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CuriousMe

boyfs and gfs who don't climb

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Just made my SO my fiance after 4 years of dating. She will climb at Smith and the Callahans, but would never catch her up in the alpine of on ice. This is fine. We share some interests but not all interests. We have things that bring us together, but most importantly we have things we do separately that allows us to have things we can put our own energy into without our SO. This really works well for us. I agree with Muffy though. If the guy is a Dick, then you can't help that. If he's serious then maybe he wouldn't need to stare at another girls ass at a bar so much.

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Check it out, you dont NEED your SO to be into your shizzle, you WANT them to be so you have a convienient partner to go with all the time. Thats lethargy, not love. Cut them loose to do their own stuff.

I cant agree more that its important for SO's to have stuff going on in THEIR lives that is important enough so your lives TOGETHER dont become the only thing. That sucks, trust me. Break up with someone who has nothing but you and you'll know what I mean.

 

Here's something that made me trip out. A few weeks ago I called this girl I'm seeing to see if she was free to come over and get some food. She doesnt call back. No biggie I think, but I'm kinda pissed cause I wanted to see her.

 

She e-mails me the next morning to tell me sorry she couldnt call back because she was in Berlin and was going to Prague in a few hours but that she would call me when she was back in town on Saturday.

 

Thats the goods right there. A girl who just decides to go to Europe for a week by herself without saying shit to anyone. That kind of stuff gives me the freedom to basically do what I want and be unfettered by claustrophobia inducing velcro-attachment disorders. Maybe its not cool for everyone, but I dig it and I would recommend that everyone find someone who is genuinely independent and can roll their own shizzle.

 

On the flip side though, I dont have to worry about her oggling other dudes HC's because when we're together its intense and she's into our experience. So if your problem is that your SO is untrustworthy and isnt dedicated to your deal together, then climbing more together certainly isnt going to make it all better.

 

.02 (Actually I imagine one of those old spitoons that they had back in the day where fools would sit around and spit their chaw into. Makes that little [ding] when it hits..funny shit....[ding]... .02

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I was in a long term relationship with a woman who didn't climb. It was difficult, but I think the key is that you have to have some common interests and balance those common interest with your personal interests. The problem is you are going to reach a plateau with your climbing pretty quick. So yeah you can make it work, but it is dependant on your goals, whetehr or not it work for you and your partner. Flying solo as chelle suggest is great and all for your climbing and any other personal interest, but in my opinion (at the risk of sounding like a sap) the greatest experience is sharing my life with someone. If I had to choose between one or the other then climbing would have to go. Fuck thank gawd I don't have to make that decision, it would be just as bad as giving up a arm or leg.

 

The way I made it work was my gf worked weekends and I had Sat-Mon off. So Sat-Sun I was in the mountains and on Monday we would do something that we both liked. And we also planned on mid-week stuff. The great thing was that I didn't have to drag her up something that she or I wouldn't be into, just so that we could spend time together.

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This isn't so much a problem for me and my wife. I let her do her things, she lets me do mine. We have other things we like to do and we both like skiing so it works. One of the most important things I ever read about love was that you are always thinking about the other person more than about yourself. If you both love each other in that way, then some sort of compromise is possible. It won't otherwise because one of you is being too selfish.

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I'm almost convinced now that single girls who climb and don't have boyfriends must NOT want one or are hiddeously ugly.

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Here's what you do with an SO problem who does not climb.

 

Get out a calendar. Split your weekends evenly. You get this weekend, your SO gets that weekend...etc.

 

On your weekends you do what you want to do--mostly climbing. Tell your S.O. that you want him/her to go with you climbing on your weekends BUT if they decide to not go with you climbing, then that is their decision.

 

You do what they want to do on their weekends.

 

You must give and take in a relationship. Your S.O. might enjoy just going to the mall on the weekends -- as ugly as that sounds, that may be important to them. It does not make it wrong, just different.

 

If your S.O. does not want to go with you on your weekends, but you do stuff with your S.O. on their weekends, then at least you are doing the giving.

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I'm almost convinced now that single girls who climb and don't have boyfriends must NOT want one or are hiddeously ugly.

 

you are cursed d00d. it's sheep or the appliances from the back pages of pr0n mags for you.

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I'm almost convinced now that single girls who climb and don't have boyfriends must NOT want one or are hiddeously ugly.

 

you are cursed d00d. it's sheep or the appliances from the back pages of pr0n mags for you.

