Annual Alternative Goodtime Bouldering Rodeo

[pope]

"Rockfest" is here again and like last year, our opinion is that its ultimate goal is to get you excited so you can BUY MORE CRAP!!! In response, we are again providing our alternative event: the Second Annual “Dwayner and Pope's Goodtime Boulderin' Rodeo”. This is how it works: last year me and Dwayner found an old mattress near the railroad tracks by South Tacoma Way in Tacoma. It's got some major pee-stains and a few cigarette burns but otherwise, it will hold a tumble off a boulder like few others.

Here it is (the one on top):

 

GOOD NEWS!!! We still have the mattress and even though it spent the entire winter outside and has a few more questionable stains [ you know who you are, Missy! ]

On Saturday, look for the mattress strapped to the top of one of our vehicles or pull over to the side of the road when you see the two of us ferrying "the pad" to a new site. We will be setting it up below some of the choicest of bouldering routes in Icicle Canyon.

 

To lessen impact, we are limiting the Rodeo to Gurlz only. There will be a glass pickle jar nearby and we will be charging 50 cents a plop or you can get a punchcard: 3 plops for $5. Sit-starts are encouraged and ladies may bring their boyfriends for an extra-dollar providing the boyz shout classic calls of encouragement....you know, stuff like, "send it!", “allez” and "dyno for the mono-doight!"

The money accumulated will go to a good cause: you see, Dwayner and pope are now addicted to microwave burritos known as “The Bomb”. mmmmm! And we've developed a nasty habit. Listen! It's symbiotic....you get some bouldering safety, and we fatten up for mountaineering excellence....everybody wins!

Sure beats this nonsense:

 

 

Other competing events include:

Rockfest: Rock shoe demo.

Boulderin' Rodeo: They's just wants you to buy new shoes! This is what we're gonna do: Meet us at Bruce's Boulder and we're going to try on each other's shoes. A can of Lysol will be provided.

 

Rockfest: Free climbing/bouldering/gear clinics.

Boulderin' Rodeo: ]No need to set up clinics specifically for climbers in Icicle Canyon although perhaps no other group is more worthy. I hear there's a free clinic in Leavenworth or Wenatchee where you can have your curious rashes examined.

 

 

Rockfest: Bridgecreek group campsite. BBQ, Party

Boulderin' Rodeo: Weenie roast at 8-mile CG followed by a new drinking game we invented which is a combination of strip poker and Twister.

 

Rockfest: Outdoor slideshow by Christian Griffith. (Wasn’t Brittany Griffith their speaker last year?? Is this a coincidence??)

Boulderin' Rodeo Griffith’s “Manifesto” never really manifested, and that stuff he sells to you don’t work for us. But once again, we’re going to see about getting BIG LOU. We haven't talked to him yet because we're kinda awestruck and nervous.

 

Either way, there will be a guest appearance by Sushi Dog.

 

See you on the crags!

 

- pope ‘n Dwayner

[EWolfe]

Talk about Event-ual

[scott_harpell]

brilliant!

[EWolfe]

Scenes from last year:

 

-Boyz

 

 

 

Then, drink:

 

Things get a little looser:

 

 

The talk turns ugly:

 

 

Cake breaks the tension with Mr Mastadon Farm:

 

 

Everybody sing!

 

birds fall from the window ledge above mine

then they flap their wings at the last second

you see birds fall from the window ledge above mine

then they flap their wings at the last second

I can see their dead weight just dropping like stones

or small loaves of bread past my window all the time

but unless I get up and walk across the room

and peer down below

I don't see their last-second curves

toward a horizontal flight

all these birds just falling from the ledge like stones

 

now due to a construct in my mind

that makes their falling and their flight

symbolic of my entire existence

it becomes important for me to get up and see

their last second curves toward flight

it's almost as if my life will fall

unless I see their ascent

 

Mr. Mastodon farm - Mr. Mastodon farm

cut swatches out of all materials

 

[pope]

Forgot to mention that Dwayner will be sporting a white, Elvis-style jumpsuit. He's been polishing his karate-inspired dance moves for a performance of "Ain't Nothing But A Hangdog" at Saturday night's weenie roast. Should be easy to find. Just follow your nose to what smells like a treatment facility and that's where the pee-stained "bouldering pad" will be found.