finding-partners etiquette

[Camilo]

etiquette. Again!

[AlpineK]

etiquette. Again!

 

Triggering your own pagetop is poor etiquitte; though not repugnant.

[knelson]

But if you can't find any partners, isn't triggering your own pagetop acceptable?

[olyclimber]

Whats fucken unreal is that the guy is grabbing page bottems. Do you know how hard that is?

 

Let alone finding someone to climb with if that is your only skill.

[AlpineK]

But if you can't find any partners, isn't triggering your own pagetop acceptable?

I'm just saying he's going to end up with a * next to each TR

[Camilo]

No no no, AlpineK. I got the pagebottom first, then went for the pagetop. The pagetop was just the icing on the cake. The real prize is the pagebottom. Sure, I'll get a * next to each TR, but it'll be for the pagebottom/pagetop Cascade Bifecta.

[archenemy]

Good luck on that.

[Dave_Schuldt]

Yes, this would be all the less annoying if I had the car to let me go solo.

 

I hear you. If you were into bikes it wouldn't be so bad. I can ride road and nountain w/o a car ride.

People are flakey some more so than others, you just have to deal with it.

[tomtom]

Gary,

 

You're pretty flakey as well.

[SemoreJugs]

I cant resist this one... realize im trying to constructively criticise...hopefully it sheds some light on your confusion (albeit harshly)

 

My policy is that whoever asks first has first priority, because when they ask, they (in my mind) implicitly commit to the trip.

 

Implicit? Did you ever consider that what is implicit in your mind, may not exist in someone elses? Try becoming more EXPLICIT and you will have less social problems. I climbed with you once and did not appreciate how you would get pissed over concerns that you never expressed to me until WAY after the fact. Learn to openly communicate.

 

In the case of this past week, X asked me on Tuesday. I couldn't commit just yet, so I told X I'm tentatively interested but won't know till later. I told X to look for other partners in the meantime, and I won't be upset of X finds someone else. The next day, I was ready to commit to X. So I asked X if our trip was still on. In the meantime, Z emailed me, looking for a trip. I emailed Z back and said that X had gotten to me first but I had been noncommittal, so if X is not on, you're on. X had found Y... (I emailed Z back less than 30 minutes after my first reply to Z, saying that X found someone else and now we're on. Nearly 24 hours later, I get an email back from Z saying that they have city plans instead, not even one single sorry.

 

The thing that miffs me the most is that Z would normally check email at a much higher frequency than what it took to get a response. Because of the delayed response, that was nearly a full day that I could have been searching for other partners,

 

Are you living in reality? Why didnt you get Z's phone number? not everyone can check email all the time. If you contacted him on Friday, its obvious why his "pattern of email checking" changed. He checks his email at work. Then he went home. You should have called him instead of expecting an email response unless he explicity said, "I will be checking email constantly".

 

Besides, you gave him a non-commital answer. Maybe he didnt appreciate YOUR flakiness. Did you expect him to fret over WTF you were going to do every hour for the next 24 hours? Did he ever commit to you? no. He got back to you in one day. that is pretty damned accdeptable in my book. He simply heard a non-commital answer from you, recieved no phone call, probably has a busy life that revolves around more than climbing and geeking out, and decided to move on to something else. Why should he apologize? He has nothing to be sorry for.

 

I judge him to be blameless. Remember, commitment is a two way street. You set the tone of flakiness and non-commitment. It sounded to him like you were "playing the field", you sly fox. Why should he commit to someone like you?

 

but instead I was sitting on my ass assuming that I was doing something with Z.

 

Exactly, you were sitting on your ass, not communicating, making assumptions, when you should have been calling; if it was so damned important to you. Your words betray you. Self reflection my friend, self reflection.

 

Yes, this would be all the less annoying if I had the car to let me go solo.

and you admit that you were using him for a ride. What? You expect this guy to put you as his #1 priority in life so he can chaueffer you to the crag? You aren't any fun in a car trip, at all. I still shudder from that uncomfortable experience.

 

You climbing, ride-bumming whore!!!

 

Am I too harsh?

[foraker]

Am I too harsh?

 

Yes, but in a good way.

[Dechristo]

another cruel to be kind scenario.

 

But, you forgot to ask Gary to try asking himself "Why do feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel the need to be so self-centered?"

[AlpineK]

Am I too harsh?

 

The plot thickens

[Ducknut]

isn't the real question "is it a date? and should I open the door, pull out her chair?"

 

Don't be an A

[knelson]

another cruel to be kind scenario.

 

But, you forgot to ask Gary to try asking himself "Why do feel the need to be so self-centered. Why do I feel ...

 

Ooooooooo... that's just mean.

[E-rock]

CLIMBERS ARE FLAKES!

 

DUH!

[archenemy]

I like the harshness. It's so refreshing.

[Gary_Yngve]

Are you living in reality? Why didnt you get Z's phone number? not everyone can check email all the time. If you contacted him on Friday, its obvious why his "pattern of email checking" changed. He checks his email at work. Then he went home. You should have called him instead of expecting an email response unless he explicity said, "I will be checking email constantly".

