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russki82

You know you're a climbing bum if...

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anyone wanna add to this list, feel free...

 

you spend more on climbing equipment than on all your other bills combined

 

-your "temporary adress" is your license plate number and your "permanent adress" is Camp 4....

 

-you take a shower as often as others go to the dentist

 

-you don't know what a dentist is

 

-the words "rack" and "protection" don't have sexual connations...

 

-you've been to all 50 states plus 20 countries, yes have never had the opportunity to visit your aunt and uncle

 

-you spend thousands' of bucks on climbing gear yet you've been wearing the same pair of jeans, the same sneakers and the same SOCKS the past 10 years.

 

-you've changed your underwear by turning it inside out...

 

-your socks can stand on end

 

-you've seen at least 5 squirrels, rabbits or other wildlife die from being to close to you after you took your shoes off.

 

-you've never worked out in your life and live mainly on a diet of beer, ham&eggs and corned beef, yet you're in better shape than all the jocks you went to high school with

 

-you've robbed a sporting goods store (but not taken any cash)

 

-you lost your virginity on a bivy ledge

 

-you couldn't go to your high school prom with the homecoming queen because you had to finish that problem...

 

-all the relationships you've had ended because of climbing, even if your girl/boy were also climbers...

 

-you go to Camp Four to pick up girls (or guys)...and IT WORKS.

 

-you have an ice axe, carabiner, or something of the sort tattoed on your ass

 

-you've attempted to start a guerilla war against the Yosemite rangers

 

-you don't make a great distinction between the tourists/sightseers that come to Yosemite and wildlife.

 

-The tourists think exactly the same of you

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- You never start a climb without a big fattie hanging out of your mouth. (Unless you're Dru, in which case, you always have a big fattie hanging out of your mouth).

 

[Wazzup]

 

-Heinous

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-your idea of a party game is to free solo a near by perfect hand crack [big Grin][Wink][Razz]

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your shell top smells so bad there's simply no way you could wear it for anything but climbing.

 

you have ice axe gouges in your car's upholstery.

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- You can make a four coarse meal out of free

condiments

- You have spent the night in the John Muir Hilton

- You have couch surfed most states

- You have never paid to get into a national park

- You can live off of less than $10 a week

- You think the only place for a new years eve

party is on top of Intersection Rock

- You think your parents fon# is 1-800-COLLECT

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quote:

You have couch surfed most states

to add to this one: you feel no shame calling someone you met at camp 4 two years ago at 10 pm as you're passing through town in order to ask if you can surf their couch

 

also, you call friends with full time jobs and "just don't understand" why they can't leave for nepal with you in ten days, i mean, come on, it's only for four weeks, they'll hardly miss you...

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quote:

Originally posted by b-rock:

- you cross post threads from SummitPost.com
[Roll Eyes]

you browse enough climbing chat boards to know its a cross post [Moon]

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quote:

Originally posted by gapertimmy:

quote:

Originally posted by b-rock:

- you cross post threads from SummitPost.com
[Roll Eyes]

you browse enough climbing chat boards to know its a cross post
[Moon]
[laf][laf][laf]

 

(and on the masshole comment, sorry, I lived there for too long... [Wink][big Grin] )

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  • If you've ever made the mistake of trying to argue that climbing is better than sex. [Roll Eyes]
  • If you've ever been swayed by such an argument.
  • If you actually DO believe that climbing is better than sex.

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If you see rain/sleet/snow as just annother perfect opportunity to practice aid climbing.

 

If you own at least one of every modle camming device ever made - and still use them all.

 

If, over time, you bring back more gear than you leave behind.

 

If you look for dates marked on rappel webbing and add the "nearly new" stuff to your rack.

 

If your oil pan has significanly less capacity (due to bashing) than it used to.

 

If your car has more than 5 lbs of rock stuck between the bumper/radiator/frame/exhaust.

 

If you have left your bumper/radiator/exhaust/oil pan - in more than 3 states.

 

If truckers ask you driving times between states and where to find quiet pull-outs "two hrs N of Vegas."

 

If you own enough rope to rappel the Empire State Building.

 

If you can list buildings with "highly climbable architecture" in cities you have only driven through.

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You've have eaten the scraps a tourist was going to throw away and thought they tasted good.

 

You've washed your hair in glacier slush.

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You realize that when your real hungry a frozen Power Bar is actually pretty damn good.

 

When you run out of water and boil your bottle of Corona to make some cocoa.

 

Have enough extra gear to supply all of your family and friends just enough to get out and climb.

 

Pour white gas in your rental car in order to get it back to the rental company before running out.

 

Eat lentils and rice for dinner for 3 months just to save for the next big adventure.

 

After a multi day trip without a shower your looking for the nearest fire truck to hose down your aaaaaaaaaaassssssssss............

 

[big Drink] and rock and [rockband] almost better than [HORSECOCK] and [sNAFFLEHOUND]

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...your gear closet holds more than all the other closets in your house combined.

 

...you eat the bugs that fall into your cookpot, figuring they're more protein in the diet. [HORSECOCK]

 

...you just can't understand why MORE people aren't out sleeping in a snow trench in a blizzard or curled up in the mud around a tree trunk in the rain like you ...

 

on ultralite trips sans stove, have dranken enough cold instant coffee to find it a perfectly acceptly beverage...

 

the same goes for warm beers from the car at the end of the climb. [big Drink]

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- your so accustom to powdered milk you drink now even when you have access to a fridge

 

- you rarely surf this site and then only at public internet facilities on the road

 

-your name is fred beckey

 

-more to come -I've got to go to class [Moon]

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...when you pawn off anything that has value (other than your gear) to pay for your next trip,

-a dozen movies at a .25 cents a peice

-the tv someone let you "borrow" you cause they though you needed it

-the vcr that dosn't rewind (and which was also "borrowed")

-various power tools and of cource that stack of books you just checked out of the library.

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-you pretend to attend college to get student loans to fund your next climbing trip out of the country

 

-you laugh at those people who have jobs and have to get all their climbing in on weekends or in that one week a year

 

-you can easily find the "obvious descent gully"

 

-you own a burgerking cup that has seen 100's of refills at more than a few different locations

 

-if everything on your rack should be replaced and your pack has numberous duct-taped snaffle-holes in it

 

-the girls in camp 4 actually start to look good

 

-you start talking about "easy" .14's

 

-you count on snafflehound filets as an alpine meal [sNAFFLEHOUND][sNAFFLEHOUND][sNAFFLEHOUND]

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quote:

Originally posted by texplorer:

-more to come -I've got to go to class
[Moon]

Say hi to ms. krobopple for me, she was my underwater basket weaving prof too. [Moon]

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[Razz] mr. smartypants is NOT taking underwater basket weaving [big Grin]

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