tvashtarkatena Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 (edited) Trip: Global Warming hits the Canadian Rockies - Hafner, Louise Falls, The Ghost, The Grotto Date: 3/10/2007 Trip Report: TR: Canadian Rockies March 10-15th 2007 There's nothing like an all night, high speed, deep space voyage across Washington and Idaho's empty quarters to transport you from your daily routine to the world of loonies, elk overpasses, overpriced Labatts, and lots and lots of vertical ice. In a mere 10 hours of cranking Dream Theatre on cruise control, or 12 if you have to wait for the gas station in Invermere to open, you jump from Seattle's overly familiar traffic to a corridor of giants; the Canadian Rockies. After a post dinner departure on Friday, Saturday mid morning found WeekendClimberz and I (Tvashtarkatena) warming up on Hafner Canyon's short but sweet frozen falls. Weekend had prearranged to meet Alex, Gene, and Fred Beckey in the rockies over the phone. By 1:00 we began to mix it up with some one tool ascents on TR, where Weekend demonstrated his signature dynamic one tool placement. Fastest tool in the West? I repeated this maneuver, but forgetting to actually hold onto the tool, and found myself staring up at my well plunged Reactor from 10 feet below. "Weekend and Mini-Weekend": Hafner After a day at Hafner, WC and I rendezvoused with Alex and Genepires (Gene) at Canmore's overcrowded Grizzly Paw for mediocre burgers washed down with good beer brewed on site. Later that evening we were joined by Pat Delaney, a local guide, and Fred Beckey. Pat filled us in on the dismal warm spell that had prevailed for over a week. Temperatures in the 50s, extreme avi hazard and frequent icefall would limit our movements, but we still managed to climb every day. The only cheap room left in Canmore was a double at the Akai, a sad sack motel administered by self-described paralegal in blue sunglasses that, judging from the scabs on his forearms, suffered from a serious case of crank bug. The four of us managed to pile in after hours. Avoid. The following morning we (minus Pat D) met at the Safeway parking lot. After a classic Beckey yard sale packing session, we packed into Weekend's new/used 4 Runner. "Fred, your inner boots are still on the roof of your car" "Fuck em". I'll admit it, I grabbed one of the manky things for a souvenir and stashed it on Weekend's passenger side floor. Soon we were heading for the Ghost River and its promise of colder temperatures, low avi hazard, and vehicular destruction. "Are we done fuckin around?" Weekend cleared for takeoff It's anywhere from a $2000 to $18 million CAD fine, depending on who you talk to, for crossing the river in your vehicle after km post 39, so we parked just before the river and began the 2 km stroll into the valley. "I can't do anything in these fuckin boots": Fred on approach. After Gene and Alex lead through, I lead the moderate first pitch of Yellow Bird. Fred followed. Trees are aid; Yellow Bird, Valley of the Birds/Ghost River Moments after this photo was taken, Fred peeled and nailed his back on the woody knob behind him. After a few WTFs? he was back on it, however. I'm not your grampa, I'm your Daddy; Fred on Yellow Bird/Ghost River Patagonia 2008 Cover Photo. New for 2009: suspenders. The upper pitch of Yellow Bird looked like dripping Swiss cheese, so Fred, Weekend, and I climbed another dripping ice runnel. Afterwards, we rejoined with Gene and Alex further up the canyon. Fred stayed back to eat a lunch of Kraft individually wrapped cheese slices. "I gotta lotta cheese. Want some? It'll keep yer pecker hard." The Eagle: Valley of the Birds/Ghost River As beautiful as it was, The Eagle was by now in full sun and melting away, a condition which resulted in an acute case of group testicular atrophy. Moments later an attractive woman sporting what appeared to be a homemade riot control helmet made from a hand cut motorcycle face shield affixed with two oversized wing nuts appeared, followed closely by her climbing partner. "What's with the old guy warning me about the cougars?" she asked. The ensuing conversation resulted in an invitation to Mike's house (Sybelle was visiting him from L.A.) for the following evening. Mike had worked for GM for 21 years, starting on the assembly line, and had taken a buy out a year ago, bought a place in Canmore with his new wife (not Sybelle), and were applying for Canadian citizenship. Mostly Ugly: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly/Ghost River. The pillar collapsed less than an hour later. Parting shot: the Ghost River 4x4 commercial: Ghost River Excited by the Toyota commercial shot above, Fred began to fixate on other photographic opportunities. "That's a good cow shot. Nice sunlight on that cow." "Look at those black cows against the dry grass. Nice shot." That evening we gathered at the Ski Lodge to cook dinner. Weekend and I had bought some steaks, salad, and French bread. I asked Fred what he liked to eat. "I like to eat foie gras." After taking in part of the Miss Hooters International competition and the better part of a 12 pack of seemingly non-alcohol Molson Canadian, we hit the sack wondering what we would do the following day in 50 degree weather. The Grotto, short slot canyon just out of Canmore, provided a low effort, zero risk option for a rainy day. Gene and Tvash swimming up Grotto Falls Weekend sends Grotto Falls, way right of the kayakers section Gene sends Grotto Creek, main flow Rainy day 'fuckin around': Gene and Weekend doing ice yoga After dinner that night we descended like locusts on Mike's townhouse to consume virtually all of his wine and beer supply. Mike, we owe you one, buddy! Pat Delaney demos Yamnuska's all inclusive guiding package The following morning Gene and Alex headed up the Icefields Parkway, while Fred, Weekend and I headed for Lake Louise. The weather had mercifully turned colder. Rockies weather Within a few km the sun came out. "You just can't beat the scenery": Castle Mountain and Eisenhower Tower. We stopped at one of Fred's standard cafes. The young waitress came up to Fred. "I like your sweater" Fred didn't miss a beat, "Do you like me?" After prying ourselves from a herd of Chinese tourists, all of whom wanted the pictures of the Viking, the Old Fart, and the Dog Faced Boy Ice Climbers with a parting Beckey "Fuck em", we began the pleasant, scenic stroll around Lake Louise. Within a half an our, however, we had lost Fred. He finally appeared, looking even more disheveled than normal, if that's possible. "That was a 5.9 shit." "10a, maybe." "Jesus, I thought I'd taken care of it this