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Cpt.Caveman

VIOLENCE AGAINST PARTNERS

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Hi everybody smile.gif

Just was rappin with a pal of mine discussing this topic above.

We were wondering if anyone had some creative ways to train your partners for Mtnring and trad climbing.

Some of our ideas were:

Piss on him while he follows and tell him it is raining. Plus I also never pro up traverses and tell him everything is 4th class. I also spit on the best holds as I climb off of them. And I always ask him if he thinks my gear placements are good as if I am second guessing my gear.

I also try to rappell from the smallest saplings available.

Smoke weed at all times so he thinks I am some out of control stoney. Or just say "dont fall man I am not sure if this belay is gonna hold".

Pelt him with boulders as he follows and scream like you have been hurt severely.

BEAT HIM WITH A WET BRANCH IN THE DARK, WHILE YELLING AT HIM TELLING HIM HIS PARTNERS ARE DEAD AND MAKING HIM TYE A FIGURE 8

Party on!

 

 

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Everything I climb is sooo sick that I don't need to do any of that shit to make it more extreme. I am such a good climber that I am the best climber I have ever seen. I climb runout sketchfests in the rain and snow and rap off duct-taped skyhooks just for fun. I am so blah blah blah blah blah....

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I steal my partners' women, and tell them real alpinists make do with Sheep. roll.gif

[This message has been edited by Dru (edited 06-15-2001).]

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Great training Dru!

I steal their ganja and replace it with oregano as well. I always ask "Did you want me to put you on belay?" Just as they enter the crux.

pimp.gif

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For altitude training:

Put a plastic bag over their head and a rubber band around their neck. Shove them in a meat locker, kick them in the stomach a couple of times and stab them in the temples with a couple of sharp pencils.

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I don't know why you dudes go to such extreme. I just talk my buds into going climbing with me, it seems that after a day of being around my stupidity they are all pissed off enough.

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Wipe your ass with THIER daisy chain...

Put a turd behind the lip of that bomber hold or where he would have to push to mantle up....

Steal his woman and then make him smell your finger in the morning...

Feed him only Powerbars...

Make him hump your entire rack up, then only pull off one friend and a stopper for the climb...

Sneak several bottles of beer into his pack...retrieve them, but don't share...

Stop belaying him to talk to the "Wood Nymphs" passing by...

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Way back in the days of 120 ft. and 150 ft. goldline ropes...I went with the nervous guy up to climb Outerspace. He read in some guidebook that some of the pitches were 150 feet and he kept on asking me how long our rope was. I told him that I wasn´t sure if the rope I brought was the 150 or the 120 and that guy was sweatin´ bullets the whole time, especially on his pitches. He must have asked me about the length a couple of dozen times. Of course, I knew all along that it was a 150 ft. rope, but I felt the guy needed a little extra adventure in his life.

- Dwayner, suckin´down a little Guiness.

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1)Show up for a supposed day climb with headlamp, spare headlamp, and extra batteries & bulbs for both.

2)Suggest that we leave the rope & rack in the car, since we'll be 3rd-classing the whole thing anyway.

3)Every 30 minutes or so, shout out a reminder that the car keys are in the top pocket of your pack.

4)Wrap a few yards of duct tape around your ski pole, and refer to it as your "first aid kit".

I wonder if this thread might have anything to do with the "knives for climbing" post?

 

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I use these:

Tie him to the bumper and drag him behind your truck for two miles,preferably through heavy brush...viola! no more bitching about manzanita choked descents

Find a "do anything" hooker and tell him you've got a special surprise. Have her tie him up and give him the golden shower/ poo on the head treatment...viola! no more bitching about close calls from parties above on big walls.

Load your bowling ball into his pack before a peak ascent...when he finds it tell him "Hey, I carried the pins, fair is fair"

Duct tape your week-old socks to his face while he's asleep...de-sensitization, ya know!

On routes with non-fixed anchors periodically scream "Oh crap, sheet, ding-dangit, I dropped the rack...what are we gonna do?"

The ever popular "Climb-on, don't fall though.."

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Shove a six-pack of Oly in his Rucksack, then jumar up his rope while he's trying to lead a free pitch. When you get to the top, ask if he wants a beer. Then, after he gives you this look like, "You gonna call room service?"....then pull the Oly out of his pack and endure his bitching about warm beer.

I saw this in a movie.

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go to climb prussic west ridge, make him carry the rope saying that you have the rack, get to the base and pull out 4 stoppers.

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dude, driving your picks way to deep into the ice and allowing huge dinner plates to fall on him always work.

tell him that you'll bring all the food and show up with 2 cliff bars.

throw every loose plant or rock down below you, saying that you are cleaning the route.

kill his or her cat or dog and serve it to him when you break out that pre-made meal you brought with you.

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Are you stalking NOLse?
I was, but I'm through with him. Now I'll be watching you for a while. Homeland Security.

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