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You think your ski hill sucks?


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One of the towers on Chair 5 at Silver Mountain Resort in Kellogg, Idaho *FELL OVER* last week.

 

No joke.

 

The lift had been shut down after maintenance noticed a crack. No one was injured. They hauled the wreckage away yesterday.

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For total suck, you have to try skiing in Michigan. For example, try Mt. Brighton. A brief websearch yields no photos except this one:

41dd39fd2e024-71-1.jpg

 

My guess is they don't want to be embarassed with any real photo's of the place.

 

The "hill" was originally a gravel pit, then used for a dump, then they built it up with a bit more dirt and installed 4 chair lifts. It towers maybe 200 feet above the surrounding corn fields, and on a good year they may have 15" base made of artificial snow with grass still showing through in places (at least there are no rocks or stumps to hit since it is an artifical hill).

 

SE Michigan doesn't get much snow, and the biggest hill in the area isn't more than 300 feet high, so Mt. Brighton does OK with what they have but it aint much.

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You haven't lived until you've skied the world's highest 'resort': Chakaltaya (Upchuckaltaya to those who've been there), Bolivia.

 

If you survive the bald tired Blue Bird Bus ride up Wile E. Coyote canyon to its 'lodge' at 17,000 feet, you are greeted by toothless Qechua women selling nothing but urine yellow Inca Cola and coca tea. Drink the tea, you're going to need it.

 

Once you've rented your 30 year old pair of K2s, you are issued a crooked length of rusty rebar on a short length of frayed rope with a T bar dowel on the end. This is your 'chair lift'.

 

The idea is to hook the rebar on the rapidly moving steel cable driven by an ancient Volvo deisel on pulleys that are actually used semi wheel rims from probably the same truck. If you're successful, your next move is to keep your arms in their sockets as you're catapulted forward at 50 Gs over blue ice. You then must figure out how to straddle, and hopefully unstraddle, your personal T bar. If you don't figure out the latter, you'll enjoy a cable-eye tour of the chair lift's inner workings. To dismount, you let go of your rebar T bar, which proceeds to make its way through the machinery to the tune of a wrench that's been sucked into a turbojet. You'll be charged extra for this.

 

Now it's time to ski. First and foremost, avoid the many unmarked crevasses. This might be difficult while trying to maintain an icy edge on skis that haven't been sharpened since C.A.R.E airdropped them here 30 years ago.

 

Second, avoid barfing. Most skiers are unsuccessful in this department.

 

Third, avoid skiers who are barfing. Semi-consciousness makes this particularly difficult, especially when you, too, are barfing.

 

After one run with occasional stops to accomodate your dry heaves, it's time for a break in the lodge. Don't even think about warming yourself by the fire...it's unheated. Even so, few skiers venture back out onto the slope (there's only one) at this point. Most are now lying prone, blankly staring skyward, gasping for air. The lodge takes on the look of a triage ward after a nerve gas attack. Now all there is to do is count the hours before the bus takes you back down to the relative comfort of your 13,000 foot hotel room. Or not.

Edited by tvashtarkatena
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Ahhh!

 

Ski Lift Crashes at Bearstown Resort (S. Korea)

 

Two ski-lifts filled with skiers crashed down onto Big Bear Slope at the Bearstown Ski Resort in Pocheon, Gyeonggi Province Sunday at around 6:45 p.m., injuring seven people who were transported to a nearby hospital for treatment. Police cite a loose clamp holding chairs to the cable coming undone as the reason behind the accident, which caused the two lifts to collide in mid-air before falling.

 

http://english.chosun.com/w21data/html/news/200612/200612040011.html

 

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I grew up a couple miles from Crystal Mt. in Michigan. 365' of vertical, but at least it was a real hill. At the time we all thought it was great! Lots of lake effect snow, plus artifical snow which makes for a pretty icy slope. Moving out here was a bit of a wakeup call, but I still prefer icy conditions over the heavy concrete here.

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You haven't lived until you've skied the world's highest 'resort': Chakaltaya (Upchuckaltaya to those who've been there), Bolivia.

 

If you survive the bald tired Blue Bird Bus ride up Wile E. Coyote canyon to its 'lodge' at 17,000 feet, you are greeted by toothless Qechua women selling nothing but urine yellow Inca Cola and coca tea. Drink the tea, you're going to need it.

 

Once you've rented your 30 year old pair of K2s, you are issued a crooked length of rusty rebar on a short length of frayed rope with a T bar dowel on the end. This is your 'chair lift'.

 

The idea is to hook the rebar on the rapidly moving steel cable driven by an ancient Volvo deisel on pulleys that are actually used semi wheel rims from probably the same truck. If you're successful, your next move is to keep your arms in their sockets as you're catapulted forward at 50 Gs over blue ice. You then must figure out how to straddle, and hopefully unstraddle, your personal T bar. If you don't figure out the latter, you'll enjoy a cable-eye tour of the chair lift's inner workings. To dismount, you let go of your rebar T bar, which proceeds to make its way through the machinery to the tune of a wrench that's been sucked into a turbojet. You'll be charged extra for this.

 

Now it's time to ski. First and foremost, avoid the many unmarked crevasses. This might be difficult while trying to maintain an icey edge on skis that haven't been sharpened since C.A.R.E airdropped them here 30 years ago.

 

Second, avoid barfing. Most skiers are unsuccessful in this department.

 

Third, avoid skiers who are barfing. Semi-consciousness makes this particularly difficult, especially when you, too, are barfing.

 

After one run with occasional stops to accomodate your dry heaves, it's time for a break in the lodge. Don't even think about warming yourself by the fire...it's unheated. Even so, few skiers venture back out onto the slope (there's only one) at this point. Most are now lying prone, blankly staring skyward, gasping for air. The lodge takes on the look of a triage ward after a nerve gas attack. Now all there is to do is count the hours before the bus takes you back down to the relative comfort of your 13,000 foot hotel room. Or not.

 

This is the best TR I've read since "Stranger than Friction"!! :grlaf:

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  • 4 years later...

One of my brothers from back east was skiing at some PA resort - Shawnee maybe? Anyway, he's next in line for a chair and the friggin' thing drops to the platform in front of him. They stop the lift, drag it aside, start it up and yell - next!

 

Bolivia - it's rare the snow season there cooperates for good skiing. O cada muerte de obispo! There's some great looking volcanos, if your lungs can handle it, but being so close the equator makes the snow conditions, well, interesting. Try skiing among penitentes as tall as you. Buena suerte!

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Pretty much everything East of the Rockies sucks in a massive way compared to skiing out West. It's expensive, crowded, cold, icy, and in the Northeast every parking lot, lift line, and lodge is infused with the special East coast vibe that has driven untold millions in Southerly and Westward directions for the past two hundred years.

 

Having said that - it's still skiing and it still beats just about anything else that you could do with your time out there in the winter, and living anywhere where you can consistently get out and make some turns is a massive plus in my book.

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Why in the hell would anyone ski at Silver? Of course when it was still Jackass and the tickets were $15 it was pretty cool!

Schweitzer is vastly superior though!! Better snow, better vertical better runs :)

 

Dude! There is a waterpark at the base of Silver! With surfing action! Ski one day. play in the water the next. Ski one day. Play in the water the next. I did that in March of this past year. Awesome!

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