OOOooooh, lemme know who wins this one rolleyes.gifyelrotflmao.gif

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I don't belive it is so important that couples share a passion (e.g. climbing), but that both parties have a passion for _something_ so that they can understand the other's passion and hopefully support it, either as an active participant, or by being willing to share their time with that passion (climbing as the 'other woman').

 

Been all three places - former gf/fiance who had her own passions, but did not recognize my climbing as such - A portion of her relationship philosophy, which I bought into for some time, was that couples should do everything together - well it is good if they _can_, but harmful if they _do_. I lost a good portion of myself during the later stages of that relationship - it's tough to put yourself into a lose-lose situation - guilt for spending time with her rather than taking care of myself, and guilt if I was out climbing rather than being with her.

 

Second - Separate passions - She climbed, but not at a very high level, and recognized that I needed to go play. She also had her own passions - gourmet cooking, clubbing, etc. A fair balance was worked out for a while - separated for other reasons/issues/no long-term compatibility.

 

Third - Shared passion for climbing (she started on her own), although she does not have the time, or necesarily the goals, of pursuing it at a high level. However, as time allows us (she is stuck in Retail Hell), we can get out together. Conversely, when she doesn't have the time, or I have big numbers or long routes to chase, I have other partners who I can call on. A fair balance can be reached, but vigilance in making sure the other is doing well in the relationship in general is a must.

 

Not much - just observations - and still a work in progress, as always.

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That split your weekends thing doesn't work. There's a little variable called WEATHER. You could never climb again if it rained every other weekend and you would wind up hating your S.O. if it was bomber blue skies on their weekend.

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That split your weekends thing doesn't work. There's a little variable called WEATHER. You could never climb again if it rained every other weekend and you would wind up hating your S.O. if it was bomber blue skies on their weekend.

 

I split my weekends. I go when weather is bad. I change destinations.

 

If you only climb in good weather, then I would have to consider you a weather wimp!

 

Besides, it all evens out in the end.

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That split your weekends thing doesn't work. There's a little variable called WEATHER. You could never climb again if it rained every other weekend and you would wind up hating your S.O. if it was bomber blue skies on their weekend.

 

See also, no friends (or gfs) on powder days! If they can't understand this rule (at least most of the time)...ditch em!

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I'm no relationship therapist, but I don't think your problem is with a non-climbing SO. It sounds to me like your SO is more interested in playing the field than playing in your field. Even if you drop climbing all together, your SO will still be looking to "Bag that hottie".

 

Disclaimer: I'm not saying anyone is a bad person here. All I know is what you wrote in your posts, and you aren't really painting a pretty picture.

 

fenderfour, I think you nailed it. And Buterfly, you're assuming I'm a man, aren't you? wink.gif I seem to be the only one really "complaining" here - most people seem to think a "mixed" relationship works, except Mike but he's just cursed right? There are many reasons I didn't want people to know my gender. The advice has been much less distracted by speculations on whether I'm an asshole guy or a whiney chick.

 

I used to be in a relationship w/a serious mtn biker, but we both dug skiing/snowboarding and they could climb (we met on an alpine climb). It just wasn't their first priority, and mtn biking wasn't mine, and that actually worked out REALLY well. It gave us enough space to do our own thing when we wanted, but we could also join each other if wanted and provide some comic relief.

 

Now I'm w/someone who prefers bars, the scene, the excitement of flirting, and TV. Hmm...

Thanks all for the advice guys.

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I'm no relationship therapist, but I don't think your problem is with a non-climbing SO. It sounds to me like your SO is more interested in playing the field than playing in your field. Even if you drop climbing all together, your SO will still be looking to "Bag that hottie".

 

Disclaimer: I'm not saying anyone is a bad person here. All I know is what you wrote in your posts, and you aren't really painting a pretty picture.

 

fenderfour, I think you nailed it. And Buterfly, you're assuming I'm a man, aren't you? wink.gif I seem to be the only one really "complaining" here - most people seem to think a "mixed" relationship works, except Mike but he's just cursed right? There are many reasons I didn't want people to know my gender. The advice has been much less distracted by speculations on whether I'm an asshole guy or a whiney chick.

 

I used to be in a relationship w/a serious mtn biker, but we both dug skiing/snowboarding and they could climb (we met on an alpine climb). It just wasn't their first priority, and mtn biking wasn't mine, and that actually worked out REALLY well. It gave us enough space to do our own thing when we wanted, but we could also join each other if wanted and provide some comic relief.

