addie Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 ok lets hear them, I need a laugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracked Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 This guys walks into a bar. Â "Ouch" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracked Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 What did the head trauma patients do when the price of medicine went up? They went on stroke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracked Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Why did the little refrigerator salute the big refrigerator? Because he was General Electric Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracked Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The local drunk saw this and asked, "Say there, whatcha doin' with that pig?" "That's not a pig, stupid!" she said coldly. ""That's a duck." "I know," replied the drunk. "I was talking to the duck." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracked Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 The M.D. of a small company has two employees; Jack and Jill. Just recently the company has been doing badly so the M.D. decides that one of them must go. Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill. He asks Jill to step into his office and with a heavy heart explains his dilemma. "Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off." Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icegirl Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 hey! you stole all my jokes... Â So there is the woman... she finds a jar... (and in all good jokes, you know, there is genie in the jar) Â so out pops this genie. he's in a real hurry... Â he's saying "come on lady, make it quick!" You got one wish, come one make it snappy! Â the woman is _all_ discombobulted. she does no know what to say.... she scan her house and her eyes lay to rest on her cat... Â she thinks for about 1/2 second and says... Â "wait! wait! I know!!" Â "could you turn my cat into the most handsom wonderful prince of a man?????" Â genie "no problem" swish of hand..... Â woman looks over, across counter, to where he cat had been sitting... Â in his place is the most wonderful, beautiful man... with the most incredible eyes.... Â and in a deep, resonating baritone voice he says...... Â Â "now aren't you sorry you got me fixed???!?" Â Â Â my grandfathers joke, passed down... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 a flasher walks by two old ladies on a park bench and exposes himself to them. Â one of the ladies has a stroke...the other one can't reach it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper. the bartender says "hey! did you know you have a steering wheel attached to your willie?" the pirate replies "Aye! its driving me nuts!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 on his last day on the job, a mailman is greeted by a young housewife who invites him in for breakfast. after the feast she leads him into the bedroom for an extensive sexual romp. afterward, she gives him two dollars. "jeez" says the mailman, "this is great, but what's with the two dollars?" "well" she replies, "since you're retiring, i asked my husband what we should do for you. he said 'fuck him - give him a couple of bucks'. breakfast was my idea" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Q. what's the best part of a blow job? Â A. the 5 minutes of silence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 a depressed-looking regular enters the bar and orders a soda. the bartender asks why he doesn't want his usual shot. the man replies, "i don't drink anymore. last night i blew chunks" "so what" the bartenders says. "everyone gets a little sick after drinking at times" "no no" the man replies. "you don't understand, chunks is my dog" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 a rabbit running through the forest stumbles upon a deer rolling a joint. the rabbit says "don't do that. come running with me, it's much more fun". the deer takes off with the rabbit. they come across an elephant doing cocaine. "come running with us, elephant" says the rabbit, "you'll feel so good!" the elephant decides to join in on the fun and takes off running with the rabbit and the deer. the animals encounter a lion about to shoot up. before the rabbit can say anything, the lion knocks it unconcious. the deer screams "lion, what are you doing? he's trying to help us!" the lion answers, "that fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he takes ecstacy!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thadsboner Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 A man goes to see his psychiatrist dressed in nothing but saran-wrap. Â The psychiatrist says "well i can clearly see your nuts" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocChick Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 What did the lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? "They're right, we do taste like chicken!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rbw1966 Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 What's green and smells like pork? Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Kermits finger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobBob Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 A woman awakens during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. Â He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. Â "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?". Â The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. Â The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love? Â "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. Â The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years'?" Â "I remember that too" she replied softly. Â He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......"I would have gotten out today." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icegirl Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobBob Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Funniest thing I've seen recently was a Chris Rock clip about How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police. One can google it up if one is inclined, but it is not work-safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doug Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Why does Pamela Anderson have one more brain cell than a cow? Â Â So she doesn't shit all over the floor when you play with her tits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glacier Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 A blonde walks into a bar and orders a dozen shots of whiskey. The bartender serves up and sure enough, she soon passes out. He puts her in the back room to sleep it off, then charges the patrons $10 each to do her. Â A few days later, she comes back into the bar. Barkeep asks, "12 shots of whiskey again?" Â "No, better make it vodka this time. Whiskey makes my pussy hurt." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glacier Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 And another 12-shot joke... Â Guy walks into a bar and orders a dozen shots of Jaegermeister. Barkeep asks, "What's up with teh tall order?" Guy replies, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." "Congrats!" says the barkeep, "Hell, I'll throw in #13 on the house." "Nah," says the guy. "If 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, 13 won't either." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snoboy Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Oh good, now we are making rape jokes too. haha we're so funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beck Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 a chicken and an egg are sitting on a bed. The chicken is smiling, smoking a cigarette with a pleased look on her face. The egg is just sitting there looking frustrated. Â The chicken says, "Well, I guess we anwsered THAT question." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skeezix Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Did you hear about the fat lady that backed into an airplane propeller? Â Disaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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