big trip in Central Or

allison · June 3, 2002

So I was down in Central Oreygun this weekend in hopes of doing something huge, and gapertimmy did not let me down. I dropped off my little Subaru (hereafter known as the Blue Tornado for its extraodinary speed, and rented me a nice yellow Nissan Ex'Tremely'Teryx for the adventure. I was both thrilled and chagrined when gapertimmy arrived in the Park and Ride lot in his shiny new Mercedes SUV, in a luminous shade of Champagne Pink, polished to a high luster. We debated briefly about which vehicle to bring, but then decided to bring them both so that if one got stuck in the mud we could tow it out with the other one. We then discussed route options, considering Drake Park Couloir, and the South Face of Pilot Butte, but then agreed on the route down by the river in between the one golf resort and the other golf resort. We made a quick side trip back to town for some big-ass lattes and those cookies with the pink frosting, and then we were off. At one point I got a little disoriented, but I was able to reach gapertimmy via the Walkabout radio, and he was able to talk me through getting back onto the approach. We finally managed to get to the base of the route, which was well-appointed with a pay box and a vault toilet. We festooned our vehicles with "No Fees" stickers, bought our parking passes, and loaded up our packs. As a final touch, we both donned Kavu caps and Smith Chopper sunglasses. Natch, we had that little bitch Sierra and the immense Chinook in tow, but they were off leash, so that they could scare off any snafflehounds that might cross our path.

Things went pretty well for a while, but I was crushed to see that this was maybe not a First Ascent when we were passed by some six-year-olds on mountain bikes. Shortly thereafter gapertimmy started having some trouble with traction, so we stopped and I put on his crampons for him. I then pulled out a couple of ice tools for him to use to self-arrest should he have the need. We did well through the difficult Tennis Court Crossing, but then I, having just come from sea level the day before, started having hallucinations and puking orange gooey stuff up. gapertimmy came to my rescue by putting me in the hyperbaric chamber he had stashed in his neat Mountainsmith pack. I chilled for a bit, and then we were able to go on, me happily slurping on a big bottle of O. I was feeling so well that we stopped to do some bouldering on the Metolius Big Wall. Imagine our delight when we came upon the Wall, right out in the middle of nowhere, and fesooned with colorful tape and brand new holds. What a gem that is! At that point we realized we were running short of time, as gapertimmy was due to show up at work at some point. So, unfortunately we had to turn back before reaching the other golf resort, and we beat feet back to the car. Shortly before reaching the cars, we were amazed to see two garter snakes fighting over a frog. They each had an arm in their mouth, and the big one had the head, and the bottom half of the frog was STILL WIGGLING! We watched in amazement for several minutes, Chinook the most intently, until the big snake wrested the frog away from the little snake. At last sighting the top half of the frog was in the big snake and the bottom half of the frog was STILL WIGGLING! We were so grossed out that we left before the show was over. Made it back to the car before noon, ran up to gapertimmy's work to check the board real quick, and had an epic time talking about the trip with all the other hardcores at the Bendistillery that night. It really was a big day in North American Alpinism, and I am proud to have been a part of it. Special thanks to Nike, The North Face, our camera crew, and the sherpas for their invaluable assitance in making this dream come true.

(reprinted with permission from summitpost.com)