morning. I'm probably the first guy to shit on the side of that trail all season. I'm lucky the fuckin Girl Scouts didn’t come along or something." Horsies, Lake Louise From the base of Louise Falls Fred on Louise Falls Weekend inside Louise Falls After Louise Falls, Weekend, Fred and I headed for the Canadian Alpine Club in Canmore to cook dinner. I explained to Fred that we had plenty of extra food for him to join us. "I've got butter." That evening we met a beautiful, outgoing Danish woman named Line (Leena) who was enrolled in a five day ice climbing course. The following day, to be held at Hafner, would be her last. We also met a young Aussie named Marty who had borrowed all of his friends mountaineering gear save a helmet. Hafner was on the way home, and we only planned on climbing a half day before heading back, so we invited Marty to join us for his first ice climb. As we drove towards Hafner the next day, with Marty in tow (he'd purchased his own car for his extended stay), I looked down at my feet. "Hey, where's my Beckey souvenir?" "Uh, it's on the roof of the Alpine Club, man." After an hour or so of sharing ropes with three Japanese kamikazes who had a unique method of throwing themselves at a route, Gene and Alex surprised us by showing up. Alex at Hafner Alex at Hafner From Hafner, we began the long drive home. The weather was warming again, which made leaving the Rockies a bit easier. The lessons of the trip were far from over, however. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to eat the Chili Cheese Dog from A&W. And, as always Don't mess with Bat Boy Edited May 5, 2007 by olyclimber Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Trippett Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 gold star!....is there a Pulitzer for TR's? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billygoat Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mythosgrl Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Great pics! I'd vote for yours if you put them in the Ice category on the contestizzle thread!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weekend_Climberz Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Nice D00d :tup: Now I have to explain to everyone why I spit out my coffee onto my keyboard this morning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 "Quit fuckin' around!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcus Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Effing stellar! Fred has more days on ice this year than most of the rest of you posies!!! Hey Gene, do you think you and Fred are starting to kinda look alike? Just wondering... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstach Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 There is alot of good beer in Canada. I don't consider anything brewed by Molson or Labatt among them. Next time in Canada, try something from Sleeman, Big Rock or any of the great micro-brew houses in Canada. Also, if you want a beer that will smack you around, try "O'Keef's Extra Old Stock" which clocks in at around 6% alcohol and is brewed right in Alberta. "Brador" is another beer that comes in over 6% if you can get it, but I think it is only available in the east. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevbone Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Serious name dropping in there. Nice pics..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weekend_Climberz Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Effing stellar! Fred has more days on ice this year than most of the rest of you posies!!! Not as many as me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weekend_Climberz Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Serious name dropping in there. Nice pics..... I'm not that famous Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pandora Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Fred: "I don't hear so good, but I can smell pussy a mile away". Jeez, what a fuckin' tool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueserac Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I recall meeting Fred and one his buddies on the Apron a few years ago on one of those old routes and he was turning toward us and saying stuff like, "what did my friend say?". Then he would clear up and launch up cleaning the pitch. The irony was his buddy yelled down, "watch me!". Can't comment on the state of his olfactory system. He is a god in the realm. Who cares. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-spotter Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????? THOSEFUCXXXERS ATT HE MOUNTAINERS BOOOOKS ARENBT PUTTING OUT THEG UIDE UNTILLTHER SUMMXER LOOK OUT FOR cOUGARS AND sNAFFLEHOUNDS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magellan Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 All timer. What a nut! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
powderhound Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Thats a super long TR, but a goodie. Enjoyed the Fred quotes, almost better then Borat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike37climbs Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Fuckers drank all my booze (Sorry Fred not you). See you guys next time. Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tvashtarkatena Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 We had some we were going to bring over, but we drank it all beforehand. Poor planning! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weekend_Climberz Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Fuckers drank all my booze (Sorry Fred not you). See you guys next time. Mike That sounds like an invitation for us to come back and return the favor :tup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrogdortheBurninator Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Just got back from the rockies on Wednesday. The warmth has continued. Avy danger is high. TR here if you want details: http://uw.cascadeclimbers.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=19140 Pictures here: http://picasaweb.google.com/Jason.Killgore/ThisHouseOfSky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weekend_Climberz Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Nice tick man :tup: Love the pics :tup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genepires Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I got fred's other boot liner still. Anyone want it for a beckey museum or crazy old man foot fettish, then PM me. Maybe ebay? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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