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witty and/or non-pc colloquialisms


lummox

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just because i am a 'dick' and it is raining like a muthfucka here in san diego and i am not working because of it and i drank like a whole fukin pot of kickass costarican coffee i want to know some more shithead similes and metaphors. like these:

1: you [blank] slower than old people fuck.

2: shakin like a hounddog passing a peachpit.

3: sweatin like a nigga writing a check.

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"Colder than a welldigger's ass"

 

"Tighter than Dick's hatband" (a euphemism for tighter than a condom)

 

"Tighter than the bark on a tree"

 

"Like a cheap hotel"... (when wearing pants too tight in the crotch ...no ballroom)

 

"Hotter than the hubs of Hell"

 

"More nervous than a cat in a rockin' chair store"

 

Dumber than a sack of hammers"

 

"Like fuckin' a gunny sack full of antlers" (skinny woman)

 

"That went over like a fart in church"

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