fun, but you do realize that single men die sooner than married men. I rather die young and happy then old and miserable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmncwrtr Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I am a hetero atheist bachelor, and this thread is cracking me up. Enjoy the fun, but you do realize that single men die sooner than married men. I rather die young and happy then old and miserable Haha. Be careful. What you post here can be used against you in the future Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayB Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 If you are thinking about marrying someone, live with them for at least one year in the same dwelling before you get married. That way you learn much more about the person, the choices they make, and their values. Here are some stats for those of you who think that living together before marriage is good and like a test-run of marriage... Those who live together before marriage have higher separation and divorce rates. Psychology Today reported the findings of Yale University sociologist Neil Bennett that cohabiting women were 80% more likely to separate or divorce than were women who had not lived with their spouses before marriage. The National Survey of Families and Households indicates that "unions begun by cohabitation are almost twice as likely to dissolve within 10 years compared to all first marriages: 57% to 30%." Another five-year study by William Axinn of the University of Chicago of 800 couples reported in the Journal of Demography that those who cohabit are the most accepting of divorce. In a Canadian study at the University of Western Ontario, sociologists found a direct relationship between cohabitation and divorce when investigating over 8,000 ever-married men and women (Hall and Zhoa 1995:421-427). It was determined that living in a non-marital union "has a direct negative impact on subsequent marital stability," perhaps because living in such a union "undermines the legitimacy of formal marriage" and so "reduces commitment of marriage." Those who live together before marriage have unhappier marriages. A study by the National Council on Family Relations of 309 newlyweds found that those who cohabited first were less happy in marriage. Women complained about the quality of communication after the wedding. Seems like it could be a causal-vs-correlational thing at work here. It could be that the kind of chick that's more likely to shack up with a dude before marrying him is also more likely to be the kind of chick that's more likely to get divorced under any circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizard_brain Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I am a hetero atheist bachelor, and this thread is cracking me up. Enjoy the fun, but you do realize that single men die sooner than married men. I rather die young and happy then old and miserable Beat me to it... I'll give a couple of years for a life of freedom... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dinomyte Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 My wife and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary. We are perfectly compatible: We go on vacation and she sits in the spa while I hike/climb. She doesn't drink beer, so that means more for me! I'd rather be in the mountains - she'd rather be at the mall. She watches reality TV incessantly - Top Chef, Rock of Love, Top Model, etc. I can't stand that shit. Kidding aside, we have all the really important things in common, and almost none of the the little stuff. For me, that keeps it more interesting. We're celebrating our 12th anniversary this weekend, and I wholeheartedly agree with the above as being the reason we've made it this far(and are still very happy to keep going ). We are complete opposites in almost every aspect of our lifestyles and interests,we do almost no activities as a couple, but when it comes to the big issues of a relationship, like honesty, commitment, compassion, respect, etc, and core values in general, we couldn't be more alike. Those are things that matter, in our book. The other stuff is just window dressing, it'll come and go and change and grow and die--not really the things on which you want to base your reason for being together. Good comments. Met at a party in college. Married 11 months later. Together 23 years last month. Two kids; 18 and 21 now - in two different univer$itie$. She hates climbing, but that's ok - she's a skiing maniac. She loves slowpitch - I hate it. Now that the kids are (sorta) gone it's just the two of us for the first time. Kind of weird. I keep telling her we should start over and adopt, but she has this idea that we're gonna travel more. I say Alaska, Europe, Chile. She says Belize, Tahiti, Australia. It's gonna be an interesting rest of our lives. Would I trade my married life for a Fred Beckey-type life? No. Glad some folks agree. We were actually together for about six years before getting married. But, we wanted to get outta college, get jobs, etc. before getting hitched. I think having different interests is healthy, provided you have those commonalities that are important. I son't mind if she watches reality TV, and she doesn't mind if I head out for a weekend of climbing. That said, I don't think my wife would go for me having too many female climbing partners! Congrats on the 12th, Sherri! And, on the 23, Fairweather! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 If you are thinking about marrying someone, live with them for at least one year in the same dwelling before you get married. That way you learn much more about the person, the choices they make, and their values. Here are some stats for those of you who think that living together before marriage is good and like a test-run of marriage... Those who live together before marriage have higher separation and divorce rates. Psychology Today reported the findings of Yale University sociologist Neil Bennett that cohabiting women were 80% more likely to separate or divorce than were women who had not lived with their spouses before marriage. The National Survey of Families and Households indicates that "unions begun by cohabitation are almost twice as likely to dissolve within 10 years compared to all first marriages: 57% to 30%." Another five-year study by William Axinn of the University of Chicago of 800 couples reported in the Journal of Demography that those who cohabit are the most accepting of divorce. In a Canadian study at the University of Western Ontario, sociologists found a direct relationship between cohabitation and divorce when investigating over 8,000 ever-married men and women (Hall and Zhoa 1995:421-427). It was determined that living in a non-marital union "has a direct negative impact on subsequent marital stability," perhaps because living in such a union "undermines the legitimacy of formal marriage" and so "reduces commitment of marriage." Those who live together before marriage have unhappier marriages. A study by the National Council on Family Relations of 309 newlyweds found that those who cohabited first were less happy in marriage. Women complained about the quality of communication after the wedding. Seems like it could be a causal-vs-correlational thing at work here. It could be that the kind of chick that's more likely to shack up with a dude before marrying him is also more likely to be the kind of chick that's more likely to get divorced under any circumstances. those bitches! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tvashtarkatena Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Statistically speaking, I'm sporting one testicle, one ovary, and one C size breast. Will you marry me? Aggregate divorce statistics have little predictive value for the success or failure of a relationship. The more relevant question is: do couples in lasting relationships exhibit different behaviors than those in failed ones? It should come as no surprise that the answer is yes. As to the 'whys'; the most long term (30+ years) and successful (in terms of it's predictive capability) work in this area has come from Dr. John and Julie Gottman. Pretty good stuff for anyone contemplating entering into a committed relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pink Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Q: what's the longest sentence in the english language? A: i do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizard_brain Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 "Let's go ride bikes!" "I have to go ask my wife." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pink Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 What would she really say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevbone Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Q: what's the longest sentence in the english language? A: i do. So funny.....would this be considered a “pink point”? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pink Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 that my friend is a truism! the fuckin ya get ain't worth the fuckin ya get! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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