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Cobra_Commander

best of cc.com TAUNTAUNS - WORTH THE WEIGHT????

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"Chinese Rescue Dolphin PLBs are permanently installed just forward of the blowhole/ping receiver/rainbow flame thrower by Bao Xishun, the World's Tallest Man to Care About Chinese Rescue Dolphin Safety."

xishunAP_450x299.jpg

I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THIS PHOTO FOR THE LAST TEN HOURS AND IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY THE TOWLS ARE ARRANGE TO MAKE A "VEE". I THINK THIS MEANS THAT THERE IS A DOLPHIN SOMEWHERE NEAR OR MAYBE IT IS SOME SORT OF SIGNAL TO NASA INVOLVING THE SPACE SHUTTLE. DOES ANYONE HAVE NASA'S NUMBER SO I CAN CALL AND NOTIFY THEM? THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS CHOADA.

 

There are actually two "Consumate VEEs", the universal cartographic marks used to indicate either "PLB Equipped Road Flare Action Suit cache" or "buried treasure".

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I WAS BORN ON A 334534.4345 ACRE RANCH IN IOWA AND RAISED BY MY DAD WHO WAS SPECIAL FORCES. I HAVE BEEN CLIMBING MOUNTAINS SINCE MY MOM KICKED ME OUT OF HER UTERUS. I AM AN EXPERT ON PINGING CELLPHONES CHOADA, AND I INVENTED AND GAVE AWAY THE IDEA FOR THE PLB. THE MAIN CAUSE OF OUT DOOR ACCIDENTS IS LACK OF PLB. DO YOU THINK THE TREASURE INDICATED BY THOSE VEES IS STILL THERE? IF SO CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY BY POSTING ON THIS BULLETIN BOARD. THANKS.

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For you Oly:

 

 

Public Communications and

Inquiries Management Office

NASA Headquarters

Suite 1M32

Washington, DC 20546-0001

(202) 358-0001 (Office)

(202) 358-3469 (Fax)

public-inquiries@hq.nasa.gov

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McTurnerFOX.com broadcasting LIVE Press Conference with Resuce Dolphin:

 

clickclickbrreeeee

clcikbrppbleeeeclickclick

neeearrrneeeeaaaarrr

 

breeeeeeeeeeeclkclk

 

 

Can anyone confrim this????

 

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I would like to speculate on how the worlds tallest man got his arm stuck in the dolphins mouth. This specualtion is based on fact and is almost certainly true.

 

While taking a shower, the worlds tallest man (WTM) was rudely interrupted by a knock at the door. After donning two towels, one pink and one green, we answered the door. The dolphin barged through the door, running into the man and becoming entangled in the two towels. Almost simultaneously the dolphin swallowed a PLB from the man's snow cave. WTM was immediately enraged and stuck his arm down the dolphins throat to attempt to choke the dolphin. (I was taught this in the military as a means of dealing with attack dogs and cougars) After killing the dolphin, the man probably celebrated by praising 8 lb 7 oz little baby jesus and his baby einstein developmental videos.

 

Can anyone think of any reason why this might not be true?

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I would like to speculate on how the worlds tallest man got his arm stuck in the dolphins mouth. This specualtion is based on fact and is almost certainly true.

 

While taking a shower, the worlds tallest man (WTM) was rudely interrupted by a knock at the door. After donning two towels, one pink and one green, we answered the door. The dolphin barged through the door, running into the man and becoming entangled in the two towels. Almost simultaneously the dolphin swallowed a PLB from the man's snow cave. WTM was immediately enraged and stuck his arm down the dolphins throat to attempt to choke the dolphin. (I was taught this in the military as a means of dealing with attack dogs and cougars) After killing the dolphin, the man probably celebrated by praising 8 lb 7 oz little baby jesus and his baby einstein developmental videos.

 

Can anyone think of any reason why this might not be true?

 

dear god man, you are brilliant. that must have been just what happend. we should write a book and make a movie and tell everyone just incase that ever happens again.

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WTM was immediately enraged and stuck his arm down the dolphins throat to attempt to choke the dolphin. (I was taught this in the military as a means of dealing with attack dogs and cougars)

 

That's it, shove your arm down it's throat, then pull out the stump! Sounds like advice from Shimi...

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This doesn't add up once you consider the top secret information that the rescuers are withholding from us.

 

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I grew up on an underwater ranch 20,000 leagues under the sea where we ate plenty of dolphins, sea monkeys and more brain coral sandwiches than I care to admit. I wouldn't touch possum, mainly because we quickly learned that possum don't live at the bottom of the sea. You learn quick down there. You can't afford not to. This isn't Sponge Bob Squarepants we're talking about. The only time we had any contact with other human beings was the time when somebody dropped an old outboard motor on us. I've been stuck in 1/2 mile deep undersea vents when their erupting and it's no picnic. I wouldn't leave the airlock without a 6,000 pound bathyscape, 40 cans of shark repellent, a French guy, and lots of muffled, whirring noises.

 

If you guys want to go so fast that SAR can't find your bodies, go ahead.

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I grew up on an underwater ranch 20,000 leagues under the sea where we ate plenty of dolphins, sea monkeys and more brain coral sandwiches than I care to admit. I wouldn't touch possum, mainly because we quickly learned that possum don't live at the bottom of the sea. You learn quick down there. You can't afford not to. This isn't Sponge Bob Squarepants we're talking about. The only time we had any contact with other human beings was the time when somebody dropped an old outboard motor on us. I've been stuck in 1/2 mile deep undersea vents when their erupting and it's no picnic. I wouldn't leave the airlock without a 6,000 pound bathyscape, 40 cans of shark repellent, a French guy, and lots of muffled, whirring noises.

 

If you guys want to go so fast that SAR can't find your bodies, go ahead.

 

Don't forget your baby jesus figurines and crystals. bjc55_small.JPG

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Hey, I'm very respectful. My partner always cums first.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, except for Rosy and her sisters.

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After contacting the sheriff about getting 5000 dolphins airdropped on Hood, it became obvious that WE JUST DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TRAINED RESCUE DOLPHINS, OR "SARPHINS", READY TO GO ON A MOMENT'S NOTICE.

 

After training, the plan will be to have the SARphins burrow through the snow en mass. THE SLEEPER HAS AWOKEN!

 

Here's training camp. Please send prayers.

 

Jeebusdolphin.jpg

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Hey, will all you tauntaun-fuckers go comment on my brilliantly worded Rescue Statistics thread in the Climbing forum so we can publically counter some of the climbing ban bullshit?

 

I've threatened to buttfuck you, I've called you fisting cocksuckers, and this is the thanks I get?

Edited by tvashtarkatena

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