 

I know Z well enough to know the frequency of the email-checking. Yes, I have Z's phone number, but why should I call if I know email will be cbecked N times a day?

 

You also missed another key point: I emailed Z saying maybe because X got to me first, and then again, 20 minutes later, saying, X found other plans, and we're on. Both these emails were Wed afternoon. I didn't hear back from Z until Thurs afternoon. I have no idea what you're talking about regarding Friday.

 

I emailed Z after all the mess and asked if there was confusion over the two emails (offering an easy exit), and I didn't get a reply, nor was there a mention of any of it when I saw Z Friday night.

 

I climbed with you once and did not appreciate how you would get pissed over concerns that you never expressed to me until WAY after the fact. Learn to openly communicate.

 

You aren't any fun in a car trip, at all. I still shudder from that uncomfortable experience.

 

Ok, I think I just reverse-engineered your identity (we crossed paths at Index a few months ago on GNS, though our bad experience together was a year earlier elsewhere). I think our personalities absolutely do not match. As for the things that got me pissed off on our trip, I don't think there was any need for me to be explicit about things that should be obvious and common sense. It's certainly possible that some of the things that happened were flukes (like maybe you were having a bad climbing day), but there was so much else compounding it all that overall, I got a very bad impression (picking me up in the morning two hours late because you were up late drinking certainly wasn't a good start -- perhaps I should have been more explicit and said that I'll be mad if you're late without a respectable excuse?).

[olyclimber]

This is getting pretty good. We need to have a pubclub soon so we can work out this thing, even if it ends violently.

[archenemy]

I agree.

But this cannot be the pub club thread.

We are not allowed to make fun in the thread that is about setting time aside to have fun (airing out our dirty laundry in public is fun).

[Clampooner]

Wow, I was only partially serious before about this being like a bad reality show. This is getting pretty good. Who will Gary give the final rose to??

[Dru]

If someone says to you, "I'd like to do something in the mountains this weekend; do you have any plans," to what extent have they committed to going on a trip with you should the objective be mutually agreeable?

 

With what urgency should they contact you if you email back saying, "Let's do something this weekend," and they're not game?

 

My policy is that whoever asks first has first priority, because when they ask, they (in my mind) implicitly commit to the trip. In the case of this past week, X asked me on Tuesday. I couldn't commit just yet, so I told X I'm tentatively interested but won't know till later. I told X to look for other partners in the meantime, and I won't be upset of X finds someone else. The next day, I was ready to commit to X. So I asked X if our trip was still on. In the meantime, Z emailed me, looking for a trip. I emailed Z back and said that X had gotten to me first but I had been noncommittal, so if X is not on, you're on. X had found Y (and a mellower objective appropriate for Y), and I wasn't annoyed because of what I previously told X (furthermore, X was apologetic and said I was welcome to join them). I emailed Z back less than 30 minutes after my first reply to Z, saying that X found someone else and now we're on. Nearly 24 hours later, I get an email back from Z saying that they have city plans instead, not even one single sorry. The thing that miffs me the most is that Z would normally check email at a much higher frequency than what it took to get a response. Because of the delayed response, that was nearly a full day that I could have been searching for other partners, but instead I was sitting on my ass assuming that I was doing something with Z.

 

So anyway, X is staying high on my reliability list, and Z is dropping. The stupid thing is I had an absolutely fabulous trip with W last weekend, and if that trip had been this weekend instead (and the flakiness the previous weekend), it wouldn't have bothered me so much. But because of the connotation of this weekend, I'm moodier.

 

basically you are a fucking whiner, sack it up and go solo something or punch your clown. NEXT!

[knelson]

basically you are a fucking whiner, sack it up and go solo something or punch your clown. NEXT!

 

No no no... NOT next. Let's not dismiss this thing soooooo quickly. I think we need flow charts to really get a good feel for what's going on and offer constructive comments. And graphs. Graphs would be good.

 

Reminds me of those logic games you did in school for extra credit...

 

Given: A lives in a red house. B drives a red car. C eat Wheaties for breakfast, but never for dinner. D never eats breakfast. E has only one car. F constantly masterbates when he sees red cars. G owns a horse.

 

Question: What is that funny smell in E's car?

 

OK... maybe my memory on the exact logic problem is a little fuzzy, but you get the idea.

[Kitergal]

ROTHLMAO!! I love you guys!! When work gets a little stressful, too demanding, I can always count on coming here for a freak'in awesome laugh!! YOU GUYS ROCK!!

[archenemy]

basically you are a fucking whiner, sack it up and go solo something or punch your clown. NEXT!

 

No no no... NOT next. Let's not dismiss this thing soooooo quickly. I think we need flow charts to really get a good feel for what's going on and offer constructive comments. And graphs. Graphs would be good.

 

Reminds me of those logic games you did in school for extra credit...

 

Given: A lives in a red house. B drives a red car. C eat Wheaties for breakfast, but never for dinner. D never eats breakfast. E has only one car. F constantly masterbates when he sees red cars. G owns a horse.

 

Question: What is that funny smell in E's car?

 

OK... maybe my memory on the exact logic problem is a little fuzzy, but you get the idea.

 

Is the answer "Marie"?