archenemy Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I'm tempted to start out by saying "You know who you are", but perhaps you don't. Maybe you're thinking to yourself, "I broke a loaf in someone's parking stall last night, could this be referring to me?" Maybe you're under the misapprehension that relieving yourself in someone's parking stall is something pretty much everyone does from time to time, like smoking a recreational joint or driving too fast, or eating prime rib. So, to all of you who took a dump in a parking stall last night, let me provide some identifying details to help narrow down which of you I'm referring to. First, you are almost certainly male. Either that or you're the 1976 East German Women's Olympic Gold Medal Weightlifting Champion. There's a slim possibility you're a horse. It's very unlikely that you're homeless. It wouldn't take a PhD in nutrition to figure out that your pre-poop meal was -- how shall I put this? -- adequate. Formidable. Representitive of all the major food groups. You get my point. Still don't know who you are? Downtown. Stall 146. Green level. Yeah, you. So now that you know who you are, my message to you is rather simple: WTF???? Let me get something across to you. For nearly 4000 years, humans have developed the habit of pooing in toilets. Pooing elsewhere is generally considered at best inappropriate (I'm being generous here), and usually raises the eyebrows of mental health officials, particularly if you're in the vicinity of several 24-hour restaurants more than willing to accomodate your 7-pound growler in exchange for nothing more than a cup of coffee. But, apparently you declined to exert the minimal effort it would have taken to retain your butt shuttle for a block and a half and avoid brown trouting where my Goodyears are supposed to go. If you really feel compelled to fashion a grunt sculpture in a parking stall, you're more than welcome to shell out the $146 monthly fee for a stall of your very own -- plenty of space to for you to deposit fly-infested brownies to your heart's content. You could even entertain guests. Until then, see if you can catch up to the rest of the human race and cram a cork in it, pal. One more thing. To the guy whose (evidently) brand new Dockers discovered the potato a split second before his eyes did -- I feel your pain, man. At least you weren't wearing flip-flops. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenderfour Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 "You might think it's funny to leave a meaty chud in the urinal, mmmkay..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratboy Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 To the guy who crapped in my parking stall last night.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seahawks Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 To the guy who crapped in my parking stall last night.... Now every FU from Craig list will be down there taking a dump everynight for laughs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weekend_Climberz Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Wow, $146 a month for parking? Is that downtown?? Do they have more stalls available?? I don't mind wearing my hiking boots to work :tup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Thats why I insist on wearing brown Dockers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-spotter Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Parking stalls on the Green Level are not really "outside" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindy66 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 awwwww, man............I knew there was a reason I love the country life... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rob Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 awwwww, man............I knew there was a reason I love the country life... Check out #8 I'm just saying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 You need to get outside more often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pink Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 (edited) what did they wipe their ass with, your keycard. where i work, people shit outside everyday. pooping outside is rad. i love to poop out side. do you like pooping outside.it's like a fucking dr. suess book. Edited January 5, 2007 by pink Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 what did they wipe their ass with, your keycard. where i work, people shit outside everyday. pooping outside is rad. i love to poop out side. do you like pooping outside.it's like a fucking dr. suess book. I think you are seeing the wrong doctor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macson Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Arc finally stalked you to the office, eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 Arc finally stalked you to the office, eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pink Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 arc is a dr. of? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-spotter Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Maybe they just got back from Nepal and the giardias wanted to come out and see the new homeland. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 it's possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whirlwind Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 ok i admit it it was me.. sorry i really had to mark my territory, you know the whole male domanace thing. my bad next time ill try your door step only it'll be in a firery paper bag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-spotter Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Do you work at Duke? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 only when naked Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tvashtarkatena Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Finally, a man really gives you something of himself, from deep down, and what do you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZimZam Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Looks like shit. Smell like shit. Feels like shit. Tastes like shit..... Sure glad I didn't step in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-spotter Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 where is assm nkey? this thread is made for him... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tvashtarkatena Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Perhaps it fell from the sky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Off_White Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 What's this Arch, you're posting cut-and-paste of other's work as your own? Are you really Trask? That was definitely his modus operandi. It's a pretty good tirade though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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