 

Now I'm w/someone who prefers bars, the scene, the excitement of flirting, and TV. Hmm...

Thanks all for the advice guys.

 

I'm getting this creepy feeling it's Pat from SNL......

 

-Fear

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there have been a few threads related to the topic of climbing and relationships lately. must be the season...

 

it seems that the men whine a lot about not having a girlfriend that enjoys climbing. i know many hot single women who love a long alpine multi-pitch. why do you guys keep asking the city girls out instead of asking one of us out?

 

you probly already got an ass load of pm's for this one, i have to ask what space you live in? and how often you get lost (climbing)?

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there have been a few threads related to the topic of climbing and relationships lately. must be the season...

 

it seems that the men whine a lot about not having a girlfriend that enjoys climbing. i know many hot single women who love a long alpine multi-pitch. why do you guys keep asking the city girls out instead of asking one of us out?

 

from a man's mouth to my ears to you " you don't want to date a girl at the top of the mountian, or the one sitting in the car bitching"

 

I took that to mean that there are woman that are just to competitive with the guy they are climbing with. no guy wants to date some one that he constanltly has to prove himself or his worthieness too. Or a girl who has something to prove.

 

no guy wants to date a bitch

 

so maybe it is not the guys wink.gif but perhaps how you present yourself and your goals.

 

just food for thought cool.gif

Edited by Muffy_The_Wanker_Sprayer

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there have been a few threads related to the topic of climbing and relationships lately. must be the season...

 

it seems that the men whine a lot about not having a girlfriend that enjoys climbing. i know many hot single women who love a long alpine multi-pitch. why do you guys keep asking the city girls out instead of asking one of us out?

 

Well?!!??! Hook a brother up!

I got 15 weeks off to climb and drink beer and will be the hell outta PDX fo sho. bigdrink.giffruit.gifrockband.gifthe_finger.gifrockband.gif

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no guy wants to date a bitch

 

There is a term that is used a lot and means a lot of things to a lot of different people. My definition is someone who always puts her interests ahead of the SO, AND who doesn't care if she offends others, but especially the latter.

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funny, i was pretty damn certain that curious me is a chick. but whatever.

 

just at thought....maybe y'all are spending to much time worried about climbing and relationships??? maybe it's just meeting the right person.

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It's totally about what kind of person your prospective co-boot-knocker is. Even if they love exactly the same stuff you do, eventually it's going to come out that they love it a little different. If they aren't secure with doing their own thing, there's gonna be trouble in paradise.

 

Unless of course you find someone that follows their man/woman around like a lost puppy. But then you've got a lost puppy.

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there have been a few threads related to the topic of climbing and relationships lately. must be the season...

 

it seems that the men whine a lot about not having a girlfriend that enjoys climbing. i know many hot single women who love a long alpine multi-pitch. why do you guys keep asking the city girls out instead of asking one of us out?

 

from a man's mouth to my ears to you " you don't want to date a girl at the top of the mountian, or the one sitting in the car bitching"

 

I took that to mean that there are woman that are just to competitive with the guy they are climbing with. no guy wants to date some one that he constanltly has to prove himself or his worthieness too. Or a girl who has something to prove.

 

no guy wants to date a bitch

 

so maybe it is not the guys wink.gif but perhaps how you present yourself and your goals.

 

just food for thought cool.gif

 

Damn, don’t you think jumping to the conclusion that this chick is a bitch is a bit much?

 

I don't know the guy you're talking about so he could have meant it any number of ways, but frankly, that quote sounds to me like the old “I want a girl who climbs, but not quite as hard as I do” syndrome. When I’m climbing I want to climb, as hard as I can, without worry about whether or not that’s going to hurt some guy’s ego. I don’t think men are really all that fragile anyway.

 

Despite the fact that it evidently means I'm a hideously ugly bitch who hates alpine, one of the things I've really enjoyed about being a single climber is that climbing is about climbing, pure and simple, and it's *not* all mixed up with relationship issues.

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you can't claim to be hideously ugly unless you have a verified hotornot.com score of 3.0 or lower.... 3.0 to 4.5 is just ugly to plain... 4.5 to 5.5 is normal... any more than that and you are some shade of hot! cantfocus.gif

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i would love to find a girl who's climbing streagths were my weekness and mine were hers, we would both get alot better following each other, and of cource a nice ass is a bounus tongue.gif

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Your stregnths: you have a penis

Her Streghtns: she has a vagina.

 

Your weakness: you have a penis

Her weakness: you don't have a nice ass

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