the speech GW SHOULD have given.

[Thinker]

from this web page:

 

My fellow Americans:

 

I want us to go to war against Iraq. But I want us to have our eyes open and be completely realistic.

 

A war against Iraq will be expensive. It will cost you, the taxpayer, about $300 billion over five years. I know Wolfowitz is telling you Iraq's oil revenues will pay for it all, but that's ridiculous. Iraq only pumps about $10 billion a year worth of oil, and it's going to need that just to run the new government we're putting in. No, we're going to have to pay for it, ourselves. I'm going to ask you for $25 billion, then $80 billion, then another $80 billion. And so on. I'm going to be back to you for money more often than that unemployed relative that you don't like. The cost of the war is going to drive up my already massive budget deficits from about $370 billion to more like $450 billion a year. Just so you understand, I'm going to cut taxes on rich people at the same time that I fight this war. Then I'm going to borrow the money to fight it, and to pay for much of what the government does. And you and your children will be paying off that debt for decades. In the meantime, your dollar isn't going to go as far when you buy something made overseas, since running those kinds of deficits will weaken our currency. (And I've set things up so that most things you buy will be made overseas.) We'll have to keep interest rates higher than they would otherwise have been and keep the economy in the doldrums, because otherwise my war deficits would cause massive inflation.

 

So I'm going to put you, your children, and your grandchildren deeply in hock to fight this war. I'm going to make it so there won't be a lot of new jobs created, and I'm going to use the excuse of the Federal red ink to cut way back on government services that you depend on. For the super-rich, or as I call them, "my base," this Iraq war thing is truly inspired. We use it to put up the deficit to the point where the Democrats and the more bleeding heart Republicans in Congress can't dare create any new programs to help the middle classes. We all know that the super-rich--about 3 million people in our country of 295 million-- would have to pay for those programs, since they own 45 percent of the privately held wealth. I'm damn sure going to make sure they aren't inconvenienced that way for a good long time to come.

 

Then, this Iraq War that I want you to authorize as part of the War on Terror is going to be costly in American lives. By the time of my second inaugural, over 1,300 brave women and men of the US armed forces will be dead as a result of this Iraq war, and 10,371 will have been maimed and wounded, many of them for life. America's streets and homeless shelters will likely be flooded, down the line, with some of these wounded vets. They will have problems finding work, with one or two limbs gone and often significant psychological damage. They will have even more trouble keeping any jobs they find. They will be mentally traumatized the rest of their lives by the horror they are going to see, and sometimes commit, in Iraq. But, well we've got a saying in Texas. I think you've got in over in Arkansas, too. You can't make an omelette without . . . you gotta break some eggs to wrassle up some breakfast.

 

I know Dick Cheney and Condi Rice have gone around scaring your kids with wild talk of Iraqi nukes. I have to confess to you that my CIA director, George Tenet, tells me that the evidence for that kind of thing just doesn't exist. In fact, I have to be frank and say that the Intelligence and Research Division of the State Department doesn't think Saddam has much of anything left even from his chemical weapons program. Maybe he destroyed the stuff and doesn't want to admit it because he's afraid the Shiites and Kurds will rise up against him without it. Anyway, Iraq just doesn't pose any immediate threat to the United States and probably doesn't have anything useful left of their weapons programs of the 1980s.

 

There also isn't any operational link between a secular Arab nationalist like Saddam and the religious loonies of al-Qaeda. They're scared of one another and hate each other more than each hates us. In fact, I have to be perfectly honest and admit that if we overthrow Saddam's secular Arab nationalist government, Iraq's Sunni Arabs will be disillusioned and full of despair. They are likely to turn to al-Qaeda as an alternative. So, folks, what I'm about to do could deliver 5 million Iraqis into the hands of people who are insisting they join some al-Qaeda offshoot immediately. Or else.

 

So why do I want to go to war? Look, folks, I'm just not going to tell you. I don't have to tell you. There is little transparency about these things in the executive, because we're running a kind of rump empire out of the president's office. After 20 or 30 years it will all leak out. Until then, you'll just have to trust me.

[glacier]

from mcsweeneys.net

 

If Bush's Speech

Had Rocked as Hard as

His Inauguration.

BY WENDY MOLYNEUX

 

- - - -

 

Vice President Cheney, Mr. Chief Justice, President Carter, President Bush, President Clinton, reverend clergy, distinguished guests, fellow-citizens, weird little purple elephant guy that I'm hallucinating:

 

On this day, prescribed by law and marked by ceremony, we celebrate the durable wisdom of our Constitution, and recall the deep commitments that unite our country.

 

(Giggles.)

 

Sorry, but man, I am totally high right now. If you are watching this at home, put on some Floyd and spark one, because I'm about to blow your mind.

 

I am grateful for the honor of this hour, mindful of the consequential times in which we live, and determined to get a snack when this shit is done. You know what would be good right now? Some Cheetos. Or one of those Sno Balls. Those little pink Hostess guys? Does anybody have any snacks with them? I can eat and talk. Oh crap, Laura's looking at me with those fire eyes. C'mon, give me a hug. No? OK.

 

Anyway, at this second gathering, our duties are defined not by the words I use, but by the history we have seen together. For a half century, America defended our own freedom by standing watch on distant borders. After the shipwreck of Communism came—wait, has anybody seen Hunt for Red October? That is one of my favorite movies. Where is Sean Connery from, anyway? I thought he was English but then he's got like this weird accent in his voice. Did you see Entrapment? I'd like to see Catherine Zeta-Jones in the Oval Office, if you know what I mean. Crap, Laura's going to make me go back to Promise Keepers. I just know it.

 

We have seen our vulnerability—like last night I figured out that I can't put my hand through a bulletproof window. Rumsfeld dared me to try, but it's impossible, even on PCP.

 

So what am I trying to say here? I guess I just want the American people to know that I've had a totally awesome time with you guys. Is it cool if I sit?

 

(The president sits.)

 

Whew! That's better. My feet felt weird, like cold and hot at the same time. Does anybody else hear a gong? No? OK, Elephant Guy heard it, anybody else hear it? Anyway, like I was saying, the last four years have been a fucking blast. Yeah, we had some awkward moments, like when I accidentally said, "Bring it on." That was a major party foul. And I totally kicked the keg as far as the budget goes. But don't forget all the laughs we had. Like when I choked on that pretzel, and when I dropped that dog, and remember, oh man, when I was reading that book about that goat. There are some things you don't want on camera!

 

I guess I felt really sad when I thought I might lose the election, because those four years just flew by. So I'm so fucking psyched that we are all going to hang out for four more years. So, I guess, you know, I love you guys. So let's just keep rocking for the next four, OK? Promise me we'll party, OK? Cool.

 

(The president stands.)

 

Now I gotta get out of here because I'm meeting my connection on the East Lawn, then we're gonna go look at the fractal posters I put up in the Lincoln bedroom.

 

Oh, and I was just kidding about thinking I would lose the election. My family and I will kill and eat anyone who stands in our way. Peace! I'm out.